i want to start by thanking all of you for pulling yourselves away from the workshop to make this emergency meeting. i know it's the busiest time of the year for all of you, so i'll try and be brief.
my father, often referred to as st. nick the nasty, was a tyrannical man. he was obsessed with making christmas the only holiday anyone could celebrate before the new year. since his death, i've prided myself on ensuring that the christmas season is one of tolerance and understanding between all races and religions. it's always been my belief that hanukkah and kwanzaa deserve the same respect as christmas.
lights please.
over the course of my career as santa claus, i've made it my mission to ensure that jews, christians, and african americans could all observe their respective holidays in harmony.
i was responsible for pushing the happy holidays ordinance, in which all merry christmas signage was replaced by the trans-relgious and inoffensive phrase 'happy holidays.'
it was nearly a decade ago, in conjunction with our friends in the jewish and african american communities that i supported a bill that mandated that 'dreidel, dreidel, dreidel' and 'i'm dreaming of a bright kwanzaa' be taught and sung in elementary schools along with the christmas standards 'frosty the snowman', and 'deck the halls.' which is why upon examination of my annual naughty and nice list it shocked me to discover that my own son, damian.
the heir to the red suit could be so filled with hate.
damian, when i learned of your ludicrous scheme to wipe out hanukkah, my first reaction was one of disgust. now, i'm only filled with sadness and disappointment. disappointed that i failed to teach you the true meaning of christmas. what do you have to say for yourself?
et tu, blitzen?