hi.
you're doc mumford. skip skipperton.
fine. okay. pretty good. i've been hoping we'd meet. i've heard a lot about you.
do you think we could? can i buy you a drink?
"find the need and fill it" my dad used to say -- i guess a lot of dads say that -- but i did and it just took off.
panda? i've always liked giant pandas.  i've been to china and seen them in the wild. that's the kind of thing i can do if i want.  now. i can do pretty much anything i want to do these days.
so now we make 23% of the modems in the market, which is pretty good.
when i was growing up here, the town was about dead. the timber business was played out.  panda changed all that. now, just about everybody in town either works for the company or depends on it somehow. which is kinda the problem.
would you like another beer?
far out. single malt? can i pick it?
of course! that's exactly what i want.
when panda started to happen, i was dating women from new york, san francisco, l.a. they came out of the woodwork. models, actresses, venture capitalists.  these were not the kind of girls who were interested in me before i hit it.  and you know what i discovered? i discovered these girls did not love me for myself. the majority of them didn't even like me. but a lot of them would've gladly become mrs. skipperton for a while. can you imagine that -- marrying someone just because they've got money?
i gotta pee. can i ask you something? this town is called mumford.  been that way since.  18.  18-0.  18-0.  . thirteen! right? now here's the question -- your name is mumford, too.
you moved here from back east and your name is the same as this town. is that right? far out.
i hope you don't think i want you to do this for free. just because we're gonna play it like we're friends, doesn't mean i won't pay you like a doctor.
i have a lot of money. do you know how much money i've got?
i've got three big ones.
no, no.  i have three billion dollars.
this is great!
this is exactly what i wanted.
you'd be surprised. most guys have kids or wives or girlfriends. they're busy. it's not as easy as you think.
well, you know.  that's the thing. like i said, just about everybody in town works for me. and it's just not the same asking someone to throw a ball when they work for you. it's like an order or something.  and no one -- no one -- asks me.
don't you like this?
okay then.
no.  i've seen her. good-looking woman.
really? i'm the only person i know that likes danny ainge, outside of celtic fans. maybe phoenix.
did you know that danny ainge was drafted by the blue jays? do you know what kind of athlete you have to be to play in the nba and in the bigs?
unbelievable.
what?
i would've traded any of it to have made the mumford high varsity.
so i guess henry follett is a patient of yours. he's my pharmacist.
uh-huh.
i wondered what happened to her.
doc. i know we're not supposed to get together till wednesday.
how many sessions have we had now, doc? six. and it's been good.  like we were two buddies hanging out. just shootin' the shit.
this is really hard. everything i want to say is hard.
we're like friends, almost.  who trust each other.
i want to tell you something, doc, but before i do, i need to ask you a question.  because, for me to tell you this thing -- well, i haven't told anybody about this. it's the biggest secret i've got.
you're a shrink, doc. aren't i supposed to be able to tell you everything?
that really relates to the thing i want to ask you.  i've noticed that sometimes, not a lot, but sometimes, when we're hanging out, throwin' the ball.  or that time we went bowling.  sometimes you'll like -- -- tell me things about your other patients.
hey, maybe that's all right! i don't know all that much about psychology or therapy or.  ethics, so maybe there's something i missed.  or something.
i trust you. definitely. no question. but, yeah, i'm a little concerned. i mean, you're not supposed to tell anyone about your patients' problems.  are you?
yeah, well.  what i was gonna tell you --
doc, i trust you! you've listened to me better than anybody.  maybe ever. and this secret i've got, i can't stand it anymore. i don't know if i'm some kind of --
-- i don't know if i'm a pervert or what. it's taken me this long to get where i can come out and say it.  i can't back away now. i can't spend another day not knowing if i'm nuts.
all right, i'm just gonna tell you, as simple and direct as i can. and you understand that this is a big secret? just between us? okay. you know i've got this gift for certain kinds of.  machines.
that's right. and you also know that even though i make 23% of the modems in the world.  i cannot make one simple connection with any woman who could truly love me.
it's true, believe me. so.  do you know what i've been doing, all alone, in my workshop, for almost two years?.  mr. find-the-need-and-fill- it. how i spend my every solitary hour?
guess. go ahead, guess!
no!.  although that's a good guess. no, what i've been working on, what the world really needs and no one has been able to create -- -- a virtually life-like, humanoid, gender-specific, anatomically functional.  sexual surrogate slash companion.
sexual surrogate.  slash.  companion.
no, doc, not a doll. i am panda. i'm talking about much, much more than a doll. the world has never seen what i'm talking about.  except maybe in the movies.
you don't think i'm insane?
no, doc, a private secret! it's perverted, it's pitiful. what am i -- dr. frankenstein? aren't you repulsed?
really?
it's not?
who else knows?
it's time you did some talkin', dr. mum -- wait a minute. that is your name, isn't it?
damn! what is your name?
it matters to me.
i've told you a lot of private stuff.
what about everything? how did this happen?
are you telling me your last job before becoming a psychologist was --
-- an investigator for the internal revenue service?
sounds like you have several.
an irs investigator with a drug problem?
did you carry a gun?
holy shit!
you were messed up, man.
hey, you've done good. look at yourself.  you've cleaned up, you've got a career --
at least you pulled yourself out.
you and candy?
and so you did.
and the drugs?
somebody's taking a shower down there.
i wish i could live in the shower. i'd take five a day if i had the time. i went to this spa in germany, a sanitarium practically, up on this mountain. and the great thing -- they just kept you wet all day.
how'd you do it? the new you.
i know it starts with a birth certificate.
is that like a mimeograph?.  what about the name?
"mumford".  i mean, why pick the name of the town you were going to?
and a birth certificate is enough?
but you studied psychology, right? you did the training and just never got the degree?
psych major?
jeez, man. but you're good at it!
where ya going? i've got a million questions.
doc.
yeah.  me you, too.  i was at your house.
upstairs, with doc.  yeah, it's very nice.  i heard your shower.
what?
i may be young, but doc can tell you, i'm very immature.
so, is this like a japanese restaurant?
that's a lot of people all at once.
what are they?
salad nicoise? i love salad nicoise.
yeah.
hey, doc!
thanks, jennifer, i'll take him from here.
i've never brought anyone down here before.
doc, there's something about what you told me the other night i can't get out of my head. it's driving me batty -- why me? how did you know you could trust me?
it's just me, dino!
you want my advice? far out!
i hope nothing you're about to see will shake your faith in me.
pretty creepy, huh? are you totally disgusted?
this doesn't seem a little.  perverse?
it's not going to be me. i'm giving it up.
it's all your fault. in the last 48 hours, i've completely lost interest.
lily.
oh, she doesn't know about it yet. right now, of the two of us, i'm the only one in love. but i'm very stoked.
doc, how i can be of help to you?
sorry.
i'm here for you, doc.
i guess that makes sense.
you've fallen in love with one of your patients?
doc!.  it's not me, is it?
doc, what about this? you're not really a licensed psychologist!
hmm. i guess that doesn't help.  i see where you're going here. it's a mess.
far out!