hey mom, heard you and dad doing the nasty last night. thanks for that one. by the way, who the fuck is nancy?
hey dad, mom's on the phone telling her friends that you're hung like a light switch.
oh daddy, there he goes. he makes the reach and.  yes! both balls at the same time! one heck of a double play!
and the sniff to finish it off.
fucking freak show.
do you like that nigger? come on nigger, do you like it?
okay, so. what was going through your mind when i called you a nigger?
i know.
well, what did it feel like?
what do you mean?
oh.
no.
have you ever wondered what it was like to treat someone so completely cruel that it was unthinkable?
i was trying to do the unthinkable and unimaginable when i called you that. i wanted to see if was even possible for me to do that.
i think i want to die. like i don't deserve to live anymore. and that i will never want to do something like that to someone again.
because everyone hates me.
they hate me because i seek beauty and appreciate destruction. they hate my mind, my thoughts, my imagination. they hate everything about me. and i hate them.
yep. everyone. everyone that knows or who has ever met me.
my parents provide me with food and shelter because they have been conditioned by society into thinking it's the appropriate thing to do. in reality they can't stand to be in the same room with me. they're fascists, brainwashed, and unforgiving.
do you understand me?
yes, i really do.
no one is asking you to. thank you for letting me film you.
one second.
who do you hate most in the world and why?
i do.
now we're onto something.
is that why you had a crush on me?
you didn't have a crush on me?
where'd you hear that?
you wanna know the truth?
he asked me if he should kill himself. i told him to look inside himself for the answer. i didn't tell him to. i didn't tell him not to. i said he shouldn't be afraid of the unknown. if he was going to kill himself, i wanted him to do it for the right reasons.
like you're normal.
if i'm such a freak, what are you doing in my room?
i wanna show you something?
that's mrs. holzclaw's car. she's your p.e. teacher, right? i hated her too.
and bill mcallister.  i went to school with his brother. they're both dicks.
i planted an ounce of weed in his locker then sent an anonymous letter to principal lipsky.
i took care of her too.
i had to.
i did it for you.
i felt like if i didn't save you then no one else would.
hey, great party, huh? i'm making a tape for my parents. want to say something to them?
hey mom. happy anniversary. you want to say anything to yourself?
okay, okay. wait.
say what you said to me before.
paraphrase it then.
say it like you did before but it doesn't have to be exactly the same.
that's what i said.
are you ready?
now.
yes!
then just ad-lib.
yes.
it means make it up.
let's take a break.
forget about the camera. talk to me.
tell me what you said earlier. about me about how you felt when you saw the video.
go on.
and earlier, what you said about god.
tell me.
i don't like it or dislike. i'm used to it.
generally i'd place the camera further away from my nose, but if this is your preferred shooting style then i guess i'll have to adjust to it.
how's this work for you?
i don't film everything.
i don't.
because it's rare that i get to find someone that lets their emotions go. when a person is crying, i mean truly crying, or truly laughing or smiling or frowning or gasping. for a few seconds or minutes i get a chance to see that person's soul. and really, now that you've forced me to think about it. i think it's a very rare and beautiful thing to be afforded that opportunity.
anything else?
because.
why do you think?
why you and why me? why are we together right now?
go ahead say it. i want you to. i know what you're going to say so just say it.
tell me.
tell me!
to a beautiful place.
chuck e. cheese.
i can't tell you. it'll ruin it.
anything.
yes, but i understand them.
lots of things.
i understand that my ascension into young adulthood triggered their descent into mid-life crisis. generally when an only child leaves the nest, the parents begin reassessing their own lives. they see us as a younger, better version of themselves.
when you don't have any friends, don't play sports, don't go out, have no one talk to, nowhere to go, no one to listen to you, or no one to help you figure things out, you sort of have to figure things out by yourself. and without any of those things i have nothing but time to think about stuff.
you are so beautiful.
i think you're the most beautiful person i have ever met. the most beautiful person in the universe.
get used to hearing it.
yes.
yes.
oh, i'm sorry. i thought you said flat. as in flat chested.
prove it.
i still can't tell.
show me. take em out.
it's already out.
that's why i did it. now come on. i showed you mine, let me see yours.
wow. give me the camera.
please, pretty, pretty please with sugar on top.
here, i'll pull over.
let me see 'em.
that doesn't count. come on, for real this time.
don't be. you can trust me.
you can. you can trust me with your life.
please.
will you take off your bra?
what's the matter?
will you be my girlfriend?
can i kiss you?
i want this moment to be captured forever. i'd rather not kiss you at all than waste the opportunity to document the most beautiful moment of my life.
relaxed, happy, confident, studly, excited, relieved, delighted.  i love you judy.
very much so. i always have.
are you getting this?
come on. are you getting this?
yeah, what's the matter?
don't fuck this up. please don't fuck this up.
just try to be normal. just be normal! god damn it why do you have to fuck everything up?
be normal. be normal. be normal!
so how do you feel now, right at this moment?
you were good. what got into you?
why's that?
now you have to tell me.
yesterday?
you were crying. i wanted to kill myself after i did that. you were scared and you were shaking. it was the most awful thing i ever did. i didn't think i'd ever see you again.
horny?
here. hold this.
one sec!
my dad keeps it in his closet. here.
now i see the appeal. give me the camera.
yes.
that is so hot.
fuck! it's my parents!
hi mom. hi dad. what are you guys up to?
gee dad, what do you say the two of us go out to the front yard and throw some ball together? we'll have a nice friendly game of catch.
mom!
take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd, buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks.
i don't think so nancy. nancy, nancy, nancy.
i know. ironic that i was the one sent to the nut house.
right here?
i think you're drunk.
i know a place like that.
yep. we can go there one day if you want.
erlanger.
yeah erlanger. everybody was talking about it in the nut house. that's all anybody fucking talked about was this dude who lives up there named uncle rodney. he supposedly has a commune where we can do this kind of thing every day.
no, i'm serious.
hey!
i'm thinking.
you're such a hippie all of sudden.
no.
okay, you really wanna hear something?
i want to go one day without masturbating. i want to liberate my penis. i want to clone you so we could have a three way and neither of us would be cheating. i want you to scrape my balls with a cheese grater.
and i love you. i love you so much it hurts.
like god is stabbing me in heart with a thousand knives at the same time and you're the only one who can make the pain go away. do you love me that much?
here.
make me a promise.  the way a husband and wife make a promise.  that we will be together always and forever.
something more powerful than marriage. it's a bond. it's our bond. it's transcendental.
transcendental. here.
it's transcendental because it transcends everything. life, love, law, people, things.  a bond so strong that our souls will become one and it can never end, even in death. if you swear on the bond, it means you'd rather die than break your promise.
you're so beautiful. i want to love you forever.
i swear on the bond.
not even death. i swear. nothing will come between us, ever.
together forever.
this is action ten news reporter jimmy van muffmuncher reporting to you live from the parking lot of dick's grocery store where we're going to witness the beautiful, the talented, the amazing judy, commit her first crime.
is there anything you would like to say to the public and your adoring fans before you go through with this?
your conformist crimeless virginity.
thank you and thank your tits for this rare, behind the scenes look at your first crime slash moment of truth.
no way, this is the best part.
twenty years from now, when we're together watching these tapes you'll realize how special this moment is. i owe it to you. and i owe it to us to capture everything and anything we do together.
so everybody makes fun of me, huh?
and you don't want to deal with it? well fuck them and fuck you too if you think that. i couldn't give a fuck what people say. this is my life and i want to document it. and right now me filming you happens to be the only reason i manage to get out of my fucking bed every morning! you can't take this away from me!
you're not getting it. it doesn't matter how it feels right now.
can you?
well can you at least try?
and you can never, ever, ever ask me to not film you or anything we do. that's the only thing i'll ever ask of you. agreed?
will you swear to it? on camera, will you swear to it?
please repeat after me. i judy.
do hereby solemnly swear.
that i will never ask, request, or even insinuate to jimmy to cease filming, no matter the situation.
and furthermore, i do hereby solemnly swear to commit myself to giving jimmy his daily blowjob and will continue to perform various sex acts with the skill and enthusiasm that he has become accustomed to.
keep your right hand up.
mother fuckers.
here, you're definitely going to want to tape this.
can i get a double cheese burger, no pickles, large fries and a coke?
that's what i fucking missed more than anything. fast food.
and a number two.
masturbated mostly.
i hope you're willing to be on call twenty four hours a day.
well, besides masturbating, i talked and talked and talked and fucking talked until they were satisfied. but basically i told them what they wanted to hear. i said shit like.
"now that i'm finally able to talk about my problems, i now realize that my behavior was inappropriate and harmful to others."
then i figured it out. i had to cry as much as possible. whenever someone would cry they'd call it a "break through." so i'd be like.
you start out slow, then you build it up like this.  "now i know that using violence is not the answer."
then you go like this: i was wrong, i know i was wrong and i'll never do it again. i don't want to hurt people or myself.
boo hoo, waaaaaa, boo-hoo-hoo, waaaaaaa. then you always give them the obligatory hug at the end. after a couple of weeks, then they officially diagnose you with something, give you a prescription, then you're done.
odd. oppositional defiance disorder.
odd is a disorder characterized by an overwhelming pattern of negative, hostile, and defiant behavior which causes severe delusions where the patient can no longer distinguish fantasy from reality.
you see. they fucked up my order. i specifically asked for no pickles.
ooow, jeez, they're hot! i burnt my nipples with the pickles.
i love the ghetto. i don't know what it is about it. i fucking love it. it's always the first place i go to when i get out.
if they don't send me to the bin, maybe they'll send me to jail.
all right.
i'm not going back.
judy.
i promise. i swear on my life and i swear on our bond, i'll never go back.
i love you too.
what's the matter?
i didn't mean to.
no.
no, no, no! that has nothing to do with it. after i saw my dad being rammed in the ass by my mother, i kind of blocked it out, but when i was in there they kept talking to me and talking to me about it. now i can't stop it from coming into my head. every time i get wood, the instant replay machine in my brain projects this image of my mom pounding into my dad.
yeah well, you know you didn't give too much of an effort to get in my pants anyhow. you just sort of made your sex face and grabbed my crotch.
now we're talking.
that is so hot.
watch out!
i think you hit someone.
stay here.
we're taking him to the hospital.
he's not breathing. he's not fucking breathing!
pop the trunk for me.
judy.
i don't know right now, but we're not driving around with a dead guy in our back seat.
pop the fucking trunk already before someone sees us!
fuck!
i'm driving.
get in.
are you gonna fucking get in!
we can't leave him in the middle of the fucking ghetto. get in before someone sees us!
just shut up.
shhhhhh!
you gotta play it cool, okay?
stop fucking crying. please, i'm begging you. stop it.
ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! just be cool.
certainly, sir.
shut up!
just shut the fuck up! i don't fucking want to talk about it!
i'm filming.
it's on infra-red. do you wanna see?
he's beautiful. he really is. there's a certain serenity to death i appreciate.
yeah, well you can't fucking go home. and you will do this. you did do this. you killed him. you didn't get in the car until the cops showed up. now we don't have a choice. you want me to go to jail? you want that?
we just need to make intelligent decisions. that's all. we'll find a way to take care of it. then we'll go away. we'll fix it. it'll be okay. i promise.
yeah. come here.
it's gonna be okay. i'm gonna take care of everything. i promise.
yeah, god damn. burning bodies fucking stinks. that bum's body odor is being cooked right off him.
don't have to be in the mood. doesn't matter. the camera's on, it's on. you wanna know where we're gonna go?
we're going to lincoln to visit dinko.
he's cool. and he's got his own place, and he said i could stay there whenever ever i wanted. plus he knows about you and he wants to meet you. and he doesn't like cops, so he's not gonna call 'em. okay? now gimme a smile.
gimme a smile, and i'll let you see my smiley face again.
yep.
no thanks, i just want to film judy dancing.
what kind of work?
yeah. that's what i've always wanted to do. learn to make and sell crystal methamphetamine. you're a fucking genius dinko.
she's my girlfriend, my best friend, and yes we fuck. and don't ever, ever fucking touch her. that's my only rule dinko.
uncle rodney?
he's not my uncle. he's not anybody's uncle. people just call him that. he's the one i told you about from the nut house.
i said one day i'd take you up to erlanger one day, remember?
when we were naked.
i don't know. are you into chicks?
sure dinko. bring her in.
you know what, never mind dink. i don't think judy's into chicks.
he's a big boy, he can do what he wants.
not with you.
i'm filming. are you going to fuck her or are you just gonna talk about it?
turn her ass towards the camera.
you think so?
take it!
finish him off! he deserves a bullet right in the fucking face, doesn't he?
then do it.
good bye dinko, mother fucker. thanks for letting us borrow your car, and for the cash.
you feeling good baby?
ditch it.
snort it. give some of it away.
vacation baby. anywhere we want to go.
yeah.
here she comes.
judy. and here, we wrote our own vows.
i do.
shhhh.  shut up!
i didn't want us to be apart.
they know who we are now. actually, we're famous now.
bitch.
wait a second.
i just want to look at myself one last time with hair.
stop.
i'm not sure about this.
yeah, but you look fucking great.
fuck it. let's do this thing.
this is the look.
let's just leave it like this.
i am one ugly mother fucker.
i look like dr. evil.
come on. let's go across the street and get a shit burger.
aaaaaaaaaahhh!
when?
shhhh. shut up. give it to me.
shhh.
shit.
they're outside our room.
let's go.
get in.
i know. just shut up! let me think.
are they coming?
oh, fuck. that was close.
hey baby, wake up baby. time to get up little fuck nugget.
good morning mrs. wright. and how are we feeling this afternoon?
it's a surprise. come on. i want you to drive us in. i want to film you when we get there.
nope. keep looking.
shhh. just drive.
this is where we live.
maybe. if you want to. for a little while.
go over here.
stop here.
take it.
no, that's buddy. he said rodney's been expecting us. we're, like, celebrities or something judy.
yeah! he wants to meet you.
let's go inside.
is it?
later. i just want to look at you now.
because you look happy, happier than you've looked in a long time.
hey!
so you like it here?
it's up to uncle rodney.
i never met him. he's supposed to be cool, though.  and weird. weird as hell.
buddy said rodney's cousin's the sheriff or something. do you want to meet him?
no! rodney.
i'm gonna see him tomorrow. buddy says he wants to talk to me. maybe he wants to talk to you too.
i don't know. buddy said he thought you were pretty.
i told you you were. you're the prettiest girl in the world.
me too.
no.
he's suppose to be cool.
um.  judy wants to meet him. i don't know if i can ask.
what the fuck does that mean?
just one second.
i'm ready whenever you are.
i'll be fine.
where's judy?
you've been awesome. judy loves it here.
judy?
judy!
fuck you!
judy, judy, wake up. fucking wake up!
judy? judy?
judy wake up.
are you all right baby? please wake up judy. judy?
judy, sweetie. come on honey. i saw you waking up.
there ya go.
you okay?
you're with me.
come on. not the camera.
yeah, those were the good old days. how much money do we have?
how do you feel about canada? it's closer.
i think i should take you home.
i could write you a letter. or i could make a video saying i made you do everything. they'd believe you. you could tell them it was all my fault. you could tell them i was going to mexico and i'd really go to canada.
we swore on the bond we'd never be apart.  but.
okay.
owww.
what?
huh? oh.  okay.
do you love me?
i do.
you know i love you, right?
judy?
we're fucked.
look in the rearview mirror.
that's it baby. we're done.
just pull over. it's not worth it.
judy, what are you doing? you know this is.
judy?
i love you.
it's over.
it is.
it's a dead end.
do you hear that?
come on, it's over. i'll do what i said before. i'll tell them i made you do it. it'll be okay.
well we fucking can't, so pull the fuck over!
come on.
judy?
judy! stop it.
judy, what are you doing?
judy!
judy! stop!
judy!