thanks. thanks very much.
i'd like to but .
sorry, but i've got a strict rule never to .
i'll let you know.
well .
no thanks. i don't smoke.
no thanks. i don't cough.
go on.
look .  er .  what was the name?
look, rupert. i know what you're saying. but things don't work that way. you can't just walk onto a network show without any experience. you've got to start at the bottom .
you've got to work your way up, learn your trade in front of live audiences, start playing the little clubs.
i get calls from agents every day. all they want .
look, why don't you call my office.
nice meeting you, rupert. i hope it all works out for you.
thanks, but some people are waiting for me.
not bad. maybe.
call my office.
that's alright, vincent. mr. pupkin's a friend of mine.
is eddie here today, vincent?
fine. what comes with it?
it shows, does it? it's all these problems with the show. that and the custody suit.
i appreciate it, rube. just talking about it a little with you helps.
never mind. you were saying .
yeah?
you know, maybe you're right, rube.
and that's where you come in.
i'd be grateful, rube. i really would.
looks good, eddie.
say hello to jerry.
say hello to jerry.
yeah.
who gave you this number?
say goodbye to jerry.
take note of that, you ladies.
dynamite! this is dynamite!
look, i've been at this for fifteen years, rupert, and i haven't come up with anything like this -- not me, not any of my writers.
tell me something, rube. how do you do it? i'm not asking to use the material myself. i just want to know how you how you do it.
come on. try, rube.
is that what you do? the worst parts, and then you look at them in a funny light? is that what you do?
but that's just it, rube. it doesn't happen for me. why do you think the show is in so much trouble? by the time i've done my monologue, everyone has switched to carson. maybe if you did a little writing .  ?
you would? great. why don't you come out to my place this weekend and we'll hash it out. i'm having a few of my friends but we should be able to get a little work in.
a girl, rube?
i'd love to meet her.
that's alright, thanks.
sorry, i'm off duty.
well then, you'll just have to put on a better show than i do.
he's the one who found himself a winner.
to rita and rupert -- a short engagement and a long, happy marriage.
where are they?
what's going on here?
who?
you are.
you know, i could have you arrested, both of you.
well, you should have before you .
let's not.
look, if you've got something for me to sign, let's have it and get it over with so i can get back .
i have a lot of work to get to. how did they get here?
you're a little thick, aren't you?
call the station.
there'll be a cab here in a few minutes. now if you'll just wait at the gate .
i've told you just as clearly as i can. i want you out of here and i want you out now. scram, beat it, vamoose, out! is that plain enough!
come on. let's go.
i'll call the police if i have to.
i have my own life, that's all.
i'm not telling you again.
what do you want?
look, this is .
you realize what you're saying.
what?
helen keller.
hey, if that's what's bothering you, let's go over to my office and listen to that tape right now.
you're right. you know that? i was thoughtless. it's just that when you're doing a big show, it's hard to tell who your friends really are. i was wrong. i apologize. why don't we just shake hands and forget the whole thing?
but i mean it. i'll tell them that the whole thing was a joke and then we can go to my office and listen to that tape. come on. what do you say?
not if i tell them not to. this is jerry, rupert, i give you my word.
come on, rupert. my word's good enough, isn't it.
that was a wonderful dinner, marsha. i want you to know how much i enjoyed it.
i'd like to show you my gratitude. but it's a little difficult, like this.
watch my hair!
ow!
ow! god damnit! not so fast!
ow!!!!
stop!