say, uh, any a you boys smithies? or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'? jesus - can't i count on you people? all right - if we take off through that bayou- well, pete, i just figured it should be the one with capacity for abstract thought. but if that ain't the consensus view, hell, let's put her to a vote! well i'm votin' for yours truly too! mind if we join you, ol' timer? well, that right there may be why you've had difficulty finding gainful employment. ya see, in the mart of competitive commerce, the- don't know, delmar-though the blind are reputed to possess sensitivities compensatin' for their lack of sight, even to the point of developing para- normal psychic powers. now clearly, seein' the future would fall neatly into that ka-taggery. it's not so surprising, then, if an organism deprived of earthly vision- well what does he know - he's an ignorant old man! jesus, pete, i'm telling you i buried it myself, and if your cousin still runs this-here horse farm and has a forge and some shoein' impediments to restore our liberty of movement- pleased to make your acquaintance, mister hogwallop. m'name's ulysses everett mcgill. mm. must've been lookin' for answers. well, guess i'll be turning in. say, cousin wash, i guess it'd be the acme of foolishness to inquire if you had a hairnet. damn! we're in a tight spot! pete's cousin turned us in for the bounty! damn! we're in a tight spot! oh no! lord have mercy! fire! i hate fire! now hold on, boys-aintcha ever heard of a negotiation? maybe we can talk this thing out! now hold on, pete, we gotta speak with one voice here - careful with that fire now, boys! two weeks! that don't do me no good! hold on there - i don't want this pomade, i want dapper dan. no! i don't want fop! goddamnit - i use dapper dan! well, ain't this place a geographical oddity-two weeks from everywhere! forget it! just the dozen hairnets! it didn't look like a one-horse town. but try getting a decent hair jelly. and no transmission belt for two weeks neither. don't i know it. well, you're right there, but the ol' tactician's already got a plan- -for the transportation, that is; i don't know how i'm gonna keep my coiffure in order. sell that. i figured it could only have painful associations for wash. it was in his bureau. who was fixing to betray us! so i borrowed it till i did know! pete, it's a fool looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. what the hell's that singing? no, thank you delmar - a third of a gopher would only rouse my appetite without beddin' her back down. i guess hard times flush the chumps. everybody's lookin' for answers, and there's always- where the hell's he goin'? pete, don't be ignorant- delmar what the hell are you talking about? - we got bigger fish to fry- i thought you said you were innocent a those charges. for him, not for the law! i'm surprised at you, pete. hell, i gave you credit for more brains than delmar. that's not the issue, delmar. even if it did put you square with the lord, the state of mississippi is more hardnosed. join you two ignorant fools in a ridiculous superstition? thank you anyway. and i like the smell of my hair treatment - the pleasing odor is half the point. baptism. you two are just dumber'n a bag of hammers. well, i guess you're my cross to bear- how ya doin', boy? name's everett, and these two soggy sonsabitches are pete and delmar. keep your fingers away from pete's mouth-he ain't had nothin' to eat for the last thirteen years but prison food, gopher, and a little greasy horse. well ain't it a small world, spiritually speakin'! pete and delmar just been baptized and saved! i guess i'm the only one here who remains unaffiliated! what'd the devil give you for your soul, tommy? well, of course there's all manner of lesser imps'n demons, pete, but the great satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail and carries a hayfork. how much does he pay? all right boys, just follow my lead. who's the honcho around here? well sir, my name is jordan rivers and these here are the soggy bottom boys outta cottonelia mississippi- songs of salvation to salve the soul. we hear you pay good money to sing into a can. sir, we are negroes. all except our a-cump- uh, company-accompluh- uh, the fella that plays the gui-tar. sir, the soggy bottom boys been steeped in ol'-timey material. heck, you're silly with it, aintcha boys? hot damn, boy, i almost believe you did sell your soul to the devil! okay sir, but mert and aloysius'll have to scratch xes - only four of us can write. suits me. pretty soon it'll be nothin' but feather beds'n silk sheets. million point two. four hundred, delmar. what're you gonna do with your share of the treasure, pete? what about you, delmar? what're you gonna do with your share a that dough? me? oh, i didn't have no plan. still don't, really. damn! they found our car! i left my pomade in that car! maybe i can creep up! where's tommy? pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark i don't intend to dignify with comment, but i would like to address your general attitude of hopeless negativism. consider the lilies a the goddamn field, or-hell!- take a look at delmar here as your paradigm a hope. now you may call it an unreasoning optimism. you may call it obtuse. but the plain fact is we still have. close to. close to. close to. three days. before they dam that river. itta bena, now, uh, that would be. i'm thinkin' it's uh, you could take this road to, uh. i believe, unless i'm very much mistaken - see, we've been away for several years, uh. pardon me, george, but have you got a plan for gettin' outa here? you gotta be a little tolerant, george; all these poor folk know is the legend. hell, they can't be expected to appreciate the complex individual underneath- well ya know, delmar, they say that with a thrill-seekin' personality, what goes up must come down. top of the world one minute, haunted by megrims the next. yep, it's like our friend george is a alley cat and his own damn humors're swingin' him by the tail. but don't worry, delmar; he'll be back on top again. i don't think we've heard the last of george nelson. i guess o' pete's got the itch. aintcha gonna innerduce us, pete? ladies, you'll have to pardon my friend here; pete is dirt-ignorant and unschooled in the social arts. my name on the other hand is ulysses everett mcgill and you ladies are about the three prettiest water lilies it's ever been my privilege to admire. why, thank you dear, that's very, uh. whuhh. pete! where the heck are ya! we ain't got time for your shenanigans! what on earth is goin' on here! what's got into you, delmar! i'm not sure that's pete. i'm just not sure that's pete. you can't display a toad in a fine restaurant like this! why, the good folks here'd go right off their feed! well if that is pete i am ashamed of him. the way i see it he got what he deserved - fornicating with some whore a babylon. these things- -don't happen for no reason, delmar. obviously it's some kind of judgment on pete's character. heh-heh. you'll have to excuse my rusticated friend here, unaccustomed as he is to city manners. well mamzel i guess we'll have a couple a steaks and some gratinated potatoes and wash it down with your finest bubbly wine- and i don't suppose the chef'd have any nits or grubs in the pantry, or - naw, never mind, just bring me a couple leafs a raw cabbage. how d'you do, big dan. i'm ulysses everett mcgill; this is my associate delmar o'donnell. i sense that, like me, you are endowed with the gift of gab. once again we find ourselves in agreement. what kind of work do you do, big dan? we're adventurers, sir, currently pursuin' a certain opportunity but open to others as well. well, why not. if nothing else i could use some civilized conversation. our pleasure, big dan. i like to think that i'm a pretty astute observer of the human scene. what's goin' on, big dan? big dan, what're you doin'? believe me, delmar, he would've wanted us to press on. pete, rest his soul, was one sour-assed sonofabitch and not given to acts of pointless sentimentality. maybe it's for the best that pete was squushed. why, he was barely a sentient bein'. now, soon as we clean ourselves up, get a little smell'um in our hair, we're just gonna feel a hunnert per cent better about ourselves and about. and about. life in general. jesus. we must be near parchman farm. sorry sonsabitches. seems like a year ago we bust off the farm. pete have a brother? heat must be gettin' to me. wharvey gals?! did he just say the little wharvey gals? goddamnit all! hell i ain't! whatsis 'wharvey' gals? - your name's mcgill! what're you talkin' about - i wasn't hit by a train! damnit, i never been hit by any train! no, daddy ain't got a maiden name; ya see - yeah, i know 'bout that. hm. he give her a ring? hm. what's his name? i'm the only damn daddy you got! i'm the damn paterfamilias! hm. where's your mama? who the hell is that?! starla mcgill you mean! how come you never told me about her? and that's another thing - why're you tellin' our gals i was hit by a train! well - i take your point. but it leaves me in a damned awkward position vis-a-vis my progeny. you waldrip? have you been using my hair treatment? s'cuse me. well, i got news for you case you hadn't noticed - i wasn't hit by a train. and i've traveled many a weary mile to be back with my wife and six daughters. now penny, stop that! i'll tell you what i am - i'm the paterfamilias! you can't marry him! why you. lyin,. unconstant. succubus! oh yeah? well you can't marry my wife! deceitful! two-faced! she-woman! never trust a female, delmar! remember that one simple precept and your time with me will not have been ill spent! hit by a train! truth means nothin' to woman, delmar. triumph a the subjective! you ever been with a woman? well that's right! if then! believe me, delmar, woman is the most fiendish instrument of torture ever devised to bedevil the days a man! oh-ho-ho yes, i've spread my seed. and you see what it, uh. what it's earned me. now what in the. hold still. quitcha babblin' pete - time to skedaddle. i shoulda guessed it - typical womanly behavior. just lucky we left before they came for us. aw, that's all right, pete. aw, that's all right. pete, uh, i don't want ya to beat yourself up about this thing. well, but pete. uh, the fact of the matter is - well, damnit, there ain't no treasure! fact of the matter - there never was! i never knocked over any armored- car. i was sent up for practicing law without a license. damnit, i just hadda bust out! my wife wrote me she was gettin' married! i gotta stop it! i couldn't wait two weeks! she's gettin' married tomorra! boys, we was chained together. i hadda tell ya somethin'. bustin' out alone was not a option! pete. i do apologize. it's tommy! they got tommy! the color guard. hey tommy! it's us! hey tommy! it's us! we come to rescue ya! listen to me, tommy, i got a plan - run, boys! well, it's a invitation-only affair; we'll have to sneak in through the service entrance- he was never turned into a frog! so you're against me now, too!. is that how it is, boys? the whole world and god almighty. and now you. well, maybe i deserve this. boys, i. i know i've made some tactical mistakes. but if you'll just stick with me; i need your help. and i've got a plan. believe me, boys, we can fix this thing! i can get my wife back! we can get outta here! scuse me. scuse me. we're the next act. no, this is gonna work! i just gotta get close enough to talk to her. takin' off with us is got a lot more future in it than marrying a guy named waldrip. i'm goddamn bona fide. i've got the answers! penny! it's me! no, penny, listen! we're leavin' the state! pusuin' opportunities in another venue! i got big plans! not minstrelsy; this-here's just a dodge - i'm gonna be a dentist! i know a guy who'll print me up a license! i wanna be what you want me to be, honey! i want you and the gals to come with me! they're my daughters, penny! i'm the king a this goddamn castle! sure is, governor. well, you'n me'n pete'n tommy are gonna be the power behind the throne so to speak. governor - that's one of our favorites! i guess vernon t. waldrip is gonna be goin' on relief. maybe i'll be able to throw a little patronage his way, get the man a job diggin' ditches or rounding up stray dogs. just a little change of cast. me and the little lady are gonna pick up the pieces'n retie the knot, mixaphorically speakin'. you boys're invited, of course. hell, you're best men! already got the rings. where's your ring, honey? hell, now's the time to buy it off him cheap. aw, honey, our ring is just a old pewter thing - it's just a symbol, honey - honey, it's just - shutup, delmar - it's just - oh, goddamnit! she counted to three! sonofabitch! you know how far that cabin is?! well, at least you boys'll get to see the old manse - the home where i spent so many happy days in the bosom of my family - a refugium, if you will - with a mighty oak tree out front and a happy little tire swing. waitaminute - waitaminute - you can't do this - hang on there - you can't do this - we just been pardoned! by the governer himself! it ain't the law! oh lord, please look down and recognize us poor sinners. please lord. i just want to see my daughters again. oh lord, i've been separated from my family for so long. i know i've been guilty of pride and sharp dealing. i'm sorry that i turned my back on you, lord. please forgive me, and help us, lord, and i swear i'll mend my ways. for the sake of my family. for tommy's sake, and delmar's, and pete's. let me see my daughters again. please, lord, help us. please help us. aw, don't be ignorant, delmar. i told you they was gonna flood this valley. it just never fails; once again you two hayseeds are showin' how much you want for innalect. there's a perfectly scientific explanation for what just happened - well any human being will cast about in a moment of stress. no, the fact is, they're flooding this valley so they can hydro-electric up the whole durned state. yessir, the south is gonna change. everything's gonna be put on electricity and run on a payin' basis. out with the old spiritual mumbo- jumbo, the superstitions and the backward ways. we're gonna see a brave new world where they run everyone a wire and hook us all up to a grid. yessir, a veritable age of reason - like the one they had in france - and not a moment too soon. not a moment too soon. say, there's tommy! what you ridin' there, tommy? all's well that ends well, as the poet says. but i don't mind telling you, i'm awful pleased my adventuring days is at an end. time for this old boy to enjoy some repose. and you were right about that ring. any other weddin' band would not do. but this-here was foreordained, honey; fate was a-smilin' on me, and ya have to have confidence - - in the gods - huh? not your. you said it was in the rolltop desk! you said - you - well, i'm sorry honey - well now honey, that ring is at the bottom of a pretty durned big lake. a 9,000-hectacre lake, honey. yes, but honey - course not, honey, but. well sure, honey, but. finding one little ring in the middle of all that water. that is one hell of a heroic task.