you dance like a herd of cattle, miss fairchild. you are a rare woman who lights up the room.  simply by leaving it.
i despise affairs of this sort, uncle otto. no one really listens to anyone else. if you attempt it, you will see why.
you do not wonder at all. you merely ask in order to state your own opinion.
ahh, here it comes.
i do not know.
i am most grateful for your surveillance and for your sympathy. i assure you there is no need for concern. i am as effectual and attentive.  as my position allows.
you dance like an angel, miss fairchild. you light up the room. i thank you.
good evening. i do not believe i have had the pleasure.
you are not from the area, are you?
this is my estate.
shocking! the ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay.
it is a scandal nonetheless.
miss carlson, do me the honor?
truly i would be in your debt. any admonition would be erased simply by presenting a partner as lovely as yourself.
i suppose we really ought to sing along.
not at all. it was most enlightening.
i won't hear of it.
i shall see you to the door.
miss carlson?
good god.
what sort of mechanism is this?
answer me!
what is this? who are you?
miss carlson.  i.
where? what has happened?!
oh. americans. i see.
dr. coles? i do not follow. what do you mean, get me back home?.  where am i?
answer me!.  would you have me believe.  i am being detained, at present in the hereafter?.  the time to come?
19?
you're insane! all of you! this is impossible!
a voyage through time! what do you take me for? did you bring me here by force?
let me out of here! i won't stand for this another moment!
19?
i insist on being returned home immediately.
i wish to speak with your employer, dr. coles.
you are not suggesting that you are dr. coles?
miss.  uh?
a woman of science?
but a woman's brain cannot obtain enough knowledge to posses a truly scientific mind.
are you attempting to be humorous?
young lady, i.  surely it is not expected that i remain here with you indefinitely.  unchaperoned?
certainly not!
the idea! my dear miss coles.
honey.
honey.  for the tea.
thank you.  has it been decided what it is i am to do while i am being held here?
at what time shall i wee and pooh?
your father?
visiting?
a canadian?
horrible!
what is this?
it is beyond help. please serve the next course.
is all food here this.  textured?
please understand, i am used to a different sort of preparation. where i come from a proper meal is the result of reflection and study. a recipe is merely a theme which an intelligent cook can plan each time with variation.
several courses are served. menus are often prepared days in advance, timed to perfection. it is said, without the culinary art, the crudeness of reality would make life unbearable.
in canada.
how interesting.
it should be obvious to you that i am not a domestic. you may take my plate.
young man, there is a distinct impertinence to your voice.
suppress it.
what is it?
dr. coles, your brother charles attitude and demeanor are unacceptable. if i am to stay on here you must have a serious talk with him regarding respect and civility.
i cannot seem to find the tea.
no.  no.  no. good god, no!.  perhaps.
i should like to read about modern currency during my bath tonight. see that the tub and basin are scrubbed up. remnants remain of this afternoons shave.
the fire brigade!
this is insufferable! i refuse to be spied upon, skipped over, or shuffled about any longer. i have yet to venture outside this cell. before i go mad a more suitable arrangement must be found.
a resolution?
dr. coles! changes are in order.
miss coles, as we are to remain here together, there are certain conditions i insist are met and maintained. i no longer wish to be peeped at, mocked.
or interrupted. jot this down. breakfast at 12. luncheon at 4. diner at 8. a horse should be made available from 1 to 3.
yes. also, i feel very strongly about your style of dress. i do not care for it. i cannot believe it is the prevailing taste for women to appear masculine and unkempt. if this is the fashion, have it altered.
that is all for the present.
crumbs, my dear!
dr. coles. i have been acquainted with many women in my time, yet i am compelled to say that the modern woman is by far the least attractive i have ever encountered.
$7.95 for a sandwich? is that correct?
it seems rather pricey to me.
i shan't.
yes, i.  i would be happy to sample one however i'm afraid i haven't the finance with me just now. if i could establish a credit with you, i will have someone come round with the funds tomorrow.
i believe so. yes.
i beg your pardon?
may i remind you, merchant, that i am the customer in this establishment and as such require your attention and the utmost respect. i do not accept this modern convention of desecrating one's patrons with such contemptuous disregard.
need i add that without our patronage you would not own that unwashed counter behind which you spew your filthy mouth?
don't be irrelevant.  i'm browsing.
do you intend to physically escort me out?
did you see what he did? did you see that?
i wish to go home.
no.  i wish to go home.
i've something to say. to the both of you. i.  nothing is what it seems. after witnessing mere weeks of this age it is painfully apparent i am outside of my acquaintance.  i don't know how to proceed. i frankly.  am in need of assistance. i'm sorry. i'm not very good at this. in the event you have missed it, i am apologizing.
i understand. it practically races through mine.
we'd better get to bed.  that is.
oh, dear.
you mustn't get too used to it. you'll find life passes you by awfully quickly.
thank you for.
well, goodnight then.
oh! i beg your pardon. i, i, i, was merely.  i didn't.
i merely wanted to see.  that is, inquire, on your availability, for an outing.  my assimilation and so forth.
yes, of course. splendid.
are you certain this is correct?
now really. isn't this better?
allow me.
sorry. oops! careful there. so sorry.
have you seen today's paper?
but.
dr. coles, why is it you are not married?
yet people still marry?
i suspect there is something wrong with you.
perhaps it is the way you present yourself.
there is some sort of problem when a woman reaches thirty and insists on remaining single.
what?
it was an arbitrary number.
i didn't mean it.
i apologize.  how old are you?
i'm sorry.
she is the woman to whom i was referring. you see the problem?
you have a lovely face.
we'll take the dress.
what is this?
i'm coming.
astounding.
how are you proceeding?
the complexity of this equation is astonishing? can you really comprehend all that?
you're quite exceptional dr. coles. that is to say, you all are.
may i accompany you?
i am not certain i understand therapy.
what exactly transpires during therapy?
i am perfectly able to travel homeward myself.
really! i have finance and our address. i shall take a cabbie.
you are late. i insist. i am not a child. dr. coles.
i can't seem to.
this is rather difficult for me.
i have been in the salon contemplating the reception i have received by the various tradesmen i have visited. i've determined i am lacking the dexterity of modern intercourse.
social skills.
i realize our association has been rather distant and i bear you no ill will.
the fact is.  i need help.
i would appreciate the masculine point of view.
my walk?
strut?
i will not.
that's enough! really! you walk.
what?
naturally.
tchaikovsky. waltz of the flowers.
what in the world?
is this your child?
i see.
just a moment! pick a hand.
my mother's name was elizabeth. she's a beautiful child. you're very lucky.
i understand pumpkin pies, pizza pies, and pot pies. but i wish someone would explain eskimo pies.
you smoke camel's, you wear old spices, and you drink mountains dew. it's revolting. the pudding tonight is excellent. another thing i've noticed, everyone is in a great rush today. instant oatmeal, instant coffee, speed stick, minute maid. you'll find there's much to be said for moderation and languor.
mmmm. is it tapioca?
it's marvelous.
who is that?
sounds enjoyable. i shall join you.
if you'd rather i didn't go.
a little ribald humor? i'm not as big a stick in the mud as you might think! i'd enjoy a gay night out, kicking up my heels.
proper speech does not cease to exist simply because it is ignored.
charles, you needn't fret. i have the walk down pat. i will not give myself away. like.
what is it?
she's very pretty.
congratulations.
i understand.
of course not. let's go inside.
hey.
waz up?
how are ya?
may i?
thank you, my dear.
you did not tell the truth about patrice, charles.
he informed me you were inconceivably hot, but i think you're lovely. exceptionally lovely.
but charles, it is so ridiculous. i am not interested in her.
in any case the problem is not with me but with you. you have no idea what it takes to go about courting a woman. from what i've witnessed tonight, it is symptomatic of your entire generation.
now i do not wish to get personal.
but you have been of great assistance to me and i feel this is one area where i can be of some real help.
now, why was i successful with this young lady and why did you so miserably fail?
well she gave me the number of her telephone and i assumed it meant.
as i see it, the girl hasn't an inkling of your intentions. and it's no wonder. you, charles, are a merry andrew.
a merry andrew.
everything plays like a farce to you. the more wit, the less courage. i believe the modern woman desires passion, protection, sensitivity. no woman wants to be romanced by a buffoon. banter and repartee are fine but you must add to that a different sort of playfulness.
i'm saying you must treat her with respect. any oaf can attempt a crude pass. a woman of kate's stature would never respond to an artificial tactic.
what?
i did not.
we are discussing your problem.
charles.
perhaps she has not met the right one.
one never can tell.
no.
no.
i do not know if there is a future in it.
what's that?
i see.
it was very interesting.
yes. i did.
yes.
kate?
goodnight.
goodbye.
of course it did.
charles. leave everything to me.
good morning.
i'm terribly sorry!!
dr. coles?.  ah, kate? i was wondering.
what it is you're working on.
i see. actually i meant the work itself.
oh.
i have never seen a woman work as diligently and extensively before.
it's quite a beautiful day, have you noticed? perhaps you would permit yourself some time off and grant me the privilege of escorting you around the city this fine spring afternoon.
i'm afraid it really wouldn't be the same. it is your company i am seeking.
i see. some other time then.
maybe if you.
i see.
perhaps it is a sign?
allow me.
is that supposed to be my hair? do you see how they think my hair looks?
aaand this represents?
i'd almost forgotten how beautiful it was. truly. beautiful.
m & m's, cbs, fbi.
ah, jfk, pdq, xyz.
i don't know how you keep up with it. i'm exhausted.
i'll tell you what. why don't i prepare dinner tomorrow night? i never have before. i mean even before i hit town. "hit town" how's that? i can't imagine what it'll taste like, but i don't think it will be any worse than your cooking.
i see.
oh, i'm so sorry.
ah!
another time then.
it's quite all right.
the pleasure was mine.
it is very simple. i will be your date. just behave as you normally would and i'll correct you along the way. now, escort me in.
pull the chair for a lady! clod.
well, really!
you're not shoveling coal into a furnace, charles. glide the chair in gently. gently. try it again.
well, sit down!
merely start from the outside and work your way in.
beer!
you look exquisite, katherine.
your bland date?
kate, may i have a word with you?
yes. i don't like the look of him.
cad. i can spot one a mile away. i shall escort you out myself. i will act as your chaperone.
it is no trouble.
but.
bread and butter.
you're back early. did you enjoy your date?
is it gone?
how inconsiderate.
is he there right now?
i'll protect you.
dr. coles, would you grant me license to dine with you tomorrow evening at eight o'clock?
until tomorrow, then.
you look beautiful.
i know you like it.
tell me more.
have you had many jobs?
do you miss him?
i think you are a remarkable woman katherine coles.
no, it is you who would be surprised.
kate.
good morning.
it's nothing.
i will have to have a talk with her.
kate.
please sit down.
kate, i had never before been a considerate man. i had, with astonishing complacency, squandered my life, waiting for some incentive to force me into action. you have made me see how rare our time here really is. i am most beholden to you kate. and always will be.
do me the honor katherine, of becoming my wife.
shall i take that as a "yes"?
i love you, kate.
where i come from that's pretty much the way it works.
i have loved you since i first set eyes on you. i cannot imagine my life without you beside me. i want to marry you, kate and make an honest woman of you.
do you not love me kate?
then consider my proposal.
i need you beside me. i will not give up easily.
coffee?
public office is apparently still the last refuge for the incompetent. show me a man who does not want his gun registered and i'll show you a man who should not own a gun. what is a pee-pee girl?
the village voice. after much consideration, i have decided it is time i join the work force.
perhaps not that, but i am determined to acquire honest employment.
kate, my life back home was beneficial to no one. i want my new life to have value. i won't make the same mistakes twice.
i could conceivably wait my whole life away.
i will not waste any more time. i must make a difference.
try our fragrance? would you like to try our new fragrance today?
it is called, poison.
i beg your pardon?
next aisle over.
give your mother-in-law what she really deserves this season. give her some poison.
so i looked him right in the eye and said, 'ego is nature's compensation for mediocrity.' i turned and i walked. he never said a word.  he probably didn't understand it.  kate?
are you all right? you're awfully quiet.
how was your day?
when?
no!
is that all?
who is this woman sitting across from me?
tell me that you love me as i love you. let me hear you say it.
i will not do this. i'm sorry.
good god. look at you. you look awful.
i went back to the restaurant. they told me you went out looking for me right after i left.
i had a lot to think over.
just where i stand around here.
is that an apology?
i'm not going anywhere.
i'm not going. i'm staying here with you.
it is my destiny. it is my decision.
i love you, kate. the single most miraculous event in my life was not how i arrived here, but that when i did, i found you.
after much consideration i've come to the conclusion i no longer desire a large estate with a full staff and ornate grounds.
a beautiful wife, a small home in the middle of nowhere, lots of children, and fine schools with pms meetings every other sunday.
the decision is not yours to make.
we do that every day, doctor. it is called choice.
perhaps she does not wish to return. perhaps she's found greater happiness in her new life. it happened to me.
i keep seeing that poor woman's face. she was terrified.
six months ago i wouldn't have given it another thought. i wouldn't have lost a moment's sleep. you've changed me, kate. there is no turning back.
you don't realize what you're saying! you don't understand the kind of life you'd lead. what you'd be giving up.
i can't ask that of you.
come back with me.
this is something i've wanted to do for a long time.
this will be very therapeutic.
i understand.
the privilege was mine.
oh, my.
see that you do.
goodbye. i shall miss you charles, more than you know.
i will.
i will see you soon.
you'll be with me all the time.
kate.
i love you, kate.
for as long as it takes.
i'll be waiting.
thank you.
yes. you dance like an angel miss beall. you light up the room around you. i thank you.