be quiet, you fat fool. can't you see i'm praying?
there are more important things than tits.
forgiveness.
can't you see i'm praying, goddammit?!
a simple theological discussion.
still you serve him loyally -- though people hurl rotten eggs at his royal emblem.
your birthday celebration, your majesty?
well.  perhaps you should speak with them, your majesty.
how can i serve you in this?
if i find out the identity of this jesuit rebel. i will kill both him and the man who told me.
your majesty.
i grow closer to my target, your majesty.
hell may be our destination, dear porthos, but not this trip.
jesus of nazareth found the holy among the profane. if we are to have a place of private prayer, where better than here, beside the channels where the shit and the garbage run to the river?
it is also a place of burial.
catacombs. very holy.
relax, you big fool, it's d'artagnan.
it's all right. d'artagnan was the one who warned us that he'd been given an order for your arrest. here you have sanctuary -- does he not, d'artagnan?
look at us. we are old men now. but once we were young. and when we saw injustice, we fought it.
well here is the problem at hand: the king has ordered me to discover the identity of the governor general of jesuits, and kill him. as our english rivals have left the catholic church, louis has struck on a plan to dominate the whole of europe by uniting church and state and making himself head of both. he has already picked the pope. only the jesuits, who put god above throne or papacy, stand in his way.
so they tell us. but what are we to believe when the king is a tyrant, and the church, meant to stand for all those oppressed, has become the tool of oppression? when no conscience is tolerated? no dissent, no objection?
easy to say, but hard to do. for what i am trying to tell you is that i am the governor general of jesuits in france.
replace the king.
it can. i know the way.
i will need you all. all for one. one for all.
porthos, see to athos, won't you?
i have heard many confessions, d'artagnan. but even if i were not a priest, i could tell your heart has a secret weight, and it is hurting you to carry it alone.
i know. god go with you.
this way.
making the key to the throne.
soon enough. here we are.
come, we have a boat waiting.
a body.
i am a friend, here to help you.
it is an escape. to freedom.
he is you.
hey! hey!
it's all right. take your time.
athos.  he needs a gentle hand.
jesuits.
what is wrong? we only mean to free you from the mask!
excellent, athos. you have a keen sense of this man.
and why are you so glum?
see? there is plenty of food in the country. but the king keeps it going to the army instead of --
tomorrow.
you seek facts, when it would be better to seek truth.
you are bitter, athos. you are torn by grief, not only for raoul, but for d'artagnan, whom you love, and now treat as an enemy.
those are the words of a broken spirit. my spirit is whole. i have trusted d'artagnan with my deepest secrets, and i will never believe he is my enemy.
there is that, of course -- but mainly it is because i am so much smarter than everyone else.
porthos?!
i will answer all your questions. but first soap, water, and a razor.
yes. identical.
the greatest secret of life is who we truly are. now i must give you that secret, which has been kept from you your whole life. it began on the night when louis was born.
but i was on duty.
i have never forgotten that night, or what i carried.
not just a baby, porthos. i carried the child of the king.
no, not louis!
i carried the king's child! the queen had twins that night, and one of them was sent away, in secret!
because the old king had a twin as well, and through his whole reign his brother fought him for the throne. then he had two heirs, not just sons but twins. so he decided that one be put away, as if he never existed. you, phillippe.
we will replace louis with phillippe. no one but the king himself -- and now we -- knows phillippe even exists. all we have to do is switch them.
i have it all worked out.
those can be adopted --
do you think i have not considered that? i have a plan -- and you may rest assured that it is brilliant!
yes, and he has a choice!
what about it, phillippe?! all that time in prison, all that time you suffered, was it for nothing?! you memorized the entire bible, or so your priest told me! an act of survival, of defiance, of courage! your years within the mask have given you reserves of strength that others could not imagine. your home was a dungeon and now you may be a king, if you have the heart to make it so! do you have the heart?
you see? a king.
more wine!
how is he?
more wine!!
you can do it.
three days.
the king is having a ball, a masquerade ball. it is the perfect opportunity and perhaps our only one. at any time phillippe could be discovered, and what then? remember france. remember the poor. remember raoul. more wine!! where are those serving girls?
you grow fond of him. that's good.
go on.
going into the barn naked -- or so it appears.
now. you were saying?
about to hang himself, i should think.
he's threatened to do it, it's been building up in him for months.
come now, athos, if porthos is determined to end his life, then he will certainly manage to find the opportunity.
i sawed the main beam in half.
i'm a genius -- not an engineer!
well of course i knew it, porthos.
you've been moping for months. now that you've gotten the idea of killing yourself out of the way, you can stop boring me and start being useful to me. now get some rest.
the mask is terrifying.  especially when unexpected. do you notice?
see, porthos -- secrets are hard to keep. we don't have much time.
paris. there is still much to do. we'll be back soon. be ready.
he can learn to be phillippe in time. but first he must learn to be louis, and for that he has two more days.
i offer you the perfect revolution. a revolution without bloodshed, without any loss of life, even without treason, for he too is the son of the king.
you said you'd do anything, athos, anything to replace this king. so do it.
coming?
we go someplace dangerous.
come on.
here we are.
so was mary magdalene, and our lord loved her.
no. we want you, father belles.
bless me, father, for i have sinned.
i have sinned. and no other priest's assurance of forgiveness can mean as much as yours. tell me that i can be forgiven, no matter what i have done.
then let him kill me, if all my faith is wrong.
i have come to help you make it right. i have come to take you home.
god makes miracles. you make dinner.
change the horses! clear out everything! now!!
louis is planning a visit to the vatican, then who knows where after that. if we miss him now we may not get another chance.
it presses us but it is good for us too! louis' whims make him more vulnerable. we are less ready, but so are his guards!
but what if something extraordinary happened? something so unusual that all the attention went to someone else? someone whose confirmation of phillippe the king would never be questioned.
the queen mother. anne.
phillippe first.
remember, phillippe.  nobility is born in the heart.
remember, all you have to do is get through tonight. smile and nod a lot, and if you get stuck just wave and announce, "continue." in the morning you hand this note to d'artagnan, pardoning athos and instructing that he, aramis and porthos be brought to the palace as your advisors. and all is well.
now the rest of us.
we will make our own luck tonight.  if phillippe holds up.
quick, to the passages.
it is judgment day.
don't look so shocked, phillippe. come, you're going back to prison.
d'artagnan guards the hallway! you must go back the way we came!
this man is an impostor. we caught him trying to impersonate the king, and were just getting rid of him.
shut up, knave!
pull them back, d'artagnan.
pull them back!
phillippe, get into the boat. into the boat! now!
open the gate.
bloody hell.
bread and wine.  in that cupboard.
he seeks redemption.
perhaps. but of d'artagnan i am certain. what he did tonight was what he told us all along he would do -- be faithful to his king.
perhaps he serves a different king.
then to the bastille.
midnight! we have ten minutes!
someone's coming!
they will know you helped us, if we go this way.
back the way we came!
back!
d'artagnan. perhaps you should accept his offer, for we are dead anyway.
d'artagnan.  those are young musketeers down there. they have been weaned on our legends. they revere us -- it is an advantage. why don't we charge them?
amen.