pity to waste a whole monte cristo.
what am i a headshrinker? maybe the man was unhappy.
sure, sure, he was a swell guy, but when the president, chairman of the board and holder of eighty-seven percent of the company's stock drops forty-four floors --
-- then the company has a problem. stillson, what exactly is the disposition of waring's stock?
meaning?
you mean to tell me that any slob in a smelly t-shirt will be able to buy hudsucker stock?
quit showboating, addison, the man is gone. the question now is whether we're going to let john q. public waltz in and buy 87 percent of our company.
not while the stock is this strong. how long before hud's paper hits the market?
one month to make the blue-chip investment of the century look like a round-trip ticket on the titanic.
it's working already. waring hudsucker is abstract art on madison avenue. all we need now is a new president who will inspire real panic in our stockholders.
sure, sure. some jerk we can really push around.
-- sure sure, parkinson's stupid but he's ambitious, too hard to control.
no! not mcclanahan; sure he bungled the teleyard merger, but that means he's got something to prove.
who let you in?
atwater? tremendous. except i fired him last week --
tell him i'll be right there.  well, what is it?
you, maybe you're the company's biggest moron. we can't use morris, he's been with us too long, he's a nice guy, too many friends. matter of fact, why don't you fire him. no -- scratch that; i'll fire him. . make it fast, make it fast.
i'll be right there. give him a magazine. . what're you, a mute?
yeah, how's the stock doing? . bad, huh? well it's not bad enough. . look, chump, either you find me a grade a ding-dong or you can tender your key to the executive washroom. and that goes double for you. ear-clay? ood-gay! this better be good. i'm in a bad mood.
wait a minute!
hmmm.
umm-hmm.
siddown.
go ahead. try it on.
put your feet up.
go ahead.
hmmmm.  let's get to know one another, shall we?
let's chat! . man to man!
you weren't blessed with much.
education, were you?
all right, but you didn't excel in your studies?
hmmm.
sure, sure. and did your classmates there call you 'jerk' or.  'schmoe'?
'shnook'? 'dope'? 'dipstick'? 'lamebrain'?
not even behind your back?
you're fired.
get your feet off that desk.
get out of my sight.
my god! the bumstead contracts!!
you nitwit! i worked for three years on this deal!
i'll take care of it. just get out!
why you nitwit. you almost destroyed the most sensitive deal of my career!
now out of here! out!
not that way! through the door!
right away, buster! out of my office!
up on your feet! we don't crawl at hudsucker industries!
get out of this office, you dithering nincompoop!
my god! the bumstead contracts!
eeeeeeaaaahhhhh!
is in a basement tailor shop. luigi, an old italian tailor, is just running his tape up mussburger's inseam.
no! single stitch is fine.
why on earth would i need a double stitch? to pad your bill? single stitch is fine!
damn!
sighs with relief.
looking. thinking.
calm. contemplating.
hmmm.
lobby. we haven't got all day.
well i'm starved. i understand it'll be quite an affair this afternoon, and the executive roast tom turkey at the bohemian grove redefines the word superb.
sure, sure.
relax, norville. it's only natural in a period of transition for the more nervous element to run for cover.
i do remember and i was impressed. anyway, that's all forgotten now. driver!
damnit, where's my car!
finally.
sure, sure, tell whoever you want.
and i'd like to hear more about it at some point, too.
memo. from the desk of sidney j. mussburger. executive order number 530 slash a49. to: director of the jacksonville facility. copies to: legal affairs, business affairs, central files. re: movement of raw materials from the huron facility. due to unfavorable news in the slag markets, jacksonville inventory must be reduced by 15 percent with overflow diverted to the waukegan stamping facility. memo. from the desk of sidney j. mussburger. executive order number 530 slash a50. to: director of --
sure, sure. i'm going to borrow norville for a while, if you don't mind, dear.
so they tell me. norville, let me shepherd you through some of the introductions here. try not to talk too much; some of our biggest stockholders are, uh -- scratch that: say whatever you want.
norville barnes, allow me to introduce mr. zebulon cardozo, one of hudsucker industries largest and most loyal stockholders.
norville, this is thorstensen finlandsen, who heads a radical splinter group of disgruntled investors.
bad.
but not bad enough.
it could be better, it could be worse.
the stock's got to drop another five points if we expect to get controlling interest. norville tells me he's got some hot idea. can't be good.
it's brilliant.
it's genius. it's just exactly what hudsucker needs at this juncture. sure, sure, a blind man could tell you that there's an enormous demand for this, uh.
congratulations, kid, you've really outdone yourself. reinvented the wheel. i'm going to recommend to the board that we proceed immediately with this, uh.  with the, uh.  that the dingus be mass-produced with all deliberate speed. of course, as president of the company the ultimate decision is yours.
pull yourself together, addison.
we dumped the whole load. now quit showboating, addison --
sure, sure, we'd all be millionaires. there's no point in looking back. at the time, stilson thought dumping our position would panic the market, further depress the stock -- then we'd buy it all back, and more of course, once it got cheap --
plexiglas. had it installed last week.
all right, so the kid caught a wave. so right now he and his dingus are on top. well, this too shall pass. myrtle j. mussburger didn't raise her boy to go knockkneed at the first sign of adversity. i say, we made this kid and we can break him. i say, the higher he climbs, the harder he drops. i say, yes, the kid has a future, and in it i see shame, dishonor, ignominy and disgrace.
hmmm.  thank you, aloysius. this may be useful.
sure, sure, it's a tough course. well thanks for coming, kid. i thought the board room would be a swell place to chat undisturbed -- it seems we're having some security problems here at the hud.
mm. ordinarily i wouldn't bother you with it, but -- this is embarrassing, kid -- it seems to concern you directly.
it's not important in itself -- some elevator boy you fired came to me claiming you'd stolen the idea for the, uh, the hoop dingus from him --
ah forget it, kid, ya don't have to explain to me. he's a little person. he's nothing. like i say, ordinarily it would just be a nuisance. but it seems -- well, there was a spy in the company.
sure, sure, we tried to kill the story. but her newspaper won't play ball.  looks like her story's coming out.
see, kid, the problem the board'll have.  you hired this woman. kept her on, while she made a chump out of you. serious error of judgment.  i mean, business is war, kid -- ya take no prisoners, ya get no second chances. and a boner like this.  i'm afraid when the board meets, after new year's, your position.  well, it looks like you're finished.  stick a fork in ya, you're done.  washed up.
i'm sorry, kid. i understand this dolly who betrayed you, she used to be a friend of yours.
and this elevator dope used to be a friend, too.
well, they've got your throat pretty well slit. and when you're dead, ya stay dead. ya don't believe me, ask waring hudsucker.  yeah, looks like curtains. well, condolences, kid.
casually puffing on a cigar.
diagnosis, dr. bromfenbrenner?
so patient is?
prescription?
the barred-window boys are out looking for him now, and we'll see how wall street likes the news that the president of hudsucker industries is headed for the booby-hatch. why, when the doc gets through with him he'll need diapers and a dribble cup.
let me remind you that our secret post-new year's party will be held in the office of the president shortly after midnight tonight. remember, it's strictly stag, so leave the wives at home; we'll be showing some films and, yes, gentlemen, there will be exotic dancers.
well, if that's all.
laughing.
in his office, frozen with an idiotic laugh pasted to his face.