he brightens. he frowns. what's exte -- standing in front of a shelf of cubbyholes. as we follow his hand drawing an 8 x 10 envelope across the line of alphabetized mail slots. the envelope is addressed to max kloppitt, jr. bring it down to fif . fifteen. sign the voucher, uh, waiver. cover for mr. anatole. he's a swell guy. morgatross. he was on, uh. he raises his voice over the mailroom din: say, what do you do when the envelope is too big for the slot? just got hired today! ya know, entry level! i got big ideas, though! for instance, take a look at this sweet baby. you look like you can keep a secret. something i developed myself. yessir, this is my ticket upstairs. you know, for kids! so ya see, i won't be in the mailroom long. how long've you been down here? forty-fourth floor, and it's very -- well, i -- mr. mussburger's office? uhh, no, i -- no, ma'am, ya see, i wouldn't be in the -- no, ma'am, ya see i don't have an -- i know but ya see i have this -- here it is, this letter -- you -- well, sir. i've got something for you from the mailroom, but first if i could just take a minute or so from your very busy time. to show you a, uh. a little something i've been working on for the last two or three years. you know, for kids! which is perfect for hudsucker -- not that i claim to be any great genius; like they say, inspiration is 99 percent perspiration, and in my case i'd say it's at least twice that, but i gotta tell ya, mr. mussburger, sir, this sweet baby -- well, i'm a college graduate -- well, i made the dean's list. at the muncie college of business administration. no, sir. sir! they voted me most likely to succeed! but, sir! -- but -- oh my god, sir! oh my god, sir! oh my god, sir! but, sir! sir, my leg is on fire! oh my god, sir! oh my god, sir! desperately hanging onto mussburger by his legs. don't worry, mr. mussburger! i gotcha. i gotcha by your pants! norville's arms are wrapped around mussburger's ankles; the heels of mussburger's shoes are digging into his face. struggling to hold on. his face drawn with effort, still struggling to hang on. that reminds me, mr. mu. uh, sid. i never did give you that-- roast tom turkey. gee, i'm hungry too -- say, mr. muss -- uh, sid! shouldn't we be a little bit concerned with the downward spiral of our stock these last few days? i mean, you're the expert, but at the muncie college of business administration they told us -- okay, sid. like i said, you're the expert, but -- you don't happen to remember the plan i outlined to you the day i set fire to your off -- uh, the day i was promoted? thank you, sid, but the reason i mention it is, it would require such a small capital investment -- again, you're the expert here -- -- but there's such an enormous potential profit-wise given the demographics -- baby boom -- discretionary income in the burgeoning middle class -- -- so if you think it's appropriate, i'd like to bounce the idea off a few people at lunch -- but, sid, i thought you and i were. but i'm the president of this -- aww, forget it. not at all. you're light as a feather. just a minute. hungry, anyway. oh, it's nothing really. just determination and hard work. of course, when i started in the mailroom last tuesday i thought it might take more time -- thank you, buzz, just leave it on the desk. oh, buzz is pretty harmless, really -- i myself -- cigarette? mind if i join you? he waves his arms and talks with a thick rasp as he staggers to his feet. excuse me -- i -- executive washroom. no, i -- i'm fine, i. you were saying? you're from muncie?! 'fight on fight on dear old muncie fight on -- hoist the gold and blue you'll be tattered, torn and hurtin' once 'the munce' is done with you!' goooooooo eagles! a muncie girl! talk about the cat's pyjamas! tell you what, amy. i'm gonna cancel the rest of my appointments this afternoon and get you a job here at the hud. don't bother to thank me, it's the easiest thing in the world. matter of fact, i know where a vacancy just came up. mail room. this'll only take a moment. good afternoon to ya, this is norville barnes -- well, i'm not sure where i -- but look, i'm president of the company now and i -- oh, of all the foolish. listen, do you take shorthand? are you familiar with the mimeograph machine? -- a muncie girl! can you beat that! please! norville! it's my pleasure! gooooooo eagles! miss smith, can you come in please to take a letter. of all the cockamamie. did you happen to see the front page of today's manhattan argus? the picture was fine! it's what that knuckle-headed dame wrote underneath! of all the irresponsible. amy, take this down: dear miss archer. i call you 'miss' because you seem to have 'missed' the boat completely on this one! how on earth would you know whether i'm an imbecile when you don't even have the guts to come in here and interview me man to man! no, change 'guts' to 'courage.' no, make it 'common decency.' these wild speculations about my intelligence -- -- these preposterous inventions, would be better suited to the pages of amazing tales magazine. if the editors of the manhattan argus see fit to publish the rantings of a disordered mind, perhaps they will see fit to publish this letter! but i doubt it. i most seriously doubt it. as i doubt also that you could find a home at amazing tales, a periodical which i have enjoyed for many years. yours sincerely, et cetera. well, you know me, amy, at least better than that that dame does. do you think i'm an imbecile? go on, tell the truth; i trust you and i put a lot of stock in your opinion. oh sure, you're biased -- you're a fellow muncian. but would an imbecile come up with this? i designed it myself and this is just the sweet baby that can put hudsucker right back on top. you know! for kids! aww, naw, amy, that won't be necessary. i shouldn't send it; she's just doing her job, i guess. well, she probably had a deadline. well, it's done now -- what's the use of grousing about it. forget the letter, amy, i just had to blow off some steam. she's probably just a little confused. yeah, you know, probably one of these fast-talking career gals, thinks she's one of the boys. probably is one of the boys, if you know what i mean. yeah, you know. suffers from one of these complexes they have nowadays. seems pretty obvious, doesn't it? she's probably very unattractive and bitter about it. yeah, you know. probably dresses in men's clothing, swaps drinks with the guys at the local watering hole, and hobnobs with some smooth talking heel in the newsroom named biff or smoocher or. exactly. and i bet she's ugly. real ugly. otherwise, why wouldn't they print her picture next to her byline? i bet that's exactly what she tells herself! but you and i both know she's just a dried-up bitter old maid. say, how about you and i grab a little dinner and a show after work? i was thinking maybe the king and i -- how about oklahoma? say, what gives? that must have been quite a disappointment, mrs. mussburger. i haven't had -- you have a charming wife, mr. muss -- uh, sid. as mussburger introduces him to a tall, imposing businessman in a tuxedo and a ten-gallon hat. no need for concern, sir; it's only natural in a period of transition for the more timid element to run for cover -- i'm sorry, sid, i thought maybe if i showed him the long view we might -- hello, mr. finlandsen, so sorry to meet you -- uh, happy to walk into y -- uh, pleased to make your -- thank you, sir. i understand your concern about the down-ward, you know, but i think you'll find under our strong new leadership. we anticipate, in short order, an upward. oh. nothing, really, just. the more timid investors are no longer running for cover. sid found me the icepack. thanks. people seem to be pretty hot over this imbecile story. oh, it isn't your fault, amy. you're the one person who's been standing by me through all this. i know that, amy. i understand that you're not very skilled yet in the secretarial arts. i'm not that skilled as president. oh sure, i put up a big front -- -- not that everyone's buying it. oh, i don't blame them, really. i guess i have sort of made a mess of things. these folks have to protect their investment. most of them are very nice people -- didja ever go to the top of old man larson's feed tower and look out over the town? you know, on farm route 17. no! in vidalia! farm route 17! you don't say. every year? well, the hindus say -- and the beatniks also -- that in the next life some of us will come back as ants. some will be butterflies. others will be elephants or creatures of the sea. what do you think you were in your previous life, amy? oh no, amy, pardon me for saying so but i find that very farfetched. that kind of person would come back as a wildebeest, or a warthog. no, i think it more likely that you were a gazelle, with long, graceful legs, gamboling through the underbrush. perhaps we met once, a chance encounter in a forest glade. i must have been an antelope or an ibex. what times we must have had -- foraging together for sustenance, picking the grubs and burrs from one another's coats. or perhaps we simply touched our horns briefly and went our separate ways. well, can i at least call you deer? ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! seriously, amy, the whole thing is what your beatnik friends call 'karma' -- the great circle of life, death and rebirth. that's it. a great wheel that gives us each what we deserve. tomorrow's my big presentation to the board. i've gotta show sidney and the guys that i deserve all their confidence! kiss me once, amy! kiss me once for luck! -- so we have economy, simplicity, low production cost and the potential for mass appeal, and all that spells out great profitability. i had the boys down at r & d throw together this prototype so that our discussion here could have some focus. and to give you gentlemen of the board a first-hand look at just how exciting this gizmo is. it's fun, it's healthy, it's good exercise; kids'll just love it, and we put a little sand inside to make the whole experience more pleasant. and the great part is we won't have to charge an arm and a leg! you know, for kids! it's. it's . well, it's. well. i'm for it. hello? oh my god, sir! oh my god, sir! facing a battery of reporters at a news conference. well, it was no great idea, really. a thing like this, it takes a whole company to put it together, and i'm just grateful for the opportunity -- well, frankly, i don't think anybody expected this much hoopla -- well sure, i guess -- ha-ha-ha-ha. come on, guys. well, i guess so -- i don't think they promoted me because they thought i was a jerk. jeez, i don't know. an idea like this sweet baby doesn't just come overnight. -- although i'll tell you one thing: i certainly didn't expect all this 'hoopla'! and you can quote me on that! sitting in a barber chair, face lathered up, as reporters crowd in. there's no truth to the rumors; we're just dear friends. isn't that right, za-za? not at all. why, just this week i came up with several new sweet ideas. a larger model hula hoop for the portly. a battery option for the lazy and handicapped. a model with more sand for hard-of-hearing. i'm earning my keep. well, by anyone's account i've saved hudsucker industries; our stock is worth more than it's ever been. so, yes, i expect to be compensated for that. -- ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! hold it!. nobody move, nobody breathe. an idea. is coming. deflates. he glares at the tailor. it's gone now. is she in the book? -- oh! hello, amy -- was it -- i thought she said, mamie -- well, i wouldn't call them nincom -- well yes, we're pruning away some of the dead wood, but if -- know about it? you think the board would do anything like this without my authorization? no, this was my idea from the start. we have to be realistic, amy. you know things have slowed down a little here at hudsucker -- now, aim -- now, aim -- now, aim -- worked in a watch factory? now, amy -- huh-whuh? oh, uh. buzz. is it important? wait a minute! why, this is worthless. this is the most idiotic thing i've ever seen in my life! nobody wants a hare-brained product like this! ya see, buzz, it lacks the creative spark, the unalloyed genius that made, uh. say, the hula hoop such a success. and what do you mean barging in here and taking up my valuable time! i've got a company to run here -- -- i can't have every deadbeat on the hudsucker payroll pestering me with their idiotic brainwaves! an example must be made! fired! you're fired! is that plain enough for you, buster! and don't call me buddy! out of here! out! get up! we don't crawl at hudsucker industries! get out of my office! leave your uniform in the locker room! buzz. off! ha-ha-ha-ha! sorry i'm late, sid. that back nine at riverdale is really murder. ya don't say. how's that, sid? huh?! he -- no, i -- he's just -- maybe i was a little rough on the boy, ya see i -- in flickering black-and-white, he is lying on a couch that has been brought into his office, gazing listlessly at a bend straw, being interviewed by someone o.s. the footage is rough, taking a moment to find focus; the sound is tinny. aww, what's the difference. awww, i dunno. nuthin', really. i want a martini! it's new year's eve and i want a martini! i thought you served misfits here! what kind of bar is it if ya can't get a martini?! i want a martini! on this bar, right now! i've had a martini in every bar on the way down here, and i'm not about to -- what'd you call me?! you son of a -- huh?! oh, it's you! lookin' for a nitwit to buy your lunch?! barman! set'm up, fella! hey! where's that martini?! aww, what's the difference. i'm all washed up. when you're dead, ya stay dead. hey, fella! you lied to me! i can't believe you lied to me! a muncie girl! norville trudges on, faster, sweatier. -- uh. buzz, i'm sorry, i -- buzz, you gotta forgive me! i shouldn't a fired you, i didn't know what i was doing! i was a little funny in the head, i -- you don't? it is? absolutely, buzz, i'm glad he -- but, buzz -- but, buzz, you know i never -- but buzz -- runs, gasping, turning a corner. he staggers off to the elevators. he pushes past the sign painter. no -- -- no, please! falling. falling, turning lazily in the air -- and suddenly, with a great moaning sound -- he stops, suspended in mid-air, head down, feet in the air. he alone can move, but doesn't fall. he looks awkwardly about, his body in a dive-bomber attitude, canted steeply down. twisting back to look up over his shoulder; there is a distant -- very distant -- singing. he gapes. mr. mr. hudsucker? norville. yes sir. huh? oh, geez, mr. hudsucker, i apologize, there was an awful lot of excitement and i guess i must've mislaid -- oh, geez. geez, i -- yessir. sir? yes sir. 'from the desk of waring hudsucker. to. sidney j. mussburger. regarding. my demise. dear sid. by the time you read this, i will have joined the organization upstairs -- an exciting new beginning. i will retain fond memories of the many years you and i -- 'many years, uh. i know that you will be wondering why i have decided to move on, ending my tenure at hudsucker, and here on earth. you will be thinking, why now, when things are going so well? granted, from the standpoint of our balance sheet and financials, sure, sure, we're doing fine. however, sid. these things have long since ceased to give me pleasure. i look at myself now and no longer see the idealistic young man who started this company. now i see only an empty shell whom others call a 'success.' how has this come to pass? when and why did i trade all of my hopes, dreams and aspirations, for the emptiness of power and wealth? what the heck have i done? '. looking back now, sid, i see that i allowed time and age to corrupt my dreams. instead of fiercely guarding what was timeless inside of myself, i let the hubbub of earthly commerce erode my character, and dissolve my better self. how is it that some manage to preserve themselves where i have failed? sidney, i do not know. perhaps if others love you, you may more securely love yourself -- but i am alone. i loved a woman once, sid, as you well know -- a beautiful, vibrant lady, an angel who in her wisdom saw fit to choose you instead of i' '. and so, sid, the future does not belong to such as i -- nor even you. we have made our compromises with time. the future belongs to the young, who may more energetically wage the battle against corruption. accordingly, in the spirit of hope, and the ringing in of the new, i hereby bequeath my entire interest in the company, and my seat on the board, to whomever is hudsucker's most recent employee at the time of my demise. i know this will disappoint you -- you, sid, who have served so diligently and for so long. but --' '. but sid, let me urge you to work closely with the new president, and to keep giving hudsucker industries all your energies -- but not your soul. for while we must strive for success, we must not worship it. long live the hud. waring hudsucker'