tire world.
i don't know.
lemme think it over, will ya, charlie. i got a guy on the other line about some whitewalls. i'll talk to ya later.
i used to coach the unwed mothers' softball team. i have advanced some.
naw, i'm just not sure i'd be happy in a big organization like that. owners are always on your back, tryin' to "help you out."
down here baseball's a game, not a business. i don't wanta be a babysitter for a buncha millionaires who think they know it all already.
well then, bonus babies or whatever you got.
don't you have any proven major league talent?
well, then.  i'll be up in a couple days.
sounds like my kinda team. have my contracts ready.
he was an allstar in boston, wasn't he?
who's that?
what's his religion?
thought you didn't have any high- priced talent.
still hits the ball pretty well, doesn't he?
we'll shape him up.
lou brown. nice to meet ya, hayes.
welcome to spring training, gentlemen. most managers tell you at this time that all the jobs are open, that nobody's a lock at any position, and that talent isn't everything. they'd rather see desire and discipline in a player. then they tell you that most of all they want you to have fun out there, even though they're gonna work your ass off on fundamentals and condition you till you drop. the difference between me and those other managers is.  i mean it.
get him a uniform.
how the knees holdin' up, jake?
mobility's good? no problem gettin' off the throw to second?
i need a catcher, jake. somebody who can keep this team together on the field. you were a helluva player when you were sound, but around the league they think you can't take the pounding anymore.
i'm gonna have to put you to the test, ya know. so, i want the absolute truth here. are you 100 percent?
you better if you wanna make this team.
c'mon, hayes, this isn't the all star game. get up to the damn plate.
well, you may run like mays, but you hit like shit.
i think mr. hayes shows some promise. his speed could be a big asset.
you gotta stop swingin' for the fences though, hayes. all you're gonna do is give yourself a hernia. with your speed you should be hittin' the ball on the ground, leggin' 'em out. every time i see you hit one in the air, you owe me twenty pushups.
sometimes you can teach a guy to hit. you can't teach him to run.
all right, vaughn, they tell us you're a pitcher. let's see what you got.
nice velocity.
how much?
better teach him some control before he kills somebody.
c'mon, dorn, get in front of the damn ball. don't give me this ole' bullshit.
i'm deeply moved. every time you play it off your hip, you give me forty sit-ups.
so is this.
jesus, this guy hits a ton. how come nobody else picked up on him?
oh.
sure.
good, i like that kinda spirit in a player. the only problem is, i didn't cut you.
i think somebody's been havin' fun with you.
can i have your attention, please? i counted up your ballots for team captain and i think you chose the right guy. if you hadn't, i woulda told you he won anyway. mr. c for the year -- jake taylor.
all right, let's gather 'round.
i'm not much for inspirational addresses. i just wanta point out that every newspaper in the country has picked us to finish last. the local press thinks we'd save everybody a lot of time and trouble if we just went out and shot ourselves. me, i like to waste sportswriters' time so i'm for hangin' around and seein' if we can give all these guys a nice big shitburger to eat.
you guys go ahead. i belong to the church of three-run homers.
all right, way to look, way to look. nice catch, hayes. don't ever fuckin' do it again. okay, let's get it goin'!
no, let's see how he reacts.
interesting.
i think you can go get him now.
front office says it's an economy measure, 'cause we're not drawin' good.
c'mon in, rick.
rick, i'm not gonna beat around the bush here. you got a great arm, one of the best i've ever seen, but your control hasn't come around like we hoped it would.
now, there are a lotta pitchers that started out wild and, after workin' it out in the minors, for a while, went on to great careers. take sandy koufax there.
never mind koufax.
read these letters, starting at the top.
can't read it, can you?
nope.
all right, let's hit the field.
no, he's come this far. let's see if he can finish it.
it's startin' to come together, pepper. it's startin' to come together.
oh man, this old body can use a soak.
damn it, i thought they were gonna replace this thing.
she's at it again. i've had it with this nickel and dime stuff. i'm gonna get the bitch on the phone.
yeh.
there aren't any towels, and i'm too old to be diving under benches.
what happened to the new whirlpool we were supposed to get?
you fixed it six times already. and now there's no hot water in the showers.
how am i supposed to keep my players healthy with cold water and no therapy equipment?
over 162 games even tough guys get sprains, sore arms, muscle pulls.
hey, don't you go anywhere. i wanna have a few words with you.
what are we arguin' about here?
you mean the one that was a foot outside?
good thing we don't play anybody in europe.
i don't know if we can survive any more of these economy measures.
i thought now that vaughn had some control, he was ready for the yankees.
donovan. hell no. what are you doin' here?
someday we'll figure out how to beat those guys.
sixty and sixty-one is hardly a helluva job.
ya know, when i first got to camp i figured this team had no chance. i was just hopin' we'd win enough that i could stay on and really start to build something here. but there's a lotta talent on this club, charlie. the veterans are starting to play back to form and the rookies are developing faster than i thought. there's two or three potential all- stars in there. i think we're a first division team right now.
i know it. all we need is something to bring it all together.
what do you mean?
i got somethin' i think you oughta know about. i wouldn't have known about it myself if charlie donovan hadn't told me, although i shoulda guessed it from everything that's happened. it seems that mrs. phelps doesn't think too highly of our worth.
she put this team together because she thought we'd be bad enough to finish dead last, knockin' attendance down to the point where she could move the team to miami. and get rid of all of us for better personnel.
even you, dorn.
that's about it.
she'll replace you with somebody who will. after this season, you'll all be sent back to the minors or given your outright release. so, all we're gonna get is this one year.
hanging a full size blowup of rachel phelps on the locker room wall. in the picture she's pointing as if out at the players, and a bubble above her head says, "you guys stink!" a set of designer clothes, of the type rachel wears, have been superimposed on the picture. the clothes are divided into 32 pull-off squares.
i figure it's gonna take 32 more victories to win this thing. every time we win, we peel a square.
yeh, rick. i just wanted to tell you that i'm startin' harris tomorrow against the yankees, even though it's your turn in the rotation.
he's got more experience and a little better record against the yankees.
don't read anything into it, rick. you're one of the guys that got us here.
i wanted to hand in my resignation before you had a chance to fire me.
i know what you been tryin' to do with this team. after the season, i want no part of it.
why would you want him to tell somebody?
you tryin' to make me believe you wanted us to win all along?
bullshit. what about the plane, the bus, the bad hotels.
why should i believe any of this? now that we're winnin' it's easy for you to jump on the bandwagon.
all right, guys, let's take it to 'em.
damn, havin' trouble with the curve ball again.
you pitched a hell of a game, steve. take a seat and we'll see if we can get this guy for ya.
give me vaughn.
i know he hasn't done real well against this guy, but i got a hunch he's due.
okay, ricky, haywood likes the hard stuff in. curve him on the hands, bust him away, and don't get up with anything. you listenin' to me rick?
o.k., kid, you're my man. let's go get him.
forget the curveball. go with the heater.
ya know i'd be an ass not to pinch- hit for you here. you're 0 for 18 against duke. plus you're beat to shit you can hardly walk, there's no way you can get around on this guy's fast ball. so i want the absolute truth here. can you beat this guy?
okay.
send hayes the first pitch. i don't want taylor takin' too many strikes.
flashing some signals. that's a hell of an idea.