it's nice to meet you.
oh, i'm not from around here. my friends and i are taking a road trip, and we just stopped to grab something to eat.
out there. by that van.
this is jay and silent bob. guys, this is sissy, missy, and chrissy.
i met 'em inside. they're gonna hitch a ride.
chrissy, no!
they're just gonna tag along for a few miles. they won't get in the way, i promise. please?
honest injun.
provasik pharmaceuticals is a medical lab where they perform gross experiments on animals.
is that where you guys are from?
oh, a jersey boy. what brings you all the way out here?
you did? i'll bet she was a lucky girl.
sorry.
wow. i have no idea what you just said.
sure.
you can't exclude an animal just because it's not cuddly. of course i like snakes.
what's a trouser snake?
you really don't want to help us--
you sure?
well--okay. let me talk it over with the other girls and get back to you.
you guys want anything from inside?
ow!
oh please--if i had to listen to one more of those stupid songs, i was going to throw him out myself.
we'll find someone else. besides, i didn't see you trying to stop jay from throwing him out.
cover, shmover--you all hated his songs, too.
they're really good friends.
they already do--she's the milkmaid, and she's the cow.
that makes two of us.
that's because very few names rhyme with "douchebag."
and you said letting them read all that anais nin wouldn't amount to anything.
uh-uh!
jay? no he's not.
well, maybe he was just raised with manners.
jay is not taking brent's place as the patsy.
i'm not gonna do it.
because he's just to so innocent!
look at him--
it's not really stealing--it's liberating it, and-- wait a second--did you say, "no problem"?
it's not like it's a bad thing. it's for a good cause.
what the heck is that?
"snoogans," i believe it was.
ohhh. well, that's too bad.
they're gonna do it.
remember--we meet back here when you're done. you sure you're okay with this?
maybe it's because women don't like to be called "bitches," jay.
how about not.
something sweet, you big goof. something nice.
okay. that's a start.
man you are such a bitch--
jay, you don't have to do this.
yes, sir.
you are so gay.
we can't just leave them like this! that alarm's gonna bring the cops here any minute!
justice! open the doors!
your tape worked. the news is all about jay and silent bob's provasik break-in, with almost no mention of the diamond heist.
don't you feel any regret? jay and bob don't deserve this. they were really sweet.
they're your gang.
we all gotta grow up some time.
don't you feel the least bit of guilt for what we did to those guys?
i'm sorry, jay.
oh my god! jay! no!
fuck it.
it was just a diversion so we could steal these.
and they're not the leaders of c.l.i.t. the c.l.i.t. is not real.
are you guys alright?
you remembered. it was a frame-up, jay. sissy. missy, chrissy, and i are international jewel thieves. we were setting you up as a patsy, but i couldn't go through with it, because i.  because i love you.
i can't do that, sissy
what's it gonna be, sissy? which fighting style do you want me to kick your ass in?
you're no match for my "shaolin monk."
a little "venus's--flytrap"?
how about a little "bitch, my man ain't yo baby's daddy"?
call me boo-boo kitty fuck--bitch!
c'mon guys. it's over.
no. i'm tired of running.
you awake, marshal? marshal?
you're not paralyzed. it was just a tranquilizer.
you have friends in the f.b.i.?
maybe not. i can make you a deal that'll get you into the f.b.i., regardless of test scores.
you drop the charges against jay and silent bob and say you never found the ape. make sure the world knows they're not in control of any c.l.i.t.
i'll explain later, jay in exchange, i'll give you the diamonds i stole, and turn in sissy, missy, chrissy, and myself. but i want a reduced sentence.
for him? i'd be willing to do anything.
i'm an international jewel thief who's facing a jail sentence.
if i go to prison, will you wait for me?
snoogans.
wait for me.
are these leg cuffs really necessary?