la la la la la. like you've never done worse.
okay, yes. he totalled a car. but it was an environmentally friendly car. why doesn't that get reported?
please! he was heartbroken, betrayed. you say you understand but you don't. you can't. you're like a big giant vulcan.
he's coming. i'll call you later.
hi. margaret. i work for lola.
i know. we need to go out the back.
a few. not hugh grant level. more like robert downey, jr. when he broke into that family's house and slept in the kid's bed like goldilocks. "this bed is just right." i handled episodes two through four for robert. this sort of thing is my specialty.
famous fuck-ups. don't worry. mama's gonna take good care of you.
it's computer voice recognition. the system can call you any time day or night. if you don't answer within five rings, the police come and haul your ass off.
that's why it's called house arrest. you stay inside your house. he can take direction, i promise.
okay, just so it's said, this house is flammable.
yeah, i didn't mean to eat my way into a ten-year shame spiral, but i did, and it's healthier to acknowledge it. this flammable house belongs to one of lola's other fabulous clients, who is currently shooting a pilot in toronto.
writer. so for the next six weeks, su casa es su casa. i say, feel free to wear his clothes. he'll probably get a sick thrill of out it. the gays.
they're away at summer camp. now, try the bed.
comfortable?
look, gary, i know this has been crazy and stressful. i want you to feel safe. and comfortable.
i'm a fan of yours, you know. your number-one fan.
but if you fuck this up, i will smash your ankles with a sledge hammer.
that wouldn't be comfortable for either of us.
i'll be coming by twice a day to check up on you. i'm the only person who should be coming by. no buddies, no pals, no heroin dealers.
yeah, crack is classy. and i'm not buying you porn. there's spray-per- view on cable.
let me see your phone.
dial ten digits at random. whoever answers will be better than the people on this phone.
you have my cell number. you have delivery menus. you're fine. right?
poltergeist, and no. maybe they were rats. l.a. is teaming with rats. they live in the palm trees.
okay. you know i'm a licensed psychotherapist.
no. i'm a publicist. my job is what other people think of you, not what you think of yourself. so pull your shit together. i am thisclose to getting christine walsh to do your piece in parade.
everyone hates parade. but the people who watch "crime lab," they love their marilyn vos savant. give them a woman of indeterminate age who solves riddles and they are in hee-haw heaven.
one heartfelt act of contrition and maybe the showrunner won't kill off your character between seasons.
i swear to god, if you go batshit on me.
exactly. exactly.
once again, the idea of house arrest is you stay inside your house.
think of it like an electronic leash. basically, if you ever go more than 100 feet from the base station.
the cops come, they throw your ass in jail. if you ever try to take it off, the cops come and throw your ass in jail. and if they ever detect drugs or alcohol in your system.
no. i kick your ass. then the cops come and throw your ass in jail.
no, i'll be doing that from now on. i'm moving into the guest room.
despite all evidence to the contrary. don't worry, i'm a cool roomie. who do you think taught affleck how to gamble?
let's never hear that again.
behold! the edge of your world. in the world. out of the world. in the world. out of the world. look at me, i'm dancin'!
lies!
epe.
which is true.
you cut his ear off?
wait. you were in pirates of the caribbean?
goodnight, fuckface.
it's incredible.
it's incredible.
i was born at the wrong time.
what are "the nines?"
"look for the nines."
it's your handwriting.
okay.
all-ee-all-ee-all-come-free.
nothing.
nothing. i thought you were. forget it. done. sorry.
yhello? hi. what?! i have to take this.
well, who thought it was a good idea letting courtney into a pottery shop?
i know who you are.
i know what you are. and if you come near him again.
margaret.
why can't you just leave him alone?
goodnight, ratface.
enters, carrying her tea. she sees gary by himself, leaning near the bars of the trellis.
everything okay?
peachy's good. i like peaches.
you want coffee?
you okay?
oh.
the nines?
sort of hard to start there.
best guess? they're your subconscious trying to remind you who you are.
yes. it doesn't make a lot of sense of out context. coffee?
happy?
you're not going to understand this yet, but we've known each other for like 25 years. one day when i was 12, you called me out of the blue. and we've been talking ever since.
on the phone. usually.
you, gary, never met me. but you're not always.  i can understand why you're a little confused.
theories?
no.
no.
okay, a purgatorium is where romans vomited. but no. this is as real as anything can be.
everything is what it is. but you're not who you think you are.
god, no! please, gary, don't.
you don't know what you're doing.
i don't know. but it's not good.
i can understand why you're a little confused.
theories?
no.
no.
okay, a purgatorium is where romans vomited. but no. this is as real as anything can be.
everything is what it is. but you're not who you think you are.
you're a multi-dimensional being of vast, almost infinite power. you created this world on a whim, and decided to stick around to see how it turned out. you, this body you're in, is just one of your incarnations. avatars. call you what you will.
technically, no. if god is a ten -- a theoretical ultimate, that-which- no-greater-can-be-imagined -- you're more of a nine.
humans are sevens. monkeys are sixes.
koalas. they're telepathic. plus, they control the weather.
what's important is that you, you're the big cheese. el supremo. you could destroy the world with a single thought. don't, incidentally. just file that away. but the truth is, you hold all the cards: every church, every candle, every sacrifice -- that's for you. when people pray, they're not praying because they want this thing or that thing. they just don't want to be forgotten.
so you understand, i would have told you earlier, but i didn't.
okay.
you could destroy the world with a single thought. don't, incidentally. just file that away. but the truth is, you hold all the cards: every church, every candle, every sacrifice -- that's for you. when people pray, they're not praying because they want this thing or that thing. they just don't want to be forgotten.