i have a theory about how this all started.
uh - excuse me -- but what - the - hell? where did that rumor start? because moms have been spreading it for years.
do you understand what this means? we are all encouraged to believe that if a guy acts like a total jerk -- that means he likes you. sure, that's a lesson that might serve us as five year olds, but many of us keep believing this advice well into adulthood.
then, as we get older, we carry on this tradition of misreading the signals men send by encouraging our friends to do the same.
why do we say this stuff to each other? why do we tell each other these lies?
is it possible that it's because we're too scared, and it's too hard, to say the one obvious truth that's staring everyone in the face?
so, janine told me you're a real estate agent.
so just like on frisbees and notepads?
much classier.
i wonder why janine never thought of introducing us before?
only if you do. but i mean, if you have to get going i totally .
well, conor, i had a really nice time.
b-bye.
hey, it's me. he's cute. i think it went well.
and i think he might me leaving me a message at home as - we - speak.
he sells real estate. in baltimore. staying in town is his business.
really?
this is all your fault.
you set me up with him.
he sold you a house in the ghetto.
he said he always hangs at red maple after work. maybe i should do a little drive-by?
mom, i gotta call you back.
end. why - does it matter?
maybe it was at the beginning.
or maybe it was at the end. or maybe it was nice to meet me.
shit. i can't remember.
i am so almost done with that. it's just been a little hard to focus on my article about the two sets of twins in market research, when the guy - who may or may not be the guy of my dreams - refuses to call me.
it's ringing.
yes! voicemail.
hey, conor. it's gigi. i just thought, i hadn't heard from you and, i mean how stupid is it that a gal has got to wait for a guy's call anyway, right?
i mean, we're all equal, right? more than equal -- more women are accepted into law school now than men, and we do better in those police simulations where you can mistakenly shoot innocent people - - i mean i don't know if you saw that dateline - but women practically have penises now, right? well, call me. this is gigi. call me.
what? how can there be no dial tone?
mom? is that you? i can't talk now. i'll call you back.
janine. it's me. conor never called, so i'm on the precipice of staging a casual run-in at red maple. pick up if you want to stop me.
i'm meeting someone. a guy.
hmmmm?
i'm meeting someone.
i'm gonna wait at the bar.
oh, that's ok. i'm meeting someone.
i don't know if you'd call it hot -- i mean this guy conor and i have only been out the one time so --
oh, uhh, yeah --
see when i said "meeting someone" i guess that was kind of a broad term, kind of a wide interpretation of the word "meeting"-
no! i mean, totally unnecessary. i mean, i actually was just - in the area - so i figured i'd just swing by and see if he was around - because - uhhh ---
i uhh, had to return his --
pen. i had to return this - pen. he left this. so, i thought i should really return it before he - you know - -- freaks out.
look, i'm not gonna judge about what may or may not be important to someone.
oh, really? then who's his dentist?
i'm gigi. conor and i went out last week. and i just. i thought if i ran into him. i don't know. i'm gonna go.
oh really? how do you know?
but maybe he called me and i didn't get the message. or maybe he lost my number, or was out of town, or was hit by a cab, or his grandma died.
yeah but my friend terri once went out with this guy who never called and she totally wrote him off - then like a year later she ran into him --
ok. but what if i'm the exception?
really? always?
why are you telling me all of this? aren't these man-secrets - like why men need to watch televised golf?
thank you. you've given me a lot to think about.
i was up all night.
sure. it's basically done. but this is important.
i think i figured it out. remember when i went out with that notary public? and he cheated on me? and then anastasia from upstairs told us that story about how her boyfriend cheated on her at the beginning - but then he totally changed and they're married and crazy in love.
no, notary. anyway, the point is - anastasia is the exception. not the rule. we have to stop listening to these stories - because the rule is that most guys who cheat on you up front don't really care about you very much.
exhibit a: chad, the drummer who lived in his storage space. he only used me for rides, yet i continued to stalk him for most of 1998. then there was don, who broke up with me every friday so he could have his weekends free. i was so delusional about our relationship that i referred to him as my husband to random people like my dental hygenist.
and all my friends would tell me stories about how things might work out with these dipshits because they knew someone who knew someone who dated a dipshit just like mine, and that girl ended up getting married and living happily ever after. but that's the exception. and we're not the exception - we're the rule.
no. no, no, no. that's not what i'm saying. this has absolutely nothing to do with you. i was just talking, you know, about me. specifically.
you go back to the office after happy hour? what's happy about that?
of course.
so, wait -- how are we doing this? are you hearing from me or am i getting a call?
you said you'd love to call me, but then you said "look forward to hearing from you." see how that's kinda confusing?
ooopsie - you did it again. very vague. you know what? why don't we just say that you'll call me, and then we can skip all the nonsense.
or i guess i could just call you --
he was cute.
i'm not calling him. if he wants to see me - he'll call.
no. he was just -- right.
hi, this is gigi.
gigi phillips. i had the - umm - dentist pen.
i'm really sorry to bug you. i just - i thought you had some really good insights the other night and -- i had a question.
no, i know. this is about - - jarrad. you have a sec?
so i meet him at happy hour and he was completely charming --
he may have used some derivative of that. so, he says he's going to call, but then gave me his card and --
you don't even know if he called --
no. but the thing is, i honestly think he's expecting my call.
he said "look forward to hearing from you" and not "look forward to talking to you." i mean, do you hear the connotations?
he took mine first, but then he --
that's cute. what happened?
is it your sensitivity that makes you so popular with women?
again with the sensitivity.
i know. thanks.
who would have thought that a random girl from pilates would fix me up with such a good kisser?
i can't wait to kiss you again.
i know. but next time. the second date kiss is way more intimate.
would you excuse me a quick second? too many diet cokes.
hey, sorry to bug you again. quick question.
i'm making out with a guy - pg stuff - and then he mentions he's going out of town, so he's gonna be out of touch.
but maybe he is going out of town.
where are you going out of town to again?
pittsburgh.
so, now what? i'm just supposed to run from every guy who doesn't like me?
there's not going to be anyone left.
yeah?
so, i'm in his bathroom right now. what do i now?
that's ok. i like a little time before a blind date - prepare myself mentally, remind myself not to tell the story about my molars --
how can he already not like me?
awesome. i'm stuck here with a guy who can't distinguish tuesday from thursday - and meanwhile this girl - - she's probably meeting her soul mate as we speak.
how do you know?
you cannot tell from a cursory glance that he's not interested.
man, you have a gift.
maybe there isn't. you need a spark.
really? enlighten me.
i don't.
maybe.
ok. yeah.
that's beautiful.
why are you sharing all this inside dating information with me again?
you do?
again with the sensitivity.
hello.
where am i supposed to be?
you won't let me go out with guys who don't like me. it's kind of limiting.
i don't know. won't conor be there? might be kinda awkward.
so i will have plenty of chances to be awkward. thank god.
so, the party - is it like a big party, more of a mellow hang or --
he's into me.
alex. it's totally clear to me now. he's watts.
from some kind of wonderful.
yes.
i'm eric stoltz.
alex is watts because watts helps eric stoltz go on a date with amanda jones, but really she's in love with eric stoltz herself.
i guess conor at first. now men in general. but that's not the point. the point is -- he's into me.
i know! it's so obvious now -- there are so many signs.
at first they were small - like when i first called he said "good to hear from you" -
right? and then the next time i called he was with a woman - but he still took the call. and talked to me for a while.
he called her "babe."
i know! and it gets more obvious. i mean, please - there was no guy he was going to fix me up with. the fix up was him.
he shows up - without this fictitious bill character - and the two of us basically have a date. and then he calls me to invite me to a party at his place.
pardon?
thanks for the tip.
thanks. i'm good.
gigi. how do you guys know alex?
i hope - i mean i'm pretty sure - something is about to happen between us.
he didn't really say.
but i'm sure i'm more than just a guest. i mean - there have been signs.
thank you.
hey. great party.
they were gay. even i know that their level of interest was probably low.
oh ok. right. "bill".
you mean, kind of like --- co-hosting?
thanks. when alex said he wanted to have a party, i was like "let's do it."
no problem. anytime.
can i help you find something?
what?
when someone's underwear ends up in your toaster oven - it's been a good party.
that's sweet of you. but i thought i'd stick around, so i'll take care of it.
i think i've rounded up the last of the beer bottles.
so, umm - what game is this?
well, maybe i should just -- you know -- i mean it's past three and --
is that an invitation?
i'm sorry. that was cheesy. i'm not good at this.
yes!
i knew it. i knew it. the best relationships grow out of friendships.
ummmm.
well, i'd say if we're not at relationship station--ship, we're at least on the track.
because there were - you know - signs.
ummm - it was good to hear from me. you talked to me even when you were with a girl. i felt something.
i thought you were watts.
i'd rather be like that - than like you.
maybe i dissect each little thing, and put myself out there too much, and maybe i even thrive on the drama of it all-- but at least that means i still care. you think you've won because women are expendable to you? sure, you don't get hurt or make an ass of yourself that way, but you don't fall in love that way, either. you haven't won, alex. you're alone.
i may do a lot of stupid shit - but i know i'm a lot closer to finding someone than you are.
hey janine, i'm sorry it's so late, but i just - don't start picking out your bridesmaid dress, ok? i know this isn't the first time this has happened, it's just - this one wasn't about whether he liked me. i just really liked him.
do you know who it is?
so are you going to - leave - him?
it's ok.
what?
janine - this is not your fault.
you're still fun.
lots of couples got through lulls.
i don't think that's really --
what?
dino, thank you again for letting me pay over the phone. i assure you this late payment thing will never happen again. yep -- just trying to trim some of the drama out of my life.
that's my other line. ok. b-bye.
hello?
ummm -
bill. so you do exist.
yes. sure. why not?
so, alex told me you work in finance.
this is nice.
a nice evening. and you planned it. and called me when you said you would. and showed up on time. thank you, bill.
hey it's gigi. you've reached my cell. i'm either having a very good time or in a meeting - either way just leave a message and --
it was nice meeting you.
you, too.
goodnight.
did you forget something?
really? what did you forget?
you came all the way here - at 11 at night - to give me back a promotional pen?
sometimes.
me.
well, a wise person once told me that if a guy wants to be with a girl, he will make it happen. no matter what.
hmmm. because when i was hurling my body onto yours - you did not seem to want to "make it happen."
look, i've just been out with your friend bill. and it just might be exactly what i need. no drama. he calls. he does what he says.
but you didn't. and that same wise person told me that i am the rule. that i have to stop thinking that every guy will change - stop thinking that i will be the --
- that i will be the exception.
girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. if a guy punches you, he likes you. never try to trim your own bangs.
and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.
every movie we see, every story we're told, implores us to wait for it. the third act twist. the man who couldn't get it together finally figuring it out. the unexpected declaration of love.
the exception to the rule.
what we're not taught is how to read the signs.
how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't. the one's who'll stay from the one's who'll leave.
and ultimately, we're not taught the one thing that could save ourselves, our friends, our families countless hours of confusion, despair, and speculation.
that sometimes the happy ending. is just moving on.