hey. how was the date?
my cable's out.
nope.
how long ago?
sorry, dude.
at 9:30 pm? genius.
sounds foolproof.
hey.
i know. i make the schedule.
yeah. it's amazing where 10 shots of patron will get you.
look, kelli ann - what happened between us the other night was - fun. but we're way understaffed tonight - i even have to man the bar - and that's why i scheduled you. to work. so.
are we good here?
i know.
what can i get you?
oh, yeah? got a hot date?
wait - conor barry?
conor's not coming in tonight. did he forget he was supposed to meet you?
because i could just call him --
dr. frankel - adult, child and geriatric dentistry.
that's not even his dentist.
my dad.
hey. just - hang out for a second. lemme buy you a drink.
look, you seem like a cool girl, so i'm just gonna be honest - conor is never going to call you.
because i'm a guy. it's how we do it.
i don't care if he said you were his favorite female since his mommy and joanie cunningham. over a week went by - and he didn't call.
or maybe he just didn't call because he has no interest in seeing you again.
your friend terri's an idiot. and she's the exception.
you're not. you're the rule. and the rule is - if a guy doesn't call you, he doesn't want to call you.
yeah. always. i know what blowing off a woman looks like. i do it early and i do it often. trust me - if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit - - he doesn't. no exceptions.
i don't know. you looked like you could really use the help.
gigi?
right.
okay, maybe i need to be harsh -- conor is never going to be interested in you.
okay.
lemme guess - he said the only thing happy about this hour is you.
he's not interested.
did he?
he. is. not. interested.
if a guy gives you his phone number, instead of taking yours, he's not interested.
and, if a guy wants to see you, he will see you. i once called 55 lauren bell's until i got the right one.
as it turned out, her ass looked really huge in daylight.
don't call him. he doesn't like you.
just trying to help.
hey dude - you here?
wanna beer?
or an apple martini?
need i ask?
by pretending you're gay?
or, in real estate terms, by becoming "gay adjacent".
i don't know. you dress like that - and you're already seeing a girl who won't sleep with you - i think maybe you can pull it off.
won't sleep with you anymore.
i think you're gonna have to beat 'em away with a stick - you hot, sexy man.
yup.
would you excuse me a second, babe?
run.
to where? the arab emirates? where is he going that he has to be out of touch?
run.
uhh - yeah.
ok, i don't know why i'm saying this - but i actually think i know a nice guy who you might like.
yeah. he's a friend of my brother's. bill. we'll all meet for a drink - it'll be good.
you gotta come out eventually. but i'd really take my time. let him sweat.
sorry i'm late.
he's not coming.
can't wait to hear that story about the molars, though.
i screwed up. i told bill it was thursday, but i meant tuesday.
nope.
see the guy trying to work the tom cruise thing. she's interested. he's not.
actually, i can. i manage a restaurant. i see this stuff go down every night. watch --
and check out droopy dawg on her other side. he can buy her drinks all night, and she'll insist there's no "spark."
the "spark" thing is bullshit.
guys invented the "spark" so they could not call and treat you kind of bad and keep you guessing, and then convince you that the anxiety and fear that it creates in you is actually a "spark." and you all buy it. you love it. you all thrive on it because you all love drama.
really? so you don't wait until the last minute on deadlines, or on phone bills, because you love the drama of not knowing whether you'll make it?
and let me guess - when you were stalking conor that night - were you obsessing about him calling for days, even though the date was just kind of mediocre?
see, you thrive on drama. you gotta be more like me - if a girl likes me great, if not, there are plenty more like her - probably with smaller pores and bigger implants.
thanks.
i dunno. i like you.
don't start doodling my name on your binder. i just mean, i like you, like i like basset hounds. they're kinda pathetic - so you want to cheer them up.
oh, hey. you're home.
out. it's saturday night.
i was just calling to let you know - i'm having a party at my place next weekend. you should come.
he's in dc for the weekend at some real estate conference. but there's gonna be a bunch of single guys.
don't worry. i'll be there. i'll talk you through it.
yeah, ok. gotta go - i think someone just dropped 84 wine glasses.
i had no idea it would be such a madhouse.
are any guys hitting on you? do you need me to evaluate their level of interest?
well - too bad bill couldn't make it. i still think you guys would hit it off.
anyway - i'm on my way to put out some more liquor. but it looks like the food could use some refreshing --
would you mind helping? i mean, just refill the chips and stuff?
uhh, ok. the chips are on top of the fridge.
i guess people had fun.
knock yourselves out.
you are sensational.
thanks for staying and helping clean up - but i really gotta get to bed.
what?
wait - what?
now you and i are in a relationship?
and why would you think that, exactly?
really? like what?
what are you talking about? what have i been saying since i met you? if a guy wants to date you he will make it happen.
why would you do this?
why do women do this? why do they build this stuff up in their minds, take each little thing a guy does and twist it into something else --
excuse me?
ok - tyrone you bus 4 through 6 - and pitch in with the servers when you -
right. luis you take 4 through 6.
do we even need to have this meeting? seriously? does this serve any purpose?
good. great. get to work.
hey, kelli ann - any calls for me?
what?
what has happened to me?
who?
there's no girl.
please -
shit.
hey, gigi. it's alex. i was just wondering how you were doing. it's been a little while since we've talked -- and i was wondering how you were doing.
anyway, i was hoping to talk to you. obviously. but you're out. so, call me. sometime. or tonight. i'm around. ok. that's enough now. it's alex.
i know. i know.
yeah. i did.
this.
i thought i better come up with some excuse to get over here. isn't that how it's done?
look, i can't stop thinking about you. i drive by your place. i call and hang up. i'm turning into -
yeah.
true.
here's the thing about that. you were right. i've gotten so used to keeping myself at a safe distance from these women, having the power - that i didn't know what it felt like when i actually - fell - for one of them.
i could do that stuff too.
you are my exception.