good idea, let's not.
we'll know all we need to from the reaction.
hey, no matter what this review says, the play was a great experience for me.
i mean, it is about process, right?
you've just got to be tougher than this.
he's nuts.
i don't want to hear anymore. let's dance.
don't read it.
you're wrong. i'm maybe relieved and curious. that's it.
don't. this divisive crap won't.
sorry.
come on, ma, how could i show up tonight when my union is boycotting the emmys? look, i have to hang up.
i gotta go. watch!
he was good.
that took courage. i wonder if they send you something for just being nominated?
why are you being so damn foul?
look, beth.  the only.
the only reason i haven't.
the only thing i have against getting married is that it might not be fair because i'm going to stay with acting forever and you know how erratic the money's been and there's no resolve.
really?
hey, then we have no problem here. marry me.
i was just worried whether i could make you happy.
everything's okay.  great.  she's six or eight pounds even. oh, god.  nothing like it. i'll tell you something amazing. they really reach right into her stomach and pull out this baby. it's not just a rumor. god. i understand the expression 'mind blowing' for the first time. it means something so wonderful happens that the top of your head comes off and your brain pops out. part of it was terrifying, the baby was turned and they couldn't budge her. i kept looking at this one woman doctor's eyes. and when jeannie finally came out, this doctor and i each wiped away a tear at the exact same time, caught ourselves doing it, and then laughed together at the same time. nothing can prepare you for it. you know why you're alive.
how you doing? what's wrong?
could you get her, honey? i have that big reading tomorrow.
don't worry about money anymore. i didn't want to tell you, because it may sound a little strange when i say it out loud. you know me, i'm never that cocky. but i'm going to get 'spider woman'. it's me or raul and i've never been so sure. it's weird, but i just know it. i do.
i am gonna get this part, beth.
hello.  hi, beth. i'm glad you finally returned my call. what are you so mad about? you know, you're not the only one who can scream, i can scream, too.
you know what? i'm being a sort of gutless wonder here. i'm yelling back at you because i'm embarrassed. i won't be able to take the kid when i said.  why don't you listen for a second?
beth, i know exactly how long it's been and i feel strange as hell not seeing her but this isn't a choice. i'm broke. it's the driest spell of my life. i'm not saying it's your problem, but it's no place for a six- year-old. what can i do? the only full-time job i seem to have is not showing how scared i am. what? no, that's not something i said before. well, thanks.
beth, hey.  hey. never mind, i'll do it.
i must get work. i will take anything. i must get work. i must not be embarrassed by these pep talks to myself.
hi.  see, i did recognize you. you didn't have to wait for me.
well, challenge. i wasn't sure you'd remember me.  let alone help.
well, that's a fresh slant.
i'm real bad at interviews, so, if you don't mind, i'd really prefer to just read first.
yes.
they only gave me these two pages. i'd like to give this my best shot. so if i could read the script and come back.
oh. who will i be reading with?
can i read from here?
go ahead? the director left.
'incredibly drawn out'
'well, what am i? your duck?'
'we've been together two years and you act like all you're doing is blowing away some feathers. so what i'm asking'
huh?
i know, but why would he quack when someone's breaking up with him?
this isn't a comedy.
a comedy? i think i have to make an adjustment here.
i didn't get it. he did say something about wanting me back.
yeah, i just wanted to say thanks.
and i wanted to ask you out.
any time.
okay. thanks again. i felt funny asking.
i meant asking you to get me the audition.
hey. hey! hey!!
what happened?
is that it? you need a lift?
i'm right over here.
what the hell are you talking about? not in your car.  i've got my own.
what do you need me for? don't you drive?
yeah. it's important to you.
i don't know him, so i have nothing to compare it to.
not quite himself.
a little over two years. my wife insisted on moving back to the midwest--then i was in the philippines on the mini-series and.
hey, we just met.
you might be right.
incredible. i was only there for a minute in the rape scene, moving past charlie sheen when i left the hut.  i had a great scene cut out.  i was.
that's exactly what i was going for.
you have to read all that?
so what are you, totally wonderful or what?
i don't mind an occasional odd job. but i can't work tomorrow. i have to get my kid.
uh-huh.
not really. is she ready? i have the taxi waiting.
it's three weeks.
yes, it is.
it is.
just because you want to go off with him doesn't mean i.
i don't think so. no matter how you put this.
what did she do?
reminders?!? you can't say things like that to a little.
i thought you'd read them to her.
hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.
she has her mother's sense of humor.
okay, sweetie. we have to go.
what?
can we please go?
it's going to be okay. i'm you're dad, you know? so it will be okay. you and i will make it okay. you ever ridden in a plane before?
sorry.
it's underneath the plane. we can't get it.
there's no way we can get the dress-- it's impossible.
don't kick the seat!
as soon as we land. that's the compromise.
god, i didn't hit her--she hit her.
jeannie, we have to sit down. please.
i have no idea what to do.
jeannie, you okay?
okay.  so what do we do?
i have a sleeping bag and bed. which one do you want?
how're you doing? i'm from next door. i see you with your kids in the laundry room.
say, 'hello, i'm your new neighbor now too.'
say, 'jeannie.'
say, 'isn't that nice.  how old is she?'
say, 'that's nice.  i'd like to play with them.  my daddy didn't know your phone number, so we just decided to'
say 'daddy has to go to work tonight and' i need someone to help me and her on short notice. i've seen your around with your kids and hoped you knew someone in the building or close by. i've got this new job that starts now. do you know anyone?
oh, this is so great. let's work out a full-time schedule and.
sort of a test?
please behave, understand? i don't know what we'll do if this doesn't work, so behave, sweetheart. behave, behave.
i'm sorry i bothered you. jeannie.
your little boy fell, so he's screaming. and you want her to stay.
great. thank you. see you later, jeannie.
no, that's okay. i'm fine with it. i feel fine.
that's what breaks your heart. jeannie's problem is that she's so down on herself.
i don't know if lucky's the word. i'm hoping she's asleep when i get home so i won't have to deal with her.  i'm actually afraid of my own kid.
your doctor says this?
everyone's tired. you can come back tomorr.
maybe if she stayed tonight she.
i know.  i know.
you'll see lucy in the morning. we're going home.
i can't stand it anymore. i can't.
what, in god's name, are you doing in this job you have?
i mean him. what, in god's name, do you know about casting?
yes. what do you know? about anything? you don't even know you have a habit of touching your tongue with a finger like you want to lick yourself. yet, you talk like you actually know something.  so i want you to tell me.  . what you know.
i've been an actor most of my life and this is the first time i've ever heard what the people calling the shots sound like when they're casting. so i really want to find out what, if anything, you know because what if nothing you know.
oh, you couldn't be more wrong. and i'm not talking to you. and i don't like you.
you're minding my business. that's the problem.  so, just tell me, what do you know?
just tell me and i'll shut up.
what you know is the size of a schnozz. what you don't know is that these guys.  . are for real.
that they can make something happen, and even they don't know what that is till they get in there and play a little.  they can make something happen that you can't even imagine.  and it's not your fault, this stupidity.  'cause you're just this scared little prick who gets to say he's making movies, and the only thing they ever taught you is that what you like doesn't matter.
but isn't it almost good manners for you to feel a little shame?
i didn't mean you.
oh, shit. you win. you got lucky with 'bitter.' that word just scares me to death.
look, i don't want to talk about it. i just had a real rough day.  so just let it sit there, okay?
yes. now, i really need to be quiet.
no, you're not. you're not stupid and i'm not bitter.  and you know why? because there's no cure for either one and we've got to believe in some cure for each of us.
oh, jeannie.  i just can't do this now.
hello? yes. cathy.  hey. just a second.
jeannie, please.  be quiet for one second.  this is very important for me.
so? wow. good for you. congratulations.
me? this is great. i'll come right over and pick up the script. okay. if you want to. bring it over. goodbye. we might make it yet, kid.
hi.
this is my daughter, queen elizabeth. jeannie, this is cathy.
no. you're going next door.
remember our compromise? you're going next door to lucy's to play and you'll show the kids your dress and i'll come get you later and we'll go out someplace and i'll buy you anything you want for under seventeen dollars?
thanks.
oh?
'mr. deeds goes to town?' oh, it's a remake.
and there's a part in it for.
okay.  which part?
mr. deeds?
who are we kidding? i'm even having trouble getting short parts--i'm going to say i love it no matter what you've done to it.
give me a second--all of a sudden, there's a lot to deal with.
it's terrific.
because you're nice and you know i need work.
sorry, but i think the audition rule is that i have to be serious unless the person in charge is wearing a bathrobe and her nipples are sticking out.  . this much.
it's really good. i get a little nervous thinking about the opportunity.
if it's okay. i kind of work on these things in a private.  it's just.  it's a little better for me if i don't.
okay, let's do it. it won't kill me.
i swear to god, i don't know which thing i want more, the sex or the conversation afterwards.
i mean i haven't been to bed with anyone since jeannie got here.  i haven't talked to anyone the way i need to. i haven't seen anything this beautiful. i haven't felt this good about life. i mean, i've been lonely, cathy.
you can't shut the phone off. i left this number with jeannie's sitter.
i'm not worried. but if the phone was off, i would worry.
oh.
it will be okay. i think the most important thing is to stop talking about the phone. turn it off, monitor, whatever.
i am so serious.
is this the kind of crap you listen to all day?
i'm sorry.
is there a name for what we just had?
this is awkward, my driving you around and testing for you tomorrow.
well, i hope you understand i can't drive you to work tomorrow and then go in and test. it's just.
thanks. and, look, if i get the lead in this movie, you'll have to go back to sitting up front with me.
no sitter!!! thanks. we're leaving now.
how many men are they testing today?
then tell them i need a little more time.
i mean for me. i want to focus a little.
hey!
you guys have to leave. this is important and i need to be alone right now.
it felt great.  everybody.
anyway, the girl i did it with, by the way, she's really good; the director, the crew.  they all thought we nailed it.
you wait here, jeannie.
i have to talk to you.
what in hell is wrong with you? you actually think.
that you can have my kid audition for a show without asking me.
what's the part, anyway?
how were they able to test her so fast?
oh.  a child actor. just what any kid with problems needs to straighten out--a series of her own.
you'll let me know as soon as they see my test?
not if i don't let you. that's the law, the police law.
you're going to have to learn to look at me and listen to me and the longer i have to wait the angrier
me too. just listen.
because i know about this. i have worked with kid actors.  they don't have that much fun. they're inside all day.  they don't get to go to regular schools or play with their regular friends like ricky and essa. and their parents? you think i'm going to be one of those parents, sitting in one of those rooms, where we all go crazy trying to jump start our egos with our kids' sweat, all the time smiling at each other like our lives are working while we root against everyone else's little girl? no!! no way! i can't!
pick it up, jeannie.
let's work on it.
what's wrong?
well, in that case, your dog died.
i can't remember. you're too pretty. oh, i told them i'd keep on being chairman. i'm chairman, you know.
told them i'd keep on being chairman if they hired everybody back.
oh, that i was crazy. you always wear your hair back like that?
everything's okay.  i'm sorry i forgot to put you back on with cathy.
i don't think you have to worry about that.
hi.
are you going to need me? the kids are rehearsing and i'd like to take a look.
is that true?
i bet i know what it looks like to you.
a giant "find waldo."
that pretend living room, right over there.
wait a second, jeannie. let daddy give you a few tips here.
hi.
what do you think i did? i cried like a baby.
now you got it.
you ever go out with him?
you slept with him?
did you hate it?
good lord.
not with that attitude.
it's just that they.  well, did they tell you what an audience is?
good. now, because there's an audience, they want you to know all the words you have to say really well. and since you can't read yet.  . you're going to have to be patient and try hard. i can help you.
yes. i can. i can help make it okay. trust me.
not yet. don't grab. thank you. we really appreciate this. hi, beth. i.
jeannie, your mom's not going to understand what you mean.
why don't you let me be on your side for a second?
do you know what trust means?
it means that even if something is hard to believe, you believe someone you trust because you know he wouldn't say it unless it were true.
yeah, i think you get the concept.
i think you do.
just know that.
you want to help me make a phone call?
seven.  two.
cathy. she's very nice. one.  six.
you have to understand that sometimes people are too busy.
i hope that makes you feel a whole lot better, chile.  'cause it sure goes a long way to cure what ails me.
got in this much.
right. over a.
yes. 'i can't believe i got in this much trouble over a word.' now do you know what she means when she says that?
no.
it's your choice.  but i'm not helping unless you try to understand as well as memorize. it will be fun. come on. i know it's hard.
anything to shut me up, huh? okay, this little girl you're pretending to be.  she can't be with her mommy either, just like you, or her father.  she has to stay in rainbow house which is called that because.  jeannie.  . because everyone's a different color.  so when this little girl calls the black lady who takes care of all the children this terrible word.  it's like the worst thing anybody can do.  come here.
yeah, i might have been working you too hard on that one.
now, did the director tell you how he wanted you to do it?
faster?
okay. we don't always get good directors, so it's important for us.
i'm referring to the family of actors, you little shithead.
it's a breakfast burrito. it's what actors eat when they're working.
now, let's work a little more. the most important acting you do is when you listen. you're worried about being able to cry when you're supposed to, right?
well, there are really only two ways to do it. think of something that makes you really sad.  or forget you're you and really forget you're pretending.
'don't test me, child! i could eat you for lunch when i was your age and i'm a hell of a lot bigger now!'
that's it.  you just looked at me and acted right without even thinking. and there are games you can play to help you with this. get up.  now, be my mirror.  do exactly what i do.  that's it.  now, at a certain point, i'm going to become your mirror, but i'm not going to tell you when.  you tell me.
okay. we're going to make up words. the words aren't what matter now.
you're a great dad.
you're welcome. don't mention it.
i'm a free man. let's go to your house and break the answering machine.
i hope it's you.
so this is how the big ones make out.
what's the matter?
yes.
yes.
you didn't like what i did?
that's what it came down to?
you folded on whether or not i'm sexy. you don't think i'm sexy.  and you expressed that to.
no. you were just.  aw, damn it, i am. very. yes.
hello.
i don't think i can get into this.
worse. you caught me at a bad time you caused.
thanks.
yeah. okay, good night.
jeannie.
just remember. you're not even here tonight. there's only this other little girl that you're pretending to be who lives at rainbow house.
great.
great.
wouldn't miss it.
hey, then they'll just give you more chances after everyone leaves.
i don't want to miss her introduction.
i've got to see my kid.
hey. good.
oh, cathy. look, i'm going to watch this. let me talk to you later or tomorrow. thanks for your help. it's good news. gotta go.
shit.
why couldn't you wait till later? shit.
huh?
i think you're the best of the bunch.
wait. this is it.
you little stinker!
my little stinker.
amazing, right?
you look happy.
you want me to put you down?
okay.  now, you're not finished until you hug the lady just like you did me.
i'm very proud of you. i love you more than anybody.
give me a kiss.
this show didn't sell?!? how do you know so fast?
that they're not going to be doing any more of these shows right now-- but.
honey.
no. they're still having the party.
honey, we're going to close the place.
this oliver stone thing.  does he really want me?
which part?
one of the two leads wouldn't be bad.
best part in the movie.
i want to see my kid.
you don't think i can tell you what to do?
good luck.
well, i told you.
i never got to see your bow.