what do you mean he's gone out to lunch? you just said he was still at breakfast!
i'm game. we'll see who rusts first.
the first i heard of it was when a workman came yesterday. i asked if he'd come to clean the windows, and he said he'd come to demolish the house. he didn't tell me right away of course. first he wiped a couple of windows and charged me twenty quid. then he told me.
on display? i had to go down to a cellar!
i eventually found them in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying 'beware of the leopard'.
how much?
ford?
er, um. now's not the best time, ford they're going to demolish my home,
but what about my house?
can we trust him?
and how far's that?
well, when does he get back from lunch? or is he going straight out for tea?!
this is shaping up to be a crap day.
three? at lunchtime?
very deep. you should send that in to the reader's digest. they've got a page for people like you.
why three pints?
what's going on. ford?
why, is it the sort of thing you're likely to say?
i assumed you were drunk.
and that's why you're named after a discontinued car from the seventies?
this must be thursday. i never could get the hang of thursdays.
no, it's not that. it's.
i found her. ford. the perfect girl. i found her, and then i let her get away. you remember that fancy dress party i told you about?
at that flat in islington. i told you about it. last week, remember?
i can't bear those sort of parties, didn't want to go, would have much rather stayed home and, i don't know, brush the dog. anything. but there i was -- and then, there she was.
i'm arthur. arthur dent.
oh, the costume. right. er, um.  livingston, i presume. granted. not as clever as darwin, but the best i could do on short notice.
really? i thought the beagle made it rather obvious.
really? i thought the beagle made it rather obvious.
she was amazing, ford. witty, and beautiful, and brilliant. four or five degrees. one in math, one in astrophysics, another in biology.
and just as i was asking myself, "why is this stunning and intelligent woman even giving me the time of day, out of nowhere she says.
yeah. it is a bit noisy. there's a lovely little cafe around the corner.
is that a new club on dean street?
oh, that madagascar. right, off we go then. good god, you're serious.
well. that's. an extraordinary proposition. but. i can't just up and go. what about my job?
i can't just. what about my house? who would feed my dog?
he's a welsh collie. he'd feel all out of place in madagascar.
i went to refresh our drinks. when i came back, she was gone.
"would you like to see my spaceship?" really, what sort of chat up line is that?
i've left messages, sent letters.  it's like she's vanished off the face of the earth.
my house!
stop! stop, you bastards!!
so you're not from guilford, which would explain the accent -- which i've always wondered about. and you're not an out of work actor -- but rather a writer for this. this. book thing.
i don't feel well. i need a cup of tea.
if i asked where we were would i regret
good.
obviously some strange usage of the word safe i wasn't previously aware of.
tell me you're joking.
and do a reassuring little laugh.
now tell me where we really are.
get me home. ford.
oh god - it was demolished! i've got to reach my lawyer! he must be back from lunch by now.
good god. is this really the interior of a flying saucer?
well, it's a bit squalid isn't it?
blown up? blown up?! couldn't you have done something?!!
but there's six billion other people.
yes, but ants aren't exactly people!
what's a vogon?
"vogons."
it can't be gone. it can't be! (grabbing the guide, shouting} earth!
earth!!
that's it? that's all this idiotic book has to say about my home? "harmless?"
what does it say now?
ahhh, what the hell is that?!
what?. stop!. don't come near me with.
argh! what's happening?
ford.
and if we're unlucky?
actually. i rather liked it.
um. some of the words i didn't understand, but i found the imagery quite effective.
and, um, interesting rhythmic devices which seemed to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor of the humanity.
 vogonity, sorry. vogonity of the poet's soul, which contrives through the medium of the verse structure to sublimate, er.
 the poem was about.
what?
so this is it? we're going to die?
you know, it's at times like this, when i'm trapped in a vogon airlock with a man from betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that i really wish i'd listened to what my mother told me when i was young.
i don't know. i didn't listen.
ford.
i think i'm a sofa.
now this is more like my idea of a spaceship. look at all these buttons.
gpp?
er. . .
really? wonder why?
yes, i know. i was being. never mind.
we've met.
tricia mcmillan?
i can't believe this. i've been looking. and you're here? i went to get wine and.
actually -- i am that type. but. well you do know what happened, don't you?
we're having a bit of a chat if you don't mind.
i feel like a bloody idiot. i've spent all week looking for tricia mcmillan and that isn't even your name.
well, i'm still arthur. just plain average one-headed doesn't-own-a-space ship arthur. sorry to disappoint.
what's so bad about being drunk?
normally i would say "i'll live," but given the circumstances.  is there any tea on this spaceship?
arthur.
so two heads is what does it for a girl, then? i mean, if i'd had two heads. or three?
anything else he's got two of?
well, what am i supposed to be like? green? bleeping? what?
no, i suppose it wouldn't.
so all that's left is me and you, "mostly harmless," and two lab rats.
look, there's something i should tell you.
seven and a half million years later?
but -- you're president of the galaxy, aren't you?
arthur.
why this ship? what's so special about it?
you're guessing?
do i even have a choice?
what exactly does an infinite improbability drive do?
did it work? are we there?
ow!! did you just pluck a hair from my head?
why does he keep saying that?
you mean fully clothed?
sorry, but i can't for the life of me figure out why you, the most brilliant woman i have ever met, have ended up with that half-witted, self-obsessed, vapid politician! i mean, look at him!
i can't. that's the whole point -- and i've been trying to tell you.
she deserves to know.
do i need it?
that's humma kavula? i thought he was just using a swear word.
what was it?
why do i get the feeling he's going to get us all killed?
are we sure this is the right way?
yes, thank you for clearing that up.
oh god, i really hate thursdays.
what?
tricia!
no!! tricia!!!
we have to go! let's go!
what? no! follow those ships!
we have to go after her!
can you change it back?
ford?
computer?! isn't there some kind of manual override switch thing?
well where the hell is it?!
show me the override switch or i'll reprogram you with a very large axe.
what's that? what happened?!
sorry about the landing. where are we?
what is it?
well, i sort of had this idea we could.
did anyone see that?
nothing.
nothing. just my imagination.
alright, stop. everyone stop and watch me. something's happening.
you, too?
what the blazes is that?
i can't, help it! trillian is in there somewhere and we need an idea to save her.
okay, so.  . not thinking, not thinking, no ideas coming.  . this is by no means an idea that has any merit, but marvin -- can you give me a hand? smash cut to:
alright, where is she?
actually, we're looking for.  . someone you're detaining, perhaps in some form of incarceration.
there. that's it. this way.
leave this to me. i'm british. i know how to queue.
yes. hi. we're here about getting a prisoner released?
right. once i've filled it out can i return to the front of the line, seeing as i've already waited.
can't you do something?! you're president, aren't you?
alright, look. this is the president.
he says the whole kidnapping thing was a terrible misunderstanding, she didn't mean anything by it and he's ordering you to let her go.
he did?
trillian.
i tried. he threatened me.
what about coming here to rescue you?! that was my brilliant idea!
look, you're right. you deserved to know and i should've told you. i don't blame you if you're angry.
right. anyway. i'm sorry.
closed? how can a planet be closed?
computer! do something!!
look, why don't i just hit this thing?
i could really use a cup of tea.
you mean -- the hippies were right?
what?! are you out of what's left of your mind? we can't step into that. that.
yes -- big biggie. what if that's the last door we ever step through? what if it rips us into tiny little atomic particle. thingies.
ford?
go with the hunch of a narcissist with half a brain who's wearing a ridiculous thinking cap!? are you insane?!
i don't care what you think you think.
no. no! nooo!!!
life is full of paradoxes, isn't it?
here i am, god knows how far from home.
and this is where i see the most spectacular sunset i've ever laid eyes on. we only had the one sun at home. planet called earth.
oh no, it's beautiful. or at least, it was.
yes. great wide rolling blue oceans.
so this is how it will all end, then? me, on a dead planet -- with a manically depressed robot.
aah!
who are you?
late? what for?
dent. arthur dent.
trust a man who won't tell me his name?
whaa!
i have found this whole day a bit disturbing.
and men.
the best laid plans of mice and men.
oh, you had that problem, too?
what? you did that? i've been there!
the vogons?
so -- it wasn't destroyed?
so you're saying you .  made the earth?
mice? who cares about bloody mice?
they brought. i'm sorry, when you say "mice" do you mean the little white furry creatures with the cheese fixation?
ah. i see where you're confused. you see -- we were experimenting on them.
so -- you're trying to tell me that mice designed and built deep thought. and deep thought designed the earth. which was a giant supercomputer. that you built. to calculate the ultimate question. only, vogons destroyed it ten minutes before the program was completed?
actually, this explains a lot. all my life i've had this strange feeling that something was going on in the world, something big, something sinister .
and are you?
is this?
what -- what are you doing? what happened to you?
hosts attack you --? and then you sit down for -- is that tea?
now that's a cup of tea.
yes. yes, i was. i just wasn't quite prepared for the full reality of it.
in a moment, perhaps. i can't seem to let go of this table.
i'm sorry, when you say "the only living native" -- do you mean me? what about her?
so -- mostly harmless and me. that's it.
mmmm. this really is delicious.
an ultimate question that sounds good.  from a couple of mice. for a chat show.
i'm sorry -- did you just say you need my brain?
you can't have my brain. i'm using it.
i would!
ford! zaphod! trillian!!
what are they-- what's in the food?! what was in that tea!?
wait a minute, just wait a sodding minute!!
you want the question that goes with the answer "42" how about "what's six times seven?" or "how many vogons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" or here's one, "how many roads must a man walk down?"
fine. take it. there's plenty more where that came from because my head is filled, with questions, and i can assure you mate, no answer to any of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. confusion? yes. indecision? loads. but happiness?
brilliant plan. i'm certain it will work.
thank you.
yes. me.
yes, you name it. i'll go.