afternoon, sheriff. you know the funthes boy? no no, weemack! mackatee's eldest! well, he's a good boy but he done gone down to the costco in pascagoula and got hisself a blastah -- and he been playin' that music! loud! "left my wallet in el segundo!" songs like that! hippity-hop music! you know they call it hippity-hop music, but it don't make me wanna go hippity-hop! and othar don't like that music neither! how could it help but do! that kind of music! you know what they call colored folks in them songs? have you got any idea? niggaz! i don't wanna say the word. i won't say it twice, i'll tell you that. i say it one time. in the course a swearin' out my complaint. niggaz! two thousand years after jesus! thirty years after martin luther king! the age of montel! sweet lord a-mercy, izzat where we at? weemack down to pascagoula buyin' a big thumpy stereo player?! so he can listen to that word in the house next to mine? sheriff, you gotta help that boy! you gotta take an innarest! extend that helpin' hand! well god bless ya. don't wanna be tried and found wantin'. many many tunkalow parzen, sheriff wyner. many many tunkalow parzen! you have been tried and found wanting. don't want that writin' on the wall! feast a balthazar! john the apostle said: behold there is a stranger in our midst, come to destroy us! he's a good man. just needs instruction. dog, you in peoples' way. you need somethin' to eat, angel? mm. gizzards. othar, i went'n complained about weemack, i hope it'll do some good. that boy hangin' by a thread! over the pit! fiery pit! "i left my wallet in el segundo"! sixty-seven years of life, forty- six years of marriage, you mean to tell me you never one time suffered from piles? it's the human condition, most humans anyway. like that ball player said: world's got two kinds of folks -- them that's got piles and them that's gonna get 'em. but you was always healthy as an ox. passed on before you got piles. mmmmhmm. thank the lord you wasn't sick. you don't wanna sicken 'n die. no, you wanna pass nice 'n peaceful. go to sleep one night, wake up in the glory land. woof. well who's that now, pickles? pickles! go get 'im! go get pickles, i didn't let 'im out! oh, he's up the tree again. your gonna have to shimmy on up. huh? no, he won't come down less you fetch him. he'd set there til gabriel blows his horn if someone didn't shimmy up. up with you now! look, i don't want no doubletalk. if you ain't gonna fetch him down i guess i gotta call the po-lice. they ain't gonna be happy. every time they come fetch him down they swear they won't do it no more. don't upset him, now! well you let him out. what, like elmer? fudd? sore bone, well i guess that's appropriate. you ever study at bob jones university? it's a bible school, only the finest in the country. i send them five dollars every month. i'm on their mailing list. i'm an angel. they list my name in the newsletter, every issue. i got the literature here, you wanna examine it. i was wondering, til you let pickles out. then in all the excitement-- yeah, i got a room. i'm lookin' for a quiet tenant. fifteen dollars a week well you can see the room, but i don't like double-talk. wait a minute. you got some kind of band? so you don't play hippity-hop, "i left my wallet in el segundo," songs with the titles spelt all funny? gospel music? rococo, huh? well, i guess that'd be okay. little dank, ain't it? you containing it okay. that would be a shame. that man has a lot to say. and every word of it the truth. stout, too. it was a good sermon. that man has a lot to say. and the choir was all in good voice. mm-mm- who could that-- somebody die? no smoking in this house. you ain't gonna make a racket, are ya? hmph. that's okay, don't stop on account of me. huh. i just thought you might like to see-what a you gotten up to, honey? why you sweatin' like that. you mind! i don't want that kind of talk in my home, even in the root cellar. this is a christian house, boy, none of that hippity-hop language. sometimes it's the only way! i'm tryin' to help you, son! better yaself! don't make no never-mind he's transported! you been smokin'? my youth i was in church, i wasn't walkin' around fiery. youth ain't no excuse for nothin'! well, anyway. only came down to show you the fife. othar's fife. he burned his own. mm-hm. i thought maybe bein' a musical man you'd be interested. cut it himself and burned the holes. israelites called it a kalil. kalil, fife, same thing. you can read about it in the bible. ain't nothin' new under the sun. gone these twenty years. he was some kind of man. blowed the kalil. i don't know nothin' 'bout that. othar didn't study no shofar, to the extent a my knowledge. the kalil was good enough for my othar. some kind of man. you just a readin' fool, ain't you mr. dorr. mm-mm. wisdom of mankind, what about the wisdom of the lord? i know who he is. kinda creepy. who was helen? she wasn't a loose woman, was she? some kinda whore a babylon? oh mr. dorr, why you are such a gallant man. othar loved that music. yes, i got a widow-lady friend. huh? excuse me. sheriff wyner, how you doin'. mm-hm. hang on there, sheriff, somebody i want you to meet. why, you chasin' a gang of bank robbers? get on in here say hello. we was just havin' tea, talkin' about othar-- hm. bussed his own dishes. you can always tell a gentleman. mm-hm, with me'n othar. come on up to his room. mm, he's neat. probably went down to the cellar to play with his friends. what the. what the. why, professor! what you doin' havin' tea down there?! land of goshen! get out from under there! why of all the. why i never! my friend mrs. funthes is here so i'm about to go on out. i just wanted to leave y'all with some cinnamon cookies. y'all sound pretty good. it'd be nice if you'd come by the church some day, give us a recital. oh, i see all right, but we don't make a big whoop-dee-do about denominations; everybody welcome at our church. we've had methodists come in. episcopals. even had a jew come in once with a guitar back in the sixties. professor, this is rosalie funthes, rosalie, professor g.h. dorr, ph.d. he a man of learnin'? what in the name of heaven was that? didn't hear anything?! they using the house to practice music a the rococo. pickles! you catch pickles now! you let the cat out! professor, i'm surprised. i hadda fix tea. i wanna talk to you, professor, don't you be leavin'. and don't make any more noise! and you! i told you, i don't want any smokin' in here! you get back down those stairs! hush! down those stairs! we havin' tea now! i be down shortly. he's the tenant. i don't know what you boys been up to but i wasn't born yesterday and i know mischief when i see it. now i want an explanation, but first i want you boys to get your fannies up here with y'alls period instruments. i been tellin' the ladies about your music and they wanna hear you play. hmph. hmph. now, i wanna know what's goin' on. hmph. what about all that money? this don't smell right. i'm callin' sheriff wyner. mm-hm. lord have mercy! stolen money! just one penny? well that's prob'ly true. well. it's hard to see the harm in it. one penny. i'm sorry, professor. no. it's wrong. don't you be leadin' me into temptation. no, it's just plain wrong. stealin'. i know your intentions were good, and i won't call the police if you give the money back. but i gotta see that you do it. and all a you gotta go to church with me next sunday. i made up my mind. you can double- talk all you want, but its church or the county jail. you think it over. i gotta feed the cat. what you doin'? what you doin' with my pillow there? i'm displeased with you! colored boy like you, falling in with that trash downstairs! ashamed a yourself! didn't your mama raise you right! mm-hmm. i don't care they was receptive or not! well that is a shame. well i'm glad y'all came to see the light, anyway. i'm gonna have some tea and go to bed. hmm. mm-hm. professor! hmm. couldn't face the music. scoot now! outa the way! sheriff, i gotta make a statement. i guess it can wait, but it's about that casino money. something? everything! i got it at home. the money. two point six million dollars. down in my root cellar. all stacked up nice and neat. bunch a desperate men that stole it put it there, that's how! they was musicians of the renaissance period, played the sackbutt and so on -- well, it turns out they really couldn't play, although they could recite poems to break your heart. their ringleader speaks in dead tongues. i tried to get you to see him! that night? i had to yell at 'em 'bout stealin' all that money and i guess i made 'em feel pretty bad 'cause they picked up and left without takin' the money. but i was peeved with 'em, sheriff, they'd been up to all sorts of mischief, come close to blowin' up the house, disturbed othar no end. wouldn't you be? all that racket! and they let pickles out too! no, he's back, but what you want me to do with the money? keep it? well. i know it's only a penny offa everybody's policy. i know folks don't much care. could i. you s'pose i could. could i give it all to bob jones university? well, long as everybody knows. you're welcome, sheriff. just doin' my duty. leaning, leaning, safe and secure from all harm. lean on jesus, lean on jesus, leaning on the everlasting arm. what a fellowship, what a peace of mind, safe and secure from all harm. lean on jesus, lean on jesus, leaning on the everlasting arm. pickles! pickles!