can i have one of those?
you two ok?
jean? jean, can you hear me? i need you to try to wake up, jean.
your mom take anything before this happened?
what's your name?
nice to meet you, jackie. why don't you wrap this scarf around yourself and try to keep your mom awake while i take a look at your car.
what do you think of all this snow?
hey, can you reach the gas pedal?
go ahead, turn it on. keep pushing it.
neither do i, ma'am. i'll be on my way.
yeah, i'll hitch a ride or something. let her throw it all up before she gets back behind the wheel.
dog tags. they've got your name and date of birth for identification.
in case you get lost, or can't remember who you are.
i think i can remember what's on them.
yes. with starks' answer, the background of the courtroom is suddenly illuminated and we see that this is starks' own trial. the voice belongs to a satisfied prosecution who turns to face a medium-sized crowd watching on.
so they say. what?
depends on what you're seeing.
you don't believe me, do you?
wait. wait a minute.  please.
i, i don't belong here.
yeah, guess so. how'd you know?
don't you go to jail for that?
yeah, well 30 times probably would make you seem crazy.
i am. one of the few things i remember doing is eating. so i guess i must be exercising it off in my dreams.
you done with your small talk?
good.
i'm not deaf.
thanks.
i'm not sure.
i'm not sure.
i don't think so.
i'm not sure. i don't really know.
why "of course"?
well, you definitely didn't pick normal or simple this time either.
i was dropped off.
no.
no. not around here.
nothing. thanks for bringing me this far.
i'll manage.
no, i'm ok.
yeah, i'm fine.
i'm not gonna hurt you.
ok. my name's william by the way.
the best i could do with what was in your fridge. she looks and sees a sandwich on a bun in one plate and a sandwich on two different colors of toast on the other.
i only lit it because it was so cold in here. i'm sorry if.
sure.
thanks.
so you're a waitress, right? i mean. from the uniform you were wearing.
you like it?
have you always been a waitress?
why'd you stop?
i don't know, but i think part of it's.
that i don't really know what's real.
why?
you don't think that's crazy?
this is a great song.
but hey, who can forget those words? the man just wants simple and good things for his woman -- that she be warm and happy. how hard can that be to remember?
they told me i joined the army when i was seventeen. that's when my father died and, before that, it was apparently just me and him since i was born 'cause my mom split.
i guess not. but, as of now, i never knew either.
yeah. how about you?
how?
i'm sorry.
that when you stopped being a nurse?
jackie? jackie?
what year is it?
i'm william starks.
i know it doesn't make sense. it doesn't even make sense to me.
jackie, i'm william starks. i can prove it.
no, i don't have anything to show you. i'm here from a mental hospital.
i'm sorry for upsetting you, but i'm not lying to you.
what?
what?
how?
i gave you my dog tags.
how'd he die?
it's december 25th, 1993 today.
i'll leave. but look at me. look at my face, jackie. i'm not lying. i met you and your mother. i told you then that i'd lost my memory. there was no one for miles around so i know you know there's no way i could have known that from a pair of dog tags you had lying around.
he's got his gun pointed at a kid.
yeah, well, none of this is our fuckin' problem.
what the hell kind of drugs are you people giving me?
it's december 26th?
i don't know better. all i know is that you left me in there.
in that thing. the jacket.
that wasn't a fucking restraint.
don't act like i don't know what's real. i'm not the one that's crazy here.
don't give me that. i know what's real, goddamnit! you strapped me in something and stuck me in a drawer.
i didn't dream it. i may have been asleep but it wasn't a dream. becker sits down in a chair, half-shrouded in the light.
i don't give a shit about your patient!
we are not birds of a feather.
and if i didn't want to come?
because i don't think i'm crazy.
that conviction doesn't convince me of anything. until i know that i did it, i'm not going to accept that i did.
no. the real events that have happened to me have been fucked up. not my mind.
since when do people around here have to ask permission to do anything?
fine. why made you ask?
why, what would you do?
no. i don't want it to.
believe me, i know.
what were you talking about the other day?
yeah, you were. what you said about them taking me out to the woods.
what do you know about the jacket?
mackenzie, listen to me. listen. i'm going to die.
no, i mean in four days, i'm supposed to die.
the jacket.
no. i mean i found out while i was in it that my body's gonna be found in four days.
yeah, it is.
why?
so what am i supposed to do?
yeah, why are you in this ward alone? where is everyone?
where are the other orderlies?
ok, listen. i want you to get out of here and lock the door behind you. i'll go get some doctors.
when i was in the gulf, the organization was recruiting the organized.
they recruit only the best, mr. jensen. i didn't want to have to say this.
but these people know about it. in fact, when presidents of this country and heads of state leave office, they come here, to alpine grove. they're among us right now! isn't that right, dr. thatcher? and jensen, i'm proud they picked you.
they're always ordering us to stay calm, but how can we be calm?
all they do is give orders. that's all they have to do. and no one will ever know. all it comes down to is an order. they've got hands everywhere.
long live the organization for the organized!
no.
i doubt it. i don't think prison's so bad you don't want to remember it.
why?
ok, sir. i was just asking what for.
jesus christ, what'd you do that for?
yeah.
after i.
what?
do you really believe me?
yes.
i know.
if they don't take me out before then. what's the net?
i didn't kill officer harrison.
how? did they figure it out after i died?
his body was found on january 1, 1993, but do you know if that was long after he had died?
what about dr. thomas becker or dr. loel lorenson? there was also a dr. gries, i think.
what about dr. becker and mr. gries?
he was the only family i remember.
i never knew my father. did you?
why?
you thought my father was crazy?
what case?
do you know how my father died?
how'd he get it?
but dr. morgan said you were around when my father was.
well, do you think dr. becker would have any idea?
my dad wrote some things down before he died.
why would we do that?
i wouldn't be so sure. like you said about back then, you might not know everything going on around here.
yeah, it is.
exactly.
we will.
i don't believe a thing she just said.
i have no idea.
maybe. i don't know. seems more likely becker does, but at the very least she knows how i died.
why?
there's one more thing i want to see.
this was the room. they used to hang the jacket there. this is where it happened. this is the room i'm actually in right now.
i can show you. it's probably in there.
yes, it was. my fingers were the only things i could move. dead bodies don't bleed. and they certainly can't claw so hard they dent metal.
you may have known my father, william starks. damon smiles, remembering.
he didn't either.
did you know my father?
you wouldn't happen to know how he died, would you?
you don't know any more, damon?
my father used to talk about you.
he said you were a sadistic fuck that belonged in jail.
that's too bad.
i didn't. did you have anything to do with his death?
he died because he bled to death from a blow to his head. someone had to have given him it.
you know something, damon? you're like a mule. you're real stubborn. but there's ways of fixin' that. all you need is a good stick. here's your stick. live with it.
i don't know.
how far away is that?
i know. it was perfect. erase my sanity and you erase anything i'll ever say.
of course it makes me mad. it makes me more than mad. just like remembering the face of the man who killed that officer and knowing nothing more about him. but what's it gonna do for me to find them now? i can't fix everything in three days.
i might not be able to.
i'll die either way.
you have no idea what's going on.
listen to me! you don't! the jacket is my only chance in this place.
you don't understand.
this has nothing to do with that.
what you do not know is the only thing you know.
i don't know. remember?
i've seen a time that's not this time. and i'm only able to see it when i'm in the jacket.
you don't believe me.
it doesn't look all that different.
no. not for people like me. not in the places i come from.
i didn't see that much of it -- same as now. i only saw it as part of my own life.
not everyone in here is crazy, doc.
maybe.
because i don't have time.
i'm about to die unless i do something to stop it.
because of the future. i know what's going to happen.
and what about your work with eugene -- the kid? is that another facet of my delusions?
you told me about him. i saw you and i think you thought i knew something about him. so you told me.
some part of you suspects -- even if you don't know for sure -- that what i'm saying is true.
no! they're not my delusions! look, just leave my business with becker to me!
one's got everything to do with the other. so unless you want my blood on your hands. leave what's between me and becker between me and becker.
lorenson said your wife left you for another man and that's when you lost it.
is it true?
mackenzie, what if we are crazy?
becker does? are you sure?
thanks for the cigarettes. you still got a lot of problems, mackenzie, but you're ok.
that's too bad.
they make it hard for you to get away with your business, huh?
makes it a little easier for me to get away with mine.
my business?
getting away with things. like whatever i may or may not have gotten away with officer harrison.
and wound up in a better cage. but i still want to make a deal.
see, the deluxe lab animal treatment i've been receiving -- well, i don't think it's worked. i woke up today and realized.  . i don't think i'm cured. so really, what was the point? torture? i think that's still sort of illegal in some states -- though we'll have to check on vermont. and, how's this for the cherry on top: it seems my physician is a pill-popping freak. last time i checked, that makes some pretty good copy for a lot of these news shows. "i don't remember everything they did to me. i just remember the worst parts." i think i should be sitting down when i say it, don't you think?
you sure you know where to find one?
and what does that mean?
becker, how do you sleep at night?
no funny business.
me, too.
you're sure?
they're not.
there're no cars on this street.
i don't know. maybe that's because this whole thing is a dream. how can you have a street with no cars on it?
then why isn't there anyone around?
of course he will. what day of the week is it?
look where these people live.
they've got lives to be grateful for.
they're at church. and i bet that's where becker is.
you still go to church. how's that work? your god just doesn't notice? that it? how you doin', dr. becker?
i don't know, dr. becker. can you?
i think you know. your eyes say you do.
no. i'm not his son. i'm him. what? you look like you've seen a ghost. you can come here and touch me, old man. i'm the real thing.
i know. you killed me, didn't you?
i didn't kill myself. i died from a blow to the head. how'd it happen? i have to know.
i didn't say i remembered killing him. i just repeated some words to get myself back in there.
how?
medication? what kind of meds do you chase with nights in a cadaver drawer?
so, what, you guinea pig sick people to find out?
no, we were patients.
who were the others?
you just told me. the last time i was with you was when i was in the jacket. i'm in it right now, dr. becker.
i'm in it as we speak. you're haunting yourself right now. i guess sometimes we indict ourselves if no one else does. you didn't make history like you wanted to, huh, dr. becker. it turned out different, didn't it?
no. you put me on drugs and then you put me in the jacket.
the same way you just said i didn't without my ever telling you. and that still doesn't excuse what you did. just because you had keys to a cage didn't mean you had animals inside. you've earned your guilt, becker.
no, he didn't.
no one's killing anyone.
touch me. i'm okay.
if everything hadn't happened the way it has, then i wouldn't be here right now, sitting in a car with you, touching your face.
where are we going?
what's happening to me? why am i getting so much weaker?
lorenson's the only one that could let me out of there. i need something to persuade her that i was there. get me something to take to her.
where are you going?
sure.
jackie?
when we first met, when you were 7, where was the house you lived in with your mother? do you remember your address?
you gotta stop thinking like that.
nowhere. i just think i'm gonna be sick. starks moves towards the bathroom of the hospital room. jackie moves to help him and he motions for her to stop. starks falters in the doorway when he turns to look back at jackie -- like it might be for the last time.
i'm william starks. i'm not his son. and. and the kid you work with. your friend's son. eugene.
how. how do you know?
i did?
who. who kills me?
nathan. piechowski. jackson macgregor. ted casey. you didn't cure them. you killed them.
who are you kidding, doc? you or me?
can i get some paper and something to write with.
you still don't believe me, do you?
no. listen to me. the kid, eugene.
no one knows you're working with him so how would i have found out? he's your friend's son, right?
listen to me. that's all i ask.
he's having absence seizures when he stares off into space like he does. he has them so often that that's why he hasn't learned to speak properly.
you did, in the future. you figured it out because a part of you already knows this. that's how it works. i'm just telling you something you already know, even if you haven't realized it.
i don't know when it'll happen but soon i think, you'll shock the boy and it'll wake him up.
you'll figure it out and you'll do good by him.
it worked, didn't it?
this is really happening, isn't it?
thank you.
i need to get this letter to someone.
and i can't stay here in my condition. i am going to die tonight. it's already been decided.
yes. it has. everything up 'till today is done. everything starting with tomorrow is up for grabs.
you know how to get there?
good.
no, i'll be ok.
hi.
i remember you, too.
jackie, how have you been?
good. how's your mom?
do you think i could see her? she looks at him and senses, like kids do, the desperation in his eyes.
hey, jean. nice to see you.
you could say that.
i can't stay long. that's my doctor and i gotta get back to the hospital. everything i want to say is in this letter. you can check as much of it as you can.
i won't be around when you read it. but i hope you believe it. it'd be a real shame if you didn't.
i should be on my way.
bye, jackie.
happy new year to both of you.
you be good to yourself, jackie.
i was 25 years old the first time i died. it didn't end anything though. sometimes i think we live through things only to be able to tell them, to bear witness, to say this happened.
and it wasn't to someone else. it was to me. and i lived despite it. sometimes i think we live to beat the odds. and sometimes i agree that life can only begin with the knowledge of death. that it can all end, even when you least want it to.
i'm telling you my story because it's the only way i can try to help your daughter, and you, have a better one of your own.
it's scary. and lucky. how much we can forget. scary because we think the past gives us our bearing, and lucky because in those moments i'm talking about, you realize it doesn't. and it never had to.
i am not a crazy man, even though they mistook me for one. i live in the same world as the rest of you. only i saw more of it.
and the seeing is the only way you can hear what the truth around you is saying: you can always start believing in things you don't already believing in. and, while you're alive, it's never too late.
i promise you, jean. no matter how bad the days and things around you look, they look better awake than they do asleep. i can offer you some proof: when you die, there's only one thing you want to have happen. sometimes so badly it comes true, i guess. you want to come back.
i think so.
i fell down. but i'm alive.
you work there?
thanks.
nothin' to worry about there.
i'm doing fine.