ah, i detect that unique and ubiquitous combination of female sweat and patchouli oil that signals the arrival of.
the delightful and world-famous amy klein. have a seat, angel of light.
it's exactly that lack of respect for authority that got you fired from the new york post.
of course. where would you be without me? by the way, i don't recall ever being thanked properly for this "re- assignment". charles makes air quotes with his fingers.
lucky for you i opened my doors to you here as soon as i heard you were "available".
touche'. well, thanks to international conglomerates and the euro-dollar i, along with mother england, am blessed with your acquaintance, yet again.
it's not about the crack whores, i'm sure you're working your usual unrestrained insightful magic on what i'm certain will be another eye-opening expose. i expect nothing but brilliance -- in five thousand words or less. but this is better.
hmm? oh no. please feel free to have some of that.
spare me the "nothing comes close to new york chinese" speech just this once. go on, sit down. just something i wanted to show you.
okay.  rewind, rewind? rewind.
somebody mailed us this thing around two weeks ago but, in keeping with our usual level of efficiency, betty didn't get around to opening it `til this morning. then she brought it to me.
something. amy, with your encyclopedic world-wide knowledge of skank-ology -- have you ever heard of "deaders?"
not dead-heads.  dead - ers. d-e-a-d-e-r -- s.
love of my life, go screw yourself. i'm asking you a serious question.
watch the tape.
just keep watching.
just watch.
i said, "just watch."
you tell me.
that's saying a lot, for you.
that's what i said.
i haven't done anything. i told you, i just looked at it today. by some chance are you.  interested in pursuing this?
look, amy. maybe this is just some kind of bull-shit shot-on-tape gore movie. and since that's all it can be, that's all you're going find, but it sure smells different to me. if it's bull-shit, you'll know pretty fast. if it's not.
who said miracles can only happen at lourdes?
no, that was a different time. this time, we were driving down the block and there was this fortune-telling place, you know, this gypsy fortune telling place in a store front? and he said, "you know, if i could tell the future i wouldn't be living in any crappy store front."
if i could do that, i wouldn't be hanging out in some rundown basement. i'd own the earth.
maybe.
just a return address on the envelope.
looks like your online fan-base is growing. it's an address in bucharest. it's where all the euro-trash kids looking for a good time are heading these days. amsterdam is so 90's.
i still like to keep my finger on the pulse, even though i know you think i don't have one.
your ticket, hotel and per diem.
it's what keeps me up at night. now here's the part where i'm supposed to say be careful. be careful.
call me when you get settled.
don't tell me i woke you up. i won't believe that.
you were supposed to call me.
the thing is.  i started thinking.
look. i know the crazy stuff you do for a story.
and that's why i hired you. it's just. just.  the thing is, amy.  some things you shouldn't do, you know what i mean?
look, i say this to you, but in my heart i know that one time it's going to happen.  that you're going to end up, i don't know -- dead or god knows what. but when it does happen, i don't want it to be my fault.
you know, you're messing with my conscience, here. amy.
is this where they keep the cheaper whores?
christ, you're lucky to have a boss like me. once again, i have saved your small but relatively shapely behind.
charge you? they were thinking of shipping you to the government asylum for observation -- and believe me if you go in there, you don't come out. but through my mastery of international negotiations i managed to convince them that you were merely irresponsible. you got your stuff?
come on.
who else would have taken it? either they're going to think it's bull-shit, or they're going to be too afraid of it. but amy klein.  tell me it's real amy.
well, either way, it's a good story.
you know, amy dearest, for the average person, hunger for knowledge is like hunger.  for food. we want to know just enough to take the edge off our appetite. then we're satisfied, and we stop. but you.  you're like a glutton. you can't help over-eating.
but you see, that's the point. that's why i need you. because all that stuff i don't eat.  i still want. so i send you in to do the eating for me, and so i get to experience it, without actually suffering any mental indigestion.
nobody's forcing anything down your throat. correct?
you see, amy, you never grew up with all this catholic god and guilt stuff. it doesn't mean anything to you. i worry about god and heaven and hell. not during the day, you understand, but around three in the morning, it keeps me up. i want to know what's coming. what's up in heaven and down in hell, or even if there's nothing. it's useful, when you're making plans. so go find out and we'll tell the world.
did you know, the word "demon" comes from the greek word for "knowledge." as in "demonstrate."
american education.
then back to your room, lie down in your coffin until the hours of daylight have passed, as is your wont -- then go get me my story. a
i never do. i'm not here to save people and i'm not here to judge them. i just take `em as they come. and use them as they pass by. i'll be at the soffitel.
amy it's charles, i know it's not too late.
guilty. look, amy, i've been thinking about the story about what happened, maybe this isn't for you.
- she said with condescension-
i think it's too dangerous, for a lot of reasons.
i know. i'm going to hate myself in the morning.
ok. i just thought i'd put it out there to see if you'd bite. i should've known better. it goes against my instincts.
yes i believe i've heard that somewhere before.
good morning.
amy don't fight it, it's only going to make things worse.
i didn't hear from you. i went over to your hotel. you were lying on the floor.  covered in every kind of stuff that can come out of a human body.
okay. every other kind.
you were sort of.  having a psychotic episode, sweets. major mental blow-out. and frankly, it's about time. jesus you were tied down for a day and half. listen, i'm trying to get you out of here, back to london, but with the damage to your hotel room.  they're not going to be so quick to let you go.
look, amy, you probably won't have to stay.
well, there you go. a whole new definition of optimism.
they found her dead in her room. she hung herself.
yeah. she'd been there awhile. probably did it right after she sent us the tape.
jesus, i don't know. does it matter?
but this is a good story too. call it, "my psychotic episode" -- or, wait, maybe "psychotic - episode one." or "psychotic pilot episode." you know, some play on words with episode. look, there's a lot of raw material around here. emphasis on the word "raw." maybe they'll let you use a felt-tip pen or something to take notes.
what's say we lose the charm bracelets for now? unless of course you somehow find all of this -- stimulating.
i'll see about getting a camera in here.
feel better. when you get a chance, check out the public area. it's a swinging place. i mean, like, they're literally.  swinging.
see no amy. hear no amy.
i don't know, i just don't know. too bad, too. it would have made a hell of a story. i'm sure she'll come walking in here any minute, carrying with her my story.