i was born jaundiced. once i sat on a toilet seat at a truck stop and caught hemorrhoids. and i've learned to live with this chicken bone that's been lodged in my throat for the past three years, so i knew dad would be devastated when he learned of my latest affliction. dad, i don't wanna upset you, but my left breast is developing at a significantly faster rate than my right. it can only mean one thing. cancer. i'm dying.
all right, who's in raise your hand.
i knew he wouldn't come.
leave him alone! come on, let's go.
hey, you didn't pay me!
you're such a baby.
all right, follow me and don't say a word.
okay. lean forward.
i was afraid of this.
well, sometimes when we get 'em, they're not completely dead, you know, like when they cut a chickens head off and it still runs around crazy.
i bet she's roaming around this house somewhere.
hi grammoo.
seeya later.
ahem.
daddy guess what i beat thomas j in monopoly yesterday.
arthur!!
i beat thomas j in monopoly yesterday.
once you put the hotels on board walk and park place he puts a shoe in your way.
cruella deville stole all the puppies, she was gonna make a fur out of 'em!
dad?
sure, come on in.
dad, somebody's here!!
is that your camper?
that's really cool.
she's shy.
daddy, how come that coffin's so small?
is it for a child?
then who's it for?
oh wow, a real evil canieval.
i'm very sick.
well, what is it? i can handle it.
that can't be, i have all the classic symptoms.
yes.
i'll just have to get a second opinion.
the whole medical profession is a crack.
hey look!
that's mr. bixler, let's go talk to him.
hi mr. bixler!
it's okay. mr. bixler, i finished all the books for summer reading.
yes, and now i'm reading war & peace for fun.
mr. bixler, how come you're painting this old house?
this is one big house for one single person.
how are you gonna get the money for this old house if you're not working?
how much does it cost?
what do you get for that?
no. well, guess i'll go home and finish off war & peace.
no, i'm going home.
dinner time?? you're like a dog! you just go home to eat.
i think it's my prostate.
i am.
he is not my boyfriend!
do you think i kissed that ugly old thing?
i'm not upset. i will never play with those girls. i only surround myself with people who i find intellectually stimulating.
he's allergic to everything.
it's a mood ring, it tells what mood i'm in.
it's only black when you're around 'cause you put me in a bad mood.
i don't think so. shelly, how can i get thirty five dollars?
it's not a real school, it's a writing class, i wanna be a writer.
shut your big fat mouth!
he won't give it to me.
daddy, can i have thirty five dollars?
it's for school, for summer writing class.
shelly thinks i'd be a good writer.
dad?
dad??
the money?
wanna play?
my ball, i lost my ball.
there's shelly!
can we look around in your camper?
big ringo fan.
i would.
did you read all these books?
what are they about?
are you married?
daddy said it's bad when people get divorced.
can i use your bathroom first?
you don't have to wait, daddy'll be mad if you're late.
i paid the money.
uh huh, i wanna be a writer.
i wrote a poem too.
loads of ice-cream by vada sultenfuss i like ice-cream a whole lot, it tastes good when days are hot, on a cone or in a dish, this would be my only wish, vanilla, chocolate or rocky road, even with pie a la mode.
maybe they had a big breakfast.
big deal, i can do that too. thomas j, you got something!
hurry!
reel it in. he's only tiny, throw him back.
you're hurting him, don't kill him!!
ouch! darn hook!
i'm bleeding, did he get away? go look.
hey, we can become blood brothers.
you could pick that scab on your arm.
it'll bleed.
uh huh.
okay, rub them together.
now we're blood brothers for life.
are you going out somewhere?
so how come you're putting lipstick on?
i think lipstick looks fake, no-ones lips are that color.
no.
shelly, do you think i'm pretty?
the boys at school don't think i am.
do you like putting makeup on people?
shelly, i would definitely hold off on that hollywood thing.
no.
a girl can never wear enough eye shadow.
oh, in the garage. walk me over.
it's only a garage, come on.
hey, one of my streamers is gone! it probably fell off in here.
that was grammoo's. it's a phrenology chart, they used to study the bumps in your head to see if you had a good personality or not. come here, i'll diagnose your head.
come on, it's fun.
hmmmm, interesting.
you have no personality.
never mind.
yes.
it's my mother.
no. grammoo said she's in heaven.
what?
i think, everybody gets their own white horse, and all they do is ride and eat marshmallows all day, and everybody's best friends with everybody else, when you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last.
it doesn't matter, 'cause they're not regular horses, they got wings, and it's no big deal if you fall, you just land in cloud.
dad, why are you dressed up to go to bingo?
you never cared before.
why?
can i go too?
here.
sorry.
let's go to the church, they're playing bingo tonight.
pacifist!
bed wetter!
we're not gonna bet, we're just gonna watch.
duck!
ssshhhhh, i don't want them to see me.
go???
bingo!
we can go now.
i felt justin's hangnail.
i don't think i'm allowed to.
hi.
sorry.
dad, didn't you say you needed prunes real bad?
are they ready yet?
when?
when??
hey shelly, like seafood?
see food!
i like my name.
are you here to take shelly back?
he must like shelly, i never saw him hit anyone in his life.
does he love her?
do you like her?
why?
really?
my dad was funny?
aaaaaaaaaahhhhh.
carnnk yu sheeee ik??
can't you see it?
it's there.
dr. welty, are you sure those are yours?
as good as can be expected.
what?
hey you!!!! i'm gonna get you!!! i'll get you!!!!
what?
so?
are you crazy, you'll get stung!!
what do you want it for anyway?
my mood ring! it fell off! i gotta find it!
i am running faster!!
jump in the water!!
do it!
yes.
i like the freak show.
nephritis? it's a kidney disease, you don't get it from hot dogs.
i won, i won!!!
where'd you get that ring?
did you win it?
oh my fish!!!
not acknowledging harry's comment you'll be okay little fish.
no!, he's fine. fish are very resilient animals you know. don't worry, i won't get another fish.
i'll ride on the bumper cars with you!
no!
hi, can thomas j come out?
hi, wanna ride bikes?
bye mrs. sennett.
i'm running away.
california, i'm going to hollywood to live with the brady bunch.
no, you can't, they have enough kids, you'll have to live with the partridge family.
get up!?
my dad gave shelly a ring.
you're such a retard, it was an engagement ring.
i don't like her.
he likes her better than me.
then go home, baby.
leave then, some friend you are.
no, i'm hiding out.
oh my god!!!
daddy!! daddy daddy!!!! daddy!!??!?!
daddy??!?!?!
where's daddy?
i'm hemorrhaging.
i don't want, i don't need your help.
i'm eleven and a half.
my mommy and daddy did that?
i think it should be outlawed.
oh, that's probably thomas j, i don't wanna see him. it's not fair. nothing happens to boys.
i dunno.
no!
grammoo, i'm going to the bathroom, i'll be right back.
why do you think people want to get married?
i'm gonna marry mr. bixler.
it is not.
not true.
have you ever kissed anyone?
uh huh.
maybe we should, just to see what's the big deal.
here, practice on your arm like this.
uh huh. okay, enough practice.
close your eyes.
just do it.
okay on the count of three.
one.
two.
two and a half.
three.
say something it's too quiet.
just, hurry.
you better not tell anyone.
well, let's spit on it.
seeya tomorrow.
what?
for what?
i guess.
hi.
feeding my fish.
yes.
i told him not to tease those bees. did he get stung?
maybe i should go over and yell at him.
why not?
he's okay isn't he?
dr. welty!!!? dr. welty??
i can't breathe, i'm suffocating.
it hurts, it hurts so bad, make it stop.
the bee stings! i can't breathe!
wanna go tree climbing thomas j?
his face hurts, and where is his glasses? he can't see without his glasses! put his glasses on! put on his glasses! he was gonna be an acrobat.
get away, get away!!
justin and ronda say that i should tell people what i feel.
mr. bixler, i love you.
i love you like my dad loves shelly. i wanna live here.
no he wouldn't, i can't go home.
who's that?
no.
get away from me!
i should have told thomas j that he was my best friend.
shelly, i stole some money from your cookie jar, to pay for the writing class.
i'll pay it back, besides, i don't think i'll ever go to class again.
i will i promise.
goodnight.
did i kill my mother?
the bees killed thomas j, and i killed my mother.
i found this.
in the garage.
what was my mama like?
really?
do you miss her?
i think every time i see a climbing tree i'll think of thomas j.
daddy, it's not so bad to be like you.
mrs. sennett.
i will, i promise.
mrs. sennett. thomas j will be all right, my mother will take care of him.
i can't stay, i just came to read my poem.
weeping willow with your tears running down, why do you always weep and frown, is it because he left you one day, is it because he could not stay, on your branches he would swing, do you long for the happiness that they would bring, he found shelter in your shade, he thought his laughter would never fade, weeping willow stop your tears, there is something to calm your fears, you think death as if you forever part, but i know he'll always be in your heart.
hi judy.