veronica. finally. got a paper of kurt kelly's. i need you to forge a hot and horny but realistically low-key note in kurt's handwriting and we'll slip it into martha dumptruck's lunch tray.
you don't have anything for her either. come on, it'll be very. the note'll give her shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks.
don't think.
splendid. i'll dictate. veronica needs something to write on. heather, bend over.
how nice. two assholes: no waiting.
heather duke, back down.
dear martha, you're so sweet.
sawyer. guess what today is?
god-damn heather, you were with me in study hall when i thought of it. such a pillowcase.
shut up, it is. i told dennis if he gave me another topic that was political, i'd spew burrito chunks.
color me impressed. i thought you grew out of betty finn.
hi courtney. love your blouse. ooh, let me snare a tater.
that's pretty very. now check this out. you win five million dollars from publishers clearing house, but on the same day ed mcmahon gives you the check, aliens land on earth and say they're going to blow up the world in two days. what would you do?
if you're going to openly be a bitch.
fuck me gently with a chainsaw. do i look like mother theresa? if i did, i probably wouldn't mind talking to the geek squad.
like i give a shit. they all want me, as a friend or a fuck. i'm worshipped at westerburg and i'm only a junior.
whatever. i don't believe this. we're going to a party at remington university tonight and we're brushing up our conversation skills with the scum of the school.
how sad! blowing all your cash on two days of trying to be hip.
this is the part i hate. the waiting. i'd say we're like twenty minutes from major humiliation. come on, veronica.
veronica?
look at me. i look great. i'm the girl in the commercials and the videos.
i'm the blonde in the bikini on the horse holding a pepsi can.
i'm the princess being spanked on the throne by billy idol's guitarist's guitar.
what do i get out of being friends with losers. i give them a piece of a winner and they stain me with loserness.
just imagine somebody like your quasi-fat, goody-good friend betty finn doing a crest commercial. no one would buy crest.
yeah, and who wants that on their teeth?
you wanted to become a member of the most powerful clique in the school. if i wasn't already the head of it, i'd want the same thing.
that episode with the note back there was for all of us to enjoy, but you're determined to ruin my day.
come on you jerk. you know you used to have a sense of humor.
ku-urt, let's pa-arty.
grow up, heather. bulimia's so '86.
come on heather. we want another look at today's lunch.
come on.
he used a real gun. they should throw his ass in jail.
j.d.? you seem pretty amused. i thought you were giving up on high school guys.
did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? first you ask if you can be red, knowing that i'm always red.
damn. it's your turn heather.
anyway, i can say never to high school. i've got david.
maybe when you hit maturity you'll understand the diff between a remington university man like david and a westerburg boy like ram "wham-bam- thank-you-maam" sweeney.
what. a. shot.
i'm giving veronica her shot. her first remington party. blow it tonight girl and it's keggers with kids all next year.
don't worry. david says he's very so he's very.
why not?
corn nuts!
yeah, let's party.
come on david, let's go back to the party.
what's your damage? brad says you're being a real cooze.
no. hell no.
you stupid cunt!
you were nothing before you met me! you were playing barbies with betty finn! you were a brownie, you were a bluebird, you were a girl scout cookie! i got you into a remington party! what's my thanks? it's on the hallway carpet. i get paid in puke!
monday morning, you're history. i'll tell everyone about tonight. transfer to washington. transfer to jefferson. no one at westerburg's going to let you play their reindeer games.
bag that.
lingo this.
veronica. and jesse james. quelle surprise. hear about veronica's affection for regurgitation?
did we? how the hell'd you get in here?
did you put a phlegm globber in it or something? i'm not drinking that piss.
intense? grow up. you think i'll drink it just because you call me chicken.
just give me the cup, jerk.
corn nuts!
is this turnout weak or what? i had at least seventy more people at my funeral.
oh god veronica, my afterlife is s-o-o boring. if i have to sing "kumbaya" one more time.
i made your favorite. spaghetti. lots of oregano.
dinner!