yes!
yes!
elizabeth! little elizabeth! why you're so.  middle aged!
how's your dad?
oh that's right--they squished him.  heck of a guy.
well, i give to the united way, and i feel that sort of covers--
my weapons? you need my weapons?
the military establishment has never understood me. they won't return my phone calls, much less field test anything. but i knew that someday i'd get my chance, and now.  here you are!
you don't need that junk! you see, for thousands of years mankind has been immolating, disemboweling, and exploding itself. why? because we have this built-in screwed up need to go to war!
now here's a beauty! i call it the shrinker! i developed it after years of studying the worst dry cleaners i could find. it instantly shrinks fabrics to half their size. anyone caught in its spray is immediately immobilized by their own clothing!
he's got the air cannon!
i know.
he's got the psychostridulator.
ten years ago the kremlin's top secret psychiatric warfare division developed a prototype for a weapon that emitted a fluctuating alternative frequency noise that produced a violent psychotic reaction in any mammal within hearing distance. but when the old soviet union fell the stridulator and its brilliant inventor, doctor kopov, disappeared.
not him.  her.
yes.
a village in siberia was wiped out when a cleaning woman switched it on by mistake.
and he must have it well hidden.
snap out of it!
wait! look!
laser eye.  and it's a humdinger.
he'll never make it.