see these goods, they never seen daylight, moonlight, israelite, fanny- by-the-gas-light. if you can't see value here today you're not up here shopping, you're up here shoplifting. take a bag, take a bag. i took a bag, i took a bag home last night and she cost a lot more than ten pounds i can tell ya. tell me if i am going too cheap. not ninety, not eighty, not forty, half that and half that again, that's right, ten pounds. don't think 'cos it's sealed up it's an empty box. the only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of some of you here today i would make more money with me measuring tape.
excuse me misses, sorry sir, ladies first and all that.
ed can run fast, talk fast, eat fast, and play cards fast, but he's fucking slow when it comes to spotting the roz.
he's a stroppy sod but he's got more balls than a golfer, only he doesn't know it. ' * cut from completed film.
sex and sleaze and antique shotguns are all deep and dear in harry's stone cold heart.
the baptist got his name from drowning people for hatchet.
twenty-five from me, tom, soap and yourself; a hundred grand to the pound. you don't need to count it.
and nobody wants to live next door to the people that we live next to; a bit anti-social, you know.
i mean when they are not picking peanuts out of poop, they're ripping off unfortunate souls of their hard-earned drugs.
what's that?
no, i asked you to give me a refreshing drink. i wasn't expecting a fucking rainforest; you could fall in love with an orang-utan in that.
i thought this was a pub.
well whatever it is, could you get your man to turn the tv down?
excuse me, could you turn the tv down?
this doesn't look good.
stop fucking around, tom, and think. what are we going to do?
let me tell you about hatchet harry. once there was this geezer called smithy robinson who worked for harry. it was rumoured that he was on the take. harry invited smithy round for an explanation. smithy didn't do a very good job. within a minute harry lost his temper and reached for the nearest thing at hand, which happened to be a fifteen-inch black rubber cock. he then proceeded to batter poor smithy to death with this; that was seen as a pleasant way to go . . . hence, hatchet harry is a man you pay if you owe.
the odds are one hundred to one so all we need is five grand.
at the bottom of a bottle and has been for two days; it's hit him hard.
yeah, but he has got to tell his dad he is about to lose his bar.
so how long do you have to wait 'till you see a return?
a month? so, my friend, what fucking good is that, if we need it in six . . . no, five days?
i am thinking, i am thinking.
i don't know how you've reached that conclusion.
i am game.
jesus.
it's happening tomorrow morning. get back here now.
how much did you part with?
jesus, tom, do they work?
i am not sure what's more worrying, the job or your past.
eh, bunk us up over the wall.
down, down, get fucking down now'
of course you will, sweetheart. this one, search this one. ed finds the keys without any trouble.
let's have a butcher's. jesus, there's lots of everything. we've got god knows how much of this stinking weed; we've got a shit load of cash; and we've got a . . . traffic warden.
a traffic warden. look, what's this?
i think he's still alive. he's got claret coming out of him somewhere. what did they want with a traffic warden?
'ere, have a pull of this.
scarface, i have watched scarface. you want to know how to do a drug deal, you watch scarface!
what has been going on here?
as if he'll care.
think about what you're going to say, ed; we are on thin ice.
well?
i think you're a sandwich short of a picnic, mate; you want to start making sense.
apart from those shotguns.
well, talk.
you dippy bastard.
and, throw yourself off while you're at it. soap