no.
no. i didn't take the washing out of the machine.
it'll be fine.
it is fine. i'll wear stale pants.
well, there we go. i could go commando, but i don't think that's acceptable in government.
oh yes. it's all here. my massive intellect. and an apple for simon foster.
don't say that, i'm rebranding him.
well i'm going to sort that out. after a week i'll have him sounding like a chicken without a wasp up its arse.
have a good day at the foreign office. try not to annoy russia.
yeah, alright.
are you going to keep ringing me up every two minutes, because you're starting to remind me of my mum. and that could lead to all sorts of erectile dysfunction.
no, it's fine, it's in the fridge. i put some clingfilm over it. in the fo office, michael switches on some classical music.
to keep it fresh.
no, but it still might dry out.
no it isn't. that's a myth. clingfilm is perfectly safe.
they wouldn't sell clingfilm if it gave you cancer. clingfilm doesn't give you cancer. and lasagne doesn't give you syphillis.
toby.
is this a normal morning, or?
rubbish?
fuck off?
right.
hiya. you do know this is the third time you've rung? are you on a new tariff?
all a bit manic. it was never like this at agriculture. people tend not to swear so much about wheat. apart from farmers. they swear about everything.
right - karen clark from. is that the woman who went round britain in a coracle for leukemia?
oh right. shit. karen clark. wow. thanks.
meat?
likewise. affirmative on that.
um, i do just need to.  page 15
right. is that not?
look, i understand your hostility to new wood coming in.
hey, boss.
look, i've managed to get you into the big meeting at the foreign office this afternoon.
i did it through sheer bloody hard work.
two `e's.
just, maybe, might be best not to get too excited. it might be that their guys muscle in and have the lion's share of the talk time.
but you know you're a prime cut, you're not - offal.
hey liza!
toby? it's toby.
she did the kennedy scholarship at my college. i had a small thing for her.
i'm not sure she remembered me.
the thing is. on the war. with your profile.  .  maybe we should - get it out there? that the war is a resigning issue for you.
you want me to order some blinds? or i could get some heavy curtains with swags and a pelmet.
oh. okay .
i could work with that, definitely. plus she can be a bit.  you know? "everything's a bit shit isn't it?"
yeah. "my husband works in tower hamlets."
this is cool.
oh god yeah, of course.
me? no. i mean, judy will have got someone to do it.
hi judy? yeah sorry if you're in bed, but we're here and.  just can't see the car? wondered what the car situation was?
the airport car?
yeah. she's really embarrassed. sounds like a snarl up her end. i'll see what we can do?
here we go.
hi we're the simon foster party?
hey gav, i'm in a fucking motorcade!
it's like a hangar for businessmen.
i haven't been to an atm yet. i've only got english.
it's supposed to be a dollar a bag.
technically, you've got a capitol hill view.
what's the plan? for tonight?
i don't know, i thought tonight we'd be tired?
okay .  what have i got?
okay - so far, we have .  one flyer under the door for happy hour in the bar - which might be interesting? and i have the number of a guy i was with at uni who i believe now works for cnn out here.
no?
well it is unbelievably hectic. page 46
attending the war committee. that's big. i mean, i have been on a committee before. "challenges for the cheese market" - that was a big one.  but. yes, sure i'd love a drink. forty minutes? great. bye bye bye-bye-bye-bye-bye bye.
hello? hi? hello?
matty, hi, how's cnn? yes -- sorry? do i sound muffled?
no, off out now for a drink with her. yeah, yeah, ha-di-ha, but nothing's going to happen there. little toby's staying in his hammock tonight.
simon, i've managed to get us on the.
fuck! malcolm! jesus.
right. i've got us on to linton's future planning committee in the morning.
it's the war committee.
yeah, liza says that.
karen clark, liza, me and simon. simon and me.
yeah well, i'll text you the details because i'm going to go out.for a quick drink with some state department bods.
yes, i don't think i've ever seen a more civilised 'mosh pit' it's more of a mosh caucus actually.
you're worried.
i'm sorry? pip pip? is this.  a person or a cell phone tarrif or.
yeah- i noticed you're worried, cos i saw you looking worried. i'm perceptive like that. but.  don't worry.
well i'm incredibly tired. it feels like my brain's eight hours behind but my liver's 12 hours ahead.
however, due to technological developments i no longer need sleep, but am physically rejuvenated by alcohol!
could i just say, you know, that what happens in washington stays in washington?
hello i need a number for a taxi in washington dc. straight through please.
hello. i need a cab, right now. from? from where? from from
it's 40, 46, that's the number, and it's a street. it's a nice street with houses and cars and a - sidewalk and it's got leaves and - hold on i'm walking, i'm walking to a sign .
hi i'm sorry i'm so late.
yes. from college, in england.
yes, i, uh, got led astray.
uh, well i ran into - people. there's some people from - the mod over and .
er - no, another - gang?
the british are coming!
brilliant.
was that?
so i turned up late to the meeting simon. i'm sorry. but it's not like i threw up in there.
that was just - the first bit was it? we're going back in do you . think?
hi liza.
you feeling okay?
because. you know. you didn't wake me up.
i was asleep, of course i didn't. that's how people walk out of windows.
nada. nada.  bad-da. nada-bada bing-bong ding-dang-dong. i have no idea what i'm saying anymore i think i really am still quite drunk.
i need to.
 and if you look .  at the line they take in newsweek - that's very much .  another narrative.
i don't think you can say that anymore here. they don't like that.
there he is. general george miller.
that's the second time in 24 hours i've had a partially obscured view of him.
oh no. i want to stay in here with miller. don't make me pump chad.
no it won't. it'll be difficult difficult lemon difficult.
so - do you want to go out and get some lunch?
yes, what an incredibly depressing motto. you see you're playing into the hands of the french saying that. toby mooches around, peers in linton's office. he spots a couple of a4 sheets of paper that have been printed out with `climb the mountain of conflict!' across them as an encouraging slogan on the wall.
jesus.
right. and what - friends, family, novels, sexual inter-course you're going to save those for your thirties and forties?
if you pull it out, america deflates.
constituency surgery in northampton.
and what was the white house like?
so, paul, where are we up to? i was out getting coffee. sorry.
paul, look, mate.
sorry. but i'm on your side. i have to look after my mum too. you do, or they get shafted don't they? so.
full-beam?
so what did karen clark want?
well, uh, no, of course not. i suppose -
what's this?
the war?
hello. can i help you? malcolm sweeps in, straight past toby, slapping him on the back of the head as he passes.
you fucker. no, not you.
what can i do for you paul?
right?
i'm sure they're not twigs.
could you tell your mum to stay away from the wall just for the time being?
no, sure, but could she use a hose, from a distance?
it is just a wall, malcolm.
hello.
how is saying "hello" a.
look. we hired some builders. they didn't turn up when they said they would.
hello ladies.
hello ladies. i'm just going to -
great.
yeah i wouldn't want to meet jamie in a dark alley. or a bright alley. the whole thing of just being in an alley with him would be scary, regardless of the lighting.
oh yeah. it's just rob about football.
what? no.
could we not talk about accusations and, health issues, in the pub?
i don't know, it was a weird, intense time over there. it was. maybe, subconsciously, i don't know, it was a kind of last ditch attempt to stop this, awful. war.
in the broad sense. sorry, can you stop doing that? can we go somewhere where they're aren't enormous children eating snacks?
what the fuck is he doing here?
well i live here.
well, if i'm leaving, i'm taking my brie.
you putting this in your memoirs as well?
where's my needlecord jacket?
michael, this is one of the more humiliating moments of my life. i can pack a bag.
i'm not going to fucking fiji michael, i'm being chucked out of my house.
there is no other end.
massive. enormous. you can see them on google earth. they've got their own postcode.
see you then.
look, suzy, this is probably going to sound odd under the circumstances.
no. thank you. but no. it's about liza.
listen, suze, liza wrote a paper, pwip- pip. i think, if it got leaked, it could stop the war.
does such a thing exist?
though -- maybe? what's brave about doing the `right thing'? nothing. doing the wrong thing is braver. in a way. i mean, you know, wars sometimes work. the war of independence, that worked. for the americans. second world war. that was a good idea. i mean not a good idea but .
nurses are good.
you want hookers? you like hooky fucky?
still?
fuck the nibbles, what was with the homoerotic tension?
no.
yeah. yeah, that does sound possible.
i'm just saying psychologically speaking that sounds plausible - that you might build up a resentment and then pay it off in some underhand way. that's just something i've observed.
sorry about that - it's just .  something i've observed.
listen, i'm really sorry about suzy and the texting and .
er?
sure. i'll just dig that out. look it was a very special evening for me and .
i just wandered if tonight when all this shit is over we couldn't - you know. you're single. i'm single now. you're a woman. i'm not.
it's not a terrible idea is it? one more. for the gipper?
thanks. that was short and sweet. well, short and sour.
we've just heard -- the wall's starting to collapse. a brick has fallen. that's the news i'm getting. more to follow. both news and bricks.
suzy, how's it going? has jamie been round? right.
this is me, yes. and that's you. i thought we had this worked out.
hello? oh hi, paul. how's it going? no, yes, i know the wall is collapsing. i'm as frustrated as you are mate.
look, could i call you back paul? it's just the vice president's .  i couldn't? no, okay, let's keep talking.
can we stop running because my hands are really rather badly burned now.
oh? right. it wasn't?
i don't actually recall. it was a busy time.
okay.
where from?
"that's that then"? that's your quote for the ages is it?
'and i remember the moment war was declared. i turned to the minister and he said "that's that, then. anyone want a mint?".
boss?
it's on the bbc news website -- partial collapse of the wall. mrs michaelson's greenhouse has a smashed pane. the bbc had a crew down there.
here.
hi. general? look i realise this is a slightly strange time to say this, but i just want to say how much i admire.
great. lovely