the difference between you and me?
i make this look good.
yo, wussup with zed? "go get em, tiger. we're not hosting an intergalactic kegger"
we got the use of unlimited technology from the entire universe and we cruise around in this?
you know, ya'll gotta learn how to talk to people. you could be a little kinder and gentler.
now did that hurt?
yeah?
me?
oh god! i see it i see it i see it!
oh sweet jesus mother of god did you see that?!
guys -- guys --
help?! help! hello?!
can you guys do this later?!
oh -- oh -- oh -- man.
hey, you know, it is sorta --
pick.
these are the hot sheets?
you're actually looking for tips in a supermarket tabloid?
why?
damn. if he was this ugly before he was an alien.
did you taste her lemonade?
whoa! that thing erases her memory, and you give her a new one?
and that's the best you can come up with?
yeah, and you're better off 'cause he never appreciated you anyway. in fact, you kicked him out, and now that he's gone, you ought to buy some new clothes, maybe hire a decorator or something.
hey. kay. when am i gonna get one of those memory things?
wait -- don't tell me -- that was the question on final jeopardy last night.
i'm gonna jump way past you and just guess that this is bad. right?
so basically you have a racial problem with all insect-based life forms?
what do we do?
i think, uh, we should start at the same place you did.
your cat?
thank-you, but is this really the time to uh -- you know, come on to me?
oh, yes. exactly.
nope. all fine.
well, of course they are. what i'm pointing out is that there are no pieces of them left. so they're intact, wherever they are. that we can be sure of.
you know, i was just going to ask you the same thing.
no, no. not at all.
no.
excuse me.
very interesting. got a real queen of the undead thing goin' on.
great body.
not a clue.
what is that?
it's all right -- what are you trying to say? struggle?
bed? belt? orion's belt?
"to prevent war, the galaxy is on orion's belt?" the hell does that mean? hey! kay! i mean, dr., uh, whatever, come here!
he's dead.
you knew him?
he said "to prevent war, the galaxy is on orion's belt."
that's what he said. didn't he? right after he -- oh, for christ's sake, you did the flashy thing already.
stop that --
-- that thing probably gives you brain cancer!
"never hurt her before"?! how many times have you done the flashy thing to this poor woman?!
aren't you worried about, you know, long term damage?
what the hell happened to make you such a callous son of a bitch?
hey, you never flashed me with that thing, did you?
hey, kay, i really think i should be in charge of the flashy memory thing department.
yeah, well you're a menace with that thing.
doesn't anybody believe in sleep around here?
that's what the little guy was talking about, "to prevent war, the galaxy's on orion's belt"
you're attracted to me, aren't you?
pretty lady.
you were the guy with the flowers in the photo, (what, you were on your way to a dance or something and you got lost? and she never got those flowers, did she?]
grumpy guy's story comes into focus. she ever get married?
well, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have --
what do they know that we don't know?
and we've got a dead arquillian prince.
they sound pissed.
i like that.
you get a series four de-atomizer and i get a "noisy cricket?!" i'm afraid i'm going to break it.
who robs a jewelry store and leaves the jewels?
this guy had a serious crush on his cat.
kay! get down!
the bug in the edgar suit! the ugly redneck from the picture! that's him!
can we drop the cover-up bullshit?! there's an alien battle cruiser that's gonna blow-up the world if we don't.
of course that guy's an alien. that's gotta be the worst disguise i've ever seen.
the, uh. dog owes my friend some money.
ask him about the belt.
they're rehearsing a ventriloquist act.
the galaxy is hundreds of millions of stars and planets? how's it here?
kay.
so two galaxies have been fighting for years. and the only people who've been benefiting are a race of creatures called bugs. then the two galaxies decide to make peace. and the bugs send this guy down to make sure the fighting never stops.
and if we don't get it back before he leaves the planet. we're history.
i'll handle this one, you wait outside.
because all we have to do is walk in and get a cat, it's not that hard. but if you go in, you're gonna lay your jack webb on her and flash your brain ray in her face and she's gonna end up with leukemia or some shit. the woman's a doctor, she doesn't need you erasing half her med school classes. take me five minutes.
hello? anybody here?
hello?
uh, hi.
i'm sergeant friday, from the twenty-sixth precinct. they brought a cat in here with a corpse the other day, might have said "orion" on the cat's name tag?
right, well, the cat is, uh -- the cat's a witness in a murder case and i'm going to need to take it with me.
you don't?
excuse me?
damn, you do start fast, don't you?
and, uh, why exactly is that?
now slow down, you don't have to hit the gas like that.
and i will. but we gotta get something straight here -- i'm gonna drive. it's not some kind of macho trip, it's just the way i'm used to doing things, okay?
don't shoot! don't shoot!
how was i supposed to know!?!
maybe if you didn't come on like a drunken prom date!
it's okay, laurel!
i mean it's going to be okay!
they're in a cab.
hey! laurel!? hey!
what the hell are they shooting at us for?!
a galactic standard week? how the hell long is that?
one hour?
you're talking about us!
uh, gentlemen.
fellas.
hey. old guys.
do those still work?
you're taking the tunnel?!
it's usually jammed?!
i told you!
yeah?!
what?!?
i don't care!!
you know how to work that?
oh, shit.
what?
that did not go at all like i had planned.
where are you going?
what!?
hey! come over here and try that!
stop right there, or i'll start wailing on your waxy, pointed ass!
what are you, afraid of me? come on! stand and fight like an arthropod!
you want a piece of this, huh?! maybe you're a badass in your hive, but this is new york city. you're just another tourist here!
you're messing with the wrong species, bug --
hey, bug!
if i'm not mistaken, that was a cousin of yours.
whoa! that had to hurt. and, what d'you know, here's your old uncle bob!
what's that? can you hear what he's saying? 'help me! help me!'
ooh! there's a pretty one. that one looks kinda familiar, don't you think? i know who that is!
that's your momma!
didn't she ever teach you not to bite off more than you can chew?
you son of a --
getting eaten!? that was your plan!?
after i got the shit beat out of me!
you coulda told me what you were doing.
look, i know we got rules, but she did just bust the bug for us. and so maybe you don't have to flashy thing her.
who's she gonna tell, anyway? she only hangs out with dead people.
kay, you're scaring your partner.
oh no, i can't do this job by myself.
no, you won't.
i'll talk to dennis rodman, it's his damn planet.