of course not! who wants a pocket full of coins? seriously. weighs down your pants, clangs around. with all this unnecessary new security everywhere, we'll be setting off alarms left and right!
excuse me, miss? are you sandra danby
sorry, miss, but you've failed to show up to your divorce proceedings 4 times under court order. you've been served.
fuckin' eh.
nice! hot steppa!
you think you know, chico. i know what bo, don't know. touch them up and go - uh oh!.  chi-chi-ching-chang!!!
just here to check out some units.
nope.
you owe american express $4068 dollars. sorry, but you've been served.
everything! they should be able to collect garbage twice a week. why not?
as a tax payer, can't i say that? come get my garbage a bit more! is that so f- ing crazy? i'm not asking for free beer tuesday's or anything. and the whole city would be more aesthetically pleasing and smell better. and don't pretend you can't smell it. ever been to new york? great place, smells like piss, though. twice a week, cough might fix that. hold on one sec.
i need dr. terrence, immediately.
dr. edgar terrence. you're the guy who repeatedly refused to take care of the monkey tree that spills onto your neighbors property. and now, because of that, you've been served.
let me through, damnit.
you're joshua aaron corber?
sorry, but you've been served.
hey! nice. new chicken fries.
hey kyle. so, should we head back to my place and finish up the trilogy? matrix: revolution. whose it gonna be, angie? man or machine?
sure.
well, yeah, i really want to meet them. tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. let me think.
of course. i know that. it's just. tomorrow's tight. i've got a whole bunch of cases that i can finish tomorrow. it's probably going to take me into the night.
i will. i promise. i'm not trying to avoid this, for real, i've just been crazy busy.
pardon?
dude, you may be a teacher here, but we're about the same age, so don't get all high and mighty. it's not that weird. frankly, it's natural.
i'll wait in the car.
no. actually i can't. i have to go serve a guy.
yeah. it sucks. i'm sorry. we can hang out later though. you can come over.
yo. it's dale. mind if i come by and pick up some shit?
what's up, saul.
what?
whoa. sorry, man. someone just let me in. i-
i'll buzz next time, man. i'm real sorry. i'm just not familiar with your, uh. protocol yet.
um. sure.
better than that blue oyster weed?
what is this? it's spectacular.
so. can i get a quarter?
where's the scale?
holy shit! what the fuck is this thing?
you can actually smoke that contraption?
well, be careful with that thing.
wow. so like, uh. so like, so like what do i do?
holy.
i'm a process server.
no, process server.
i'm hired to give people papers they don't want. it's pretty much the easiest job on earth.
well. uh, i got a totally useless degree two years ago, then i did nothing for a year, then my dad got so fed up he hooked me up.
i got it pretty sweet, though. today? i smoked like five joints, gave out some pieces of paper, and i ate some burger king-
yeah man. i'd get on that shit. they're fucking mind blowing. so, then i hot- boxed my car and then. got some action from my girlfriend.
a little. she's in high school.
no, no. she's 19.
yeah, it's awesome, although i think she's getting old enough where she's realizing i don't do much. and these high school guys these days. they're all roided out and going to harvard. even on my best days, i look like a fat, dumb piece of shit next to them.
dude. you've got, like, the actual easiest job in the world.
you can actually do whatever the hell you want. you get to sleep all day and people come buy weed at night.
sorry to hear that.
let's see. tonight i'm going after-
ted jones. he forgot to pay his-
i doubt that, man. there's probably a lot of ted joneses's out there.
well saul, that was crazy. thanks.
oh shit on me.
me in! let me in! let me in! let me in! it's dale! let m--
the love of shit, let me in! pleeea-
he fucking killed him, man!
he killed him!
yeah, man! i can't believe it. a cop! a lady, and a guy.
no! a guy!
no! a cop and a guy killed another guy! the lady and the guy. no, a fucking woman, a police woman, and an old guy, shot a guy, a younger guy, in the fucking window at ted's house!
which guy?
i don't fucking know. he was this big, old, grey haired guy with a gun, and he fucking took him, and he shot him! right there in the fucking window! bam!
and they saw me! they saw me see them shoot the guy!
no! i panicked. i was having a coughing fit, i crashed, i crashed into a car. fuck, two cars. they must've heard at least. they knew someone was there.
no. i don't think so. no.
i'm not calling the cops - one of them was a cop. they could all be cops!
yeah. i saw some blood.
i don't know, who do drug dealers kill? it was probably another drug dealer. he was asian. are there asian drug dealers.
i'm sitting across from ted's smoking a massive joint of that weed you sold me-
when i threw it. out. the window.
this weed is actually that rare?
so, you are actually the only guy in town with this weed?
and am i the only guy you gave it to?
but, like, another dealer, couldn't identify it, the pineapple weed? like, if they found a roach of it, right?
we should go, we shouldn't be here! we should go!
i left a roach of this weed in front of ted's house!
no, listen - they could find the roach and say, "this is pineapple weed, saul's the only guy in town who has pineapple weed, therefore he must have witnessed the murder or know who did - let's go kill him."
wait!
saul, wait! grab anything we might need, like your weed and money and stuff.
are you sure you're not forgetting anything?
we'll take the stairs, it'll be faster.
go back! go back!
okay, man. we gotta try to relax.
we don't want to draw attention.
i don't know! who knows? just try to be cool.
that was bad - calm! calm! calm!
oh. pardon.
okay, what do you know about ted?
no way! what if they did see my license plate!?!
well, how much money do we have?
that's it!?!
uh. nine bucks.
fine. forget the hotel.
okay. where's nowhere?
so what do we know? nothing. we may or may not be followed because we don't even know if he found the roach or not. and, we could just be completely crazy. but, the question is this: even if he found the roach, how could he know where you were?
no, what i mean is, if ted found the roach and identified the weed, how could he connect it to you?
who is this red guy?
but let's say someone calls asking who he sold this pineapple weed to, he'll say you, because. why wouldn't he?
yeah, but saul, he's a fucking drug dealer.
um. i. call him. yeah, sure, call him.
you're right. you are. i'm just being paranoid. sorry, dude.
no! we should do it tomorrow!
come on, man. tomorrow. i'm scared shitless. i want to think things through before i do anything. let's go in the morning. please.
i'm going to go call angie. make up some bull shit.
what the fuck is that?!
are we on fucking "lost"?! what the hell is that?!
you know what? you're right. we should just get rid of them. we should just smash `em.
fuck. i just bought this thing. maybe i can just take the batteries out?
what the fuck was that?!
what tree?
who the fuck knows?!? i don't know!! why couldn't you have just smashed it on a rock like a normal person?
did you at least see where it landed?
with what? i just smashed my phone!
well, then you shouldn't have said anything, cause now you've convinced me that they can!
do you see it?
the "blair witch project."
stop!
sshh!
sshh! can you hear that?
just listen.
saul!!!
shit.
aaaaahhhhhhh!!!
is there anyone even out there?!?
if you don't know then why the hell did you run like that?!?
no! we're not going anywhere!
there's nothing out there, that's why we're here. god, man, you scared the fucking shit out of me.
shut up, okay? it's my car.
don't do me any fucking favors. i got my own.
shut up.
saul. saul. get up. wake up.
what's the time?
what does it say?
it's three o'clock!?! we were supposed to be there at noon!
it's four o'fucking clock?!
how?
you remember where he lives, right?
let's just get out of here.
what the fuck? come on.
i think the battery's dead.
it's dead.
how? we fell asleep!
we gotta. let's just. we'll walk. we'll walk to a road and hitchhike to red's.
yeah, "for real". we'll be late, but we'll get there. then we can fix this insane situation.
stop fucking around, man. come on. leave that thing alone.
so, what's this guy like?
well, do you think he'll be there?
dale. nice to meet you.
i think it's better if you don't know my last-
uh, red. what. uh, is your lip okay?
saul. ask him.
whoa, whoa! saul, i don't think. well, red, i don't mean to be rude but i don't think we should tell you any more than you need to know.
look. red, i just don't want to pull you into the shit we're in. it's just trouble.
that's why we only need to clarify one thing - nobody's called about saul or the pineapple express or anything like that?
i'm sorry! i'm sorry!
we can't let him call anyone! he's acting weird!
i'm sorry. i just, i don't think i can-
aaahhh!
he's going for the phone! bathroom!
saul!!! phone!!!
now tell us-
it's happening! it's actually happening! he knows my name! red knows my name!
this is fucked, what do we do now, he knows my name!?!
well what do we do? he's gonna tell them!
well, we have to find out what he knows.
tell us everything. now!
i think we beat it out of him.
okay. red. here's the deal: if you don't tell us everything, we're going to beat you up.
you've got five seconds, okay? ready? five, four-
three, two. one!
who were they?
how many cops does he have in his. uh, payroll, or whatever?
who's his competition?
asians? which asians? indians are technically asian.
alright. we should. tie him up and. and get the fuck out of here.
what?
what do we do?
fuck. oh, man.
no. i've got to get to a phone!
but, if red tells ted's guys my name, then they'll go to my apartment and find out about angie!
why?!
all i know is angie's new number is on my fridge and they could see that, so i have to get to her.
dude, stay here. i'll be back in a minute.
saul, just watch my back. i'll literally be five minutes. please.
angie!
nothing, i was in the woods and.  . hi, i'm dale. uh. it's nice to finally meet you both. i apologize for my appearance. robert, charlotte-
yes! shannon. i've heard a lot about both of you.
very nice things.
alright, now, here's what's happened - i've been thrust into a kind of, ah. situation. so, uh, if we could all just start to evacuate.
that'd be really, really good right now. i'll answer all your-
listen. there are people after us and they could come here. i'll tell you anything you want, just please, let's go!
yes, i'm serious. super serious! we have to get the "f" out of here!
okay, mr. anderson, look, here's the deal - i saw a crooked cop kill a guy while i was working. this morning. the cop shot the guy then saw my car drive off, and i think they might have seen my license plate and, so, i ditched my car. in the woods, so.
i think their drug dealers.
well, it's complicated. see, the. uh. it doesn't matter right now, we just have to get out of here.
no, they are the police!
angie! stop! it's saul!
stop! stop! he's with me!
sir, please, he's my friend, he's helping me, he's-
guys! please! we have to get out of here. robert, angie. mrs. anderson-
i know! look, we have to get out of here. i'm sure everything is going to be fine but better safe than. not.
yes. terribly real.
i. i think it would be best if i didn't go with you. i don't want to put you in any more danger.
alright, baby. here's the plan - go to the holiday inn downtown and use a fake name. something like.  car. lyle.
i have to stop this. i don't know how, but don't worry. i'll keep you safe. but still, watch your back. you never know where they might be, whoever they are.
i love you.
um. you're welcome. and nice to meet you guys.
let's run, man! run!
somewhere we can think.
"tell us what you know!" how fuckin' balls was that?
and i think i fought pretty well, don't you? you know, for my first time. we were like tango and cash, man.
boom! knocked the door right off it's hinges!
i probably couldn't have done it without you. thanks, man. it is fucking pimp.
thanks, man. you know, my last dealer was a total dick. you're by far the coolest dealer i've ever had.
yeah. like, the time before last time, i totally had weed. i just kind of wanted to chill with you.
so, do you think we should leave town? we could just get on a bus and go, right?
what about your sack?
no dude, your sack of weed. can't we sell some?
no way, man. i'm not going to sell to kids.
well, then not kids at that school.
i can't do it, man. i'm not going to a high school is there anywhere else we could go?
what's that?
fuck this place.
man, this is great.
i got like, thirty for my bar mitzvah.
you touched a tit when you were twelve?
hey!
yeah. she's my girlfriend.
yeah. she's pretty sweet.
there are still people trying to kill us.
wait! i wasn't selling anything! all i have is this little joint.
i don't even have any money! how did i sell weed if i don't have any money?!? i was just smoking it. i swear. please.
what is this for? what did that thing tell you? what did i do?
you don't understand! you have to let me go! dirty cops are gonna kill me! please!
this. this lady cop, and these guys budlofsky and matheson, they all work for ted jones, and-
yeah. with grey-hair. tell me you know what i'm talking about. he lives near evergreen heights. he-
yeah. an asian someone.
yes ma'am.
no! what are you doing!?!
no! she was going to help us!
it's her! the lady cop!
turn on the wipers!
kick out the window! isn't that what they do?
get it out of there!
she's following us! she's gaining on us!
do something!
what the fuck was that?!?!?
turn on the sirens!
saul! saul! i'm locked in!
you dumb fucking fuck!!! help me!!!
don't touch me, you asshole!
ow! ow! hurry!
which saw do you like most?
okay, i'm going to go call angie. be right back.
could i have the, uh, carlyle room, please?
angie! thank god you're okay!
i'm great. i'm fine. i miss you. so, here's the plan, babe. i'm going to leave town and contact a government official or something. from somewhere safe. i know this shit is all fucked up and i just can't apologize enough.
i know there's a problem! that's the thing, that's why i-
angie, no! no! don't you get it? i was thrown into this situation, i had no control, but i am dealing with it. this kind of thing happens, you know-
what? you're telling me you think i'm a dumb guy?
are you joking? you're actually gonna smoke marijuana?
how can you smoke marijuana after what we just went through? that clearly happened because we were smoking marijuana.
if you haven't noticed, we're not very functional when we're stoned, saul.
you didn't save me! she was going to protect us, and now we're wanted for all sorts of crazy shit!
fine. smoke marijuana. but you know how "scarface" ends. face down, dead, in your own fuckin' water fountain.
it's not my fault!
it's marijuana's fault!
grow up, you fucking two year old.
maybe i am a pothead burnout, but at least i'm not the dumbest most annoying guy in the world. the only reason i ever bought weed from you was because you're shit is so good, not because you're cool.
bullshit! i just like. liked having lots of different kinds of weed at once.
saul! i'm sorry, man! i didn't mean all that! saul!
hey, uh, what's going on here?
what did?
uh. thanks.
mrs. belogus. i wouldn't worry, saul's going to be fine.
hello? anyone here? red?
oh my god.
i. what? i'm not here to fight, man, i-
go to the hospital, man! are you crazy. you don't have to die.
you don't have to die.
red, i need you to tell me where ted's base is. he took saul, and i can't bail on him. i'm going to get him back.
what are you doing?
you're not coming to help?
but how do i get out of here if i rescue saul?
i'll blow his fuckin' brains out if you don't-
oh my god.
i had to try.
no! i came here to save you!
saul, i deserved that, because i fucked you. you're right, this whole things my fault, and they only way i can make it up to you is by rescuing you, and that's why i'm here. to save my friend.
good. `cause i will.
we're not losers! we did that car chase. that was all you, man! you got away from the cops. i've watched, like, nine billion hours of worlds wildest police chases and i've never seen a guy get away. not once! but you did it. you did the impossible.
perfect! now rub your wrists against my belt! my belt buckle'll cut the tape. do it! this is it!
hurry!
yes! yes! you know what this is called, saul? this is called saving you.
this isn't working. turn around. i'm using my mouth.
yo - if i cough, i'm going to make a move, if i cough twice, you take the lead. got it?
what happened?
my what?
aahhhh!!! my ear!!!
you killed my ear!!!
you shot him?
whoa.
uh. stay there.
i don't know! that guy just blew half my fucking ear off!
were they armed?
i can't hear them.
shoot back!
yes!
now run!
nice. you got him.
holy shit. i killed him.
you'll never be able to pull me up, but i'll boost you up there and you just fucking run for it, man.
don't worry about me.
hold on!
oh god.
ha!
you can't fucking take me. i'm young. virile. prime of my life. you're old. old and dying.
sorry, ted.
but you've been served.
holy fuck! holy fuck! aaaahhhh!!!
ow. ah. ow. okay.  cough cough
saul!
saul! cough cough you're okay!
we.  cough . we did it. we beat them. we won.
i have absolutely no idea.
asian dudes? so, okay. maybe this is revenge for that asian dude i saw ted kill.
what's cool is that you came back for me man. you did, right? you weren't just captured again, were you?
red? you okay?
i've gotta get downtown, try and win angie back.
do you think we should have looked for the ear? they probably could've re- attached it, eh? i mean, this ear thing kind of fucking sucks.
i just realized i've 100% lost my job by now. i haven't called in for days.
what? why?
saul, what're you going to do?
all i hear is ringing.
well. the barn did collapse in a ball of fire, and we probably each inhaled about ten pounds of weed smoke, so. it's just, you know-
a little paranoia.
what-
what is-
what?
i literally only hear ringing.
i'm following him.