oh, hi blue- manning- he puts out a small flame on his forearm and steps into the room.
look- i have one rule! one- "don't touch my stuff -" liz appears, shimmering in a halo of blue flame. hb's pulls a few lp albums out of the garbage bin.
you can't listen to al green on a cd!! you just can't!! oh, and 8 track was the way to go- one day mankind will realize its mistake.
is that what this is about?? your toothbrush's right there, behind you- there- there- with the cat food!! wrinkling her nose in disgust, liz plucks a toothbrush from a heap of spilled cat kibble.
oh, heavenly bells are ringing!
piece of cake. in and out.  no one will see me. you have my word- a sarcastic guffaw from liz.
same story here, babe-
i said "abe"- i'm sorry- wrong channel- hellboy falls back to talk privately on the intercom.
liz- um-?
there's more than one-? he hears a scratching noise.
how many- ten-?
what are they???
what are they-? abe?
uh- thick rug, deep pile, light brown-
aw, crap-
spit it out, brother blue. what are they?
no, don't- the thing snarls, leaps and sinks its tiny teeth into marble's finger. then it dives under marble's shirt and goes to work. marble gasps and drops his gun. dozens of creatures emerge from the crack on the wall and crawl into marble's clothing. gasping, he tears open his shirt as claws and teeth dig in.  ribs crack.  blood spurts. the agent falls.
liz!! where are you - ?! he sees a horde of little beasts gnawing at the metal bars of a cage.  .liz cowering inside. hellboy just has time to look deep into her eyes. a quick moment of silent communion.
do it, liz, do it!!! and liz obeys. closing her eyes she-
no- i'll deal with them- now. he dumps his backpack and pulls out a belt full of vulcan 66 grenades. holds it high.
vulcan 66, boys! come and get 'em- liz and abe take cover on the stairs. they see hellboy luring the tooth fairies toward the windows overlooking the street.
gee whiz, manning-
i think i did good. and i looked good, don't you think, liz? abe stands behind them, juggling a dozen remote controls.
a gas pocket??!! ha-! i love it. the door opens. manning is there, holding a plastic box overflowing with mail.
against?
ungodly freaks-? us?
new - ? what?
what's the matter, manning?? don't you trust me anymore?
what about me? what's wrong with my face???
but, who-? who is this guy?
akkk- kraus??? he's german-
that's an open face for you.
memory gets pretty sketchy after you die- -but maybe i can be of help- nudges abe and starts fishing for an amulet.
what are you doing?
whaddayawant??? you chewed off the tip of my tail- yes, you-
jeez- your buddy there doesn't look too good.
wow- you have that effect on me too. the fairy's cheekbones hollow and it finally collapses. ectoplasm escapes its body and regroups at johan's fingertips.
if you're really german- how come you don't have a funny accent?
what a moron!! "we are on the move" he thinks he's so hot!! we've been looking for that place for years and we've never found it- you said so- abe pulls out two headsets of composite goggles, made of copper and glass, full of buzzing and whirring pieces. he tries it on.
for good?!
i think he's a jerk.
well, then you're a jerk, too. "the brains of the operation-" give me a break!
ha! me? threatened?? glaring, at liz:
by whom? by him??
i did that?
hey- we got some hate mail.
something else bothering you-? liz nods quietly.
so- tell me about it-
it's the garbage truck. it makes the wrong statement. about who we are.
it's "hellboy" not "demon-man"- one of the projectiles hits him. the crowd roars. hellboy gazes back at them- seething.
great p.r.  he gets ready to pummel the crowd. liz stops him.
this is sooo corny- a moment of silence ensues-- then, the wet-eyed reporters applaud- the crowd applauds- liz applauds, abe applauds. hellboy is agog!!
what-?? what-??
nothing yet, sparky, over-
we're moving in, sparky-
how about a beer, then? now that we're "out"- whaddya say, mein herr?
what the heck is that?
mmh- i'll take care of it- he clenches his stone fist, rears back.
ah, of course- the fishbowl touch-
hiya, chuck-
well, neither am i- bammmm!!!!! with a single uppercut, he sends it flying toward the ceiling, shoeless. the shop keeper watches in awe until it lands, about thirty feet away in the middle of the dogfight. the crowd scatters as the mongrel creatures attack the thing with blind instinct. hellboy grabs the shop owner by the lapels and pulls him close. the shop owner's head rockets back and forth like a boxer's speed bag as hb "gently" slaps him around. teeth fly everywhere.
feeling more chatty now??
where the hell is abe?? he pushes his belt locator-
abe? what's wrong?
human side, two nights ago- the princess studies their faces.
what-? what-? a goblin army-? johann shakes his glass head, overcome with worry.
where is that crown??
good, i like trouble.
i'm gonna put this as delicately as i can.
it's a dud, your royal assness - ! the prince has disappeared, along with his horde.
how do you like that? just when i was loosening up. then.  clackk!!!. hellboy scrutinizes the grenade as it opens up like a beans. flower.  and spews out a handful of brightly colored
abe. relax- it's jumping beans.  abe is scrambling to retrieve them.
three, how about you?
abe, please, get a grip. a rumble from below their feet. whammmm! a huge tree punches up through the pavement, overturning cars, knocking buildings off their foundations and ripping up through the bridge overpass!! picking up speed, the tree branches soar up, up, up.  into the moonlit clouds. hellboy approaches the massive, trunk, gazing up in fascination. birds and creatures emerge from the inside and flutter around, grass overtakes pavement- and for a moment chinatown looks like the garden of eden.
whoa. just like the story books. manning and liz take a few steps into it: a squirrel-being climbs on liz's shoulder and a couple of iridescent hummingbirds fly around her "ala" snow white. a small crowd starts wandering into this idyllic scenario.
hey!!! he spots. the prince, at the base of the tree. knocking on it-
hey- jhonny apleseed- what are you-?? oh- jeez did you have to do that?? liz starts pulling manning away and yelling at the crowd-
good dog. now, woody.  you want to fight someone, you fight with me. hellboy humorously adopts a kung fu pose, as in bruce lee. the elemental hops forward, new branches sprout from his limbs, shaking the yrdrig off.
what now, big boy? you get a ladder? the elemental jumps up and down, trying to reach him, barking in frustration. hellboy's radio crackles:
so what?
that's nine blocks from here, fishbowl!
what's at the bridge? abe - ? liz? hello??? no answer. muttering, hellboy climbs higher, up a buzzing neon sign reading "hotel". the elemental smashes the letters "tel".  so hellboy climbs the "0" to the roof.
i've been all through this! the answer's still no! far below, johann slips his right arm into the cable, bringing it to life, whipping it back and forth, like a steel snake! the cable forms a huge loop, splashing down near the elemental and tightening around his ankles. the cable
nap time, big guy- he raises his stone fist and hits him straight in the back of the neck. the cable tenses- -the elemental pitches forward- the prince looks up to see the elemental falling right at him; his mouth opens as if to scream.  the elemental goes down, impaling himself on a spire atop the bridge.  exactly where the prince had been standing. putting an end, it seems, to both of them.
oh, i wish for something. johann brings his target close: a beautiful, tight cluster of shots, dead center.
hey, watch it! you're winding me up, i don't like it.
you keep wiping that thing like she's gonna care.
you know who- she-
why not?
well- from now on, you don't come near her. you don't talk to her-
well- you better start making them "evitable"-
yes, it is-
now it is-
i try.
"give me???"- you don't give me sh-
slo-??
slow enough for ya-?? with a loud hisss, johann's odd suit sags to the floor!
ow- johann.  buddy. sorry- i- i- got carried away.  johann? you still hear me? an ectoplasmic tendril reaches out from the suit and penetrates the closest locker.
it was an accident, okay? i'll get you some help-
chicken shit!
he caught me off-guard- but i'll get him next time. he's examining a few letters, contract forms, etc.
we are- he's not- the guy's an egomaniac. you can see right through him.
look!! they wanna do a cartoon series, based on me? and this: product endorsement - breakfast of demons. and a videogame!!! as city lights ends, liz lifts the remote to turn the volume up.
no, wait. look that's us- jay is showing some footage from the giant incident.
that's a great idea, don't you think??
did you know that during the commercial breaks the orchestra keeps playing so the guest can't talk to jay.  keeps the conversation fresh.
i read it in tv guide.
we should do this-
that's funny.
liz and i- we had a fight-
did i hear barry manilow just now?
what's happening to you??
you say that like it's a good thing. what track?
"can't smile without you"
he did that for all of us.  the opening strings of "can't smile without you."
jeez- you need to get out more- the two of them sit there, growing quiet, listening to the syrupy music. then, slowly, the two of them start singing: low at first and then at the top of their voices, moved and teary-eyed.
correctamundo, chief. for one thing, we can ditch the garbage truck, right?
screw the lab. i want new wheels.
this is more like it!
there you go, pal. "to jason, best wishes, hellboy."
that turns up on e-bay, i'm gonna find you, "jason".
well, yeah. each one tells a story- his grin fades as he sees johann talking to liz. he abruptly gets up and goes to them.
that about you, glass-man? a few squirts of windex?
thanks a bunch. i'll decide that.
it's a love story. they'll lap it up.
hey, we do call her sparky now and then. a chuckle from the crowd. hellboy smiles in satisfaction.
uh.  i-
abe! no, get back!! abe regains his balance and tries again, his eyes glued to the desperate features of the beautiful young woman. hellboy manages to restrain him.
no. why don't you just start with me? hellboy strolls up to the prince.
you bet your ass i do-
five-fingered mary. in the background, manning arrives, wide-eyed. just in time to see the prince hand off his captive to one of the trolls. he drops back, flips his spear to horizontal and waits for hellboy's attack.
not my style. watch and learn, fish bowl. he punches the prince, hard. the blow knocks the prince to his knees; as he rises, hellboy connects with a brutal combination. in the arms of the troll, the princess' head rockets back and forth, as if struck. a moan of pain escapes from her lips.
don't worry, sparky- it's all going to be
where are we, liz?
i thought you were mad at me.
i'm sorry for all the attention, i thought it would be good for us.
you still seem sad. is there anything you want to tell me-??
say it now, then. whatever it is, i'm ready.
and call you in the morning, right?? like hell i will. i'm keeping an eye on you,
see?? it hurts!!! it hurts!!! hellboy grips the chain, pulls the creature close, then, like a weightlifter, raises him high overhead. with a mighty grunt, hellboy tosses him overboard. wink hits the jagged rocks once- twice- thrice-
ouch- ouch- ouch- we better go swimming before any more ugly fellas show up- he stares down into the swirling waters and discreetly takes his hand to his bandaged side: he's bleeding. the wound has re-opened.
don't say a word, blue- let's move on-
says who? i'm fine, i tell ya. he lurches forward, pushing past the others, fighting off his pain.
hey, amigo. you got some gum? two rows away, johann examines the lethal weaponry that terminates the arms of each soldier.
wow. you hear that? listen - he thumps it, harder. the mechanical thing rocks backwards.
uh oh. crash!!! the thing falls onto the soldier behind it! then,
whoops. the sound dwindles, then builds again as another line of falling soldiers bears down on them!! liz screams and hellboy pulls her aside. the soldiers crash past them until - - the din suddenly stops. the prince stands revealed at the head of the column.
yeah. now it's your turn.
abe -
abe old buddy. if we survive this, we need to talk. the army swings into action, marching toward them. the four friends retreat, soon pressed against one of the walls.
prince nuada: i challenge your right to command this army! with a soft boom, the clockwork troops come to a halt! all the mechanical heads turn toward the prince, who stands on a ledge with his sister.
a challenge must be answered! raise your sword!
i- have- won-
you - and your kind! leave here. and stay in the shadows - where you belong. as the ogres slink back into the tunnels, liz looks at hellboy. he seems angry, stung by the prince's last words.
looks that way, doesn't it? hellboy starts to leave, but spins around and takes his gun back.
i think i'll keep this. he finally meets liz's gaze. she crosses to him and takes him by the arm. she walks off with hellboy and abe, clinging tightly to the big, red daemon.
i mean it! `course, i'm thinking usa.  but, hey - you decide.
milk? yech.
grow? who gonna grow- ?
our b-? on hellboy's immense grin: freeze frame. roll credits. at the end of the credits-