alright then, out of all of charlie's chicks who do you think is the hottest?
really? huh, i thought for sure you'd say lynette fromme. she's got that snooty vibe i know you dig.
she's pretty cute.
there always one kid with no bodily controls. we had this dude, jeff baxter, he was a puker. the fucker would just sit there puke all over himself.
if we're talking cute.  like regular cute, i'd say leslie van houton, but cute ain't hot.
as far a hot.  goes i gotta go with.  ruth ann moorehouse.
fuck yeah, she is. i'd join a cult to get some of that.  and the best part is she didn't try to kill the president or nothing, so that baggage ain't hanging around.
i'll let it slide, she was only seventeen.
yeah, i guess.  hot chicks are always nuts.
so, the guy goes to hell and the devil says, "do you smoke?" the guy say, "yeah".  the devil say, "great cause tuesday is cigar night, sweetest cuban cigars you ever had."
then the devil asks, "do you drink?" guy says, "yeah".  devil say, "wonderful, wednesday is free drinks night, best booze you ever had.  all made from the finest stuff."
then the devil says, "are you gay?" guy says, "fuck no".  devil says, "well then, i guess you're gonna hate thursdays."
yeah, no shit i just told ya. hey, you think this place called alien ed's ufo welcoming center is still around? it says, "where the fact is separated from the fantasy."
don't panic yourself, way too much caffeine guy.  i see a sign. captain spaulding's museum of madmen and monsters.  cool. also.  fried chicken and.  gasoline.  next exit.
i hope this place is cool. we could use something interesting to liven up chapter 12.
ok, boss.
holy crap. you gotta see this place. it's awesome.
really fucking awesome.
hell yeah.
wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.
come on, babe. me and bill found a kick ass place.
grab mary and come inside.
you'd be surprised. would it be ok if we took some pictures and included this place in our book?
you got some really rare stuff here.  . dig your feegee mermaid.
great, you're back. let's go. we already paid for the tickets.
this isn't everything. get ready for this.  there's a museum of murder and mayhem.
aw, come on. it will be fun.
i'm gonna go ask him.
shit, it is only sprinkling and it's worth the trouble. hold on for two seconds.
i know it's hard to understand, but i really want to see this tree.
great.
we hit the jackpot! let's roll, good buddy. we got ourselves a convoy.
fried chicken. anybody want some?
keep straight on this road here.
i'm not exactly sure.  it looks close. did we pass an abandoned school bus yet?
come on, we need something like this. it could be the real deal. it's too far out of the way to come back to.
it's a hitchhiker.
hey, maybe she knows where this is?
cat fight, cat fight.
really, that's a long time.
yikes.
hey, you might know.  . you know where this tree is at? it's an old hanging tree from.
really, wow, so it's really a real thing.
deadwood, is that what it's called? cool, will you show us?
what?
huh.  what cone?
i always hate saying the word cheese, every time you get your picture taken.  smile, say cheese.
cool.
what's that?
that reminds me of a film i saw once of a guy who got out of his car at lion country safari to take a picture of a lion cub and got eaten by the lions.
no.  yeah, they ripped him to pieces while his family watched from the car. the wife is screaming, the kids are crying. some dude in another car filmed the whole thing.
the lions were totally covered in this guy's blood.  i think they ate his face off, tore open his rib cage, pulled his legs off.  it was a wild scene.
what was that?
i'll help ya.
yeah, i fixed it. well, i ain't.  um, i can't remember. i think i took it out to fit the bags and forgot to put it back.
well, technically i did what ya said.
tire's fucking gone crap on us, man. there's no saving it now.
i think we should go straight. i mean we know for a fact there ain't nothing back that way, right?
i'll go. it's my fault.
i agree.
don't forget the flashlight, it's pretty dark out there.
no problem.
hey, listen to this.  i think this is related to our dr. satan.
yeah, in this book there's a chapter called self made freaks about how people would mutilate themselves in order to work in a freak show. it mostly talks about tattooed people and wild men of borneo and shit like that, but there is one mention of a single case where a woman was suspected of having her arms removed on purpose to become an arm-less wonder.
it says, "records show that ellie thompson was born in 1914 of normal physical stature and lived a life of normal bearings, until such time that she was placed in the care of the willows state mental facility."
now she was put in the nuthouse in 1930 at the age of 16.
blah, blah, blah.  it doesn't say, but she was released sometime in 1937, only to reappear as ellie bogdan, the arm-less wonder. says she, "criss-crossed the united states constantly in carnivals and freak shows until her death in 1946."
these dates perfectly correspond with the time frame of our beloved dr. satan working at the looney bin. i'll bet he amputated her arms.
i don't know, i just thought it was interesting.
i don't.  . i just thought it was weird.
huh?
oh, don't blow everything out of proportion.
when?
aw, get over it, she's just some dopey redneck, she ain't smart enough to be up to nothing.  i mean anything.  chicks.
what.  what!
hold on, hold on! everybody calm down! it's the tow truck guy.
ok lassies, i think it's time you get to gripping reality.
hey, nice outfit billy bob.
dude, your chick's a little high strung.
hey, maybe the guy with the tow truck could drive us to a phone.
oh, right.
um, i'm jerry.  that's bill.  denise and mary.
well, i thought i'd maybe take in a hoedown.
i don't doubt that.
and i'm gonna help put the razor blades in the candy apples.
i was just kidding.
yes, thank you. thank you very much.
hey, i'm just waiting for cousin itt to show up.
great. i thought i felt a certain attraction between mary and tiny soon as he walked in.
didn't ya think, mary?
oh, don't worry she didn't get offended by what i said. you two got to lighten up.  right, bill?
hey, i asked you if you wanted some chicken.
tasted pretty good.
i've been meaning to ask you, mrs.  ummmm.
firefly.  mmmmm odd name. mrs. firefly, do you know anything about the legend of dr. satan?
but something happened, right? i mean the story is based on a real incident, right?
i really want to know.
oh, you mean on tv.
great.
this is way too fucked up for words.
i know, this is fucking nuts.
i don't know, i think he's funny.
negative. shit, we are so deep in the sticks we could walk for hours and find zero.
shhhhhh.
jesus, you think she was really gonna cut you?
holy fuck, hurry up.
please don't kill us, please don't kill us.
let us go, please.  let the girls go.
please, let us go, we won't tell anybody.
please, please this is insane. you can't do this.
think, think. try to open the lid, try to kick a hole in the wood.
i know, but we can make it out of here. we can do it.
that was good babe, just keep doing that.
someone is out there.  . help, we're in here!