hello, skinny. remember me?
hello, maisie.
no, just visiting. tell me, is the lord of the universe in today?
no, never mind -- i'll blow my own trumpet.
i won't be more than ten minutes, i promise you.
what did you say, bruce?
don't be embarrassed, bruce. i heard it, but i just wanted to hear it again. i can stand being spoiled a little. the gentleman i'm going to have a chat with did very little spoiling.
my job, bruce. i started it -- and i'll finish it.
i'll come a-running, pardner.
thanks, bruce.
hello, beatrice. how's "advice to the lovelorn"?
point of information -- what does a girl say on meeting her divorced husband? or:
why, i'm surprised, mr. burns. that's no way to talk to your wife -- even if she's no longer your wife.
hello, walter. hi, louie -- how's the slotmachine king?
editorials?
i don't like to interfere with business, but would you boys pardon us while we have a little heart-to- heart talk?
you won't miss anything. you'll probably be able to hear him just as well outside as here.
mind if i sit down?
may i have a cigarette, please?
thanks. a match?
how long is what?
let's see. i was in reno six weeks -- then bermuda.  oh, about four months, i guess. seems like yesterday to me.
no -- mama doesn't dream about you any more, walter. you wouldn't know the old girl now.
you're repeating yourself! that's the speech you made the night you proposed. "-- any time -- any place -- anywhere!"
i'll always remember it. if i hadn't remembered it, i wouldn't have divorced you.
done what?
holy mackerel! look, walter, that's what divorces are for.
i suppose that's true in a way. i am fond of you, walter. i often wish you weren't such a stinker.
well, why did you promise me you wouldn't fight the divorce and then try and gum up the whole works?
a fellow your age, hiring an airplane to write: 'hildy: don't be hasty -- remember my dimple. walter.! it held things up twenty minutes while the judge ran out to watch it.
what home?
oh, yes -- we were to have it right after our honeymoon -- honeymoon!
all i know is that instead of two weeks in atlantic city with my bridegroom, i spent two weeks in a coal mine with john kruptzky -- age sixty-three -- getting food and air out of a tube! you don't deny that. do you?
well, suppose we did? that isn't what i got married for. what's the good of -- look, walter, i came up here to tell you that you'll have to stop phoning me a dozen times a day -- sending twenty telegrams -- all the rest of it, because i'm --
what?!!
walter, you're wonderful in a loathesome sort of way. now, would you mind keeping quiet long enough for me to tell you what i came up here for?
i have a lunch date. i just want --
no, i can't.
don't tell me what to do! we're divorced -- i'm a free woman. you're not my husband and you're not my boss! and what's more, you're not going to be my boss.
just what i said. that's what i --
that's the first time you've been right today. that's what i --
you bet i've got a better offer.
i know, walter, but i --
you wouldn't have taken me if i hadn't been doll-faced!
listen, walter --
well, the paper'll have to learn to do without me. and so will you. it just didn't work out, walter.
i wasn't satisfied! i suppose i proposed to you!
you -- you --
what's the matter?
dead?
sweeney? well, after all, he didn't do it on purpose, did he?
well, haven't you got anybody else?
no!
keep away --
that's what i'm afraid of. "any time -- any place -- anywhere!"
get away, svengali.
listen, you bumble-headed baboon --
please! will you just --
i'm not working for any other paper!
look at this!
do you see this? do you know what an engagement ring is?
i tried to tell you right away but you started reminiscing. i'm getting married, walter, and also getting as far away from the newspaper business as i can get! i'm through.
you can't sell me that, walter.
that's why i'm quitting. i want to go some place where i can be a woman.
a journalist! peeking through keyholes -- running after fire engines -- waking people up in the middle of the night to ask them if they think hitler's going to start a war -- stealing pictures off old ladies of their daughters that got chased by apemen! i know all about reporters -- a lot of daffy buttinskies going around without a nickel in their pockets, and for what? so a million hired girls and motormen's wives will know what's going on! no, walter, i'm through.
bermuda.
not what you'd call rich. makes about five thousand a year.
he's in the insurance business.
it's a good, honest business, isn't it?
well, i can, and i love it! he forgets the office when he's with me. he doesn't treat me like an errand-boy -- he treats me like a woman.
i don't know about water buffaloes, but i know about him. he's kind and sweet and considerate. he wants a home -- and children.
well, i'll give you a hint. by tomorrow they'll be calling me mrs. bruce baldwin.
the quicker the better. well -- i finally got out what i came in to tell you. so long, walter, and better luck next time.
thanks.
well, he's waiting in the anteroom for me now.
oh, better not, walter. wouldn't do any good.
afraid? i should say not!
better.
now you got me.
you wouldn't believe this, walter, but bruce holds the door open for me.
and he takes his hat off when he's with a lady.
and when he walks with a lady, he waits for her!
allow me.
i suppose i can't call this off without creating a scene -- but remember, it's your last fling.
nobody else.
how's everything, gus?
oh -- i'll take the same, i guess. and coffee.
i guess so.
no -- just coffee, gus.
it will be perfectly all right, walter. mother is coming with us on the train.
isn't it sweet of walter -- still wanting to protect me?
i might have, walter, but you were never there.
oh, i'm sorry, gus! my foot must have slipped.
gus, this --
thank you.
you're so nice, bruce, you think everybody else is.
he comes by it naturally. his grandfather was a snake.
that's what he did to me. swept me right off my feet -- and left me lying on the floor.
thanks, gus.
no. it's strong. but i like it that way.
he certainly -- hic -- does!
what now?
you said it.
if he's nuts, why doesn't the state just put him away?
the colored vote happens to be very important to the mayor of this town.
no, bruce, dear. don't you see? this is a trick to get your sympathy. no, walter, i've been waiting for something like this -- but i wasn't sure when you'd spring it. if you want to save earl williams' life, you can interview him yourself. you're still a good reporter. bruce and i will be on that four o'clock train -- and thanks just the same.
why, walter, you're getting poetic!
what a performance! bravo! don't let him fool you, bruce -- it's only an act!
well, it's either an act on your part or a miracle on sweeney's.
i happen to know sweeney was married only three months ago. if he's got twins this morning, i claim it was done with mirrors.
we're not interested.
wait a minute, bruce. what's commission on a $100,000.00 policy?
and what's the matter with a thousand dollars?
according to the budget, we laid out that's more than our food bill for a whole year. listen, bruce, i don't want walter burns to use me, but i'm perfectly willing to use him. how long will it take to get him examined?
you keep out of this. bruce, suppose you examine mr. burns in his office. i'll get my bag and go over to the press room in the criminal courts building. you phone me as soon as mr. burns has given you his check. then i'll go get the interview and you phone mother that we're taking the six o'clock train. and no tricks, walter!
oh, nothing! of course, you might cancel the check. yes! wait a minute! what would be his first payment on that policy?
better make that a certified check, walter.
yes --- and that's putting it mildly! no certified check -- no story -- get me?
no thanks, i've still got those. well, i'll step into some working clothes and hop over to the press room for the background on this yarn. it'll be kind of fun to see the boys again, too. remember, bruce, it must be certified.
wait a minute, bruce. have you got that money?
on second thought, would you let me have it? i'll get the tickets.
believe me, bruce, i know what i'm doing. he'd get you in a crap game --
i know a lot of men who didn't do anything till they met walter burns. please, dear.
i'll be careful, darling. you be, please.
so long, husbands.
one at a time, boys.
no, i'm not back for good. i'm just covering the earl williams story for mr. sweeney who had a sudden attack of something but will be all right by tomorrow. no, i haven't made up with walter burns -- far from it! as a matter of fact, i'm leaving tonight for albany and i'll be married tomorrow morning. the lucky man is mr. bruce baldwin, a gentleman in the insurance business -- and when i say gentleman, i mean gentleman! are there any other questions?
good. now i want to ask you fellows a couple of questions. did earl williams know what he was doing when he fired that gun?
thanks, boys. that's all i want to know.
i know, i just want to give him a thrill.
all right, boys, now that everything is settled, deal me in.
hello, this is hildy johnson. get me walter burns. hello, walter. how's the old double- crosser?
how about that check? all right, mr. burns, but remember, no checkee -- no story. well, as soon as they decide whether you live or not will you have that new man of mine call me up? yes, sir. all right, boys. up a dime.
and up a dime.
three bullets! any good?
oh, i'll think of something.
can't you say 'hello' to a fellow?
no, just a farewell appearance, batting for sweeney. i'm going into business for myself.
i'm getting married tomorrow.
kings and sixes.
'kings and sixes the pot affixes'.  poetry. i learned that at my grandma's knee.
i don't know why you boys are so good to me.
nothing doing. i'm playing for keeps.
well, anyhow, i won't be covering stuff like this any more.
hildy johnson.  oh, hello, bruce. have you got it? is it certified?
but, bruce, don't keep it in your wallet!.  well, you see -- -- there's an old newspaper superstition that the first big check you get you -- you put in the lining of your hat. that brings you good luck for ten years.
i made it up just now, and who's asking you? i know it's silly, honey, but do it for me, won't you?.  yes, right now.
fine. and here's a kiss for you.
now, darling, you go back to the hotel and pack and you and mother pick me up here about half-past five. goodbye, dear.
i want to interview earl williams, warden. how about a little service?
say, isn't this your twenty dollars?
i thought so. come on, i'm in a hurry.
you didn't mean to kill that policeman?
what are your beliefs, earl?
how would you go about applying the golden rule, earl?
"production for use only." well, maybe that's the answer.
yes, that makes a lot of sense, earl.
sure. what's the purpose of a gun, earl?
is that how you came to shoot the policeman?
very simple, earl.
no, earl, not at all. who sent you the flowers, earl?
isn't that her picture?
same way you did. through that gate.
all right, then, i'll just run the story that sheriff hartman is afraid to let reporters interview his prisoner. of course, with election coming, that might do you a lot of harm, but just as you say.
oh, nothing much. just that the state had proved he was sane -- and he admits it himself. if you don't want me to run it --
no, thanks sheriff. i'm leaving town tonight.
that's awful kind of you, sheriff. i've got to get started on my interview. see you later.
i won't, earl.
come on, mollie. this is no place for you.
they're newspaper men, mollie. they can't help themselves. the lord made them that way.
gentlemen of the press! always picking on somebody who can't defend himself -- the littler the better.
who is it?
give me that!
hello! hello! bruce?.  what?.  where are you?.  you're where?.  how did that happen?.  i'll be right over!
i know you didn't, bruce.
let him out of here, lieutenant.
and who accused him? diamond louis! one of the worst crooks in town! why don't you arrest louis instead of innocent people that he frames?
don't hildy me! are you going to let him out?
all right. you can't. but tomorrow the post will run the story of that roulette game on 43rd street that your brother-in-law runs. and we'll print that you get five hundred a month for forgetting about it!
you can let him out on bail, can't you?
you'll take fifty and like it!
you'll get into a worse one if you don't.
what's the matter?
the check, bruce!
yes, wasn't it?
i'm sure you haven't any.
oh, no. how could you ever think of such a thing?
yes, he is.  look, bruce, we're taking that next train -- and when i say next train, this time i mean it!
the criminal courts building.
no -- but i'm sure it'll be all right with walter.
well, the story's practically finished. i'll just go upstairs and send it over with a messenger.
no, you stay here. i'm not taking any more chances. i'll be down in three minutes -- and don't you dare move!
it's getting so a girl can't step out of the room without being discussed by a bunch of old ladies. hello, post.  mr. walter burns, please.
this is hildy johnson.  oh, i can give it up all right. without a single quiver. i'm going to live like a human being -- not like you rats. oh, is that you, walter dear? oh, i didn't mean "dear." that was just habit, i guess. oh, be yourself, walter. i've got some news for you.  yes, i got the interview, but i've got some news that's more important.
better get a pencil out and write it down. all ready? get this, you double-crossing chimpanzee, there ain't gonna be any interview and there ain't gonna be any story.  huh? that certified check of yours is leaving with me in twenty minutes. and if i ever see you again, it's going to be just too bad.  eh?.  oh, you don't know what i'm angry about, do you? if you come over i'll be very glad to tell you the story of louie's watch. i dare you to come over, you -- you -- skunk in sheep's clothing! and bring that bodyguard of yours, too -- you'll need him.
and i just want you to listen to one more thing.
hear that? that's the interview i wrote.  yes, i know we made a bargain. i just said i'd write it -- i didn't say i wouldn't tear it up. yes, it's all in little pieces now, walter, and i hope to do the same for you some time!
and that's my farewell to the newspaper game. i'm going to live a normal life and have a home.
i'm going to be a woman, not a newsgetting machine. i'm going to have babies and nurse them and love them and give 'em cod liver oil and worry about their new teeth -- and the minute i catch one of them even looking at a newspaper, i'm going to brain him! where's my hat?
i'll take it. what's the matter, mr. burns -- don't you understand english? -- why, your language is shocking, mr. burns -- positively shocking! i don't mind because i was married to you and know what to expect, but suppose central is listening in.  oh, did you hear that, central? we ought to report him, don't you think?.  oh, fooey on you!
now where was that hat? oh, yes.
well, goodbye, you wage-slaves. when you're crawling up fire escapes, getting kicked out of front doors, and eating christmas dinners in one- armed joints, don't forget your pal, hildy johnson! and, remember, my husband sells insurance!
"it takes a heap o' livin' to make a house a home."
ahhh --
morning post?.  get me walter burns -- quick! hildy johnson calling.
walter?.  hildy. earl williams just escaped from the county jail. yep.  yep.  yep.  don't worry! i'm on the job!
cooley, i want to talk to you.
there's money in it, cooley.
a lot of money. four hundred and fifty dollars --
four hundred and fifty dollars. is it a deal?
first we talk. how did earl williams get that gun?
there goes another scrub lady.
from all i can get the sheriff let him out so's he could vote for him.
give me walter burns -- quick --
walter, listen. i've got the inside story on how williams got the gun and escaped.
it cost me four hundred and fifty bucks to tear it out of cooley.
never mind it? that's not my money! that's bruce's money!
wait a minute. your mother's alive.
well, this expert dr. egelhoffer, from new york, decides to make williams re-enact the crime --
well, i'm coming to it. it seems the professor had to have a gun to re- enact the crime with -- and who do you suppose supplied it? nobody else but that great thinker, sheriff hartman!
no, this is on the level, walter. i'm not good enough to make this one up. the sheriff gave his gun to the professor, the professor gave it to earl, and earl gave it right back to the professor -- right in the stomach! who? no, egelhoffer wasn't hurt badly. they took him to the county hospital where they're afraid he'll recover.
it better be fifteen minutes, because bruce is waiting downstairs in a taxicab and that meter's clicking away to beat the band.
keep the thanks, but just see that the money gets here!
i thought so, too.
no -- what?
hello -- bruce! i thought you were downstairs in a -- what? arrested again! what for this time, bruce? mashing! oh, bruce, can't i leave you alone for three minutes even? well, where are you? the 27th precinct? all right, i'll be right over -- i'll be over in twenty minutes, bruce. if i ever see walter burns -- get me walter burns.  hildy johnson! well, he was there just a minute ago! have him call me back!
if walter burns calls, hold the wire for me, will you? i'll be right back.
will you try --
louie!
have you got my dough?
four hundred and fifty and i'll cut your throat if you try any tricks!
come on with that money!
where's the money?
here!
so long, nothing! where's bruce baldwin's wallet?
none of that innocent stuff, you double-crossing hyena! you stuck bruce baldwin in jail this afternoon on a phony charge that he swiped your watch, and you frisked his wallet! now, give me that wallet or i'll stick you in jail and it won't be on any phony charge either! it'll be for life!
you know it is!
no -- and you don't know that your cheap boss has had mr. baldwin arrested again -- do you?
27th precinct station house?
put down that gun, earl.
you're not going to shoot me, earl. i'm your friend, remember? i've got to write that story about your "production for use".
earl, you don't want to hurt your friends, do you?
sure you could, earl -- but you wouldn't want to do that, would you? you wouldn't want to kill anybody.
earl, there's just one thing i ought to clear up for the interview.
i don't blame you, earl. if i were in your place i wouldn't trust anybody, either.
earl, you must never do that again.
well, maybe you think i could!
don't talk too loud.
sure i do, earl.
hello.  gimme walter burns -- quick!
hello -- hel -- oh, hello, bruce.  oh, bruce, please -- i know i said i'd be down in fifteen minutes, but something terrific's happened! hang on, bruce -- walter?.  hildy. come over here -- right away!.  wait! bruce, just a second, bruce -- i'll explain everything. walter! get this: i've got earl williams.  yes! here in the press room.  honest! on the level. hurry -- i need you.
bruce, this is the biggest thing that ever happened.  i just captured earl williams -- you know -- the murderer --
bruce, i'll be down -- well, bruce, the minute i turn him over to the paper i'll be right down. bruce, don't you -- bruce, i can't now -- i can't, don't you realize?
who's there?
wait a minute, mollie.
mollie, they haven't got him. you gotta help me, mollie! we've got to do something!
quiet, mollie!
quiet, mollie, quiet!
how'd you get here, earl?
stop screaming, mollie or we're sunk. i'm trying to think of something before those reporters get back.
ssh!
just a second, mike --- mollie, i got it!
can you get in this desk?
we'll get you out in ten minutes.
all right -- all right!
i'm coming! keep dead quiet. don't even breathe.
mollie, drop down here! you've fainted!
never mind! just play dead.
shut up, you!
run down and get some smelling salts, will you?
came up here -- had hysterics and passed out. i've been trying to get her to come to.
give me a hand with her, will you?
well -- i was going, but mollie fainted away and i thought i ought to do what i could.
any news?
are you all right, now?
a fine bunch of reporters. biggest story in two years and they're too lazy to go after it.
what's the matter with you boys? afraid it might rain? if you want to go, i'll cover this end.
aw, why don't you let her alone? she's ill!
mother!
mother, i can explain everything. i'll go with you in five minutes and --
i don't know what she's talking about. i never said any such thing.
but i never said anything like that!
i said i was trying to catch one. you got it balled up, mother.
let her alone! she's goofy!
gee! the poor kid.  the poor kid.
walter! d-did you see -- -- that?
she jumped out of the window.
wait a minute, walter. you can't do that!
now, let go of her, louie. listen, walter, this'll get me in a terrible jam with my fiance and i don't stand so well with him now. don't worry, mother, this is only temporary.
let go o' me! i've got to get bruce out of jail! oh, walter, why did you have to do this to me?
oh, get off that trapeze! there's your story! smear it all over the front page -- earl williams caught by the morning post! and take all the credit -- i covered your story for you and i got myself in a fine mess doing it -- and now i'm getting out! i know i told you that twice before today -- but this time i mean it!
i know, but --
wait a minute -- wasn't it stanley who discovered livingstone?
i'd like to think.
i get it!
let me get at that typewriter and i'll show you how a doll-faced mugg can write!
whoa -- wait a minute. we can't leave williams here. one of the other fellows'll --
that one -- how you gonna take him? they'll see him.
you can't take that desk out. it's crawling with cops outside.
huh!
how much do you want on it?
where's some paper?
can i call the mayor a bird of prey -- or is that libelous?
how about the time he had his house painted by the fire department?
hello, bruce.
bruce!! how'd you get out?
bruce, i know, but i was in the biggest jam --
okay, walter.
we'll explain the whole thing to them.
bruce, you know i'm mad about you and stop talking like that. walter!
thanks.
oh, she was here.
out some place.
oh -- mother -- she -- i don't know where she went.
no, i was going to give it to her -- but she left hurriedly.
oh, yes. here it is.
here it is, bruce. one -- two -- three -- four hundred -- and fifty dollars.
just a second, walter. here, bruce, here's the check.  and, oh, bruce, here's your wallet. i got it back.
all right, walter.
fine.
where's butch?
he'd better hurry. the boys'll be coming back to phone.
where's bruce?
what tickets?
is he coming back here?
who is it?
that's bensinger. that's his desk.
bensinger -- of the tribune.
double-crossing swine!
i'm finished.
bruce ought to be back by now. walter, you're not trying anything again, are you?
where's mrs. baldwin?
what happened?
where's the old lady?
oh-h-h.  was she hurt?
louie!
what did you do with her?
-- you were with her. you were in the cab, weren't you?
don't tell me -- was she killed?
dead.  dead! that's the end!
what am i going to say to bruce? what'll i tell him?
i killed her. i'm responsible. oh- h.  what can i do now? how can i ever face him? oh, i hope he never comes back!
i'm looking at you -- you murderer!
louie, where'd it happen? i'm going out!
gimme western four-five-five-seven.
mission hospital? gimme the receiving room.
hello -- eddie? hildy johnson. was there an old lady brought in from an auto smashup?
nobody? morningside three-one-two-four.
is this the community hospital?
hello, max, hildy johnson. was there an old lady --?
shut up, will you? you sure? nobody?
lafayette two-one-hundred.
ring that number, will you?
hello -- hello! is this the lying -- in hospital? did you have an auto accident in the last --
oh, i see. i beg your pardon.
yes.
i don't care what you say. i'm going to find bruce's mother. oh-h.  i'm going out and find her!
who says so? i'm going to the morgue -- to look --
let go o' me. what's the idea?
take your paws off me!
let me go! fellows, something's happened to my mother-in-law.
i don't know anything, i tell you. there's been an accident.
you can send somebody with me if you don't believe me!
nobody's trying to put anything over on you. i'm getting out of here and you can't stop me!
what do i know about williams?
look out, you --
no, you don't! walter!
i've got a right to carry a gun if i want to.
he went over to the hospital to call on professor egelhoffer.
with a bag of marshmallows.
no!
mother!
mother! oh, i'm so glad to see you! are you all right? tell me.
mother!
he's harmless.
he can't hurt anybody. you've got his gun.
that's murder!
what?
who was bribing you?
wait a minute! let go there!
hanging an innocent man to win an election!
who did you talk to?
who's 'they'?
go on, you'd kill your mother to get elected!
you guys better quit politics and take in washing.
just until we can get out a special edition asking for your impeachment.
you're going to run into the governor.
how was that for a tight squeeze?
worried! i was petrified. weren't you?
in a way.
we've certainly been in some swell jams.
yeah. what about the time we hid the missing heiress in the sauerkraut factory? six scoop interviews!
we sure did, but we had to go in hiding for a week.
don't remind me. that's how we happened to --
that's all right, walter. it's as much my fault as yours.
well, if it's my last story, i'd like it to be a good one. but -- i guess i can't, walter.
yeah. i suppose i could. but, walter --
i don't know what to do, walter.
all right. heads i go -- tails i stay to write the story. ready?
what's the difference? i'm going to write that story -- and you know it!
don't touch me! i'm not doing it for you!
because i'm a newspaper woman, heaven help me!
thanks.
yeah. only -- only i'm not leaving, walter.
no, he won't. i wired him that i wasn't coming.
on the nine o'clock train. that's the one he took, isn't it?
it's awfully clear now. bruce needs a wife who can give him a home -- and affection -- and peace. i couldn't do that for him, walter. i'm what you made me -- a cheap reporter who'd give up her soul for a story!.  is that job still open?
thanks, walter, but it's no good. we tried it.
a fine honeymoon, with a murderer right in the boudoir! and that other honeymoon in a coal mine!
well, maybe i'd like to know just once!
niagara falls! walter, you don't mean that?
walter!
what would you do if it was a daughter?
what's the matter with my brains?
well, i'd like to be lady-like and think it over.
what!
nobody's going to rush me into anything! you keep away from me!
that's what he said the last time. don't believe him, judge.
you're not fooling anybody.
what would you do with a gun in your back?
if i know where he is.
i will -- if he will.
walter, you can't do that!
yes -- 'hildy, darling'. i'm just a fool. that's what i am. i know what it's going to be like.
sure, heaven! you've probably thought up another coal mine to send me down in -- to get a new story for your paper!
walter!
counterfeit money! that's the money you sent me, walter! you -- you --
you -- you!!