what are you fucking midgets looking at!? get back to work! we have hanukkah to destroy!
excellent. everything is going as planned.
with the hebrew hammer out of the picture, hanukkah will be nothing more than a confusing and hard to pronounce word. i want to thank you very much jamal for all of your help.
can you believe this guy tiny tim?
take a look around you jamal. do you see any colored midgets in my workshop?
your presence would be a disruption to the utopian model of efficiency i've created here.
you know something, you're right.
yeah. this is a sweatshop. and since you elves aren't willing to do the work, i made arrangements to have some taiwanese children shipped over. and i might add, they're more than willing to work for peanuts.
come on in boys!
while i was in taiwan negotiating the solution to our labor problems, i came across a factory that illegally manufactures the most addictive, jewish pride weakening substance on the planet. i bought the entire plant.
i want you and your men to target every young person in the jewish neighborhoods of every major city of this country. i want you to flood their streets with this product.
oh, that's the beauty of it. these are free samples.
worse.
bootleg copies of the frank capra classic, 'it's a wonderful life.'
and what do the jewish people do during hanukkah?
that's right. santa can tell that you've been a very good boy this year. run along now jimmy.
sorry folks, i don't do couples.
excuse me? do i know you, friend? take a look around you. do you even know who i am?
the hebrew hammer! you're alive.
whoa, whoa there. c'mon mordechai, is this any way to treat an old family friend? let's cut out all the unpleasantness. i admit, i went way overboard with the whole hanukkah thing. let me make it up to you. how about a peace offering? girls.
bambi. tawni. i'd like for you to meet world renown semitic super stud, mordechai jefferson carver.
well, it's a bit too late for that now, isn't it? excuse me children, if i could have your attention for a moment.
i'm just calming the kiddies. there's no need to worry about santa. he's just having a peaceful, adult conversation with his nice jewish friend, the hebrew hammer.
in fact, he's just informed me that he personally plans on cancelling christmas this year.
why don't we show him how that makes us feel.
and now my hanukkah loving friends, i will reveal to you the true nature of my diabolical scheme.
the jewish atomic clock, located in the outskirts of jerusalem. keeper of time for the jewish calendar. powered by judeum. an element so rare, it exists only inside the clock itself.
once i extract the judeum from the clock, the jewish calendar will cease to exist, forever eradicating hanukkah. in less than twenty four hours, which by your jewish calendar is approximately.
can i borrow that pen and notepad?
four years and three quarters a lunar cycle? well, whatever! in less than twenty four christian hours, hanukkah will be nothing more than a fond memory. tiny tim.
end transmission.
so, how was i?
really? good, good.
i wasn't too over the top?
thanks. oh, did i tell you. i picked up that new kc and the sunshine band record that you recommended. you were right, it is good.
why is the red light on the camera still on? are you still filming me!?
you fucking ass.
no. i'm airsick you asshole! where the hell did these reindeer learn to fly?
who's the leader of this operation?
what's your major malfunction, dumbfuck!?
step forward son!
you gonna learn to guide this sled right? you gonna make sure your men follow suit? because if i'm puking down chimneys come christmas eve, i'm gonna have your hide. we clear?
you eyeballin' me son!?
i didn't think so.
the jewish atomic clock.
get moving! we've got work to do!
get him boys!
get off of me you cripple!
what's going on? why'd he stop?
take a look.
resting?
what day is it?
what time is it?
why didn't i think of this? it's the sabbath.
the day of rest. he can't fight on the sabbath. c'mon, get up. we've got him beat.
well, well, well. it looks as if the hebrew hammer's got a weakness after all.
finish extracting the judeum from the clock. tiny tim, i want you to introduce the hebrew hammer to the christmas spirit.
no dipshit, i want you to kill him.
santa's gonna take the sled back to the north pole and celebrate his victory with his new stocking stuffer.
rudolph, more egg nog!
ho, ho, ho.
yes maam, loud and clear.
hey, what's that over there? is that a bowl of matzah ball soup?
i don't have to tell you anything hammer! you're gonna have to kill me before i tell you!
good point.
looks like the tables have turned once again hammer.
and you won't even be able to say goodbye to your esther. so sad. so long mordechai. give my father my regards.
what are you doing?
hah! jewish guilt. well, it won't work on me hammer. i'm too strong for it.
no. stop it!
please, make it stop. i'll do anything. here take my gun.
shoot me. please, just one to the head. put me out of misery.
please tell me. what is the true meaning of hanukkah?
i'm sorry. i see the light now. i was wrong. i'm.