no, ma'am, it's confirmed --
-- the chevy blazer, the paris vacation, or the tiffany necklace. it's okay if you don't remember entering the contest, ma'am, you've won -- the next call --
-- do you have a water filtration system in your house? do you read the papers or watch tv, sir? then you've probably seen our advertisements -- the next call --
-- we just have to wait for the sponsor's rep to fly in for the final drawing. that should be next week sometime --
-- if you buy the waterford ii water filtration system, the prize gets recorded as a sales expense and you don't pay any tax. good deal, huh? frank turns to one of the boxes marked "waterford ii" and peels off a price sticker: $49.99.
$398.00 even. you'd pay twice that in stores.
you want to what? when will he be home? mrs. fisk, my supervisor just stepped into my office and he would love to talk to you. can you hold just a sec? good morning. something on the radio? irene fisk. 'wants to talk to her husband first.'
you got any thoughts on lunch? roy nods. a long-standing joke: the non-answer answer. frank angles his foot up on the dash, and roy points it off.
it's not the newest swindle in the world, just new to some. they bait you with something bogus, then sell you something worthless.
any hardware store they're about fifty bucks --
unless.
maybe in the car. wait, here we go.
i'm sorry to say, ma'am, he's absolutely right.
do you mind if i close this? they don't. frank rises and closes the glass door. roy snaps out of it. sound within the room returns to normal.
you're not taking your pills, are you? roy faces him, testily, but he never pauses in his effort to get inside his car as fast as he can. frank, admonished, takes his time getting in.
it's just that.  you looked like you were gonna whoopsy-daisy all over those people's oriental.
you are taking your pills?
well, it's not a fortune, but it keeps me in diapers. barely. one look at those drapes i should have known. i saw that guy again last night: chuck. the guy i was telling you, with the --
he's top-heavy. it's real money, roy.
you haven't done it lately. frank is looking for a glimmer of hope. roy gives him none.
okay. i'd just like to, you know, take a girl out somewhere nice once in a while.
roy! you in there? roy! roy does not respond. frank knocks some more.
roy, goddammit! your car's here, i know you're here! i'll call the cops, i'll do it. i'll put all my shit where they can't find it, i'll call them and they'll come down here! roy surrenders: he gets off the couch.
thank jesus. open up, lemme in.
what? why?
you didn't take your pills, did you? roy shuts the door, walks away.
okay, okay, shoes are coming off. okay, roy. roy returns, unlatches and opens the door. frank enters and the scent of ammonia slams his nostrils.
mother.  you get attacked by mr. clean? roy, you gotta open a window.
my partner. you seen him? he's been missing most of the week. tell me you've left the house in three days. roy can't.
have you eaten anything in three days? besides canned tuna? and women tell me my lifestyle's peculiar.
you didn't take your --
you call mancuso?
you gotta be shitting me.
take a shower. i'm gonna make a call. my aunt saw this shrink after her divorce, he really --
roy: you need to see someone. listen, don't think i'm doing this just for you. you got money you can retire, i got car payments, you know. i don't need a partner who's -- frank pantomimes a mad-act spasm. roy relents. as he heads for the bathroom, frank picks up the phone, dials.
yeah?
go take that shower, roy.
what's more important than family?
then what could be more important than purifying the water your family drinks? the waterford ii offers you the cleanest filtration system available today. mr. schlickling, can you hold just one moment? thank you. what?
you're smiling. you switch shampoos or something? pills working? glad one of us is happy.
mr. schlickling? hi, i'm sorry: you waited too long, no prize for you. and he hangs up.
frechette. chuck frechette.
f-r.  hell if i know, he's from downey.
cheetah's. watched him drop two g's there a month ago.
it's a gentlemen's --
import. export.
he and the mob are like this --
i figure on short notice he could scratch up at least thirty grand.
hey, i like those. they make you look --
older.
twenty minutes.
you got my money? roy withdraws the standard white envelope from his jacket and flings it at frank.
thanks, honey. come back later for me, though, okay? frank stands over roy and extends his hand.
arden. hope i didn't keep you.
hey, can i get a bud?! everyone turns their heads at that, including frechette, who recognizes frank.
that do the trick?
we in business?
i told you you'd like it here. roy picks up his drink, cueing frank to reach into his windbreaker, remove the white envelope, and drop it on the table --
don't spend it all on one girl, huh? -- so that it lands just as frechette arrives, tie tugged loose, whiskey in hand.
hey, chuck, i didn't know you were here. frank stands to shake hands, but frechette's eyes drop to the white envelope on the table: a slim stack of $100's peeks out from within. roy notes frechette's glance and quickly palms the envelope into his lap.
ah, chuck frechette, this is my friend, arden -- roy shoots frank a look: no names. frank shuts up.
say, chuck, we got a little business to settle up here. you mind if -- frechette gets the idea fast: something not-quite-legal is going down here, and he's not welcome.
great. thanks.
fish in a barrel. roy waits until frechette has returned to his barstool and is clandestinely watching and then --
does the pope shit in the woods?
see you in the morning, arden. roy leaves frank, ignoring frechette on his way out the door. as soon as he's gone, frechette starts toward frank.
i wish you could have been there. oh, i reeled him in --
i got your money.
what's going on? you don't have someone in there?
the second you left the place, he was off his barstool. he's in. oh, man, is he in. he wants to meet tonight. roy glances back at his house. a window shade shifts slightly: is angela spying?
arden, you sure you don't want something?
to the business at hand.
and he just scoops it off.
the frickin' internet. i still can't figure it out.
as a rule: we never go north of ten --
for a second i thought we were out two grand.
but you gotta make it to spend it. 'everything smells like gum?' what was that about? roy hesitates, then:
her bag's still here. where does she usually go?
this is no good for you, roy. or us.
he said he wants to fly the money straight to the caymans. afraid he might get robbed.
friday. where do you think? roy points at.
who's the drunk gonna be?
typecasting.
there's only one problem. i think i'm in love with you. frank lets out a whoop! he's going to be rich.
i know, i know, he bumped it up. he says he won't be back for a month. i don't want to lose him, roy.
arden, you okay?
i told you: you should do yoga.
so: who goes first?
god bless america.
you kidding? he's going there for the shelter. suddenly, from the bar:
what the hell was that?
that wasn't --
they won't let me past the security check.
what? no reply. roy just seethes.
hiya. what?!
i told you: security. they don't let you to the gate without a ticket --
yes!
you told me to walk him there, i walked him there.
i'm not the one who pimped her into the grift. and don't tell me i'm the one who put her at risk. she put us at risk.
what if he goes to the cops?
what if he does?
i know we are. what about her?
you don't know that. you don't know that! what if chuck goes to the cops? roy turns: angela watches from inside the car. he opens the door.
terrific.
roy? you alright?
you hungry? he discards an empty can of tuna from the couch.
you wanna meet? we still got chuck's money to split.
almost three.
when?
you gotta do what you gotta do. i'm sorry to lose you. you want your forty g's?
we should part more often.
thank you, partner. they shake hands. frank gestures to the door.
do it.
roy? he's not gonna make it. roy looks over: frechette is dying. angela sees it, too.
roy? what are we going to do, roy? roy's got a lot of thinking to do very fast.
out the 15?
suppose you don't show?
what are you going to do?
yes, you did, roy.
'roy: you're probably pretty upset. i don't blame you. you taught me most of what i know, so i suppose i owe you better than this.'
'but you always said if i got a shot at a big score, i should take it.'
'sorry about the rubber bullet, by the way. and for everything else.'
'if it's any consolation, you're the best i ever saw. i'd never find a better partner. now i won't have to.' -- a single, thin stack of $100s.
'enjoy the gift. frank.'
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matchstick men - rev. 7. 17. 02 3.