let me start out by saying that i was very impressed by the investigative piece dutton did on pesticides in our supermarkets. an older man, dutton, smiles proudly.
but since the trib did a better piece on the same subject, you're fired. dutton's face falls. everyone looks horrified.
you heard me. out. out. dutton shuffles out. josie takes a big bite of donut.
so. happy march everybody!
to celebrate, i've decided it's time for another undercover feature! everyone looks underwhelmed.
you all know that some of my best inspiration comes from personal experience. who knew that my botched foray into hair plugs would lead to last month's award-winning expose -- "hair today, gone tomorrow"? hat's off to you, bruns. we pan over to bruns, a reporter whose hair is missing in odd-looking clumps. he nods sadly.
or should i say "hat's on"! and what about when my wife had that affair with gil, her ski instructor and howard went undercover as an expert slalom skier. howard smiled wanly. both his arms are in casts. camera pans the room as rigfort continues, picking out different reporters.
so last night i'm sitting around the dinner table with my family. the wife, the two nannies, the boys, and we're eating chicken with this peanut sauce. camera stops at a chef boyardee look-alike.
hang on, gus. so, we're eating this peanut sauce and suddenly the younger kid starts choking. camera stops at a nurse ratchet look-alike.
turns out he's allergic to peanuts. and i think -- holy shit. i don't even know my own kids. i mean, who knows if they're even mine? and it got me thinking. how much do we know about kids today? what are they thinking? how many of them are allergic to peanuts? boom. it hit me -- "my semester in high school." camera stops at a bald guy, the jerks over one seat to josie.
you. what's your name.
you enroll on friday. general crowd hubub. josie's in shock.
and none of these geezers could pass for a day under 40. have fun. and rigfort exits.
alrighty then--next on the agenda-sack races at the company picnic-yes or no? josie sneaks in. she pushes past workers to get to a chair, big backpack whacking them as she goes.
miss geller, what's the status on your story?
geller, i don't need your notes. i need your story. though i speak for everyone when i say i've seen the tapes. compelling stuff. all the workers nod in agreement.
but i want a story in two weeks. i'm saving the "life and style" cover for you. you're gonna make one hell of a reporter. oh, and if you don't, you and gus are fired. josie and gus react.
now, onto the next order of business. marketing department-yes or no? exterior. josie's parents' house – night beer cans and kids litter the lawn. josie pulls into the driveway. interior. josie's parents house – same josie makes her way through the throngs of kids. it's a big high school "rager" lots of big blue keg cups, drunk girls, etc. the cool girls are present and socializing. josie finally makes her way to the kitchen.
i got weiners. hot weiners. rigfort sits next to gus. behind them sit bruns, his hair finally growing in and howard, now down to just a sling.
i love this. sun times readers, out here, making a personal connection to one of our reporters. this is amazing, isn't it? weiner? gus takes a weiner.
wait a minute.  rigfort pulls something small and shiny out of the bun.
there's a bolt in my weiner. then he turns back to howard and smiles.
hey howard, what are you doing for the next month? howard's face falls.