gentleman!
gentleman! please!
sheket b'vakasha! sheket b'vakasha!
the time for action is now. we predict that the st. nick day massacre will put hanukkah-christmas relations back at least a hundred years. with this meshuggena new santa claus in power, hanukkah is in jeopardy. our first order of business is to put into motion a plan to create goodwill towards the jewish community. mr. chairman of the worldwide jewish media conspiracy.
we need your people to crank out a couple more award winning documentaries on the holocaust, possibly a new adam sandler movie.
focus people. our next order of business is to assign an agent to track santa's activities. step in and use force if the situation calls for it. we need to put the toughest jew we have on the case. suggestions? suggestions, anybody?
c'mon, he made et. we need someone tough people.
he's in a wheelchair for crying out loud.
too old.
missing in action.
he's a lawyer. we're looking for heros people.
what's he gonna do, make santa disappear? think people think. we need a hard hittin' hebe on this one.
the hebrew hammer? no. no way. after the way he handled that situation in the west bank? he's the only jew in the world too extreme for the jdl. there's a reason why we kicked him out of our ranks, sweetheart. we need a man who can follow orders. a man with self-control. we need a man.
come on. come on.
he's still got it.
welcome back hammer.
since you've been gone hammer, some things have changed around here. our agents are now subjected to a strict physical training regiment. take a look.
there's more. follow me.
we've even relaxed our centuries old admissions criteria.
mordechai jefferson carver, i'd like for you to meet the jewish defense league's first black jewish agent. a close personal friend of mine, agent sammy davis jr. jr.
sammy, if you'll excuse us, mordechai and i have business to attend to.
alright mordechai, now that we're alone i just want to say that i'm not happy about this. i don't want a repeat of that incident in the west bank.
a settlement completely demolished, ten smashed army jeeps, four dead arabs. g dash d damn it, hammer! you think you're above the ten commandments? just find santa claus and bring him back to us. no heroics, got it?
well it's good to see that you can be so nonchalant about the whole thing.
what's your first move?
you be careful hammer.
the fate of hanukkah rests squarely on your shoulders.
you mean you want us to make copies of yentl, fiddler on the roof, and chaim potok's the chosen?
we're on it hammer. how'd you do with santa?
well, then i've got good news for you. we just got word that he'll be making an appearance at the mall of america today. i'm sending esther to meet you there at once.
one last thing hammer. you take care of yourself. the.
hammer, it's the chief. we've got ourselves a situation. get yourself down here, i've got something you need to see.
mordechai. thank god you're here.
about an hour ago, we received this transmission from the north pole.
take esther with you, you'll need the backup.
did i miss something here?
tail him. he's gonna need the help.
mordechai, you're back. the clock?
that's wonderful!
so why the long face?
my esther! oh mordechai.
please. will you help me?
you're a mench. thank you. mordechai, by any means necessary, you bring my esther back to me. even if it requires using judaism's most powerful weapon.
hammer, the fate of my daughter rests solely in your hands.