hey monty--you think we'll get any business today?
i think maybe people are scared off by the tiki torches.
i thought people just wanted their mail delivered on time. josie walks into the store, triggering hawaiian music. monty puts a lei over her head.
relax, monty. it's just my sister. monty takes the lei off her neck. josie hands rob an envelope. rob rifles through the cash inside.
thanks, jos. i'll pay you back. bambi thanks you, too. rob indicates a beat-up wreck of a yellow car parked outside.
no it's not. guys name their penises.
she just needs a new windshield wiper.
y'know what? take it. i don't want it. josie hands it back.
no, it is. it's just one more thing to add to your "things that make you a better person than me" list.
see!
i'm not going to college, jos. and i'm not playing anymore baseball. this is my life.
someday this luau is going to be all mine!
oh yay! and then i could be as happy as you!
no. uh, uh. pull out to reveal him standing with josie on the sidewalk in front of -
you can't just "borrow" my car for a couple of months! that's like ten years in bambi life!
wow. this must be big.
do you remember high school?
don't you remember what they called you? slowly josie's face falls. she looks very far away.
josie -
i know. i came up with it. you look nauseous.
no. they're at the franklin hint expo at the skokie holiday inn.
did you catch the score? josie gives him a look of death.
no, i mean, no big whoop.
these girls are high schoolers? damn, we've got some underage hotties on our hands, here!
why is that impossible? josie's eyes get teary.
oh my god! you're at southglen south? they have a killer baseball team.
jos, you've been to college, you're successful, you wash your hair now-- you're not josie grossie anymore.
come on! it's not that hard. all you need is one person. once the right person thinks you're cool, you're in. everyone else will be too scared to question it.
little known fact. josie takes this in.
look, don't you wanna show them - gus, billy prince, yourself--that you're not freaked out by the cool kids anymore? that you can go in there, be friends with them, and get your story?
plus, if you quit you're no better than me.
that's the spirit!
no. josie, this is real. she looks up.
i just registered. rob whips out his fake id and shows it to her.
manufactured at the tiki post. rob helps josie up.
this is it jos! this is my ninth inning! the game isn't over--i just thought it was! i get on the southglen baseball team, the right scout sees me-- i'm into the minors-it's game time!
with the reading comprehension of a fifteen year old! plus, i'm popular.  you want to be popular.  i can recognize a cry for help when i see one.
thank you. i'm rob.
nice pants, man. they are rufus. guy smiles. josie looks like she's going to hurl. she looks down the hall the other way- where a huge banner hangs that reads: "impeach sydney anakowski. elect rob student body president.
no problem, man. they do one of those elaborate, fraternity-like handshakes. out of the corner of his eye, rob sees josie walking alone across the field. he gets an idea.
hey, you guys know that girl, josie geller?
no, dude, josie. we used to go out and she dumped me. but we're still good friends. and she is… amazing, if you know what i mean. the guys are all stunned.
hey--josie's dad invented that stuff. josie's like the heiress to the ex- lax fortune.
yeah. she's loaded. she spends all her vacations on the family yacht in the south of france. they react.
yeah well, she left him for the drummer from "sister hazel." y'know the song "all for you?"
hey, i told you--josie doesn't like to talk about that.
i'm playing in the championship game?
oh man! rob grabs coach romano in a bear hug. the coach is uncomfortable. rob moves towards the dugout and the coach happily slaps him on the ass.
and a gymnast!
see you around the cellblock, mrs. robinson. josie turns around and gives him a death look. tracy turns to rob.
well, a ball player.
wow, josie- you look really-
yes. exactly. major rufus.
duh. tom cruise. "risky business". he puts on his black wayfarer sunglasses, and does the famous slide into the living room. josie laughs.
i know. rob smiles and exits. josie nervously checks her reflection in the t.v. - just like she did eight years ago. she takes a deep breath, and goes out.
yeah. definitely. he tries to stand her up on her own.
maybe we should sit. he helps her to a chair next to the dance floor. they both sit. next to them, a ravenous miss piggy eats with her date kermit looking on. she picks up an hors d'oeuvre and stares at it horrified.
wow - i-
i'm gonna get you some water. and then, i think we should get back out on that dance floor and boogie. rob gets up, kisses tracy on the top of her head, and heads for the refreshment table. tracy, her leg still around her head falls backwards into kermit's lap. kermit looks down, surprised and interested. miss piggy notices, gives him a big "harumph", tosses her hair, and leaves. angle back on: the cool table. gibby is staring o.s. in horror.
josie, finally. i just wanted to come over and make sure you're okay.
no- not really, josie. not really. how could you do that to me? i helped you. i got you everything you wanted. and how do you repay me- you blow everything two days before pro scouts come to see me play. once they had seen me really play- they wouldn't have given a shit about my age.
no, you weren't. don't you realize the only time i was really happy in the last five years was when i was playing ball with those guys?
no, shut up, josie. just shut up. he storms off.