how come it says 'restrooms' when it's really the damn kitchen!?
cutty. up.
what's going on here?
what's the trouble, lydia?
you heard the lady.  hand it over! roving eyes looks startled by tuck's abusive tone.
i said, hand it over.  ya damn pencil-necked civilian!
well.  he's right. i'm drunk. guess i owe these folks an apology, lydia. she puts her hand on his arm.
not until i apologize to these people! we got some real famous, all- american hero-types with us tonight! space-walkers, an' moon- walkers.  an' earth-orbiters! it's obvious who tuck is talking about. they stand there in their crisp uniforms, with short hair, erect postures and disapproving expressions.
gentlemen.  .  i'm sorry.
you boys have all gone up in these babies. hats off to you. i envy you fellas.  .  the most excitement i ever had was the time i landed a crippled f-14 on the deck of a rocking flattop in zero visibility with the nose gear -- tuck sees rusty, one of the ex-astronauts in the crowd, turn away in disgust.
-- don't turn your back on me, rusty.  .  at least when my moment of truth came, i didn't take a dump down the leg of my flightsuit.  if that rings any bells for you! rusty looks enraged. he advances toward tuck. but tuck stands his ground -- smiles -- and drops rusty with a hooking right fist. uproar! two young marines rush up to tuck.
only two of you?
where's your uniform, pete? blanchard pulls tuck to his feet.
no. i said i wasn't invited.
don't give me that look.
that 'poor pitiful tuck' look. i had a great time tonight. i like getting drunk. i enjoy being hit in the face. lydia rolls her eyes at tuck's hopelessness. tuck picks up the tape recorder from the car seat.
what's on this, anyway?
i should have guessed.
that's not so. i read the one about me.
well, you gotta admit, those were great pictures. maybe i should grow that mustache back.
okay. tell me about the story.
hmm.
well, you're right about one thing, lydia.  .  i ain't gonna read it.
nothing. just some homework i'm doing. tuck takes it from her hand and puts it down.
how about a drink?
just for a minute. i know what you'd like: tea! can i fix you some tea?
what's tea come in again? a can? a jar? wait.  i remember. little bags, right? yeah.  here they are.
don't go, lydia. please stay. he puts his arms around her.
mmmm. i love your perfume. what's it called again?
c'mon. what's it called again?.  he's breaking down her resistance.
mmmmm. smells so good. don't go, lydia.
lydia?.
lydia!
owwww!!
lydia! wait! tuck rushes up to the car window.
where you going?!
lydia --
okay? ozzie nods his head, but then sees tuck return the flask to his pocket.
i have to. it's my lucky flask.
i remember.
i know what our objectives are. retrieve tissue samples and test efficiency of surgical laser beam. look, oz.  i know i'm no prize, but i'm the only one you could get. and this mission's the only one i could get. so let's just get the job done.
just get me home again before my air runs out.
loud and clear, oz.
ho-ly shit. oz.  i think you did it, boy. i'm little. i'm shrunk right down to nuthin'.
hey! what's going on out there! ozzie, come in. can you hear me?
mission control, come in. can you read me? what the hell's goin' on out there? i think i blacked out. am i inside bugs, or what? ozzie. come in. do you copy? what's wrong with this damn radio!?
mission control, if you can hear me -- i'm gonna try to restore radio contact by activating one of these electromagnetic booster cells. here it comes, oz. hold on to your socks.
great! no radio. no communication. i'm completely cut off. if only i could see out. hmmm.  maybe i can.
oz said this thing can answer any question i have.  .  hey, you.  can i see out through the eyes of this beast?
huh??
great. how do i find it?
yeah.
do i have to defend myself to a machine!? let's have the directions!
swell! it's built out of old video games.
wait a minute! who the hell are they?! and where am i?!
i'm in a man! i'm in a strange man, in a strange room, surrounded by strangers! how'd i get inside a man!? what happened to the rabbit!? i studied up on rabbits! okay, tuck.  get a grip on yourself. we've got a little snafu here, as we say in the military. okay, okay. think clear; stay cool. tuck takes a moment to consider his options -- then springs into action.
i gotta talk to this guy! i need directions to the inner ear.
yes! now! right now!
hey, pal.  how come i get the sinking feeling that you don't know what's going on any more than i do?
oh, god!!
i'm blind.
i can see! thank god. and i was just gettin' ready to kiss my pilot's license goodbye.
sleeping pills!
you fool! if i was normal size and outside of you instead of inside of you, i'd hit you so hard your grandchildren would be born with broken noses! quick! the fastest way to the stomach!
no, no! watch tv! watch tv! enjoy yourself!
jack, i think we've really gotten this relationship off on the wrong foot.
we're in this together and we have to help each other. you don't work at the lab, do you?
and you don't know anything about the experiment, do you?
shit. jack.  my name is pendelton. tuck pendelton. captain, united states navy. i'm involved in a miniaturization experiment. i was supposed to be placed inside a rabbit, but somehow i got inside you instead.
yeah. gimme a minute to think.
midnight lace?
dr. niles.  .  follow that short guy with the curly hair and glasses!
he's not driving off. there's someone in the car with him. is this as close as you can get?
look directly at them! don't turn your head. i think i can beef up this reception a little.  suddenly: niles' voice is heard loud and clear over the pod's speaker:
that's it!
i know that voice.
pete blanchard!.
gee, jack.  how thoughtless of me. look: you heard the guy. i got twenty hours of air left. i wouldn't worry about missing your cruise.
maybe it's from banging it against the steering wheel.
don't trust him! he's not a messenger!
okay! here's what you do: take a nice big tug on that baby and i'll see what i can catch on the way down.
let me worry about that.
okay, jack -- down the hatch.
c'mon! let 'er rip! then: a tidal wave of amber liquid splashes down from above and crashes against the pod. the pod rolls over and over in the thundering alcohol current. finally it comes to rest in some dark, vestibular channel of jack's digestive system. tuck presses a few buttons and the articulating arm begins to retract into the pod. claw and flask slide into the pod through and air-lock opening. tuck * come on, lucky flask! * tuck eagerly grabs the flask and sloshes it around under his nose. his expression sours.
hmmm. smells a little strange. looks a shade green. oh, well. probably just some harmless biochemical waste material.
 mixed with a bit of stomach acid. what the hell!
rot-gut whiskey's better than none at all. cheers!
wow! that's strong enough to grow hair on a snake!
nuthin' like a little cutty and sam cooke to chase away the miseries of the day.
jack! hey, jack! jack!
go look in the mirror.
because i just realized i don't know what you look like.
hey, you're not drunk, are you?
ha! and after only one stinking drink!
too close. back up. back up. jack does.
that's better.  for a moment tuck just looks at the face of the man whose body he inhabits. then, he turns off the music.
jack.  i guess you realize some very serious bad guys are after you because of me. so if you want to bail out, i understand. just sneeze me into a kleenex or something and hand it over to them.
thanks, jack.
watch out for that truck up ahead. change lanes -- get in the fast lane. wait -- not now. okay -- now. watch your tachometer. okay: shift into fifth! easy on the clutch. always shift at 4500 rpms. keep an eye on the temperature gauge.
this car's a classic! it's the only thing i own that's worth a shit!
lydia, shut up and listen!!
atta girl, lydia!
sixteen hours.
jack! jack! are you all right? what happened? seems like we experienced a massive power surge.
hey, jack.  you there, babe?
what's goin' on, jack!? your heart rate's slowin' way down!
jack! you had me worried. thought i'd lost you for a minute, kid. what happened? where's lydia? where are we? i can't see a thing. why's it so dark?
you're what?? can't make you out, jack. message garbled. try again.
you're freezing??
i have some bad news for us, jack. looks like we've fallen into the hands of the bandits. they're taking us to some lab, and i don't like the sound of that.
jack, this is it. the doors are unlocked. we can take them by surprise: bust outta here before they know what hit 'em! can you do it, jack? cough if you can do it.
okay, jack. listen to me. this is your moment. this is your turn to be the hero, jack.
psyche yourself up. look at the doors. see yourself leaping to your feet. see yourself pushing open the doors! see yourself jumping from the truck! can you see it, jack!? can you see it!?
this stuff has really lost its kick.
didn't know she knew about that suitcase.
hey! cut that out! what are you looking at? i thought you were a gentleman!
jack, i've got about nine hours of air left in here. i think it's time we formulate a plan.
you're awfully eager, aren't you?
okay. the cowboy will lead us to the chip, right?
so.  you're going to be the cowboy.
go ahead! dip all you want. nothing will fit you!
it was the night we first met. you were writing that article about me. we had dinner and talked until three in the morning. i got drunk and fell down a manhole walking you home.
what gives people certain physical characteristics?
think we can tamper with his genes a little?
shit.
temporary.
three hours of air left, jack. aren't we cutting this a bit close? no reply from jack.
hey.  wait a minute! why didn't i think of this before? i'll go to the lungs, open the hatch and take in more air! take me to the lungs!
damn! leave it to the inventor of 3-d action man!!
that bastard!
damnit! every time this guy shows up my equipment goes haywire! what's he got -- a pacemaker?!
jack! jack! can you hear me, jack!? something's gone wrong! i can't hold the balance on these hormones!
i'll just have to prove it to her. jack.  repeat to lydia exactly what i say.
jack? jack? do you read me? damn! no reception! i knew i shouldn't have shut down my sensors! where am i, anyway? *
oh my god.
lydia.
jack, turn on the master switch. disengage the clutch, then start the ignition. you've got two sticks at your sides. one for each hand. here's what they're for.
keep your rpms in the green, jack! i've got to reach that microchip before the other guy does. he turns to one of his display monitors. it shows a wire-frame image of jack's body. two lights are blinking. one represents the chip, the other represents the black pod.
right. but i can beat him by taking the circulatory system, can't i?
i know.  but it's worth a shot. i'm going through the heart, jack. it could get hairy in there. your pulse rate is up to one hundred and seventy. my pod might not withstand the beating.
try to slow down your pulse rate! i'm about to enter the left ventricle!
the aortic arch! i'm almost out! i've got to make it through the opening on the right!
i'm through!
i'm in the stomach. no sign of the bandit.
got 'im!
stop calling me that! this isn't a video game -- this is real life!
twenty minutes.
shit! you broke my lucky flask!
afraid of a little electricity, huh! igoe can't take his eyes off the crackling wire. tuck takes advantage of the distraction and:
an android!
where are we now!?
what!? tell me!
jack -- sneeze!!
you have to! think allergies! ragweed! pollen! cat fur! uh.
no power in the world like the power of suggestion!
get back! they jump away. finally, tuck pulls the module free and he dives for safety. the pod explodes. everyone hits the floor. the lab fills with debris. but when the smoke clears, one-by-one all get to their feet. first blanchard. then niles. then flornoy. then jack. then lydia. then tuck. tuck is a mess. his face bloodied and bruised. his jumpsuit torn, burned and sweat-stained. but lydia rushes into his arms nonetheless.
lydia! then, looking over lydia's shoulder, tuck sees jack. he sets lydia gently back on her feet. she sees who he is looking at. * tuck regards jack with an expression of deep affection and profound appreciation. he steps towards him.
lydia, we have to talk in private. tuck takes her into niles' office, which is visible to the lab proper through a large glass window.
i never got to go up in a space capsule, lydia. i never got to orbit the earth or walk on the moon.  but i've just gone places where no man has ever gone before. i've done things, and seen things, lydia, that have opened my eyes. to you.  to life.  to everything! lydia looks confused and overwhelmed. tuck tries to slow down a little.
it's not too late for me, lydia. i can change. i can be better. i'm a different man already.  .  i've known all along. why couldn't i just admit it to myself?
that i'm in love with you, of course. lydia is bowled over.
you broke my heart that morning you drove off and left me.
lydia.  this is a personal question, but i've got to know. since that last night we spent together.  have you spent a night like that with anyone else?
please, lydia. it's important to me. lydia can see that tuck means it.
you haven't?
we're going to have a baby, you know. lydia gives him a look.
you did know, didn't you?
be sure, lydia. i've seen it. lydia begins to smile.
i didn't even notice. we'll just have to wait and see. lydia wraps her arms around his neck. for a moment they just look into each others eyes. then they kiss.
jack --
thanks again for the cruise tickets!