screenplay by
i don't know. and if you ask me again, i'm going to slug you.
it's been fun, hasn't it, kids? you're welcome!
damnit, bill, you know i need to check it first!
better than turpentine. tastes about the same. your call, bill.
you ain't picky, bill. i like that about you.
'running on empty'? tell me about it.
hey, bill! we got tv! 147 channels. everything from jesus to 'jeopardy'.
'like sands through the hour- glass, so are the days of our lives' 'michael shields, come on down, you're the next contestant on'the price is right'.' i'll take domestic nuclear disasters for two hundred thousand, alex.
we interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you the second civil war.  well, shit.
i don't want any trouble.  i bet you don't either.  let's just call it a draw, okay?
look out, bill!
i'm rich.
i'm just passing through. i don't mean anyone any harm. water's good.
i'm not a holnist.
okay?
i'm headed for a town called st. rose. somewhere west of portland.
well, i heard different.
no, it's just that it's hard to get good information.
this is all i got.
okay! my stuff's up there!
dried peas. beef jerky. cigarettes.
sure. there's the ladder.
it's going to take a second. i got my stuff bolted in.
whips head over heels as the ball speeds away.
bill!
it's true, we haven't done this in a while, but it's like riding a bicycle. now, open your mouth.
i know the rule. it's my rule! avoid civilization at all costs. but we gotta eat, don't we? what are you so worried about, bill? all you gotta do is stand there. i'm the one with all the lines.
they said, 'fear not, macbeth, 'til birnam wood comes to dunsinane'!
i said, birnam wood comes to dunsinane!
arm, arm yourselves! if the witch's words are true, there'll be no running or hiding here!
tomorrow, and tomorrow, and the day after that. out brief candle! life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts his hour upon the stage and is heard no more. it's a tale told by a moron. full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. but blow, wind! come wrack! at least we'll die with the harness off our back!
they still haven't.
thanks. you're very nice.
i don't think you understand how it works.
i'm glad i could help.
good enough to get something to eat?
well, i'd just as soon not give them anything of mine. let's find the back door, bill.
you don't understand.
but, i'm not with these people. i'm just passing through. i --
hi?
kind of.
so what did you guys do with my cigarettes?
wonderful. what happened to your partners?
me?
i'm just a performer. shakespeare. stuff like that.
he was a writer. he --
i, um, you want a line?
'to be or not to be: that is the question.'
'now is the winter of our discontent made glorious summer by this son of york.'
i don't mean any disrespect, sir, but you'd be better off just letting me go. a fighter is about the last thing i am.
you'd win.
thanks. did i win?
i tried to tell him.
say what?
'blow, wind. come wrack. at least we'll die with the harness off our back.'
live free or die.
that's what they're hoping for.
these were supposed to be the best years of my life.
may he burn in hell.
as the sword finds its mark. bethlehem looks at him, but addresses all.
no, sir. i'm a follower not a leader.
no offense, general, but you seem to have read some shakespeare yourself.
nothing.
no.
we got to get out of here.
escaping. you ever hear of st. rose? it's on the coast. they say it's a paradise. they've even got electric lights.
between the three of us, we could --
i found him.
yeah.
just let me go. i don't want to be part of your army.
don't --
come with me.
i know.
hey. how ya doin'?
'jerry ball, pine view.'
so, arrest me. here's a piece of good news. jerry's decided to go to school to get his contractor's license.
little jimmy wants his grandpa to know he lost a tooth.
thanks for being there for me. here's to you. i consider my taxes very well spent.
all dressed up. nowhere to go.
well, that's easy.
greetings, pine view, oregon!
civilian, i'm on official business. i demand entry into the town of pine view.
i'm through talking to you, buddy boy! now get somebody with authority to open this gate!
i'm a representative of the united states government --
authorized by order 417 of the restored congress to reestablish a communication route to idaho and lower oregon. now open that damn gate!
i'm your postman!
understand that tampering with or obstructing the mail is a federal offense. furthermore, the bolin act requires you to provide all mail carriers with sanctuary and nourishment. now open that damn gate!
is jerry the contractor here?
wait! i'm going to get something out of my bag.
paul davis! 124 vernon street!
lois kent! 14 weymoth lane!
irene march! 478 river road!
oh, no.
i have a letter for you.
i'm sure it's personal.
we're delivering the old stock piles, but i'll accept all new correspondence as well.
'dear irene. sorry i haven't written. everything's so crazy. the strange weather. the food shortages. that farmer nathan holn causing all that trouble. it's hard to understand. david's home from the army. the war was over before he even got there. thank god for that. he's still my baby no matter how big he gets. we're going to miss you for christmas, but maybe next year. all our love. donna.'
no. i'm just.  a postman.
i've been on the road a while. i could use a little something to eat --
yes, there is! if there are dogs in this town, you have to leash them while i'm here!
'stop. oh, yes, wait a minute, mr. postman. waaa-ait, mr. postman'
thanks. didn't somebody say something about dinner?
v-eight. eight cylinders. that means an eight-banger.
the important thing to remember about cars is, you can't eat 'em.
yeah.
you know, i'm pretty hungry.
his name is, uh.  richard starkey. from maine. he has a saying. 'things are getting better, getting better all the time.'
parties are over with. the individual is what counts. you vote for the best man.
lady di's in charge. sixty years old and she still kicks ass.
he died. skin cancer.
the government's just getting started. you're on your own for at least eighteen months.
never thought i'd hear myself say this, but i can't eat anymore.
what?
this?
almost fits.
i don't know if i can, i think i'm still on duty.
it's been a long time.
is something wrong?
about six feet.
smarter than some i guess. why?
never had the bad mumps.
is that a trick question?
it's got to be the uniform.
i'll have to think about it.
look, mrs. march, you should know that.
know that.
i got to get out of here.
what is?
you did, huh?
you have to be in the right place at the right time.
i thought you wanted to drive cars.
could be anywhere. anytime. only another postman can make you a postman.
something like that. you have to be sworn in.
the organization's kinda shaky. it might not last.
you'd meet a lot of people who don't believe in you.
it's a lonely job.
so have i, ford. so have i.
what the hell? repeat after me.
okay then.
no, no, no, i'm saying that. you just listen.  by my authority you are now empowered to carry the mail. congratulations, you're a postman.
sure thing, ford.
i take it you're not.
what can i do for you, sheriff?
i'm afraid you don't understand, sheriff. i'm a government employee. authorized by --
this is going in my report.
just leave it.
i said leave it.
hello, abby.
i guess.
how about you? do you have a letter?
i'll find you a pen pal. someone with interests similar to your own. dancing, checking for mumps.
i guess no one feels much like laughing.
oh, well, i've been thinking about it.
sure. why not?
god, you're beautiful. sorry, i know you'd probably like to keep things more clinical. you don't even know my name.
what about those?
okay. they're yours.
i'll take it.
thank you.
go?.  oh yeah.  i'll head west, then work my way back here in a sort of figure eight.
times seem hard right now. but you have to believe it's getting better. birds are migrating again. the rains are back.
is abby around?
if i come back with some mail, you'll know!
eugene. benning. portland. boston! seattle. boise.  st. rose, paradise on the pacific.
maybe one thing can still be sacred. all in all, not a bad gig, huh?
rachel clark! charlie sykes! graham druitt!
that's it for now, folks. there'll be more once a real system is in place.
survive? they got broadway up and running again. there's a kid doing andrew lloyd webber like you wouldn't believe.
a buck seventy-five.
the catch is the only currency recognized are silver american coins minted before 1964 and two dollar bills. look for thomas jefferson. of course, food is always acceptable as barter.
you don't. negotiate a settlement. give them extra supplies.
general, um, they've asked me to negotiate a peace treaty.
i don't think so, sir. i --
i am a united states postman. authorized by order 417 of the restored congress to --
the new capital is based in minneapolis. inside the hubert humphrey metrodome. you know, where the vikings used to play?
they'll open the gate and give you double what they usually give. just don't hurt anybody. this was all a misunderstanding.
abby.
thank you.
i don't think i ever had water soup before. maybe next time we could try it with a little sand? dirt? wood? a twig garnish?
you used to think i was funny.
i'm sorry.
what's that supposed to mean?
what's with you?
a mark doesn't mean i'm a --
then, why didn't you?
you were with bethlehem. does that make you one of them?
don't make me use this.
wind's come up. getting colder too. must be another storm --
i didn't mean for you to --
i'm hurt.
lazy?! i got a hole in my stomach. i'm weak. the two big meals around here are grass and snow. and we're running out of grass.
where are you going?
you're not leaving me here, are you?
give me a break.
why are you in such a hurry to get out of here? i can think of worse places. and worse company to --
you can't play tic-tac-toe with yourself.
i can't help you.
that's why you should have it.
you're weird, you know that?
we walked on the moon once, abby.
obviously you've forgotten tang and microwave ovens. your face looks pretty.
not so bruised.
how do you know it's mine and not bethlehem's?
abby.
what is it? what's wrong? is it the baby?
what happened?
you got our stuff out.
of course? i don't understand.
am i missing the point here?
yeah.
you're really weird, you know that?
have you ever heard of st. rose, abby?
he's wrong. st. rose is out there. and i'm going to find it.
look, i'm nobody, abby. i'm just.
this is what i hate. strangers. do you say 'hi' or do you blow their head off? do they want to share what they got or take what you have? and if they want to take, how far are you willing to go to stop them? damn it. all right. that's far enough.
we don't want any trouble.
that's impossible.
who told you all this?
direct contact.  i don't believe this.
you said carrier eighteen. that mean there's eighteen of you?
what's all this?
p.s. ford knows what to do.
president starkey? minneapolis? ford knows what to do?
so? i'm not making the connection. what's all this then?
why?
i don't know how long i can stay, ford. president starkey will send word one day and i'll have to move on. understand?
aw, don't do that. hands down.
yeah, till he sends word, right.
two plus two equals four.
you spelled tyranny wrong.
how old are you?
can you ride?
why are you here?
when did you get that?
abby --
ford wants me to have his trailer. said it's the best one.
i got plenty of room here.
so much for the uniform theory.
i wish they'd stop saluting.
just stay safe and remember. the mailman's more important than the mail.
what the hell?
for president starkey and the first congress of the restored united states, i officially declare postal station 10.  what's the name of this town?
i officially declare postal station 10 in elvis, oregon, open for business!
i'm back! and i got mail.
thank god it wasn't a carton of cigarettes.
got a letter for you, sheriff.
you thought wrong.
tell me about the baby, abby. i want to know.
who do you talk to?
no. no thanks. hey, don't let the kids see that.
what is it?
that makes five. all on southern routes.
tell me about the other stuff you know.
ford, i want you to get rid of the bodies. i don't want these people blamed for what we did.
riding his weary mount into town, saddlebags bulging with mail. he pauses by the new recruits long enough to hear the words they're saying.
get this mail sorted. bring me a fresh horse. something to eat.
and all the mail going south!
they changed the oath.
figures. they don't think to ask who they're replacing. or why.
you look like.  do i know you?
well, good luck to you.
nice kid. probably be dead in a week.
where are you going?
you're grounded. get off the horse. you know the rule.
twenty-two's too far south.
get off the goddamn horse.
tie him off to this one.
doing what?
did i ever tell you how i got to be a postman, abby? i don't know if you'd laugh or cry.
i'm going to stop this.
get out of my way, ford. all of you.
goddamnit --
there's still time, ford!
why?
god damn you, ford. those people down there are dying because of us. because of what we did.
my god, what have i done? we don't even know their names.
i am.
if i don't, those kids are going to keep on getting themselves killed.
what? being a postman? it's all bullshit, abby. all of it. i took this uniform off a skeleton to stay warm. i made up the rest to stay fed. there is no restored united states.
weird thing is, being a postman was almost the best thing that ever happened to me.  remember this? you left it behind that night.
i always liked to think you left it on purpose. but maybe you just forgot it.
is this everybody?
this is everybody. got a letter from president starkey.
'greetings all carriers.'
'i've been in contact with the postman. i've received all the reports. i'm proud of you all.'
in dark days, in a weary world, you gave everything and asked for nothing. you beat back despair and replaced it with hope and for that your country can never repay you. but the price is too high. i won't see anymore of my bravest die. it is my duty to hereby disband the postal service of the restored united states. you are to burn your uniforms and the postman is to return to minneapolis at once. thank you and that is all.
if he could've that's what he would have said.
bethlehem. i'm taking it to him in the morning.
mail's private. you know that.
it says it's over. it says we quit.
tell me something, ford. how much mail can a dead postman deliver? it's over.
i can't trust you.
whoever takes this letter probably dies for it.
i'm going to st. rose, abby. and i'm taking you with me. i know you don't want to hear it, but that's my child inside you. i want to see it born somewhere safe. i have a right to that, abby. whether you like it or not.
thought i recognized you.
i don't give a damn what that asshole said.
the general is a fucking lunatic.
you don't own a thought in that goddamn head of yours, do you? you want to see a man?
that's a man.
you don't understand, do you? you never will until you can think for yourself and be willing to pay the price for it.
you ready?
you're a better man than bethlehem, luke. i've seen it.
we can't help you. we're just as lost as you are.
i don't know him. do you?
what happened here?
you ever hear of a city called st. rose?
we can rest in there.
did you see that?
this old thing? it isn't even loaded. where are we?
i know you. you're famous.
we will be. right now, we'd just appreciate some food. i got some kids behind me, too.
three. hey, guys, come on in! i know you're out there!
thanks. she's not my wife.
let me ask you something, have you ever heard of a town with electric lights?
yeah!
how far?
you seem like a decent man. and these seem like decent people.
and this seems like a safe place.
all of them. i'll give you the horses and my gear. abby's special. she's strong. probably end up running the place.
yes.
yeah, i guess i am. and all of a sudden, i'm not wearing the right clothes.
i'm sorry i've brought this on you.
the order was to burn all uniforms.
you know what to do then?
yeah, tell them that, too.
abby, do you think a lie can become the truth?
how do i stop --
once more into the breach, dear friends, once more. or close the wall with our dead. in peace nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility. but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger.
summon up the blood. disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.
riding over the crest. galloping toward them. behind him, forty new mail carriers. all riding like mad. one of them carries the flag of the restored united states.
stay here. no one moves until i give the orders.
we're both a couple of frauds. you know it; i know it.
you're no fucking general. you're a copying machine salesman. you're not even a good painter.
wouldn't it be great if wars could be fought just by the assholes who started them? we could settle this thing right here. you and me.
it does in your army.
i invoke law seven of the laws of eight! any man may challenge for leadership of the clan!
i challenge you.
i have every right. i invoke law seven!
i challenge for leadership of the clan!
'cry havoc! and let slip the dogs of war.' remember that?
i should've found a way to kill you then. but you seemed so strong.
i believe in the united states postal service.
neither snow.  nor rain.  nor heat.  nor gloom of night.  will stay this courier from the swift completion of his appointed rounds.
it doesn't have to be this way. we don't have to kill each other. we can live together. we can --
ford, don't.
he isn't worth it. i'm the head of the clan now! there are going to be new laws! law one! no more killing! there's going to be peace!
who else? who else has a law?
that's law two. who else?!
how about it, ford lincoln mercury? you give us law eight.
be a leader, ford.
grow like savages -- as soldiers will -- that nothing do but mediate on blood.
somebody take a letter.
a letter.
mail's slow. i'll have to see about that.