hi. i'm mark loring. i'm the husband.
this is our attorney, gerta rauss.
like the city in alaska?
cool. well, let's sit down and get to know each other a bit.
so, let's discuss how we're gonna do this.  thing.
technically, that would be kickin' it old testament.
obviously, we'll compensate you for your medical expenses.
vanessa has wanted a baby since we got married.
sure, why not? i mean, every guy wants to be a father. coach soccer, help with science projects and.  i don't know. fatherly stuff.
sorry. i was just getting something.
what? no! do we come off like paranoid yuppies or something?
i don't get a klepto vibe from you. evil genius? maybe. arsonist? wouldn't rule it out.
am i supposed to feel happy now?
viscera?
we'd better get back downstairs asap.
oh. that's, uh, my room. vanessa lets me have a room for all my old stuff.
shut up.
what do you play?
oh.
sorry. i swear i'm not a gear snob.
tell me about it. i used to play in a really tight band back when i lived in chicago, and one night we opened for the melvins.  do you know who the melvins are?
well, we were playing with them and i busted this guitar onstage. it cost me $800 and a dime bag just to have it fixed.
'93. i'm telling you that was the best time for rock and roll.
you weren't even alive!
juno just wanted a closer look at kimber here.
yeah.
that's great, right? stellar news. well, you guys drive safe, and we'll hear from you soon, all right?
juno? wow, i didn't expect to see you here.
no, she's working late tonight. she's trying to accrue some extra time off for when, you know.
come on in. you wanna ginseng cooler?
i don't know. something to do with the four-packs.  . they're not bad.
i mostly work from home. i'm a composer.
no, more commercial stuff.
commercials.
have you seen those ads for titanium power men's deodorant?
i wrote that.
they'd say you came a long way out here not knowing if anyone would be home.
you're kidding!
oh, is he bald and amorphous?
can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?
well, it can really only go two ways.
junk?
i know what junk is.
we definitely want it to have junk.
wait. do you hear that?
it's only my favorite song. it's sonic youth doing "superstar" by the carpenters.
you haven't heard the carpenters like this. listen.
don't you remember you told me you loved me, baby.
this album is all carpenters covers by alt-rock bands. it's called if i were a carpenter. it is god. i'll rip a copy for you before you leave.
it's the least i can do. what did you say your favorite band was?
yeah, i definitely need to make you some cds. at least while my kid is hanging out in there.
oh yeah. it's herschel gordon lewis. he's the ultimate master of horror.
argento's good, but lewis is completely demented. we're talking buckets of goo. red corn syrup everywhere. and fake brains up the yin-yang.
here's to dovetailing interests.
well, sort of. vanessa likes madison for a girl.
god, pretentious much? i guess everyone should have a mysterious name like juno, huh?
that suits you.
you know, not many teenage girls in your situation would actually go through with this.
you're something else.
vanessa. shit, you better get out of here.
nothing. she just hates when i sit around watching movies and 'not contributing.'
wait.  aww, crap!
juno was nice enough to bring this by for us.
yeah. mall madness, huh?
i doubt anyone's throwing us a shower.
cold feet.
hey, don't forget your bag.
they're yellow.
why do people think yellow is gender- neutral? i don't know one man with a yellow bedroom.
or you could just wait a couple months. it's not like the baby's going to storm in here any second and demand dessert-colored walls.
nesting, huh? are you planning to build the crib out of twigs and saliva?
i just think it's too early to paint. that's my opinion.
hm.
hello?
oh really? what's the verdict?
cute?
i imagine you have a collection of punk chestnuts to prove your point.
i'm dying to see what you've got to teach me.
go learn something.
wow. that shirt is working hard.
nope. we're safe.
come on, i have something for you.
hilarious. no, i just keep all of my old comics down here, and i want to show you one of them.
you're gonna like this, i promise.
here it is.
isn't that great? i got it when i was in japan with my band. she reminds me of you.
most fruitful yuki is bad ass, man. you should be proud to be the same condition.
i actually know this one.
yeah, this song's older than me, if you can believe that. i danced to it at my senior prom.
her name was cynthia vogel and she was a good dance partner. even let me put my hands on her butt.
no, i put my hands on your waist. then you put your arms around my neck. that's how we did it in '88.
you've never been to a dance, have you?
what are you?
i feel like there's something between us.
i'm leaving vanessa.
it's just not working out, but i'm getting my own place in the city.  and i've got it all planned out. it's something i've wanted to do for a long time.
no?
what's the matter?
but i thought you'd be cool if.
a baby is not going to fix everything. besides, i don't know if i'm ready to be a father.
i.  how do you think of me, juno? why are you here?
this.  . this is what my life has become. stuff in boxes. stuff underground. is that so appealing to you?
that's not the point. we're just not in love anymore.
i'm such an idiot. i can't believe what an idiot i am.
god, you're so young.
she's hormonal. right, june? it's just part of the whole process.
i didn't do anything.  i just.  i've just been thinking.
just thinking if this is really the right thing for us.
i've been just wondering if we're, you know, ready.
i know we're prepared. i just don't know if.  i'm ready.
it all just happened so fast. we put that ad in the paper. i thought it would take months if, you know, ever and then -- boom -- two weeks later, she's in our living room.
ever since, it's just been like a ticking clock.
it just feels a little like bad timing.
i don't know. there's just things i still want to do.
don't mock me.
i never said i'd be a great father.
i called gerta rauss. she says she can represent both of us. they call it "collaborative divorce." it's apparently all the rage right now. and it's easy because we don't have children.
looks like it, yeah.
yeah, downtown.
it's a loft.
i know you did.
it looks like a bill from jiffy-lube.