wait, i've changed my mind. i don't want to do this anymore. the doctor gives the nurse an exasperated look. the nurse takes rate's hand, eases her back onto the table.
no, this isn't what's supposed to happen. my baby's alive!
but it's still alive! it's moving! feel it, you can feel it! kate tries to put the nurse's hand on her.belly but the-nurse- pulls away and hands the doctor a pair of gleaming.blunt-tipped surgical scissors. the doctor leans between rate's spread legs, disappearing behind the curtain. rate gasps.
this isn't happening. wake up, wake up, wake up.  suddenly -- the thin wail of a baby crying. rate's eyes go wide w ith horror as the smiling nurse approaches with a wriggling bundle wrapped in a blanket. blood seeps through the pink fabric. w e can't see what's inside, but it's moving. and it's crying.
i was thinking of" going back to work. i really thought 1 was doing better.
i drove by the wine shop,on my.way.bome the other day.
i really wanted to. the thought went through m' head, you know. it wasn't for me, it just might be nice to have a bottle handy in case we had guests.
no.
wow, did you make this?
-no, i'm sorry.  but just.  take a break for a little while, okay? max nods. kate goes. back inside. a car pulls into the-drive.  it's john and eleven--year-old-daniel, rate and john's other child. daniel's blonde, brash, and-cocky, the all-american kid. he's wearing.a little league uniform. daniel runs toward max. he steals her ball and dribbles-it around her in circles. -max watches glumly. he offers her the ball, but when she reaches for it, he snatches it away and shoots a lay--up-
curtains. they're curtains, not drapes. and haw exciting is my life that -i now know the difference.
ore story. then bedtime. okay? max nods. happily and picks up a book from her nightstand. kate groans inwardly when she sees what it is. it'.s called. "we were going to have a baby, .but we had an angel instead."
you want to hear about the baby again? max nods. kate hesitates, then gives max a sad smile.
"people send us flowers and cards, but we still miss our baby. if this just happened to you, i'm sorry you got an angel instead of a'baby. i.think a baby would have been more fun." the last picture is a family with a baby angel watching over them.
yes, she is. she's with us every day. kate gives max a gentle kiss on the forehead.
i'm sorry. i can't. shit.  she moves away, tears suddenly in.her eyes. he gives a concerned look, lets her have her space. a beat.
i'm so sick of feeling like this. christ, the kids must thing i'm crazy.
how can i? i saw a pregnant woman today on the way home and i almost lost it. just burst into tears with max sitting right there. daniel barely talks to me. you and i haven't had sex in over a year now. what if i.never get better? i don't want to lose you.
i can't even be a mother to the children we already have.
but i should be.
you snow i do. more than anything.
you-don't just adopt a child because you're lonely and depressed.
we can't replace our baby.
i used to teach music at yale. i haven't worked for about a year.
you're not worried about being prepared?
wow, that was nice of her. look, we brought you something for the trip tomorrow. she hands her a bag of activity books and a "travel turtle," a kid- sized lap desk for coloring in the car_ yolanda's face lights up.
yeah. and happy. and excited. : and proud. and scared shitless. it' s funny. all the same feelings i had when i was pregnant with our others.
it was nice meeting you.
thank you so much for all your help. kate gives her a warm hug. but mid-embrace, she notices something: esther is at the end of the hallway, peering at them from around a corner. abigail and john see--her,' too.
what did she say to me.back there? it sounded like.  "motta?"
she. made quite an impression on.you.
she probably wasn't there when we were first ,looking.
you sound like you're sorry we're not adopting her instead of yolanda.
so that's it? she just vanishes from our lives?
i've been' in grief counseling for almost a year-and-a-half.  if you say the word "closure,." i'm going to-claw your eyes out. she's not angry, just matter-of-fact. be wants to say something, but holds his tongue. silence hangs heavy between them.
maybe we're not supposed.to do this.
her body's barely cold and you're already thinking about replacing her?
we have to at least wait until.--
let's see what sister abigail thinks.
why do'you think that is?
by who?
she really did open up with us, didn't she?
a normal life' that sounds really good,',doesn't it? - she smiles. and takes john- .'s hand.
put your thumb here. she makes the sign for 't." esther. sees her mistake, corrects it.
sweetie, here we say "mont" or. "mommy."
oh, we missed you so muchll kate gives max a kiss, then turns to esther: max hangs back, a little shy. esther signs' to max without speaking: -
she's been practicing the whole way.
would you like to see-your room? esther smiles and nods eagerly. but on the way up the stairs, she eyes daniel furtively, sizing him up.
i love you, too, sweetie. she kisses esther on the forehead. john leans in for a kiss and esther,hugs -him tight. then he and kate turn out the light and close the door. esther watches them go-
good luck ii i love you ii
remember, it's only a game.
okay, which one do you like?
i'm sorry. i'll take them back and pick some just for you.
'1s that a real place?
these are cute.
but sweetie, you have to have something you can play outside in.
you should show her hodgepodge when we get home. max nods eagerly. esther givee.them a curious look.
max. takes care of him all bir herself. it's her big girl responsibility.
sure. but you have to promise not to- let him out of his. cage .unless- hcumey or daddy is,here to hold him.
because he's very delicate and you could hurt him. okay? esther xiods. kate scoops.flodgepodge up and kneels between the girls. esther and max share a smile as they stroke his-fur.
too fast.
well, we'll get esther settled, then i'll probably go back, to work.
i'm not talking about yale. i'm going to teach piano lessons from home.
i didn't quit because i wanted to. i quit because.i couldn't work anymore.
she's fine. kate's pointedly not making eye contact with doris now.
are you ready? esther nods excitedly. john uncovers her eyes. esther stops short in awe. it's the fish tan c from the shopping, mall. esther kneels before it, entranced. she turns the black light on and off, marveling at- how it makes her dzess glow and the colors in her paintings light- -up. she gives kate and john a. big smile.
nave-you seen my pearls?
did you take this out of my jewelry box? max shakes her head, confused.
then-how did it get in your room?
somebody put this around t.j.'s neck. who was it if it wasn't.you? max shrugs. she looks-nervous. kate sighs.
she can finish your game later. come on. max pouts and follows kate upstairs. esther watches them go.
i think we should try this with the door unlocked tonight. what do you say?
nobody's'going to come in. i'll stand right outside the door.
come in. the door opens. it's esther and max.
i have a journal just like this that i write in every day.
this is daniel when he was born, and there's max; and there's you. she turns next to a photo of the-whole- family taken at esther' s welcome home party. the caption reads, "esther joins the family."
the ones i saw in. your bible. esther gives her a dismayed look.
it's okay, sweetie.  i understand. you know, i lost someone who was very .special to me once, too. esther wipes her eyes and looks up, interest piqued.
oh, my god! they hurriedly pull the sheets up and kate turns on the bedside lamp. esther stares at them blankly.
yes. there are certain things that. grown-ups do. that kids aren't supposed to see. and that was one of them. esther keeps painting. she still hasn't looked at her. -
esther, i need you to listen to me.  esther pauses. she deliberately sets her paintbrush down and turns to kate. an awkward beat.
see, when two grown-ups love each other very, very much, they like to. show that love to each other -- iknow.- they fuck. kate is dumbfounded. esther regards her with a bored, aloof-look.
this wasn't something she overheard. she knew what it meant. and the way she said'it. i don't even think she expected to get in trouble over it.
you think that's enough?
maybe. it just reminded the of what sister abigail said.  we really don't know that much about her.'- the last 'family she-was with could have been - like, "pass the fucking potatoes" at the dinner table for all we know. '
if she's saying "fuck" to my face, what's she doing when we're not around? we have to be thinking about what kind of influence she's having-on daniel and max. particularly max.
did you see what happened? esther eyes max expectantly. max hesitates. then:
put that away. don't look at those. kate puts the magazine back. there are several others just like it at kids-eye level. "orgasms unlimited!" "thrill every inch- of him j" kate'sighs and-'starts putting groceries on the conveyer.-
stand where i can see yowl
at least eat your chicken.
how was the.iide? did you have fun? max nods'and heads off; but esther hangs back, eavesdropping:
didn't waste -arty time-turning that divorce settlement-into a tit job, did= she?
yeah, right. she's teasing, but there's something biting underneath it. esther walks away, sipping on her juice box.
oh,.my god.
have you seen a little girl in-a fish costume? she has short brown hair? nobody's seen her. kate grows frantic. esther watches with a nonchalant smile, enjoying the drama.- she tugs on kate's arm.
are you all right?- don't you ever run off like that[ what were you thinking?
esther, come on.
there's nothing to be afraid of.
esther, get out of the cart righ t now! for a moment, they just glare at each other. mexican stand-off.  then esther sticks her nose in the air and does as she's told.
he's been our dentist for ten years. why would he lie to us?
i saw the bite marks. we're lucky he's not suing us.
no, but she threw that fit at school
so should .1 believe her when she says you've been hitting on joyce patterson?
did-she invite you over?'
oh, - come on.
then why didn't you tell me?
really? you sure it wasn't because you were coming-on to her so obviously that an eight-year-old picked upon it? a long-beat. john sighs, resigned.-
you keep-saying that. but it's only been about two years since you told me. having another child was -supposed to bring us together.
i was sick! you were just an asshole who wanted to fuck somebody else!
nice. is that-what-your mother told you? angry tears well in her eyes. he realizes be went too far.  kate goes into the bathroom and slams the door.
what about the orphanage in russia where she was raised? wouldn't they have been able to tell?
do you think she had something to do with'what happened to yolanda? a long beat. sister abigail hesitates, reluctant to answer.
but what if 'the doctor says she's dangerous? a beat. he considers, uncertain and emotional.
she's not dangerous?
but that's not what's.been happening.
i don't feel inadequate.
what does that have to do with'esther?
thanks for the support back there.
yes. who's calling?
do you have any idea who could have done this? '
esther, daniel was there first. - daniel eyes esther. wary, but defiant. she sighs and makes a -"cutting" motion with two fingers. daniel brusquely turns off th e game and gets out of the chair. - as' he leaves, kate calls out,
daniel? daniel? he ignores her and stomps upstairs. she watches him, concerned.
this is what sister abigail was telling us about. character-disturbed children, 'look at the, symptoms.
i still think doctor brow have missed something. iner couldd
- i'm not 'seeing her anymore.
no, we don't. why does everybody around here get the.benefit of the doubt fro m you except me?
i don't need help. all i want is for a doctor who knows what they're doing to give us a second opinion.
ts) what if somebody else thought there was something wrong with her? like the director of the orphanage in russia? esther stops painting and listens, suddenly apprehensive.
if it's a dead end, i'll drop it. - but if they say the same thine, then we'd have to get.a second opinion. john considers. he doesn't want to be unreasonable. he nods.
sister judith? hi, this is kate .coleman. i teas.wondering if you'd heard from anyone at the sludianka orphan's shelter in russia. sister abigail said that- oh, you did? _ what do you mean?.  well, i don't understand. how could they not have any record of her being there?
daniel, wait a minute. he hangs back. rate gives him and max a concerned-.look.
does she ever make you guys feel uncomfortable or do things you know she's not supposed to? has she ever hurt either of you? daniel wants to say something, but the frightened look on max's face stops him. rate realizes she's struck.a nerve.
please. you can tell me anything.
you do?
estherl put that down --l esther laughs and playfully pulls it away. kate grabs her by the wrist and esther suddenly drops the flower, shrieking in pain.
i just grabbed her arm! aohn hurries after esther. kate hangs back, picks the orchid-up" from off the floor. it's ruined.
she knew what it meant to me. she did it on purpose.,
i swear, i barely touched her.
you know i would never hurt any of the-. kids on purpose.
we're having guests over for dinner. the cashier nods. like be gives a shit. kate lowers her eyes.-
you dropped them on purpose.
maaaaax!1! the minivan cams into the intersection. tires s –º horns cars yrgave , and s = hal . t t3 sh - b all and 0mv into a streetlight on the opposa.t e corns . kate frantically dashes across the street, hysterical with fear, and throws open the back door. max is crying and terrified, but safe. kate 'scoops max into her arms, clutching her to her chest. it's okay, baby. it's okay, you're all right. mo_irimy' s got you.
i set the brake. . bven if i hadn'tr the police said it wouldn't have.:rolled unless it was put in neutral.
i'll do whatever i have to,do to protect my children.
the girls?" you mean esther found it.
i didn't.  i bought two bottles. i poured the other one down-the sink.
i'm not going to rehab.
i haven't had a drink in almost a year. john sighs, frustrated.- dr. browning intervenes, her voice infuriatingly even. and calm.'
it's not a charade. i wanted to- drink i t. you have no fucking idea how.badly i wanted to drink it. but i didn't. i know 1 should have told you.  i was just afraid of what you'd do.
max and daniel are the only reason i'm still sober. i would never do anything that would hurt them.
you know damn.well what i'm talking about. _ her voice is brittle now, barely controlled. a beat. the tears sta rt to spill.
when i look out at the pool and think.  when i try to imagine what would have happened if you hadn't come home early that day.  it makes me want to kill myself. i would the before i let something like that happen again.
i'm not the one you need to be worried aboutt seven people close to esther have died in the past year. max was almost the eighth. now many more coincidences are you willing to ignore?
i know i haven't given you any reason to believe me. but you have to. i'm begging you.
what are you doing in here?
go to your room.
who told you about that. - esther holds up kate's journal:: kate blanches.
i need to know where she came from and i need to know now.
we adopted her from yqui how can you not know anything about her?!-
jesus christ.  she flips through the: bible and shakes it, but there's nothing else. she notices that the bible -is in a foreign language. there's an ink stamp on the inside cover. it's in the sa me. language as the bible. "see on saarne rnatituat omand." she focuses on two words: seamne.inatituut.
uh, hello.- i'm sorry, do you speak english?
do you speak.english? does anybody there speak-english? this is very- important.
is this the saarne institute?
i need to talk to someone about one of your children. she was adopted by.an american family about a year ago.
a little girl, possibly adopted from your orphanage. i'm trying to find somebody who might remember her.
can't you at least check?
please, i know she at least spent some time there.'
it's called the saarne institute. s-a - a-r-n-e. it's in estonia:
please, just try to find out if sh e was ever a patient there. i'm sending them a-picture of her right now.
oh, my god! daniell baby, can you hear me? please, baby! wake up. he doesn't move. kate calls out to doris:.
call nine-one--onel doris hurries back to the house. kate catches esther watching her warily.  kate glares at her with pure hate.
get in here.
i'm not letting her out of my sight.
will he be able to tell us what happened? a pointed glance-between kate and john. dr. rajan doesn't notice.
how do we know? the orphanage we thought she came from has never even' heard of her[- everything. about her could be a lie!
it's just paper, johni from halfway around the world!-- this isn't last me being paranoid. call. saint cabrini's yourself. if 'you don't believe me. a beat. john looks like he's wavering.
well, i'm done connecting the dots for you. you can believe what you want about me. blame me for everything. i'll leave tonight if you want me to, on one condition.
what-is it, sweetie? suddenly, a call comes on the overhead speakers:
dan.il-i! kate and john try to enter the room, but the icu nurse stops them.
what's happening --?1
oh, no.  oh, no.  oh, my baby.  _
what did you do?! heads'turi. doris and max are taken aback. kate looks insane. she strides.toward esther, gaining momentum with every step, but esther just looks up at her with a half-hidden smile on her fa ce.
she killed him! he was going to live and she killed him!1
no! get away from me l i!
john.  please.  please don't let her take my family.  a long, emotional beat. john hesitates, conflicted. then he places her hand back on the bed and turns away. she tries to call out, but doesn't have the strength. - she sees the girls waiting in-the hallway. max has been crying. she looks scared. john leads them all away. and the last thing kate sees-before blacking-out again is esther's devious smile.
hello?
who's calling?
no, she's at home with my husband.
he won't do it. he's not going to do anything without some kind of proof.
this can't be. there has to be a mistake.
but why was ahe at your hospital?
and then she burned the house down.
i need the police. there's an intruder in my home. _
john! oh, my god! john!'1 she rushes to him, but it's obvious that he's dead. she leans over his body and bursts into tears, aching at what has been done to him.  then stop and steels herself for what ]sh jds to do.
no!!