that's right, missus fusari. it was a very nice affair.
no, that's my other brother, freddie. my other brother freddie, he's been married four years already. he lives down on webb avenue. the one who got married sunday, that was my little brother, nickie.
no, that's my sister margaret's husband, frank. my sister margaret, she's married to the insurance salesman, and my sister rose, she married a contractor. they moved to detroit last year. and my other sister frances, she got married about two and a half years ago in saint john's church on kingsbridge avenue. oh, that was a big affair. well, let's see now, that'll be about a dollar- seventy-nine. how's that with you?
you're next right now, missus canduso.
missus fusari, missus canduso over there, she's inna big hurry, and.
that's swell, missus fusari.
yeah, it was a very nice affair.
what happened?
any homers?
angie come in yet?
hey, ang'.
you want a beer, ang'?
hiya, ralph.
hey, lou, gimme two bottles-a beer.
waddaya read there, joe?
that's the truth.
what nurses?
you still owe me ten bucks from last week, if that's what you're working up to.
i don't know, ang'. wadda you feel like doing?
which one was that?
oh, yeah.
she probably got a date by now, angie.
i didn't like her, angie. i don't feel like calling her up.
i don't know. what do you feel like doing?
what makes you say that?
yeah, sure.
you call her up for yourself, angie. i don't feel like calling her up.
angie, i'm thirty-four years old. i been looking for a girl every saturday night of my life. i'm tired of looking. everybody's always telling me to get married. get married. get married. don't you think i wanna get married? i wanna get married. they drive me crazy. now, i don't wanna wreck your saturday night for you, angie. you wanna go somewhere, you go ahead. i don't wanna go.
my mother, boy, she drives me crazy.
i don't know. what do you feel like doing?
come on over about half past seven, we'll think of something. hello, ma, what's the matter?
i'm coming home right now, ma. i'll be home in about two minutes. tell thomas stick around, i wanna see him about something.
hello, ma.
sure, ma, it's okay with me.
oh, we got plenny-a room here.
tommy, before you go, i wonder if you gimme a little advice.
you're the accountant inna family, and i figure you might know about these things. my boss wantsa sell his shop to me. his kids are all married, you know, and he and his wife live alone, and they wanna move out to california where his daughter lives, so he wantsa sell his shop. he wants five thousand dollars down, although i think i can knock him downa four.
all right, i'll see you, thomas, because he wants an answer by monday.
don't worry about it.
goodby, virginia! see you soon!
hello, is this mary feeney?.  could i speak to miss mary feeney?.  just tell her an old friend.
oh, hello there, is this mary feeney? hello there, this is marty pilletti. i wonder if you recall me.  well, i'm kind of a stocky guy. the last time we met was in a movie, the rko chester. you was with another girl, and i was with a friend of mine named angie. this was about a month ago.
the rko chester in westchester square. you was sitting in front of us, and we was annoying you, and you got mad, and.  i'm the fellow who works in a butcher shop.  come on, you know who i am!.  that's right, we went to howard johnson's and we had hamburgers. you hadda milkshake.  yeah, that's right. i'm the stocky one, the heavy-set feller.  well, i'm glad you recall me, because i hadda swell time that night, and i was just wondering how everything was with you. how's everything?.  that's swell.  yeah, well, i'll tell you why i called. i was figuring on taking in a movie tonight, and i was wondering if you and your friend would care to see a movie tonight with me and my friend.  yeah, tonight. i know it's pretty late to call for a date, but i didn't know myself, till.  yeah, i know, well how about.  yeah, i know, well maybe next saturday night. you free next saturday night?.  well, how about the saturday after that?.  yeah, i know.  yeah.  yeah.  oh, i understand, i mean.
i don't know, ma. i'm all knocked out. i may just hang arounna house.
what?
it's loaded with what?
ha! who told you about the stardust ballroom?
oh, thomas. ma, it's just a big dance hall, and that's all it is. i been there a hundred times. loaded with tomatoes. boy, you're funny, ma.
ma, when are you gonna give up? you gotta bachelor on your hands. i ain't never gonna get married.
sooner or later, there comes a point in a man's life when he gotta face some facts, and one fact i gotta face is that whatever it is that women like, i ain't got it. i chased enough girls in my life. i went to enough dances. i got hurt enough. i don't wanna get hurt no more. i just called a girl just now, and i got a real brush-off, boy. i figured i was past the point of being hurt, but that hurt. some stupid woman who i didn't even wanna call up. she gave me the brush. i don't wanna go to the stardust ballroom because all that ever happened to me there was girls made me feel like i was a bug. i got feelings, you know. i had enough pain. no, thank you.
ma, i'm gonna stay home and watch jackie gleason.
so i'll die without a son.
blue suit, gray suit, i'm still a fat man. a fat ugly man.
i'm ugly.  i'm ugly! i'm ugly!
ma! leave me alone!
ma, waddaya want from me?! waddaya want from me?! i'm miserable enough as it is! leave me alone! i'll go to the stardust ballroom! i'll put onna blue suit and i'll go! and you know what i'm gonna get for my trouble? heartache! a big night of heartache!
loaded with tomatoes. boy, that's rich.
there was one nice-looking one there inna black dress and beads, but she's dancing now.
where?
yeah, she looks all right from here.
i think this number is a little fast. wait a minute.
it's all right, i think. they still there?
excuse me, would you care for this dance?
sure.
you say something?
i'm stag.
what?
are you kidding?
you can't just walk off onna girl like that.
excuse me, miss, would you care to dance?
you come up here often?
yeah.
i cry a lot too. i'm a big cryer.
oh, i cry all the time, any little thing. my brothers, my brother-in- laws, they're always telling me what a goodhearted guy i am. well, you don't get goodhearted by accident. you get kicked around long enough, you get to be a real professor of pain. i know exactly how you feel. and i also want you to know i'm having a very good time with you now and really enjoying myself. so you see, you're not such a dog as you think you are.
so there you are. so i guess i'm not such a dog as i think i am.
i don't know either. i think i'm a very nice guy. i also think i'm a pretty smart guy in my own way.
now i figure, two people get married, and they gonna live together forty, fifty years. so it's just gotta be more than whether they're good looking or not. you tell me you think you're not very good-looking. my father was a really ugly man, but my mother adored him. she told me that she used to get so miserable sometimes, like everybody, you know? and she says my father always tried to understand. i used to see them sometimes when i was a kid, sitting in the living room, talking and talking, and i used to adore my old man, because he was so kind. that's one of the most beautiful things i have in my life, the way my father and mother were. and my father was a real ugly man. so it doesn't matter if you look like a gorilla. so you see, dogs like us, we ain't such dogs as we think we are.
i'm thirty-four.
you teach chemistry? that's funny. where? what school?
benjamin franklin, where's that? brooklyn? i went to theodore roosevelt right up here on fordham road. it's right arounna corner from my house. i have a cousin who's a teacher. he teaches latin. he lives in chicago. he was studying to be a jesuit, but he gave it up after his first vows.
i was pretty good in high school. i sound like a jerk now, but i was pretty good. i graduated with an eighty-two average. that ain't bad. i was accepted at city college. i filled out the application and everything, but my old man died, so i hadda go to work. my best class was german. that was my first language. der, die, das -- des, der, des. there you are, i still remember.
you know what i was good at in high school? i was good in math. you know how long ago i graduated high school? june, nineteen-thirty-seven. holy cow! june, nineteen-thirty-seven! what is that? fifteen, seventeen years ago! holy cow! seventeen years ago! is that right? seventeen, that's right. where did it all go? i'm getting old. i'm gonna be thirty- five november eighth. thirty-five. wow. time goes on, boy.
nineteen-thirty-seven.  that's right. my old man died december, nineteen- thirty-seven.
two o'clock in the morning he died. the doorbell rings, and i knew something was wrong right away. because my room is onna ground floor inna front, you see, and i got outta bed, and i answered the door.
there was mr. stern. he had a house down about a block from us. he moved out though. my old man, he used to play cards with him and some other old guys. he's a jewish feller. so he said, "is your mother home?" so i knew right away there was something wrong. i was only eighteen, exactly eighteen years old, just the month before. so i said, "is something wrong, mr. stern?" i was in my pajamas, you know? so he said, "marty, your father died." my father died right inna middle of playing cards, right at the table. he had a heart attack. he had low blood pressure, my old man. he used to faint a lot.
boy, am i talking, i never talked so much in my life. usually, everybody comes to me and tells me all their troubles. well, i'm gonna shut up now, and i'm gonna let you get a word in.
seventeen years ago. what i been doing with myself all that time?.  well, i'm talking again. i must be driving you crazy. mosta the time i'm with a girl, i can't find a word to say. well, i'm gonna shut up now. because i'm not like this usually. usually, i.  well, here i go again.
i can't shut my mouth.  i'm on a jag, for pete's sake. you'd think i was loaded.
i can't stop talking! isn't this stupid?!
you gotta real nice face, you know? it's really a nice face.
so i'm inna kneeling position, and if you ever try shooting a bar inna kneeling position, you know what i mean. i can't holda steady position. i'm wavering back and forth.
so the guy next to me, he's shooting from the prone position, and he's cross-eyed like i told you.
so just then.  . so just then i hear five shots go off from the guy next to me.
so my target goes down, and a minute later, the flag comes up. i got five bulls-eyes. this cross-eyed guy next to me, he shot five bulls-eyes into my target.
so i said to the sergeant who was checking my score, "pretty good, eh, sarge? five bulls-eyes? so this sergeant, he don't know what happened, he says, "say, that's all right, pilletti".
oh, man. so that's what happened. that's how i got the reputation-a being the best shot inna whole battalion.  oh, man.
when i got outta the army, clara, i was lost. i didn't know what i wanted to do. i was twenny-five years old, what was i gonna do, go back to my old job, forty cents an hour. i thought maybe i go to college under the g.i. biller rights, you know? but i wouldn't graduate till i was twenny-eight, twenny-nine years old, even if i made it in three years. and my brother freddie wanted to get married, and i had three unmarried sisters -- in an italian home, that's a terrible thing. and my kid brother nickie, he's a one got married last week. so i just went to pieces. i used to walk inna streets till three, four o'clock inna mornings. my mother used to be so worried about me. my uncle mario come over one time. he offered me a job driving his hack onna night shift. he got his own cab, you know. and god forgive me for what i'm gonna say now, but i used to thinka doing away with myself. i used to stand sometimes in the subway, and god forgive me what i'm going to say, i used to feel the tracks sucking me down under the wheels.
i'm a catholic, you know, and even to think about suicide is a terrible sin.
so then mr. gazzara -- he was a frienda my father -- he offered me this job in his butcher shop, and everybody pleaded with me to take it. so that's what happened. i didn't wanna be a butcher.
well, i wouldn't call it an elegant profession. it's in a lower social scale. people look down on butchers.
well, the point is mr. gazzara wantsa sell his shop now, because he and his wife are lonely, and they wanna move out to california in los angeles and live near their married daughter. because she's always writing them to come out there. so it's a nice little shop. i handle his books for him, so i know he has a thirty-five percent markup which is not unreasonable, and he takes home net maybe a hundred, hundred and fifty bucks a week. the point is, of course, you gotta worry about the supermarkets. there's two inna neighborhood now, and there's an a&p coming in, at least that's the rumor. of course, mosta his trade is strictly italian, but the younger italian girls, they get married, and they don't stick to the old italian dishes so much. i mean, you gotta take that into account too.
that's true. i do. but i'm gonna have to take outta loan inna bank eight thousand dollars. that's a big note to carry, because i have to give mr. gazzara a mortgage, and what i have to weigh is: will it pay off in the end more than i can make onna salary?
well, there's a lotta things i could do with this shop. i could organize my own supermarket. get a buncha neighborhood merchants together. that's what a lotta them are doing.
wadda you think?
i'm catholic. are you catholic?
i only got about three bucks on me now, but i just live about eight blocks from here on the other side of webster avenue. why don't we walk back to my house? i'll run in, pick up some dough, and let's step out somewhere.
it's only a quarter of twelve. the clock's right over there.
hey, mac!
you gotta ladies' room around here?
inna back.
why don't you just move out to portchester?
i think you're kidding yourself, clara. i used to think about moving out, you know? and that's what i used to say. "my mother needs me." but when you really get down to it, that ain't it at all. actually, you need your father. you know what i mean? you're living at home, and you got your father and mother there, and you can go on like that -- being a little girl all your life.
oh, you won't be so lonely. you'll make friends right away.
what're you talking about? you're a real likeable person. you'll make friends out there in portchester one, two, three. you'll have people visiting you alla time. i'll come visit you. i'll borrow my brother freddie's car, or you can call me up when you feel blue, or i'll call you up. and it's gonna be nice. don't be so afraid.
hello, ralph.
hello, ralph, what's new? hiya, leo.
waddaya mean, ralph?
hiya.
i'm with a girl, ralph.
i can't do that, ralph, because somebody already brushed her off once tonight.
i can't do it, ralph. thanks anyway. very nice to have met you all.
i'll see you, leo.
wait a minute. lemme find the light.
i guess my mother ain't home yet. i figure my cousin thomas and virginia musta gone to the movies, so they won't get back till one o'clock at least.
this is the kitchen.
come on inna dining room.
siddown, take off your coat. you want something to eat? we gotta whole half-chicken in the icebox.
sure. just take off your coat a minute.
so i was telling you, my kid brother nickie got married last sunday. that was a very nice affair. and they had this statue of some woman, and they had whiskey spouting outta her mouth. i never saw anything so grand in my life. and watta meal. i'm a butcher, so i know a good hunka steak when i see one. that was choice filet, right off the toppa the chuck. a buck eighty a pound. of course, if you wanna cheaper cut, get rib steak. that gotta lotta waste on it, but it comes to about a buck and a quarter a pound, if it's trimmed. listen, clara, make yourself comfortable. you're all tense.
you want me to take you home, i'll take you home.
i like you. i like you. i been telling you all night, i like you.
i just wanna kiss, that's all.
please.
please.
all right! i'll take you home! all right!
all i wanted was a lousy kiss! what do you think, i was gonna try something serious with my mother coming home any minute!? what am i, a leper or something?!
i'm old enough to know better. comes new year's eve, everybody starts arranging parties, i'm the guy they gotta dig up a date for. let me getta packa cigarettes, and i'll take you home.
waddaya doing tomorrow night?
i'll call you up tomorrow morning. maybe, we'll go see a movie.
the reason i can't be definite about it now is my aunt catherine is probably coming over tomorrow, and i may have to help out.
we better get started to your house, because the buses only run about one an hour now.
i'll just get a packa cigarettes.
waddaya doing new year's eve?
we just got here about fifteen minutes ago. ma, i want you to meet miss clara snyder. she's graduate of new york university. she teaches chemistry in benjamin franklin high school.
how'd you come home, ma? thomas give you a ride?
oh, she's coming, eh, ma?
might as well siddown a minute, clara.
i offered her, ma, she don't want nothing.
ma, i'm gonna take her home now. it's getting late, and the buses only run about one an hour.
all right, ma. i'll be back in about an hour, an hour anna half.
i looked for you, angie, before i cut out, but i couldn't find you.
what happened, angie, was that we thought we were just gonna go for a short walk, and then we thought we were gonna come right back, but we got to talking. listen, angie, i want you to meet clara.  clara, this is my best friend, angie. i told you about him.
i'm gonna take clara home. it's close to one.
what for?
it must be one o'clock.
angie, by the time i get clara home, it's gonna be one, one-thirty. by the time i get home, it's gonna be two o'clock. i gotta get up for ten o'clock mass tomorrow.
where you going?
i'll see you tomorrow after mass!
you got an elevator in this house?
so i'll call you tomorrow.
okay, so i'll see you tomorrow night then.
taxi! taxi! hey, taxi! taxi! taxi!
taxi!.  taxi!.
hello, aunt catherine! how are you? hello, thomas. you going to mass with us?
well, make yourself at home. the refrigerator is loaded with food. go upstairs, take any room you want. thomas, you going to mass with us?
boy, beautiful day, hey, thomas?
hi, virginia.
hey, little boy, you sure getting fat. you weigh more than a side-a beef now. hey, thomas, so i was telling you yesterday you was over my house -- mr. gazzara, my boss, so he wantsa sell his shop, go out to california because his kids are all married, and he.
so thomas, he does about twelve, thirteen hundred gross. rent's a hundred and two. the problem, of course, is the supermarkets. that's what i wanna ask you. if i get together with a coupla other merchants, make our own supermarket.
so tommy.
tommy, gimme a coupla minutes, because i promised mr. gazzara i'd let him know tomorrow. see, what i wanna know, tom, if a buncha individual retail merchants get together, how does it operate? on individual mark- ups? you know what i mean? say i'm the butcher and aldo capelli, he's the dairyman and grocer, so suppose i mark up thirty-five percent, but he works on forty, so.
no, i don't know. that's why i'm asking you.
well, you see, thomas i figure the big problem is the supermarkets. but patsy's shop, that's a specialized trade. the supermarkets don't carry italian meat.
well, i understand the problem about the supermarkets, but i was talking to this girl last night, and she made the point that a likeable personality is a valuable business asset.
sure. this girl said.
hello, ma, waddaya say, it's getting a little late.
boy, this place is really coming to pieces. you know, ma, i think we oughta sell this place. the whole joint's going to pieces. the plumbing is rusty. everything. i'm gonna have to replaster the whole ceiling now. you know what we oughta do? we oughta get one of those new apartments they're building down on southern boulevard. a nicer parta town, you know?. you all set, ma?
i heard you, ma.
she's twenty-nine, ma.
what, ma?
i don't know. i don't think so.
what are you talking about? she's a nice girl.
you don't like her. you only met her for two minutes.
what didn't you like about her?
well, let's not get inna fight about it, ma.
what are you getting so worked up about? i just met the girl last night. i'm probably not gonna see her again.
hello, lou, angie come in yet?
who told you that?
she wasn't so bad.
hello, ralph. how'd you make out with those nurses last night, ralph?
oh, i hadda nice time. i didn't try nothing. she's a nice girl. i just met her last night, you know. i just talked with her. i didn't even try nothing.
listen, you see angie, tell him i went home, i'll meet him after lunch.
we gotta whole pot inna kitchen. we give you a plate-a your own.
i was gonna call that girl from last night. take her to a movie tonight.
listen, angie, i wanna tell you, you were very impolite last night. i introduced you to the girl, you just turned and walked off. now, why did you do that?
put that away, for pete's sake. my mother's right out onna porch.
put it away, joe. my mother'll come walking in.
i don't feel like going, angie. i thought i'd take this girl to a movie.
we just talked.
i didn't think she was so bad-looking.
i told this dog i was gonna call her today about two-thirty.
waddaya getting so sore about?
you didn't like her at all?
i don't know, ma. i'm all knocked out. i think i'll just hang arounna house and watch.
maybe, i'll go out and see what angie and the boys are doing.
"what are you doing tonight?".  "i don't know, what are you doing?!".
the burlesque! loew's paradise! miserable and lonely! miserable and lonely and stupid! what am i, crazy or something?! i got something good here! what am i hanging around with you guys for?!
you don't like her. my mother don't like her. she's a dog, and i'm a fat, ugly little man. all i know is i hadda good time last night. i'm gonna have a good time tonight. if we have enough good times together, i'm gonna go down on my knees and beg that girl to marry me. if we make a party again this new year's, i gotta date for the party. you don't like her, that's too bad.
when you gonna get married, angie? aren't you ashamed of yourself? you're thirty-three years old. all your kid brothers are married. you oughta be ashamed of yourself.
hello.  clara?.