hiya, harry.
rescuing you, of course. where's your trunk?
stand back. harry steps back. ron turns, nods to fred.
hold on, harry!
put your foot down, fred!
by the way, harry. happy birthday.
it's not much.
they were starving him, mum! there were bars on his window!
ginny. been talking about you all summer. dead annoying, really.
dad works at the ministry of magic. in the misuse of muggle artefacts office.
that's when wizards bewitch something to drive muggles mad. shrinking door keys, that kind of thing. dad loves muggles. thinks they're fascinating. mr. weasley hangs up his cloak, turns. blinks.
harry, sir. harry potter.
harry's never traveled by floo powder before, mum.
and mind you get out at the right grate!
mum fancies him. for this, mrs. weasley gives ron a jab in the shoulder. a short man with a camera bumps past.
we better hurry. harry nods, leans into his trolley and -- crash! -- hits the barrier and bounces back into ron. a guard glowers.
i dunno. the gateway's sealed itself for some reason. as ron presses his ear to the barrier, the clock chimes.
can't hear a thing. harry. if we can't get through, maybe mum and dad can't get back.
the car!
who says we're driving?
look, who knows when mum and dad will get back. and we've got to get to school, haven't we? and even underage wizards are allowed to use magic if it's an absolute emergency. least that's what fred and george always say.
no problem. ron shifts. with a great jolt, the car lifts from the ground.
there. see. now i reckon all we have to do is find the hogwarts express and follow it. simple. harry nods, not entirely convinced. he peers out the window. down below, two pedestrians stare in disbelief.
right. ron presses a tiny silver button on the dashboard and they.  disappear. down below, the baffled pedestrians blink.
uh oh. the invisibility booster must be faulty. camera zooms along the ridge of a cliff. the car reappears from above, gliding away from camera.
any sign of the train?
brilliant. ron shifts, glides down, until the anglia is only a few feet above the tracks. the boys peer ahead, looking for the train.
it must be around here someplace. behind them, through the anglia's rear window, the hogwarts express appears, closing fast. harry and ron perk up. smile.
take my hand! harry's grips ron's hand, eyes the train steaming far below. it's quite a drop. harry's fingers begin to lose
hold on!
welcome home, harry. harry smiles at the sight of it, when.  the anglia
well.  no. but, until a few hours ago, i'd never taken off in one either. with that, the car lurches, the nose drops, and.
uh oh.
my wand! look at my wand!
what's happening? slowly, they look up and, in disbelief, watch one of the tree's branches pull back, curl into itself, and come lashing forward like a massive fist. thwump!
what kind of tree is this? before harry can respond, the tree begins to pummel the car from all sides, tossing henry and ron about like popcorn. windows shatter. heavy dents appear on the roof above ron and harry's heads. then the car falls again.  .  slamming heavily to the ground. instantly, the tree's lower branches shoot through the front and rear windscreens and, gaining purchase, begin to shake the car
dad's going to kill me. they hear a tremendous groan, turn back, and see the whomping willow assume its natural form, waiting for its next victim.
honestly, professor snape, i think it did more damage to us.
we'll go and get our stuff. professor mcgonagall what are you talking about, mr. weasley?
well, you're going to expel us, aren't you?
i should think you'd mind your own business. they glare at each other. professor sprout, a squat little witch, taps her wand on a stack of pots.
say it. i'm doomed.
imagine that.
bloody bird's a menace -- oh.  no.
look at these questions. they're all about him.
'what is gilderoy lockhart's greatest achievement to date?'
what do we do now?
can you believe him?
he says he's done.
uh-oh. i smell trouble.
those are nimbus two thousand ones.
you'll pay for that one, malfoy! eat slugs! ron points his cracked wand at malfoy. pfft! -- a bolt of green light scissors out the wrong end, hitting ron himself in the stomach. as he drops to the grass, hermione runs to him
it's disgusting!
hear what?
harry, what are you doing? he points. shimmering on the wall are the words he saw reflected in water.
what's that? hanging underneath?
i.  don't.  like.  spiders. suddenly, the stairwell is alive with voices and, seconds later, dozens of students stream forth, chattering.  when they stop, seeing the wall and, standing before it, harry, ron and hermione. a thudding silence falls. then draco pushes forward, eyes the wall, and grins nastily.
a squib's someone who's born into a wizarding family but hasn't got any powers of their own. it's why filch is trying to learn magic from a kwikspell course. it's also why he hates students so much. he's bitter. hermione, who's only been half-listening -- as if trying to unravel something in her mind -- speaks then.
maybe he was lying.
are you mad!
three glasses who? professor mcgonagall salazar slytherin wished to be more selective about the students admitted to hogwarts. he believed that magical learning should be kept within all-magic families. in other words, purebloods. unable to sway the others, he decided to leave the school. according to legend, slytherin had built a hidden chamber in this castle, known as the chamber of secrets. shortly before departing, he sealed it until that time when his own true heir returned to the school. the heir alone would be able to open the chamber of secrets and unleash the horror within, and by so doing, purge the school of all those who, in slytherin's view, were unworthy to study magic.
d'you think it's true? d'you think there really is a chamber of secrets?
let's think. who do we know who thinks muggle-borns are scum.
of course! you heard him: 'you'll be next, mudbloods'!
crabbe and goyle must know. maybe we could trick them into telling.
when do we start?
you mean, harry and i drink some of this stuff and we turn into crabbe and goyle?
wicked! malfoy'll tell us anything!
hang on now. i'm drinking nothing with crabbe's toenails in it.
rogue bludger?
of course! don't you see? lucius malfoy must've opened it when he was at school here, and now he's told draco how to do it.
enlighten me. why are we brewing this potion in broad daylight, in the middle of a girls' lavatory? don't you think we'll get caught?
why?
who's moaning myrtle? there is a loud, piercing screech, and the ghost of a
what's the fun in that? lockhart and snape face each other and bow. they turn, walk ten paces, then.  spin.  wands poised like swords.
come on. move. now.
you're a parselmouth! why didn't you tell us?
oh, that's what you said to it.
i heard you speaking parseltongue. snake language.
exactly. and now the whole school's going to think you're his great-great-great grandson or something.
oh, c'mon, harry. fred's just having a laugh.
okay, so half the school thinks you're nipping off to the chamber of secrets every night. who cares?
why would that make anyone feel better?
how? hermione holds up a pair of small cakes.
and whose hair are you ripping out?
have you ever heard of a plan where so many things could go wrong?
now what?
ugh. essence of crabbe.  they nod. drink. ron swallows grimly, doubles over.
think i'm gonna be sick.  he runs into a stall. harry looks sick, steps to a cracked mirror. hermione pauses. looks worried. something's wrong.  inside the stall: ron bends over the toilet, watches his reflection morph into crabbe. in the cracked mirror: harry watches his face contort into the thick features of goyle. hermione looks at her arm. patches of fur begin to spread across her wrist and hand. terrified, she runs into a stall. ron emerges from his stall, a dead ringer for crabbe.
harry?
bloody hell.
bloody hell.
bloody hell.
bloody hell.
hey.  where's hermione?
don't swing your arms like that. crabbe holds them sort of stiff. harry goes a bit more "neanderthal."
yeah. that's better.
what are you doing here? percy squints, confused by ron's voice. harry elbows ron, who clears his throat and speaks in a lower voice.
what are you doing here?
stomachache.
ho! harry turns, sees ron staring wide-eyed: harry's scar is beginning to surface beneath the skin of goyle's thick forehead. and crabbe's hair is.  turning red. they both jump to their feet, dashing out of the room.
that was close!
look at your tail.
madam pince asked that we relay a message to you, hermione: she'd appreciate it if you'd leave a few books for the rest of the school.
is that thing ever going away?
we all are, believe me.
'to miss granger. wishing you a speedy recovery, from your concerned teacher gilderoy lockhart.' you sleep with this under your pillow?
i know hermione's mental, but can you believe she falls for that smarmy nonsense of lockhart's?
yuck.
but it can't hurt if someone throws something at you. i mean, it'd just go right through you, wouldn't it?
fifty points if you can get it through her nose.
it's a diary, it's old.  and was most recently in a toilet, harry.
are you mad? that could be cursed. dad once told me about a book the ministry confiscated that burned the eyes out of anyone who tried to read it.
who doesn't? ron frowns suddenly. on the first page on the diary, embossed letters spell out a name: tom marvolo riddle.
tin marvolo riddle? hang on. i know that name.  of course! the night i had detention.  my job was to polish the silver in the trophy room. i remember because i kept burping slugs all over tom riddle's trophy. i must have wiped slime off his name for an hour. harry fans the pages. they're empty.
what? what's happened?
we don't even know this riddle. he sounds like a dirty, rotten snitch to me.
that'd be a cheerful visit. hullo, hagrid. tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?
well, whoever it was, they were looking for something.
hey, ginny! going to the match? ginny looks up, startled, then shakes her head and exits.
i tell you, she gets weirder and weirder by the day.
no.  don't tell me.  harry turns, as if following the sound, absently touching his fingers to the wall as he glances around. hermione studies him with great interest -- studies his fingers -- then, abruptly, harry turns away, shakes his head: it's gone. hermione looks up, eyes vaguely upon harry, but her mind miles away.
that's hermione. when in doubt, go to the library
hermione! professor mcgonagall she was found near the library. along with this. does it mean anything to either of you? she holds up a small circular mirror. harry shakes his head. mcgonagall nods gravely, leads them out. as they go, the camera drifts to hermione's hand. clinched tight in her stiff knuckles, barely visible, is.  a piece of
but you heard mcgonagall. we're not allowed to leave the tower except for class --
that's dad's boss! cornelius fudge. the minister of magic!
hagrid's right. with dumbledore gone, there'll be an attack a day.
what are you doing?
they're heading into the dark forest. harry sighs, heads off. terrified, ron grabs fang, follows.
why spiders. why couldn't it be 'follow the butterflies'?
harry!.  harry, it's our car! scratched and mud-smeared, with bits of earth and grass sprouting from its headlamps and hubcaps -- the ford anglia looks half-animal. ron circles it in wonder.
i don't have a good feeling about this, harry --
harry.
can we panic now? click! click! click! harry and ron spin. a gang of five-foot spiders bar the path ahead. begin to move forward. harry and ron spin again: spiders. everywhere. closing in. desperately, harry swings the lantern in his hand. the spiders falter, then creep forward again as the arc of the light chases itself away. around and around. then: the lantern goes out. harry pitches it aside. as one, he and ron draw their wands.
nice knowing you.
thanks for that.
flying gear's jammed! the spiders behind draw closer. the tarantula waits ahead. harry claps his hand over ron's on the gear shift, pushing. the tarantula's pincers open, ready to kill, when.  the gear shift gives, the anglia's wheels lift and the car flies over camera, leaving the furious spiders below. the car barely avoids the rearing tarantula, then sails over the trees.
'follow the spiders'! follow the spiders'! if he ever gets out of azkaban, i'll kill hagrid. i mean, what was the point of sending us in there? what have we found out?
we know that, madam pomfrey. it's just, well, you see, we thought, maybe, we could.  be with her for a bit. she's our.  friend, you see, and.  even if she can't hear us.  i mean, it can't hurt, can it? a glint of sympathy flickers in pomfrey's eyes.
you don't think lockhart could be the heir of slytherin, do you? right. forget i said it.
but it kills by looking people in the eye. why is it no one's dead? harry frowns, contemplating this, then catches he and ron's reflection in the window opposite. he mutters
and mrs. norris? i'm pretty sure she didn't have a camera or a mirror, harry.
but how's the basilisk been getting around? a dirty great snake. someone would have seen.
pipes? it's using the plumbing.
moaning myrtle! harry nods. just then, mcgonagall's voice echoes throughout the castle, magically magnified.
she knew something, harry. she'd found out something about the chamber of secrets. that's why she was taken. i mean, she was -- is -- a pure-blood. there can't be any other reason.
harry. d'you think there's any chance at all she's not, you know -- harry glances over, studies ron's tortured eyes.
what about my sister?
you're the defense against the dark arts teacher! you can't go now!
is there anything you can do?
say something, harry. say something in parseltongue. harry stares off self-consciously at the tiny snake.
english. harry concentrates harder this time, staring so intensely that the snake almost looks alive. when, finally, he speaks, it is more like a hiss. parseltongue. the circular group of sinks open and a large, open pipe is exposed.
a bloody lot of good if it's a two-hundred-foot drop onto jagged rocks.
what's that? up ahead?
bloody hell. whatever shed this must be twenty feet long. or more. thud! they turn. lockhart has passed out.
heart of a lion, this one. ron kneels by him, when.  lockhart's eyes open and, quick as a fox.  he snatches ron's wand and scrambles to his feet.
i'm okay. this git's not, though. he got blasted by my wand.
what now?
i'll try and shift some of this rock. so you can get back through. and, harry --
ginny! ron wriggles through, rushes forward and hugs ginny.
you're alive. i can't believe it.
remind you of anyone?
his memory charm backfired. hasn't got a clue who he is. i keep having to stop him wandering off. he's a danger to himself.
no. ron turns, raises his eyebrows at harry. harry looks upward. there is an opening, hundreds of feet up. just then, fawkes circles back, fluttering in front of harry.
what's with the bird?
welcome back, hermione. mcgonagall taps her goblet. dumbledore stands.
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