labor day weekend. some time for a sanitation strike. everybody crazy to stock up. they decide to score at the last minute and want it now. never fails. the faces look alike. you gotta use memory tricks: each has some peculiarity -- it keeps you sharp. a d.d. told me when a drug dealer starts writing a diary it's time to quit. i started writing after that. not every night -- now and then. just to burn off the night. fill up one book, throw it out, start another.
ann.
robert.
sad what ten years without sex can do.
twenties -- and tens.
you mean --?
cash before delivery.
it's late. you staying?
i'm gonna crash -- try, at least.
yeah -- big kiss.
"labor day." "union movement" -- there's a contradiction in terms. i know about long hours. it's worse when i'm off -- i just walk and walk. where am i going? there's an element of providence to it all. like rolling numbers. luck. you're walking down the street, some guy that looks maybe a little like you does a stick-up four hours ago, there's an apb description out and a cop pulls you in cause he's cold and wants to go inside -- they grab your stash. your number's up. you're busted for nothing. for bad luck.
don't bore me.
jees --
we pay you more, you put up with more. white drugs for white people. twice the price, twice the safety.
never made any big money either.
she blows it.
she always says that. we'll see, jealous.
no way. i'm not the management type. i get in charge, i'll start using again -- not for me. i know music people. i'm gonna get in recording.
what?
why?
i look like an encyclopedia? who knows? thanks for the warning.
yeah, nineteen grams after four times last night. we're certainly not his favorite people.
he took my hundreds.
who's her majesty talking to?
that's where the money is.
don't dress. you really think she means it?
that's just her mouth talking.
"akasha"?
-- this week. i don't get it -- marigolds, violets, sage -- why'd anyone pay to put weeds on their face?
you forget: she hasn't asked me.
of what?
very nice.
how about indian?
i'm going veggie. get me the "puk ob."
use it for facial cream.
forgive us.
it was supposed to be light tonight.
don't have one.
raining?
traffic. it's raining.
okay.
robert said he sold you a quarter yesterday.
eddie. look at yourself. sit down. i've known you, what, like eight years?
knew you from the other job, the one before the last one you fucked up. i knew your wife -- remember her? we used to sit and talk and talk --
this is no good. i'll sell you a gram and some downs, but i ain't gonna put you in the emergency room. cool it. go to bed. sleep it off.
so go to the street.
go ahead. you know what she'll say. phone's over there.
fuck you. that's it. you're out. don't call again. catch you next lifetime.
okay.
you got downs? one more thing. i gotta use the phone.
i've got to go.
everybody wants to talk. it's like a compulsion. my philosophy is: you got nothing to say, don't say it. they figure you can tell a d.d. anything, things they would never tell anyone else. he understands. of course they're stoned to start. if i could tie together all the hours of coke talk i've heard, that would be a lot of string. it was robert's idea to add twenty-five dollars to home deliveries cause it's such a hassle. fifty is more like it.
me? i'm an old man. she'd break me like an old horse.
nah. thanks anyway. i gotta go. have fun.
carlos. wait a second.
marianne! marianne! hop in! i'll give you a ride.
john. john letour.
get in. you're getting soaked.
where are you going?
i didn't know you still lived here.
don't be crazy. it's pouring.
-- former drug associates.
i heard. i'm happy for you.
i know. mar, you don't need to avoid me. i'm straight -- two years. it came that time. i tried to tell you. i wrote. i called.
honest.
no. i stopped.
almond oil. you can check. look.
shit.
i still deal a little, but i'm straight -- that part's true. believe me.
i won't say anything. i promise. i'll just sit here. i'll just give you a ride.
where do you live? mari.
eighty-third street.
thanks.
yeah.
i'm not sure how this works.
no, but i've, well, i've heard about it.
no.  it's not that.  i don't know -- i just decided to come. i thought.
a recommendation. somebody from work. two hundred dollars, right?
i don't care.
yeah.
i don't know.
my mother?
not.  i.
yes.
yes.
as a child.
no. i --
yes.
yes.
teresa?
i'm thirty-eight years old. forty.
i have trouble sleeping. look. what do you see around me? is there anything? is it dark? have i run out of luck? is there luck?
jealous said something about a yuppie murder in the park. you know anything about it?
jealous said to be careful.
a hospital? what's he doing there?
the --?
me?
no. yeah -- sure.
i vote japanese.
mixed sushi. oshitashi.
what's going on?
-- 'n 'ludes.
what is it?
here.
she okay?
the girl.
you need a lawyer?
any time.
randi?
you too. randi, what's wrong? why are you here?
serious?
can i see her?
i'm so sorry. she's a terrific woman. i was crazy about her. god.
randi told me about your mom. i'm sorry.
she's sedated?
you both look so tired.
let me buy you some coffee or something -- the cafeteria's downstairs. it helps to talk.
this way. kiss your mother for me.
i like your mom.
she's been sick a while?
your father?
what have you been doing? where do you live?
anything? you married? have children? a dog? house plants?
the door to what? it's not like we're strangers. we were married.
there was a ceremony.
he was also a minister. "universal harmony."
you're a pisces.
in the eyes of jeanne dixon we're still --
we were happy.
there were good times. area, out on the street, laughing, dancing with friends -- we were magical.
you exaggerate.
we were happy.
it wasn't me --
you jumped --
i didn't -- i meant well.
we were in love?
we were happy?
you bought it for me. it's inscribed inside.
ann's quitting. i've got to find something else to do.
it's true.
yeah.
if i could do that, i could do anything.
we could do anything. we could start over.
i'm serious.
this is crazy.
i'll walk you.
i can always find another way to make a living. i never planned this in the first place -- not like ann. she came up to sell, have parties, make contacts. she was so glamorous. i just wanted to be around her. she'd sit up listening to coke stories. now it's me and robert. the whole crowd was the same age. everybody's younger now. she made me.
there's some. not much. a thousand or two. maybe more -- i'm not sure.
i don't know. it's not that much in the first place -- as you know.
rent, utilities, phone, tips, cds -- what about your money?
i wish i could help.
no, but i'm okay. what are the odds of meeting someone you haven't seen in years twice in two days?
just a contact -- you don't know him.
the plan?
my future?
we had this conversation two years ago. we'll have it two years from now.
i'm thinking of some music courses. mixing, sound editing --
that was acting.
why all this concern? suddenly you care?
she helps you?
you --? of course i will.
we'll always have paris.
ann, you want me, call, write a letter, tell a wino -- i'll be there.
i'm sorry. i.
i always thought my father would die first. he would die, then my mother and i would reconcile. just her and me. i hated him for living.
my old man bawling in the hospital, me popping in and out of the john getting loaded. i miss you.
i thought i was just killing myself.
selfish.
what?
i see you and my heart starts thumping.
excuse us. let's go.
have you ever had sex totally straight?
neither have i.
never had anything like it stoned. feel it.
wow.
let's disappear.
kiss, kiss, kiss.
together.
you need to go back?
marianne.
i love you.
there was a mix-up --
where's robert?
it was a confusion.
when is that?
i'm on my way. love you. forgive me.
enchant. how'd it turn out?
st. luke's.
not now.
look at the bar. black-haired guy, late twenties, brown suit, drinking tonic? he's casing you. not me, you. undercover, whatever -- he's on you.
just a feeling. you holding?
leave a message. robert or i will come by later.
nineteen is the top. i'll make two trips.
a domani. take care, girls.
i feel my life turning. all it needed was a direction. you drift from day to day, years go by. suddenly there is a direction. what a strange thing to happen halfway through your life.
marianne jost, please.
marianne jost.
she was there yesterday.
did she leave a forwarding number?
thank you.
mrs. jost. joann jost. she's a patient.
skyline floral. we're trying to confirm a delivery.
are the funeral arrangements local?
thank you.
can i help you, officer?
i hope i haven't made a mistake. you are a cop, aren't you?
could i see a badge?
what is it?
my father's a partner in a powerful law firm. if you have anything in mind, do it by the book.
i don't follow the news.
i wish i could help. i don't even know who's president.
marianne.
marianne.
i didn't.
it's.
how are you?
yes, you. i can't think of anything, but if there was anything i could do.
i saw her.
your mother. i came in the room. you were sleeping. i just watched.
no.
an undercover cop. not a narc. the park murder. jealous was straight on that -- you hear anything?
no.
what do you care? you're leaving me. a few more months -- sayonara. you too. john who? what was his name again? le --? i mean it's not exactly like i got a pension plan.
i know.
lapi --?
any more about the park murder?
no.
it's alright, i'll go. let me handle it.
forget it.
sure, whatever. surprise me.
i'm calling your brother.
yeah, the lawyer in bronxville. i'm gonna ask him to come over. you've told me so much about him.
is this martin jeer? thank you.
i recommend hazelden. it has the best all-around program. martin jeer? i'm here with your brother ed. yeah, in the city. i'm afraid there's a medical emergency. you're going to have to come.
he'll be here.
thirty-eight hundred -- got any hundreds?
yeah.
what?
nowhere just now. wait.
yes.
downtown.
john. john letour. can i see you?
it's important, teresa.
open the door. you're awake anyway. teresa.
read me. what do you see?
we had a session last week. what do you see?
yes. look at me.
someone i knew died tonight.
am i in danger?
what should i do?
please. am i lucky?
what do i owe you?
bill guidone, please. homicide.
this is john letour. remember me?
you said i should ask around, tell you something you didn't know.
it ain't much, but it's something.
a girl died last night. lexington ave.
the news said she was alone in the apartment when she went out -- she wasn't. it's a cover-up. there was someone else.
who lives in the apartment?
that's all i know. you asked me to tell you something. i told you something.
jack. let me in.
i need some sleep -- not much. i don't want to go home just yet. a little sleep first. can i crash here? nice place.
can i?
what do you know about tis? what's his relationship to ann?
no.
nothing.
is he dangerous?
it was something else. tell me if you hear anything.
tis.
ah.
yeah.  you ever think about it?
that it'd be like this -- like, your life, you.  that it would turn out this way? --
-- robert --
you've lost your fucking brain.
got a tub?
great.
manny. letour. jealous. "jell." sob's.
burning spear.
how's product?
i got a problem. i need a piece.
a gun.
now. anything. am i speaking too fast?
the rate. what you got?
how much?
you're fucking me.
where is it?
how do you use this?
i don't have much use for a gun. never used one like this.
what do you do?
-- dios.
have you been to the police station?
i didn't know.
she loved you. you were what she wanted to be.
look. do you recognize anyone?
you know him?
it's me. cologne. i'm a sucker for that cheap airplane stuff. did marianne mention him yesterday?
i don't know.
when's the funeral -- your mother's?
well, i got this thing to do. it's -- i don't know if i can get away.
i'll try.
sorry about last night. something came up.
i'm $500 short from last night. i'll get it, you can take it from my salary.
sorry.
classy. sorta -- katmandu.
i love it.
me?
a lie. i don't want to go. the suicide and all. let's stay away.
c'mon.
let robert go.
since when?
i don't want to go. i got a bad vibe.
why don't you go? he's your contact.
come with me -- the two of us.
okay.
you're gonna do it, aren't you? you're gonna quit.
when?
you made me --
-- khaki pants.
i gotta stop home a second.
you know i got a bad vibe about tis.
i want to get my lucky jacket.
ann, you got some mouth on you.
for you.
do me a favor.
don't ask why, just promise.
if anything happens to me -- if i should like, you know, fucking die -- write and tell her.
it's my sister. her husband's in san quentin. she worries, you know.
i thought we were going to tis'?
tis there?
ann.
go on.
hello.
twenty minutes. you look terrific.
sentencing's in ten days -- supposed to be. because of the extenuating circumstances -- our cooperation -- they say it won't be more than five years -- maybe seven. with time served, good behavior, parole, i could be out in two years -- maybe. i hope.
it's not so bad. it's a relief in a way -- at least so far. i've been writing, reading.
how's business?
i miss you.
did we ever fuck?
you know, make love.
we were naked, but did we --?
i didn't --
i was thinking about it and i realized we never really did. it's one of the things i think about. it's one of the things i look forward to. i've been looking forward.
something can be right in front of you and you can't see it.