mordechai! shabat shalom!
i can see. and you also brought a nice girl to come eat by us.
so. do you have a name?
from the story of purim. well, now that we're all acquainted, let's sit down and start the sabbath.
everybody ready for the main course?
nonsense young man. you'll eat everything in front of you. after all, there are people starving in china. isn't that right mun chi?
not until mordechai finishes everything in front of him.
mordechai!? so, esther, how did you and mordechai meet. you know they call him the hebrew hammer for a reason.
you like my mordechai, yes?
hanukkah, shmanukkah. it isn't even one of the high holidays. what concerns me more is that my boychick is almost thirty, and has yet to settle down with a nice jewish girl. i'll make you a deal. i'll help you with your little hanukkah problem if you help me with my mordechai.
he works too much. god forbid he should have a nice jewish girl come eat by him once in a while. take his mind off his work. maybe a blowjob here and there.
is this something you could do for me?
it's under the sink by my tampons!
so, do we have a deal?
i was just telling your nice friend esther about how i used to have such a problem with the gas. so, once i started taking two charcoal pills before i ate, the gas cleared itself right up.
mordechai. do you love your mother?
then how come you won't stop this certified circumcised dick nonsense and get yourself a real job.
when i play bridge with all the girls, everyone has what to talk about with their sons. they show pictures. their sons are lawyers and doctors and rabbis. why can't i show a picture?
you know my friend maureen? her son, the investment banker? he paid for her entire retirement in boca raton. what a mench he is. instead of schleping to save hanukkah, god forbid you should go back to business school and get an mba. maybe then you could send me to boca, too.
i don't want to argue with you. let's just eat in peace.
do what you must.
such a good boy he is.
mazel tov!
what's that mazel tov? your diaper needs changing?
let's let your tuchus breathe.
because it isn't god's way. when you spent the fourth grade in bed recovering from your bout with hypoglycemia, did i put you down? no. mazel tov will lead a full life just like the rest of us. isn't that right mazel tov?
anybody hungry for desert?
shabat shalom everybody!
well i'm just glad you're safe bubba shaina, and eating by your mother for shabos.
but with all the attention the newspapers and television have given you, you'd think that you were the pope or something.
so you saved hanukkah mr. big shot. i mean, let's be honest mordechai, it isn't even one of the high holidays.
now, if you had saved passover or yom kipur, then maybe you'd have what to brag about. did i tell you that my friend maureen's son, the investment banker, was responsible for a very big merger on.
mazel tov!
hello mazel tov! a boojee boojee boojee boo.
a boojee boojee boojee boo. what's that mazel tov? your tuchus needs some more airing out?
what a good poop you made in your diaper mazel tov! that's right! mommy loves you! such a good boy you are!
so, what are you two planning after the wedding?
well, i couldn't be happier for the both of you.
i forgot to ask you, who'd they put in charge as the new santa claus?