good morning, gentlemen. welcome to another season of indians' baseball.
i know that it may not seem the same without donald here this year, but i promise you by the end of the season this team will have made history.
unfortunately there are some in the press who feel that.  "the ex-showgirl wife of donald phelps has no business being the owner of a major league baseball team."
obviously, donald didn't feel that way or he wouldn't have left the team to me. and i was more than showgirl. i was a dancer. now, i know some of you have doubts about my ability to run this franchise. god help you if i ever find out about it.
spring training begins in two weeks. here's the list of people we'll be inviting to camp this year.
i could sit here and tell you what a great year we're gonna have, but the facts are we lost the two best players we had to free agency. we haven't won a pennant in 30 years. we haven't even finished in the first division for 15. obviously it's time to make some changes. what do ya think?
cross him off then.
it's time to shake things up, charlie. clear the board and start over.
i know you will, charlie. that's why i'm movin' you up to general manager. congratulations.
well, that should do it for today. thank you, gentlemen. let's get to work.
come on in, charlie. have a seat.
oh, really? like what?
i was thinking of lou brown.
he's managed the toledo mud hens of the international league for the last 30 years.
i think he'll fit right in with our team concept.
that's what i wanted to talk to you about. i want to put together a team that will help us relocate to miami.
i'm serious about this, charlie. it's no secret i've never liked cleveland much. the weather's lousy, downtown is a pit, the stadium's falling apart, and we can't draw dick. another couple of years of this and i'm gonna have to start feeding cha-cha dog food.
it's hardly a whim. miami's offered to build us a new stadium -- 62,000 capacity, 45 v.i.p. boxes, and no rent for the first million at the gate. plus a 12 million dollar media guarantee; 45 percent of the concession gross, all of the parking and they pick up the stadium operations costs. no other franchise in baseball can match that deal.
the lease says we have the right to move if our attendance falls below 800,000 for the year. paragraph 40, line 17.
if we play bad enough, we should be able to come in under that.
no, we've been losing. what i want us to do is finish dead last.
he knew it had to be done. he just didn't have the courage to do it. hopefully, you will come to see the wisdom of it. if this team lives up to its potential, we could have the worst record in all baseball.
we're off to a good start, gentlemen. let's keep it up.
a quarter of the season's gone, we're 15 and 24, seven games out of first. our attendance is just below 180,000. that's bad, but not bad enough.
we finished 24 out last year and still drew 890,000. when school's out for the summer, attendance is liable to rise. plus, this team is showing signs of improvement. i didn't think we'd win 15 games all year. any ideas?
this is no laughing matter, donovan. i think maybe the problem is we're coddling these guys too much.
you wanted to see the bitch?
don't you think you oughta cover yourself with a towel first, mr. brown?
well, i can take it if you can.
revenue problems have forced us to cut back on equipment. we'll simply have to fix the old one.
the pipes in this building are old and rusted. we're replacing them, but it's a long, expensive process.
your players will just have to get a little tougher. what are they, a bunch of pansies?
it's only temporary. besides, these guys weren't playing that good when the equipment was workin'. if i could get anybody to come and watch this team, none of this would be necessary. you oughta be grateful i can still pay your salaries.
well, my worst fears have been confirmed. we're 60 and 60, nine games out of first, and only two out of the first division. who do those guys think they are?
i don't have to accept anything. our attendance is only beginning to rise. if we can force a losing streak for a week or two, we can still turn this thing around. the fans are used to losers here. at the first sign of a slump they'll give up on this team.
not everything.
with donovan next to her, watching all this good play in disgust.
come in.
hello, lou, what can i do for ya?
what do you mean?
well, i knew i could count on charlie to tell somebody. i was just afraid he might take too long.
so you'd tell the team, hopefully getting them mad enough to knock themselves out trying to prove they belonged in this league. i think it worked.
we were broke. we couldn't afford anything better. donald left the team nearly bankrupt. if we'd had another losing season, i would have had to sell the team. i knew we couldn't win with the team we had, so i decided to bring in new players and see how they'd do with the proper motivation. there was never any offer from miami. i made it all up.
if i'd really wanted you to lose, all i had to do was send the best players back to the minors. but i didn't, did i?
you think this was all an accident? i personally scouted every member of this team, except hayes, of course. he was a surprise. they all had flaws which concealed their real talent, or i wouldn't have been able to get them. but i knew if anyone could straighten them out, you could. and if you tell them any of this, i will fire you.
i love this team, lou. go get 'em tonight.
shit.