hey andy, good show.
that was a really hot house!
don't believe everything you hear.
what?!?
are you nuts?! 40 million people watch you every week!
absolutely nothing! that's the beauty! it's credibility. you make them love you.  and then later, on your special, you'll screw with their heads!
no! andy, don't do it --
sure. when he reaches "the end."
nobody likes anarchy more than me.  but this is science fiction!
we might have lost our focus.
isn't tony clifton going on taxi soon? maybe that'll chill him out.
she'll say, "now my son is a man."
nah. the girls sponge off between johns.
which one?
this is a big day. it's my friend's first time with a prostitute.
you're talking about.  andy?
i'll take care of this.
"was this in actuality andy kaufman? and if it was andy kaufman, is andy kaufman crazy?"
sure! but we think it's kickass! now i get to be tony. i get to dump the glass of water on someone else's head!
what is this, world war two?
no offense, pal, but i just don't think you're built for it. these he- men'll kick your ass!! they're huge!
will you please shake hands, go to your corners, and come out wrestling.
nah. he's just engaging a passive audience.
we need a stretcher!!
we need a stretcher!!
".  has been rushed to a nearby hospital, where doctors are checking him for possible paralysis. his parents are at his bedside. fans will best remember kaufman as lovable latka on television's taxi".
it's working for elvis.
wow, you can't buy this kind of publicity!
"but right now i would like to do for you some imitations. first, the archie bunker."
yeah, my problem is you're tired.
sure, because your new stuff's a bunch of crap. kaufman, people are sick of you. the wrestling.  the hoaxes.
who gives a shit?! it's not funny!
i used to think you were original.
yeah, exactly -- "was"! but now, you're creatively bankrupt. in fact, ladies and gentlemen, kaufman's so desperate, he paid me to do this tonight!! i'm a plant. it's just a fresh coat of paint on an old broken-down routine. isn't that true???
look at that grand slam! two eggs, two bacon, two sausage, two pancakes -- $2.99! how do they do it?
hey, that's good! we can make that play. and we'll really drag it out. you get better, you get worse.  you die.
serious like a heart attack! hey, maybe i can push you around in some goofy wheelchair!
what are ya talkin' about?! i was the one saying i didn't believe it!
i dunno. if they were, they'd be pushin' 80.
and you say, "santa, what am i gettin' for christmas?" and he says, "cancer!"
is there a doctor in the house??!
i know.  the cancer's terminal.
look, personally, i think rubbing rocks on people is a load of horseshit. but if it makes andy happy, that's all that matters.
yeah. they don't know whether to be sad, or angry.