having a rough day? down at the heels as they?
you don't see your face, you don't pay!
having a rough day? down at the heels as they say? what you need is a shoe shine, shoe shine, shoe shine today.
take ten, take a break, take a seat, take a load off. put the world in perspective.
so, are you a visitor or lucky enough to live in the city of angels?
what do you do, if i may be so bold?
don't denigrate yourself, my friend. where would the government be without accountants? they wouldn't know how hard they can squeeze us before we pop, isn't that right?
now you take tips. time was a tip was between a man and his customer. not any more. they've figured out what they call a formulae, don't laugh, it ain't for babies. they take your sales, see, and slap a percentile on there, figuring that somewhere between your lies and your bad luck they'll hit on the mean amount, mean meaning "in the middle", but if you ask me it means "just plain mean". why you can have uncle scrooge wring a nickel over your poor out-stretched palm, or daddy warbucks dropping pearl stick-pins like manna from heaven, don't make no difference, they'll tax your behind according to that same figure. doesn't seem quite right., does it?
it's a load, my friend, but somebody's got to carry it.
what's that? you have to speak up. i'm a little deaf in this ear. between that and my wooden leg i'm a mess. compliments of the united states army artillery corps.
i'll have you out of here in two shakes o'f a lamb's tail.
yes, well, you know, for a quality shoe you can't beat a good wingtip. wears like iron. you're a wise man. there ya' go. two bucks.
you got anything smaller?
it's a twenty.
well. thanks muchly.
sure. go down past the bar. take you right out there.
having a rough day? down at the heels as they say? what you need is a shoe shine, shoe shine, shoe shine today.
take ten, take a break, take a seat, take a load off. put the world in perspective.
so, are you a visitor or are you lucky enough to.
you got a complaint?
i remember. the big tipper.
oh, man.
what? the end of the world? man, don't give me your mad rap. i'm not a bartender. i don't want to hear it. i raise a family doing this bullshit. do me a favor. get your crazy white ass out of my chair.
hey, a big tip doesn't give you the right to crap in my ear. you want change? you got it, brother. what was that you gave me, a twenty?
why, looky-here. my customer-quotient just got multiplied by two. what do you think of that? you'll have to forgive me, sir. didn't hear your approach. fact of the matter is, i'm deef as a post. compliments of the united states army.  . artillery corps. can i give you a shine, sir? you don't see your face, you don't pay.
just about.
two dollars, if it pleases you.
thanks for the tip.
mister, what are you dragging me into?
cover your mouth.
this gorilla's watching you, is that right?
then don't let him be seeing you talking to me. i don't want him twisting my arm off.
that was your kid on the walkie- talkie?
in twenty-five minutes in the california ballroom.
what are you supposed to do?
i knew i should have packed up and gone home as soon as i got that twenty. what am i supposed to do about this situation?
who?
oh, jesus .
then why'd you drag me into it?
yeah, all right, listen.
why don't you tell me about the early years some other time?
yeah, now listen. i can't mess with these shoes any more or it's gonna look funny. you go down get yourself something to drink. make sure godzilla there, follows you.
i haven't the faintest idea. go on now. i'll get word to you.
don't think i won't.
quick, off with the shoes and pants. trade with gustino. the big guy's coming.
c'mon, ladies. no time to be shy.
gustino! drop 'em!
and cover up them socks. man, who dresses you?
meet irene.
irene is going to help.
you said there was only one person you knew wasn't in on this thing.
you're going to go see her.
you sure she's asleep?
it'll come to you. see if you can stop this thing 'fore it gets started. save us all considerable embarrassment.
irene?
well?
what are you going to do now?
what are you going to do!?
good afternoon, madam. hello there, little girl.
just giving you the gift of a clean windshield. only cost you a dollar.
you just think you don't want your windshield cleaned.
don't be like that. think of me as the moses of dirty windshields leading you through the desert of dead bugs.
it's already done. i've already done it. you have to pay me now.
you're going to deny me a lousy dollar after i've sweated like a pig giving you the gift of a clean windsheild?
i don't think so.
i think this is worth a dollar.
oh, we'll have to do better than that.
gimme a dollar.
there's nothing like a good wing- tip.
what time is it?
thanks for the tip.
kisses to you.
no, kisses to you.