i have my interview at nyu today. parker, sleepy, stretches, unaware she's exposing her new belly ring.
no way mom knows about that. self-consciously, parker drops her arms, pulls her shirt down.
didn't it hurt?
piercings are so.  unhygienic. a little beep beep from her preset watch alarm goes off.
breakfast. drew turns on her heel and exits. when parker sets her blackberry down we get our first glimpse of.  .  her side of the bathroom which resembles a post- apocalyptic toiletry landscape. there's a very clear line of demarcation on the counter like the demilitarized zone separating the koreas. parker reaches among the rubble for her toothbrush but notices another message on her blackberry: thoreau 786: know what today is? notatwin: another day in hell? thoreau 786: two weeks since our first chat. notatwin: our anniversary. how sweet. thoreau 786: since it's a special occasion, my real name's warren collier. if you're ever in the city, i'd
morning, dad.
how's the book coming?
still stuck, huh?
another one for the trophy room, huh?
i've prepared a color-coded itinerary based on dividing the day into fifteen minute increments alternating blue. red, double- checked the train schedule, confirmed with the weather channel and rehearsed a couple of alternate scenarios last night, you know, just to account for all the possible glitches.
i want to hit the ground running. all those football games and the partying and the whole dating scene. it just seems like a lot of wasted time that could be spent more productively.
what -- ?! drew chokes on her granola and a little milk trickles out her nose.
no.  i mean, it's.  impossible. i've got every minute accounted for right up to the interview. blue and red! it won't work.
i'm sorry, mom. it's really sweet of you. but don't worry. parker will be living here with you forever since no college on earth will ever take her.
time to go.
you're smart. you're resourceful. you'll find a way to make it work. she tries to sell herself on this by smiling, but something in the smile suggests she's screwed. collecting her dayplanner, purse, interview file and cell phone, she drops them into her matching coach shoulder bag.
ah, darn it, mom. that's a shame. it's like fate is conspiring against us.
you absolutely, positively have to promise me we'll do it another time.
mom, you know, i might not get in.
hey! stop! drew takes off running after the car!
parker!!
you know, parker. chemistry is important. when you think about it, everything's made of chemicals.
professor spaulding. good afternoon. i'm drew macleod. an executive takes the aisle seat next to her, and after a sideways glance at drew's portable office, opens his wall street journal as the train begins to pull away. every commuter is quietly reading the paper or staring off into their own world, wondering why their life has lead them to this sad moment when.  .  they're all distracted by an awful, awful voice singing sheryl crow's "soak up the sun." it's parker, wearing her headphones and looking for a seat in the full train car. drew stares at her, dumbfounded.
what do you think you're doing?
this can't be happening. wait, i know. this is one of those ground hog day dreams, isn't it? drew pinches herself too hard.
ow! i'm awake now. you're supposed to disappear.
then scratch it and get back to school.
you're permanently distracted. it's called attention deficit disorder. is this about that chat room guy? it is, isn't it? a look from the exec reminds parker of her headphones and she pulls them off.
i swear to god, parker, you go through boyfriends like junior mints. it's pathetic.
is this any of your business? he goes back to his paper.
this is ridiculous. i don't have time for this today. fine. don't graduate from high school. make a mess of your life over some complete stranger. i don't care. but leave me out. i have something important i need to accomplish today, so please go away.
i have to mentally preview my day now. i can't talk anymore. parker turns to go, then remembers something.
excuse me?
what are you doing? drew scrambles to grab her bag, jacket, the little inflatable lap desk falling to the floor.
police? i didn't do anything.
no! that's not me! that was my twin sister you threw off!
she's right there!
i'm.  ouch.
this can't be happening! i have a.  a.  little paper thingy. what are they called? ticket! i have a ticket! it's right.  she drops her bag, contents spilling willy-nilly. on her hands and knees, she frantically searches for her ticket in the mess. the conductor, however, is already on the train stop as it pulls away. he just waves, victorious. parker steps back out onto the platform and the conductor spots her. he looks from one sister to the other -- oops, mistake. but it's too late. sheepishly, he climbs inside and the train is gone.
aarrggh! parrr.  kerrr! parker steps up from behind her.
don't.
oh, just a minor concussion i sustained while the conductor was throwing me off the train because he thought i was you sneaking back on the train!
i'll bet. drew throws her bag over her shoulder and heads for the ticket counter. the welt on her forehead is gonna be a doozey.
to see when the next train leaves.
that can't be. i have to be there before two!
what did you just say?
let go of my arm. but parker drags her away. drew shoots a look back at the clerk, who sticks out his tongue at her.
what's this?
car service? you couldn't have called for a.  but bennie opens the door for parker like he's done it a thousand times.
pre-paid? what's 57th and 5th?
not barneys.
this was supposed to be someone else's car, wasn't it?
'scarpelli'? we're supposed to be italian?
this is so.  wrong.
what's happening?
parker, i think maybe we should get out. parker sees the light ahead turn red.
he has no respect for traffic laws! they run into the first alley and hunker down by a garbage can. the lincoln flies past. they dash back out, the same way they came. screech! bennie locks up the wheels! they round the same corner going the opposite way and parker pulls them into the first door.
is he gone? i can't believe this. what did you get us into?
a rush? are you out of your mind?
parker, you're only feeding the poor man's disease. buy him a healthy snack. .  just as the homeless guy reaches for the dollar and the slushee is knocked from his hand. we watch in slow motion as the slushee takes flight, the cap falling off and the sticky, cherry red mess fanning
i will never, ever, forgive you.
i could be arrested for vagrancy looking like this.
no. no ideas. i'm going straight to that interview and wait, without moving or speaking, especially to you, for four hours.
do you have the slightest clue what that would cost?
oh. my. god.
i left it in his car.
he knows where i live. he's going to hunt me down and kill me.
that won't get me hosed down at a car wash.
my secret-safety twenty. of course. but it's only for emergencies.
yeah. drew takes off her shoe, lifts the inner sole and pulls out a twenty, then realizes:
hey, how'd you know about my secret-safety twenty?
no. i want to get clean, not contract hepatitis.
we touch nothing. parker leads them inside.
sixty dollars an hour for this --
it's all we have. twenty-six dollars and thirty-six cents.
i had a little accident, okay?
what part of 'that is all the money we have' didn't make sense to you?
not a word. girl scout's honor. he grudgingly holds out the key for parker, who takes it and hands it to drew while she gets the money out. on drew -- sensing something, she looks down at her feet where a huge rat is licking the sweet stuff off her shoes. there's a rather long beat while this horror sinks in, then:
ahhhhhh!!!! key in hand, drew makes a beeline out the door.
there was a rat, parker. a rat the size of a doberman eating my foot.
our money? our money?!
parker, it was not 'our' money and this is not 'our' day in new york. what it is, is quite possibly the most important day of my life. i've resigned myself to the fact that you don't give a crap about what you do with yours, but if you could find it in your heart, your tiny, cold steel heart, to respect what this means to me, i would appreciate it. but parker's not listening. she's staring intently.  .  across the street where several town cars are parked, the drivers chatting next to a hot dog. pretzel cart. among them is bennie, sipping coffee. parker spots him and freezes.
you're not even listening. that's typical. look, we're splitting up. give me back my secret safety money.
paranoid?
what's wrong with your eyes?
he saw us! the girls break into a run.
how'd he find us?
or maybe we told him where we were going!! she points up at the street sign -- 57th and 5th. oops.
i don't want to do this anymore. i want to be done. no more rats, no more mob hit men.
so? hello? no dinero?
no. i'm calling mom.
i'll have her.  uh.
dad, then.
damn it, parker, my itinerary is shot to hell! blue, red -- her watch alarm beeps.
i don't even know what that means! i'm running out of time. is that guy looking at me? parker starts to look.
don't look.
i think he was.
yeah, but i'm standing in the lobby of the plaza looking like a deranged street person who might attack at any moment. in fact, i might attack at any moment. the elevator behind them opens.
what are we doing? and why am i whispering?
great. now we're emulating blake greer, voted most likely to commit a felony before having to shave.
oh, we're not going to steal anything. super. just a little 'breaking and entering.'
no. no. no.
no!
i can't do this.
oh, no. oh my god. a.  a.  what the hell is it?
i'm itching already. see? are my arms red? drew backs away -- she's about to break for the door.
there's a man in there!
i'll, uh, go around.
i can't do it!
no i can't!
i did it. oops, the curtain starts to slip. when she reaches for it she loses her balance and suddenly -- fwonk -- nosedives into the dumpster. the curtain floats into the alley at parker's feet.
ow!
give me.  my.  curtain. parker tosses the curtain in and drew climbs out. they hurry off down the alley. in the second story fire escape window -- morty appears.
he thinks we have the dog!
a pain -- wham! -- drew's clotheslined at the intersection by a bike messenger who, in a valiant attempt to avoid her, brakes so hard he flies off the handlebars and lands
i'm, uh, late for this place, thing, where i'm supposed to be. college. interview!
nyu! .  before disappearing into the crowd on the sidewalk.
why does this not surprise me? the next music cue comes up and the showrunner grabs drew.
excuse me, but i'm supposed to be going to my college interview.
everybody washed their hands, right?
perfect.
park.  outside -- parker sees drew caught in the door as bruce, morty and the cops close in. quickly, parker pushes the door back, releasing drew, who jumps in and swings out.
sorry.
we didn't steal it, i swear.
he's right, parker.
so we'll turn ourselves in right after the interview.
we're facing felony charges, parker. maybe you can do your on- line flirting later. better yet, he can see you during visitor's hours. parker reads the incoming message from.  thoreau 786: how'd chem test go?
warren? warren?! so you lied, right to my face. no, drew, this isn't about the chat room guy. nah! but parker's typing furiously even as drew rants on -- she has to lean around speedy's legs. a guy buying a newspaper peers down at the strange sight.
are you listening to me?! give me that stupid thing! drew reaches for the blackberry.
parker, you have completely lost your mind if you can be thinking about boys at a time like this! thoreau 786: parker. thanks for sharing. anything you
you can't possibly know somebody who works at the united nations. maybe he meant united sub sandwiches. or united skate rats store. notatwin: united nations? thoreau 786: just a day job. join the 11:00 tour.
how convenient. you arrange a little date while your sister's future hangs in the balance.
yes.
maybe after the police forgive us for sneaking into someone else's hotel room, we can ask them to please keep the mob hit man from whacking us and dropping us into the marina so he doesn't get his suit dirty.
parker, i know you're trying to cheer me up, but i have to be honest. this is all your fault.
yeah, right! like you didn't mean to ask bernie lipscomb to the prom!
i'll bet that was just another accident of yours that happened to screw up my life!
you know i did!
you asked bernie just to snake him from me!
do you see him? parker consults the jpeg pic on her blackberry, then scans the group.
oh, shit. what now?
we don't have time for this now.
we'll get back to that.
angie? take the 11:00.
no one is blowing you off, warren. as a matter of fact, we're very happy to see you, aren't we, parker?
and we're grateful for your help.
super. now that that's all settled, is there a restroom i can get to without going out there?
they there?
they must be searching the building.
let's go. with warren leading the way, they exit the office.
are you okay?
i'm kind of in my own private hell right now.
drew.
uh, canada? it's sort of far away.
you want me to take this to the canadian representative to the united nations?
okay. drew exits the stall and goes to the door.
where's the assembly?
sir? he puts a hand to his stomach -- he's struggling.
oh, no. you didn't have the mussels at lunch, too, did you? even as she holds out the file, he races past her, puckering his bum. she watches him waddle up the stairs but as he exits, he
well, i'm not certain.  this furrows some brows.
 that i need to defend our position! ah, yes, some knowing nods. on the north korean representative leaning over to confer with the norwegian representative:
absurd?! uhhh.  where now? she notices the file the rep in the bathroom gave her and holds it up, shaking it for emphasis.
not so absurd, since i have the documents right here in my possession! this draws a chorus of murmurs throughout the hall. the chinese rep suddenly looks terribly worried and pauses to confer with his associate. cut to:
and besides, who said absurd is necessarily bad? sometimes absurd is good! for instance, absurd can be sort of.  funny! in conclusion, i propose that all of you should talk amongst yourselves. thank you. like cinderella at midnight, she turns and races up the stairs as the assembly is in complete turmoil -- kofi anan bangs his gavel.
they're following us, parker!
someone was sick in the bathroom and they asked me to -- hold on, i don't owe you any explanation.
you have a lot of nerve, parker. it was you that got me tossed off the train! you had to give the bum that dollar! you get the suit, i get the leather bikini!
and you got bernie lipscomb while i got scrabble with mom and dad!
it was to me!
there's a good reason for that!
you know very well what it means, ms. big mouth!
oh yeah? well, the joke's on you, because there isn't any interview! oops. this just slipped out in anger. parker's brain has to adjust, then:
no interview. i screwed up.
scheduling the interview. you deaf?
i missed the deadline.
after they made the first cut from the preliminary application, we were supposed to send in a form to secure our interview time and i filled it out and had everything ready to go in the mailbox and then.  drew is near tears.
i forgot.
yes. i just forgot. when i found it in my bag a week later, i'd missed the deadline.
i.  i was going to try to meet professor spaulding and.
i called and the secretary said there were no exceptions to the deadline so i was going to try to see him when he finished the other interviews. i knew it was hopeless, but.  i was so.  embarrassed. drew wipes her tears, then:
oh, to hell with it. she opens the door and jumps out!
darn it! darn it darn it darn it! this is when she sees, parked just down the block.  roger's van with "michelangelo's painting" across the back door.
that's.  that's the painter. drew quickly steps into the shadow of a doorway to keep out of sight and watch the van.
i just want you to know that i'm allergic to you and cynophobic! she and roger race right past.  .  mr. lo biancho, holding out the saks bag of money.
i can't stop! i have to return this dog!
officer?! officer?! but show official #3 appears from inside, taps the policeman on the shoulder -- they need him inside. he turns and goes through the door just as.  .  drew reaches the loading dock and hustles up the stairs.
officer?! she sprints past the other show officials checking in
where's the policeman? a groomer combing a hound dog points toward the curtains on the far side of the room and she blasts off that direction.
please! i'll get hives! oh, go ahead.
i, uh, just wanted to return him. as the other owners and handlers gather their dogs, williamson hands the emperor off to mrs. lo biancho while hogan handcuffs drew.
i didn't take her dog, i swear.
but i have this interview. i mean, it's not really an interview. i'd never lie to the police.  .  never mind. just as they push her head down into the car, she glimpses a vaguely familiar face among the myriad gawkers -- it's the bike messenger. for just an instant they lock eyes before the car pulls away.
staring at her ink-stained fingers as hogan finishes fingerprinting her other hand.
thank you.
yes, as a matter-of-fact, it is.
it's all yours. she hands the high heel to red, who enthusiastically pulls it on and models it.
no thanks. i'll just stay here with the girls.
i don't even know him.
thanks, jim. how'd you know?
huh. no hives. suddenly, realizing just how awful she must look, drew becomes self-conscious.
well.  bye. she walks past him out the door.
thanks for getting me out of jail but i have to go home now because my entire life is ruined.
you turn understatement into an art.
i'm drew macleod. the girl who won't be going to the nyu accelerated program.
because short of flying, there's no way to get from here to nyu in five minutes.
fine. .  and up the stairs -- then stops, turns.
wait right there. i mean, i don't want to be bossy. you don't have to stay right there, if you don't want to.
great. she launches herself into the building.
professor spaulding? i can't apologize enough for barging in like this. the professor is not only thrown by the interruption, but by drew's particularly bizarre, barefoot look.
parker?
what are you doing?
you were.  being me?
that's.  sweet.
no.
it's okay. but let's talk about it later.
parker, consider, just for a moment, whether this is the appropriate time and place.
jealous?
you mean subliminally you're undermining me?
well, thank you for saying that.
confess what?
why would i be jealous of you?
nope. then she smiles, only a teensy bit.
well, maybe about the love slaves. this is the first moment in a long time when the sisters share a smile. drew turns to the professor.
professor, i'm drew macleod.
i wanted more than anything in the world to be a part of your program. i still do. but i failed. i didn't follow the rules. and honestly, before today, i didn't know how i was going to live with that. how to live with failure. i'm not good at it. i haven't done it much. but today i realized that i've lived in fear of it too long.
i hope my application was a strong one and i came here today to ask your indulgence and to place my name back into consideration. if you won't, i'll understand. better yet, i'll get over it. maybe i shouldn't be in such a hurry after all. maybe it would be best for me to just take this.  drew takes her daybook from parker and drops it in the wastebasket.
 and lighten up. parker looks horrified at the sight of drew's daybook in the trash and fishes it out.
thanks for your time. sorry if you missed your plane. he shakes her hand.
thanks. the sisters hug, but we go.
yeah?
sure.
yeah. hey, one minute, 'kay?
thanks.
i, uh.
first i want to take a shower. for about a week. drew leans over and kisses him on the cheek. then she reaches into her bag and pulls out a card.
call me, okay?
no. honestly, it was all an accident. quinn holds out her hand revealing a belly ring.
it was.  spontaneous.
it doesn't really matter one way or the other. maybe i shouldn't be in such a hurry. why don't we go out and have some fun. besides, if this isn't good news, i don't want it to ruin our night. parker and quinn simply continue to stare. cut to: