-- hello marjory, any messages? yeah? yeah? yeah. yeah. have wrigley look up oliphant v. oliphant for its relevance to the chapman filing. she took the kids where? tahoe? which side of tahoe. great. if the cruise goes all the way around the lake, she left the state and she's in breach. she can't leave the state. tell wrigley to prepare a filing to attach everything. primary residence, autos, stocks.  sure. put him through. hello ross. what? she's sleeping with the nanny? well, you're separated. she can sleep with -- is this the one you slept with? oh. a guy? interesting career choice. hmmm? yes. i know you want her dead. everyone in your tax bracket wants their ex wives dead.
the problem is that everyone is willing to compromise. that's the problem with the institution of marriage -- it's based on compromise. even through its dissolution. one attorney will try to score some points, the opposition will try to impeach. the process will find an equilibrium point determined by the skill of the opposing lawyers, and then each party will walk away with their portion of the "goodies." some say, "life is compromise." but at massey myerson we believe life is struggle and the ultimate destruction of your opponent.
ladies and gentlemen -- we will continue this at the associates meeting next friday. in the meantime, i want you to consider this.  ivan the terrible, henry the viii, attila the hun -- what did they have in common?
mr. rexroth.
miles massey. please sit, relax, and consider this office your office, your haven, your war room -- for the duration of the campaign.
now rex.
-- tell me your troubles.
that's her job. you have to respect that.
mm.
time marches on. ardor cools.
ah.
gotcha. no need to get anatomically correct with me, rex.
well, with the expanding global population -- let me ask you this -- your wife. has she pursued the opportunities which must present themselves to the "knock-out, sexy woman" you described?
not in court you can't. has she retained counsel?
and your wife is aware of or has evidence of your activities?
mmm.  and to cut to the chase, forensically speaking -- is there a pre-nup?
the fault, dear brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves. well, let me ask you this: what kind of settlement do you seek? what are, for you, the parameters of the possible?
nothing?
so, you propose that in spite of demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear?
nothing.
video.
wrigley!
sometimes i have serious doubts about you.
am i mentoring the wrong mentee?
i could be mentoring kramer. kramer clerked for scalia.
anyway, i need a challenge. this --
-- is not a challenge. i need something i can sink my teeth into, professionally speaking.
i'm sorry, your honor, i was just conferring with my associate.
now then, mrs. guttman. do you know a gentleman named morris rudnick?
accountant.
we would like to offer these photographs into evidence.
ruth!
-- ruth rabinow, this is rex rexroth. and you must be mrs. rexroth.
so, ruth. how's sam?
a yert. ruth is a living legend, rex. at a time when most women are in boca, having early bird specials -- she's working so her husband can be in montana. in a yert.
what?!
how nice.
at this point my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation.
my client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution of the marriage without prejudice.
my client proposes a thirty day cooling off period.
my client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order.
heh heh.
please -- let me handle this.
-- so much for the icebreakers. what're you after, ruth?
why only fifty percent, ruth? why not ask for a hundred percent?
why not a hundred and fifty percent?
not according to mrs. rabinow.
are you familiar with kirshner?
please -- let me handle this. okay, ruth, forget kirshner -- what's your bottom line?
shhh. please. let me do my job. buy a clue, ruthie. have you forgotten about kirshner?
fine. we'll eat all the pastry.
i think that went as well as could be expected.
and she had private investigators assisting her.
in anticipation of making you sick.
a superficial display of marital solicitude, and you lose your resolve? rex. i underestimated you. but i'm your attorney, and if you choose to reward her for that mediocre charade of spousal concern.
mrs. rexroth. thank you for coming.
french? bordeaux? hmmm. chateau margaux '57.
isn't everything?
your husband told me you were beautiful, but i was unprepared.
simon & garfunkel?
do you have a hard heart, marylin.
not yet.
what does your lawyer think?
but you don't agree?
why would you be here?
i'll have the tournedos of beef. and the lady will have the same? i assume you're a carnivore.
"who ever lov'd that lov'd not at first sight?"
not really. you're not my client. freedom of association. big issue with the first amendment fans. want to go to hawaii for the weekend?
no.
as a matter of fact, i'm a huge fan.
no. i haven't. have you?
he wants a reconciliation.
gotcha.
oh, i'm a lot like you -- just looking for an ass to mount.
shut! up!
mmmm --
"dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard, they make no battery"
do you know those lines, mrs. rexroth?
let me rephrase. mrs. rexroth, how high is that wall around your heart?
rephrase. mrs. rexroth, have you ever been in love?
and you've always loved him?
and you hoped to spend the rest of your life with him?
that'll be all mrs. rexroth. please forgive me for causing you additional anguish. thank you, your honor. no further questions.
yes, your honor. i call patricia kennedy decordoba isenberg.
now, mrs. banderas. what is your relationship to mrs. rexroth.
and how would you define your relationship to mrs. rexroth. you know -- you are her?
her mother?
hard to believe i know. i'm sure you are frequently mistaken for sisters.
have you ever met mr. rexroth?
you were never invited to meet your son-in-law?
did you know mrs. rexroth was married?
who's "patty."
i see. and what were you going to tell us about patty slash marylin?
divorce was her childhood aspiration?
she got absolutely nothing. zero. zip.
not this one. not unless her hmo covers plastic surgery, which, incidentally, she does not need.
i don't need it.
what the hell is botox?
why in god's name would i want?
it's a lecoultre revers. you can flip the face, and set it for two time zones.
it was a gift from a client.
botox. christ. we had aspirations when we were in college.
you were going to be a cardiac surgeon. i was going to clerk for the supreme court.
denial is not a river in egypt.
i should be in therapy.
yes. your husband did show remarkable foresight in taking those pictures. and, yes, absent a swimming pool, the presence of the pool man would appear to be suspicious. but bonnie, who is the real victim here? let me suggest the following. your husband, who on a prior occasion slapped you -- beat you --
your husband, who has beaten you -- repeatedly --
please -- was at the time brandishing your firearm, trying in his rage to shoot an acquaintance -- friend of long standing --
so he says now! but if not for your cool headed intervention, his tantrum might have ended this schmoe's life and ruined his own.  as for the sexual indiscretion which he imagined had taken place, wasn't it in fact he who had been sleeping with the pool man?
am i going to far here?
herb wants to see me?
thank you herb.
please! no calls! i'm feeling very fragile.
marylin rexroth? when does she --
marylin! how nice.
marylin! how lovely, uh --
-- marylin! what a pleasure --
marylin, what a pleas -- who the fuck are you?
oh. right. won't you have a seat?
and how is mrs. reiser?
so she's uh, flourishing?
muh -- well, uh -- huh?
i.  uh guess congratulations are in order.
no!
what a touching story.
oh, for the love of.
that is correct. not to blow my own horn, but they devote an entire semester to it at harvard law.
i just want to make sure that you both --
-- understand what you're asking for here. the massey pre-nup provides that in the event of a dissolution of the marriage for any reason, both parties shall leave it with whatever they brought in, and earned during. no one can profit from the marriage. the pre-nup protects the wealthier party.
and without it, that party is exposed -- a sitting duck. no wriggle room.
-- and we are sure.
-- we are both sure that's what we want?
excuse me, mr. doyle, if i could just borrow your charming fiancee for a moment.
i'd just like to have a word with her.
what are you doing?
to him? he's a sick freak.
passionate! he's a pervert. he should have to register when he moves.
marylin! listen to me.
but why him?
the massey pre-nup has never been pene -- successfully challenged.
no, that's not all.
you fascinate me.
do you think i'm going to end up like herb myerson, with a colostomy bag instead of a family?
yes. the inability to experience pleasure.
what?
she can't really love that idiot, can she?
marylin rexroth. she came into my office and signed a pre-nup with howard doyle.
he's the wrong man.
what the hell is wrong with you?
is she going through with it?
argh.
what are they?
spoons! honestly wrigley, i'm surprised at you. what is this? some martha stewart suggestion? those are the most cockamamie things i've ever --
why couldn't we be the club sandwich?
brilliant.
brilliant. it's brilliant. he's eating the pre-nup.
i'd like to offer my congratulations. that was a beautiful gesture of howard's.
yes. he's a diamond in the rough. and i have a feeling that someday soon you'll be taking that diamond and leaving the rough.
i am thrilled for you, but tell me this.  how'd you get howard to do it? i've addressed enough juries to appreciate the power of suggestion, but it seemed like he thought it was his own idea.
well, when this goes south -- promise you'll have dinner with me?
i figure a couple of months. that's how long it should take for the ink on the settlement to dry.
although knowing you as i do -- there will be no settlement. this time it will be complete and total annihilation.
and of course we shall have to litigate. sentence. paragraph.
-- naturally the first concern for both parties is the welfare of little wendell junior. nevertheless, we question whether the continuing expenses for his special ed classes are truly justified given the great strides --
ha!
ah, but is she richer than mrs. croesus?
she deserves every penny. they pay great athletes a fortune. well, marylin rexroth is an athlete at the peak of her power.
get me marylin rexroth doyle.
she owes me a meal.
i know you would, wrigley. but would kramer?
thank you. i'll take care of it.
to victory.
more pictures? my god, marylin. you can open an erotic art gallery.
no. just to comfort you, and appreciate you --
not hungry, huh? neither am i.
marylin --
hello?
yes? marylin?
marylin? when did i say?
marylin? forgive me but are you -- drunk?
you shouldn't be driving. where are you?
i live right near there. the 800 block of maple. come here. marylin -- come here right now before -- just come here.
no. don't stop.
thank you.
yes. i just got that, actually. it was a gift.
no. no. i don't have a.  no. it was from a client.
rex sent me two humidors full of pre- castro cubans.
me. yes.
yeah. mom. mom and brother.
hmmm.
she never particularly cared for me.
no. she loved me. she would never not love her son. she just didn't.  i wasn't her "type." she said i was a very, colicky baby. you know? difficult. not a good sleeper? didn't eat well? we got off to a bad start, and she never seemed to recoup --
apparently she was very disappointed.
your mother was.
no, we're not!
that is bullshit! mine is a bitch and yours is a psycho. i can't believe you're saying this, marylin! there's nothing wrong with us. we're attractive and charismatic and successful and.  i like us.
no.
don't go. stay with me for a while.
i have to say -- i'm speechless. no. i'm never speechless.
and i'm not used to -- marylin -- there's something i want to ask you.
i want.  i want to.
i want to be your -- your wife.
no.  that wasn't right. i want you to be my wife.
yes. i am. what else could those words mean? i believe we belong together and we can make one another happy. and we should be happy because happiness is better than the alternative which is -- just jump in any old time, marylin. you have more experience at this than i do.
yes? yes, you do have more experience?
you do?
no.
no ma'am. i have been asleep all my life up to this moment. marylin, will you marry me?
i don't have a ring!
i have a watch.
thanks, buddy.
asian? no.
wrigley?
kenneth this is my associate, wrigley. wrigley this is my friend, dr. beck.
do you have it?
you have the pre-nup?
no. you have the ring. wrigley has the pre-nup.
you know each other? of course you do.
hi. hello. marylin. you know my young associate, wrigley.
well, wrigley brought something else for you today, darling.
this -- is the massey pre-nup.
marylin, you're welcome to examine it, but as you know -- it's iron clad.
we wanted ruth here for your protection as well --
yes. short notice you know, but i think there's nice closure to it. hello judge muson. a pleasure as always.
we're getting married.
a gag? no.
yes. it's for your protection, sweetheart. you're the one with the -- the.
no. judge -- just a sec. but marylin, if we sign it, i can't hope to benefit from the marriage.
what i mean is, your wealth is completely protected.
but?
i do, yah i do, uh huh --
-- i do.
mom?
for the first time in my life, i stand before you naked.  vulnerable.  and in love. love. a word matrimonial lawyers shy away from. ironic isn't it -- that i have been frightened of this emotion which is, in a sense, the seed of my livelihood. but today, i am here to tell you: love should cause us no fear. love should cause us no shame. love.  is good. let me ask you a question. when our clients come to us confused, angry, hurting because their flame of love is fluttering and threatens to die -- should we seek to extinguish that flame, so that we can sift through the smoldering wreckage for our paltry reward? or should we seek to fan this precious flame -- this most precious flame -- back to loving, roaring life?
should we counsel fear -- or trust? should we seek to destroy -- or to build? should we meet our clients' problems with cynicism -- or with love?
kramer?
the decision of course, is each of ours. for my part, i have made the leap of love, and there is no going back --
no. stay. i want you close to me. this couch is wrong. it's not a "married couch."
in fact, this is not a married house -- it's a bachelor pad.
i know. but i've converted most of them into ridiculous "guy" rooms -- a billiard room, a card room, a gym -- honey, want you to go out, as soon as you feel up to it -- and buy married things. woman things. personalize it. marylinize it. make this your house.
here's my card. spend as much as you want. we get mileage.
good. are those foods?
exactly. and then -- maybe -- not right away -- there's a room right off the bedroom -- it would be perfect for a nursery. it's a walk in humidor right now -- but if i took out the refrigeration unit --
i think a nursery should be right off the master suite. my parents put mine in the guest house. apparently they did have a fisher price intercom, but my mother turned it off when i was seven months old because i was so --
you want children, don't you?
yes?
excuse me?
what are you.  is she yours?
yes, i know howard doyle.
he divorced his wife -- he married marylin -- he divorced marylin -- and he -- remarried his wife? what kind of sick --
he never ate the pre-nup, did he!
did marylin end up with money?
i don't have a pre-nup
don't give me that crap. that's my crap.
i'll have you suspended. i'll have you disbarred.
why did she do it, ruth? why?
hello marylin.
i bet.
i love you. i want to have your baby.
can you marylin? can you return the trust? can you return the hopes? the dreams? can you just.  send it all back for store credit?
i'm sorry, darling. i love it. it's chic and timeless and elegant and eclectic and. it's you, marylin. it is you.
they won't get a conviction. the husband called it in as a suicide. the forensic guys weren't thinking murder. i'm sure some of the evidence was compromised.
i already made my move, kenneth.
well. well. well. look who made bail!
i don't know. maybe i should grab my mace. i'm a civil attorney. i have little experience with "the criminal mind."
i don't believe you have "things."
what do you want?
are you threatening me, because i'm sure that's a violation of the terms of your bail.
the irs? they owe me. i'm expecting a refund.
i'm clean with the irs. i've reported every dollar i've ever made. try again, girlfriend.
what kind of "stuff?"
those are gifts.
you can't prove anything.
you're out of your league, marylin. rexroth was a primate. i'm a professional.
meaning my house.
did our marriage ever mean anything to you?
that's blackmail.
pity you can't be here. you'd enjoy this.
yes herb,
i understand herb.  i just.  for the first time in my career -- i don't know what to do. i'm a patsy. a sitting duck. i'm lost.
i am here representing mr. dumbarton, on a.  matter of some delicacy.
excuse me?
well -- i, uh, that is to say mr. dumbarton -- would like you to uh, neutralize a, uh, business associate by the name of marylin rexroth doyle massey uh dumbart -- uh, massey.
here's her picture.
and the address where she's staying. it's the residence of a mr. massey. uh, dumbarton. massey. uh, it's not mr. dumbarton's house. though he's not involved. and because of an impending legal action this needs to happen within a certain.  time frame. uh.  on an expedited basis.
mr. dumbarton is, yes.
she won't suffer, will she?
hello. yes -- what?! yes -- i see --
my god.
that was marvin untermeyer.
he was rex rexroth's personal attorney.
rex just had a massive coronary. in the middle of a business meeting. he's dead.
marvin says that rex's will is four years old. he never redrafted it.
everything goes to marylin.
she's rich. we're still married. we have no pre-nup.
joe. this is mr. uh.  friend of -- we met. this is to instruct you it's no go! do you understand me?! no go on marylin rexroth doyle -- no go.
that was -- oh, shit. what if he's on his way over there?
marylin! what have i done?
get her out, buy some time; get her out --
marylin?
you have to leave the house immediately!
no buts. now. out.
please! leave the house.
so did i. now pack up a few basics and --
marylin?
joe! thank god you're in time. you're not in time. i'm in time. thank god i'm in time.
it's a no go! get it? no one any the wiser. okay!
you can go home now! goodbye! thanks so much!
no no! no contract! it's all over.
marylin!
wait! he works for you?
you were going to have this thug?
nonono. marylin -- i'm your husband. i'd be entitled to rex's money. no matter what happened to you.
it was fifty for you.
were you with a firm?
kaplan? i know kaplan. wait. you're joe gittelson? i knew you looked -- you were great -- we studied you.
marylin. run. i'll distract him.
joe!
we told him it was no go.
hello marylin.
hard to believe this is the way it will end up for us.
but then -- i guess -- something inside me died when i realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me.
where does that leave us?
you wounded me first, marylin.
you're forgetting howard doyle?
income tax evasion?
murder!
you know.  there's nothing in the massey pre-nup that says it can't be executed after the parties wed.
let's go home.
wait. just wait for one minute. sweet jesus, are you crazy?
reaches under the rubble and removes one box of cohiba especials.
pre-castro.
here, buddy. these are for you.
well. you'd say "they devoted a whole semester at harvard to your dad. but your mom was the one that ever only nailed his ass."
i thought so.