wish i could accommodate you, mario, but this is my busy time of day.
why don't i stop in later for some lunch?
i'm doing my level best for you people.
i got the food critic from the village voice all lined up to give you a review.
i was allowing you time to expand the menu. wallpaper the bathrooms, for god sakes. you get only one shot with these fucking critics and i don't want you to blow a rare opportunity.
hold on right there. i've got a very excellent reputation around this town.
hell, i'm not an agent. i'm a publicist.
believe me, valerie's on the waiting list to audition. harry's got no complaints. he just let me pick out this tie the other day.
mario, please let me make this up to you. how about i arrange for the opening night party for this new off-broadway show i'm handling -- to be held at your place with local tv coverage on nine and eleven? i mean i had it promised to another client -- who actually pays me money. but it isn't firmed up yet. and i could throw it your way. maybe.
you'd toss in the buffet for say seventy or eighty. the producers would supply their own vino, of course. i'd deliver you a truckload of celebrities. and if they like the food, they'll all come back, naturally.
you want liza minelli? an oscar winner. or douglas fairbanks, jr.?
i saw him last night going into the four seasons. i'll bring you over a whole vip list when we come by for dinner.
you can't think small like that. hey, you still feature musicians fridays and saturdays?
what about harry's daughter as an extra added attraction? she'll belt out five or six showtunes -- two sets a night -- and it won't cost you a fucking nickel.
star showcase! let me handle setting that up. and when she eventually goes on letterman, she'll announce i'm currently appearing over at mario's fine supper club. right over cbs she'll say that, mario.
that's just a vulgar word for pr. mario, you can't hurt my feelings. even when i was a kid and they hurled certain invectives my way, it never bothered me. other kids would fall apart if anybody called them a fucking name. me, i just loved the attention! 'shit-for- brains' -- that's what the bigger kids named me. and i answered to it. hey, 'shit-for brains' reporting for duty. everybody loved me for that. i could take abuse. after a while, i kind of wore them down. there was nothing more they could say to me. so they stopped. i kind of missed it.
i'll bet your loving wife put you up to this. she saw me pass by and she sent you out in the street. but i don't hold it against you personally -- you still serve up superior veal chop. now i got urgent business to conduct, mario.
hello, mavis, sweet creature.
i'm only a few minutes late, loveliest individual on earth.
good news in that arena. kelly goes into rehearsal as of monday. you know how dedicated she is. by the time she gets back from dancing her ass off, she goes right to sleep. we'll have both our days and certain nights. not to mention when they take the show on the road.
four to five weeks -- minimum.
i wouldn't do that.
that's how you met me.
i'm much better groomed since you've been looking after me.
even kelly remarked on it when i first met her.
the marriage is not without its compensations. do you imagine i could afford that apartment on what i'm earning? not with everybody cutting back on the publicity. not to mention a million college graduates coming into the profession trying to cut me out. and one thing you can't expect from your clients is loyalty. they get a couple of bad notices, they dump you. goodbye.
i wasn't saying goodbye to you. i was saying how the clients try to give you the wave off without even a month's notice.
what? is your watch busted? it's twenty after eleven and i'm gonna be occupied indefinitely with my transaction. so get out of my face!
sorry, honey. there will be no further interruption.
on account of that phone records are regularly subpoenaed in divorce proceedings. and i don't want some entry showing up on my cellular bill either. she gets the mail. she looks these items over. sometimes she even dials up a strange number to see who it is.
it's only because her last husband, the choreographer, ran around on her. she can't get that out of her head. that's how she caught onto him. the phone bills.
you know what a self-fulfilling prophecy is? she was so sure i was going to find me a woman that she finally drove me back to you. i thought i'd feel all guilty about it -- but i guess it hasn't kicked in yet. still, i wouldn't do anything to hurt her. basically, kelly's a decent individual.
hurt? you were glad to be rid of me.
that's about the nicest thing you ever said.
we've been up front with each other from the beginning. let's keep it that way. how about a drink? say seven o'clock? the monkey bar?
yeah, you're great enough looking to be mistaken for one of those thousand dollar a night girls.
and wear that short black number i bought you from bendel's.
have a good day. make plenty of tips. and leave the whole evening open. she thinks i've got knicks tickets.
it's your boy stuart. when was the last time i called you for a favor?
i just need one line. anybody you wanna say was seen dining out at mario's stromboli restaurant.
who's asking any favors? i'm offering reciprocal information.
check it out. tony award-winning producer willie beagle tossed his wife back into rehab again following her third attempt at diving off the terrace at their plush eighteen room residence at the san remo. i got it from the doorman.
louis, my intentions were entirely honorable.
what?
i've got a heavy day, mister.
i don't know you at all.
who is this?
get lost!
where? where are you?
i don't see you.
okay, you had your little joke.
do me a favor. call up somebody else.
why don't you tell me?
is that what you do? count them?
what are you -- a shut-in of some kind?
somebody's looking for you?
the cops?
the ex-wife. what'd you do -- run out on child support?
frankly, i could care less. you had your fun. now goodbye.
isn't that just too bad?
there's ten million names in the phonebook. pester somebody else.
alright, bullshit artist, what am i doing right now?
okay, okay, you got me in your scrutiny. so what?
only i got nothing to say.
is that a fact? well if you watch closely, you will see me hang up.
why not?
why should i be interested in some creep who gets his jollies spying on strangers in phone booths?
who put you up to this?
why me in particular?
ha! what've i got to be afraid of?
just about everything. you have so much to hide.
how do you figure that?
that's my business.
all of a sudden i'm required to give explanations to you?
what is this? some kind of candid camera gag? or like that thing on hbo where the cab driver is taping what goes on in the back seat?
your reality. not mine, you lowlife fuck.
now you're threatening me! fuck you. could that be any clearer?
oh yeah. right. can you see how i'm trembling?
shit, this is a new one. fucking threatening calls in a goddam phone booth. when are you going to start with the heavy breathing.
you don't know anything about me.
like what?
how would you know that?
don't.
mavis! just hang up the goddam phone.
mavis -- the guy is a fucking nutcase! hang the fuck up.
he doesn't know my wife! don't tell him anything else.
can you hear me, mavis? keep your big mouth shut.
don't believe a word of it. it's all lies.
it's not true. i do care.
go away.
you total asshole! how could you do that?
like hell i will.
there's no chance of that.
you don't know our phone number!
and i'm supposed to believe that?
what are you going to tell her?
what am i supposed to say?
look, i don't want to hurt kelly. she's always there for me. it's just my nature to have a little 'strange' on the side. it doesn't mean shit.
kind of like having a beautiful home. with everything you ever dreamed of. but you still need that vacation now and then. some nice hotel room with a great view. maybe a pool. only you wouldn't want to spend more than a few days in any hotel. eventually, you want to go back to your home and all your stuff. you're real glad to check out.
you're ruining my fucking life, you sonofabitch.
what else can you do to me?
she's not home. she went out.
there's another booth on the next block.
well, i'm not through! go in a restaurant or someplace, but get away from me!
let me hear from your lawyer!
i'm doing it.
i told you she was out.
honey, it's me.
change of plan. we're not eating in that dump any more.
the health department gave them a 'c' rating -- that's how come. here i'm trying to put the place on the map and he fucks it all up with a major roach problem.
just in a phone booth.
oh yeah, i am.
i only stepped in because the traffic was so loud outside.
not for a few minutes.
the guy in the next booth. he's got a bad connection and he's hollering his fool head off.
i love you, baby.
you know that.
what man?
i don't understand.
and what did this guy say?
making calls is part of my business.
clients. people. planting items like i do.
once in a while one of them could be a woman. i just called "elaine's" and talked to her to see who was in there last night.
you're not going to start that shit again?
what could be wrong?
yeah? who do i sound like?
i told you. in a while.
why should he call back?
you're the one that sounds frightened. and of nobody.
you're not telling me all he said. what are you holding back?
why did you do that to her? she never did you any harm.
maybe me -- but not her. whatever i've done, there's no reason to take it out on her.
yeah, i do.
but kelly.  i would never hurt.
listen, i've treated all my women decent. i never laid a hand on any of them, even when provoked. and i always let them down easy. i'm not ready to let kelly go. maybe i never will be.
i'm not gonna let you mind-fuck me all day! that's it. this call is ended.
what happens if i hang up?
i'm dying to hear this!!! what the fuck can you do about it -- up in your fucking high window with your goddam binoculars?
oh -- while you're at it, have a look up my ass.
what? you mean.  like a rifle?
i'm supposed to believe that?
and you're just going to kill me for no reason?
i get hung up on all the time. you get used to it.
then why didn't you go after one of them?
hey, i have worked in a boiler room myself peddling "term life." i would never be rude to a fellow salesperson.
shit -- i do feel it.
across my forehead -- now back where it was before.
no, i'm not thinking that.
no. you will. i know you will. if i just cooperate.
below the shoulder?
the right shoulder.
what others? what do you mean? you said 'others!'
i saw it on the news.
oh, god. forty-fifth and eighth.
i don't know.
he was gunned down. and nobody was caught. and they didn't even bother to take his wallet or his watch.  or anything.
what did he do?
please -- don't do it to me. you got no reason to do it to me.
i'm not looking to. tell me what you want!
what's to tell? i'm in public relations. they used to call us "flacks." now we're media consultants.
plant items in the paper and on the tube. more important sometimes, keep stuff out.
one of my people got nailed for indecent exposure. i managed for the cops to use his real name instead of his stage name so nobody picked up on it.
he's in major therapy now. i swear he is.
i'm real close with larry king. and the "hard copy" people.
why would he want to come here?
he comes from atlanta.
i don't know.
definitely no chance.
how many?
i gotta have the facts. they might not believe me. my record isn't too good when it comes to hard news.
on a divorce or separation, maybe. or who's gay, or who isn't gay any more. i kind of specialize in that kind of material. i mean i could probably get you joe franklin.
i might have a shot. are you familiar with liz smith?
want i should call her? how much can i say?
she usually likes to have a celebrity involved. if you had an actor or a sports figure held prisoner instead of me, there'd be better odds she's come.
let's see. who does she like? who couldn't be reached to deny it?
sometimes you only get her service. hi -- stu shepard. put me through. i've got hard news for her. i can only talk to her directly. but say it regards -- liza.
no, i can't call back. i'll have to lay in on somebody else. alright, but i can't hang on long. she's coming on. liz, hello. sure i'll make it brief. killing two weeks ago in the theatre district? turn out a sniper did the job. yeah, a sniper with a rifle. now he's got another victim lined up. not just your anonymous new yorker, but liza. now you can't call anybody or ms. minelli's dead meat and so am i. she's hostage in a phone booth right in the sniper's sights. but he says he'll talk to you and let her walk. i know it'll take balls to do this, but you're a fine and courageous newspaper woman.
hello? hello? either she's on her way over or she doesn't believe me.
i didn't really believe in what i was saying.
i do.
at least ninety-five percent, easy.
no. don't shoot.
oh, my god. a dot. a fucking red dot.
the laser dot. just before some poor bastard always gets blown away.
don't tighten. don't even tickle that fucking finger.
you're talking about the old geraldo. look, i can try and reach cable nbc. they're hungry.
they do a great job. they'll haul a whole crew over to cover your surrender "live."
that's entirely up to you. your choice. i'm just trying to set you up with the proper communicator. i suppose liza wasn't strong enough. i should've said madonna.
i'm not through.
fuck off or i'll call a cop.
i can't.
i can't explain it.
i'll make it worth your while to go away. how much do you want?
thirty dollars. it's all i've got in cash. take it and go.
i don't know. for as long as it takes.
do you want the money?
come on, man. that's my good watch.
then here. take the damn thing.
take it all.
i apologize.
an accident. i'm sorry about that, too.
it's long distance. i can't lose the call -- i might not get them back.
that wouldn't be a good idea. would it?
i gave you everything i've got.
you want the ring, you've got the ring. if i can get it off.
let go of me! it's coming loose. there. okay, felicia, with my deepest apologies. goodbye now.
nothing. talk. that's all.
this has nothing to do with drugs.
i knew it smelled for some reason.
because i am.
i'll take it up with the mayor.
no, you didn't. it was a fair and equitable deal. you had territorial rights to this booth and i paid a license fee. fair is fair. now leave me in peace.
thanks for your interest but i'm in perfect health.
i'm terminal, okay? now can i close the booth and continue my conversation?
fine. give it back.
well go wash your hands.
i'm sick of you. now get out of my face.
touch me and i'll throw up on you.
you can see what i'm up against here.
what do you have in mind?
god -- no. don't. it's not necessary.
i'll handle it myself.
no. for your own safety, mister, just walk away.
you're making this happen.
this isn't my fault. stop that!
the guy's insane!
i can't.
hello? hello?
i can't help it!
no. it can't. that's not fair.
yes.
you did it!
i said 'yes, i can hear you.' not 'yes -- kill the motherfucker!'
you're twisting it all around. i didn't do this!
i didn't.
how could i? i don't even have a gun. look!
come back. you've got to see -- i'm not armed.
i can't hang up. that's what this is all about.
i can use this. emergency. yes. there's been a shooting at forty-fifth and eighth -- on the corner. a man is down. what's the difference who i am? i don't want to be involved.
that wasn't nice.
i'm not going anyplace. i'm staying right here in this booth. unless you give me permission.
what do you expect me to say?
you mean?
they can't blame me -- i'm not armed.
they can see with their own eyes.
how can i?
this isn't a story. this is real. this is murder.
i gave him my money, my watch.
he was a fucking thief.
i don't feel a bit guilty. this is all your doing!
hey, i'm not taking any more criticism from some lunatic sniper who gets his kicks killing strangers.
you're a man. i know you're a man. women don't kill with telescopic rifles. they stab you.
i've got no time to rehash my whole life. oh my god! the cops are here.
they're ordering me to come out.
what if they open fire?
what about him?
you call this safe? six cops with guns pointed my way?
absolutely no more shooting. now is that clear?
you won't, because there isn't any.
i can't. i'm on a phone call.
i told you. i'm busy. come back later.
neither am i.
can't talk about it.
look, i don't want to be friends.
i've got a friend, okay.
none of your business.
i've got no side of it.
you won't believe anything i say.
i couldn't shoot anybody. i'm not armed.
that? that's my cellular.
do you want to see it?
then how can i show it to you?
they're all lying. nobody saw it because it didn't happen.
not on account of me! this is like some bad dream.
i'm trying.
no.
i don't know.
yes.
no.
not necessarily.
i'm handling this.
nobody. my psychiatrist.
he says not to tell you. it's privileged information.
whatever you say.
stop right there. back up a few steps. back where you were.
i want you to read me my rights and stop asking questions.
it's my right not to have any name.
and get me a lawyer, too. i want a lawyer brought down here to negotiate my surrender.
how can i when you won't let me take it out?
now we're back to that again. it's always "get out of the booth.' 'you can't stay in the booth.' well, i like it in the fucking booth. it's my whole world now. it's my booth and i'm never coming out.
why is it so important to know? the guy is dead. isn't that enough? knowing isn't going to make him alive again. so who gives a fuck!
all i wanted was to make a phone call. one lousy phone call for thirty-five fucking cents.
the worst.
and i've been falling ever since.
when you hit bottom, you die.
if i tell you what you want to know -- you'll die, too.
now that's a good idea.
they're just hoping for coverage of me dying in the gutter.
those cops are just looking for any excuse.
kelly. she was worried about me.
she doesn't watch daytime tv.
why are you saying this? you want me to reach in my pocket so you can see them open fire?
god -- how i'd love to hear her voice.
if she knows i'm in trouble, she won't give up.
you said i'm not allowed to leave the booth.
no, thanks. i'll stay where i am.
if you shoot me, you give yourself away.
you expected them to come. you had this all worked out.
poor kelly. what she must be going through.
i'd never get the words out. not with fifteen or twenty rounds in me.
they wouldn't wait to see.
why doesn't she hang up?
it's her! she's not calling me. she's over there.
the blonde girl in the green jacket.
she must've heard all the commotion and come downstairs.
it's somebody else who knows my cell number. it's you!
why is it so important that they kill me?
this time you won't. if you want me dead, you'll have to do it yourself.
it's all a game to you -- because you're incapable of feelings. you're not even human.
i quit. i'm not answering back any more. i won't hang up but i'm not playing.
no!
leave her out of it.
don't. please don't. i'm sorry. i'm talking to you again. i'll talk all you want!
i've screwed up her life enough already. please don't hurt her.
take me instead.
no! i'm hanging up. that's it.
i've giving myself up. take me!
shit. i can't.
yeah?
you got the wrong number. hang up.
wrong number. wrong number.
those cops won't wait much longer.
will you look at that? i must be going out over the network. bet they're pre-empting usual programming.
how are they gonna prove that i killed anybody when there's no gun?
no, sir. no gun and i walk.
what do you mean?
where?
it's not on the floor.
up above.
if they see me reach for something, they could open fire.
i totally don't give a shit.
it doesn't matter. i know about ballistics. the slug in that dead guy came from your rifle, not any handgun.
there's no gun up there. i don't see a damn thing.
i could never shoot anybody.
and i'd fucking love it!
i'm not getting my fingerprints on your fucking weapon. what about powder residue? how are they going to explain that to a jury?
no.
get off her!
look! i'm reaching up with my left hand. i'm pushing against the partition. it's giving. i'm feeling around with my fingertips. it's filthy up there.
i'm -- touching something.
i'm not picking it up.
i wouldn't have a chance.
i'm not insane.
that won't happen.
why would i do that?
okay. i know you can do it. but don't talk about that. please.
like that nerdy sonofabitch who blew those three wiseass kids away on the subway?
'i'm mad as hell and i'm not taking it anymore.'
'i'm not taking it anymore.' 'i'm not taking it anymore.'
fighting back. that's what it's about.
i'm on my knees begging you.
you've made your point. who's going to believe i've got a sniper with a telescopic sight holding me in a fucking phone booth at 45th and 8th?
if you'd put a bullet in that captain ramey, it would've been a different story -- but you were too wise to do that.
why me? you could pick off any of those cops from your window up there. like you did that pimp. and that tourist last week. but this time you want me to do your killing for you.
this booth. it's my whole world -- shrunk down to four feet by three feet. not much bigger than the size of a coffin.
when i saw you put that bullet into that black dude, i knew you'd never let me out of this phone booth alive.
let me see you first. what harm can that do you? you're in one of those windows. i've got to know which one.
being so far, i could never identify you. i don't even want to.
don't worry that i'd try to point you out. you'd shut me up with one of your .30 calibre hollow points before i could even raise a finger.
i want to see that you exist. like god exists. it's not enough to believe. you want to see him -- just once -- even at a distance.
show yourself to me and i'll take the gun down. i swear.
stop! i won't ask to see you anymore.
who?
what are you talking about?
mavis? i don't see her.
you don't even know what she looks like.
i can't.
i need time to think.
i do.
it wasn't mavis' fault. it was all my fault.
you'll leave them both alone?
i'll do it.
i need one minute. one last minute, please. can you give me that?
something like that.
are they? i wasn't looking.
i'm too afraid.
i'm shaking all over.
as soon as the cops see a gun, they'll open fire.
no. you do it. if you want me dead, then fucking murder me!
i am! i'm doing it!
there! you see it? they all see it.
where are you? damn you!!
what was that?
it couldn't hurt much more if you really shot me.
did you get him?
still alive?
it's okay. i'm not really shot.
i thought so, too. but we're going to be alright. both of us.
bet you didn't think i could deliver on that.
no. no hypo. i want to see him first.
that's why i've gotta talk to him. please!
i can try.
it's me. do you hear me? answer me.
i finally beat your ass. admit it, you fuck.
now you're gonna die, you bastard.
hang on. i can't wait to see you at the hospital. so i can yank your fucking air tube out.
what's your name? at least tell me who you are.
no. you won't. what do you want to bet you won't?
i'll spend my whole life trying to figure that out.
Gotta sleep now. No phone calls.