hey honey.
yeah. just got off the phone.
it was my baby sister. she's getting married.
do you think it's great?
so, you think it's great that they're getting married, but you never feel like we're going against nature or something by not getting married?
right.
yeah, i know. i get that.
yeah.
remember the days when you guys at least pretended to be working when i came in?
janine, how's the press release?
maybe a shade heavy on the alliteration - but otherwise good. where are we with the company newsletter?
look, after my first date with neil, i called him. there are no rules anymore. why should you have to wait for him to get off his ass?
please come in my office before the others see that you have mini muffin stuck in your hair.
i thought that guy was a process server.
okay.
ok. so let me see if i understand. what you're saying is that when people tell me about some girl they know who dated a guy for thirteen years, and then he finally married her -- that's the exception. and the rule is that guys - like neil - who are with girls - like me - for seven years without getting married - are never getting married.
why are you hanging that?
i love it there. but just - stop.
no. i want you stop doing anything nice.
no. i need you to stop being nice to me - unless you're gonna marry me after.
is that funny?
see, you can't keep being nice to me and i can't keep pretending like this is something that it's not. we've been together over seven years. you know me. you either want to marry me or you don't.
bullshit! bullshit! bullshit for every woman who's been told by some guy that he doesn't believe in marriage just to see him turn around eight months later and marry some twenty four year old girl he met at the gym. bullshit.
from the place that i have been hiding from you for the last five years because i didn't want to seem demanding, or clingy or psycho or whatever. so i never ask. but now i'm going to ---
are you ever going to marry me?
i can't do this anymore.
why again do you need to get married so fast?
it's ok. neil and i are actually - done - anyway.
you guys, it's cool. i'm fine. so i lost a little time. big deal.
exactly.
i know. and even he's married.
i'm your oldest daughter, and i'm the only one not married. if this was fiddler on the roof you'd have to sacrifice me or something.
why not?
i don't think you're supposed to say that.
that's ok.
i know.
yep.
oh, yeah? so you are - dan.
hmmm?
really?
we actually broke up.
seven. but yes, a long time.
eeew dominic, gross.
you want anything else?
the cardboardy brown stuff is called whole grain bread.
people who have just had heart attacks generally are not advised to eat animal fat, stuffed in synthetic casings.
it's not gonna work this time. but i appreciate the effort.
you might wanna kill the volume just a smidge. my mom is finally taking a nap.
turn it the fuck down.
i finally got mom to lay down in the spare room. all we have left to eat is some old jelly and ramen noodles, so after i tackle some of these dishes, maybe we can go to the store. our new brother is trying to co-opt dad's property before he's even dead.
and laura, your husband would really like a beer to go with his fifth consecutive hour of the golf channel.
it's ok. it's all gonna be ok.
first of all, he's upstairs watching 'oprah after the show'.
what about your husband? where the hell is he?
did anyone have time to run to the store?
i didn't mean for you.
it's been a while since i've been here. turns out - that boat in the next mooring, looks like yours -- not yours.
no, it's no problem. nice guy. invited me in for a white wine spritzer. not sure he gets a lot of visitors.
can i come in?
i wanted to thank you. for coming by my folks' house.
you're what i want.
our life together is what i want. your love is what i want. did you see those guys my sisters are married to? you are a better husband to me - without being married - than any of those real husbands will ever be. and that's enough for me.
if you promise to love me and be committed to me -
wait, i'm not done. and snake the shower drain when my hair clogs it, and let me eat wheat thins in bed.
i guess. but, you cannot bring those.
look, i gotta win something. i let you win the big battle, so throw me a bone.
great. we both win.
i don't know. it expanded.
no you are not trying to bring these back in here -
we had a deal. these are not staying.
they're going. i have a bag i'm taking to the goodwill.
yes. of course, yes.