i knew you would call! now come on, tell me what i want to hear. give it to me.
you should get paid extra for being so darn funny. margaret straightens her jacket, answers the phone, and walks out the door. margaret this is margaret.
you've been thinking about our talk because i'm right. everyone does publicity. roth, mccourt, russo. hell, chabon practically whores himself. know what they have in common? a pulitzer. yes, i know you haven't done it in twenty years, but that's how long it's been since you've written a book this good.
i'm not pushing so you'll sell more books, i'm pushing because it'll be a crime if the world doesn't hear that you wrote a genius piece of literature. do the publicity. margaret waits for an answer and smiles when she hears "yes." margaret you're making the right decision! great news. going into an elevator, think i'm going to lose you.  margaret hangs up. never give them a chance to change their mind.
cancel the call, move the meeting to eight,
when i want your praise, i'll ask for it. is bob here?
we're going to his office. grab your pad. richard calmly backs out of the office.
that's cute. you gonna call her today?
are you bored here? do you need little distractions like that to get you through the day?
you have another late night out?
i'm firing on all cylinders and you've got hearts on your coffee cup, wicked bed head, and a wrinkled suit that you wore yesterday.
you'll magically unwrinkle?
you have magic pants?
does this work on more than just your pants?
buy me some.
i don't care what or who you do on your own time, but when you walk through that door you represent me, and i will not have your personal life affect you at work. if you want me to think of promoting you to editor, i need you sharp, focused and professional. got it?
great. now you're just a prop in here, so don't say a word.
hey, bob.
i'm lettin' you go, bob.
you're fired.
this isn't working out.
i asked you repeatedly to get frank to do publicity. you said it was impossible.
i just talked to him. he's in.
no more buts, bob. i've been chief for a month and a half, and this is the third time you've dropped the ball. you didn't even call to ask him.
all you had to do to was pick up the phone. that's it. now i'll give you two months to find a new job, and then you can say you resigned. i won't tell a soul, my lips are sealed. margaret nods at richard and he opens the door.
what's he doing? richard turns around and takes a peek. bob gets out of his chair and comes to his door.
oh bob, don't do it.
what are you doing? i gave you a civilized way out of this.
oh, bob. you could never threaten me. i'm firing you because you're lazy, entitled and incompetent. i'm firing you because you don't work hard. so if you know what's good for you, you'll shut up, take off that ridiculous bow tie, find a bar and get drunk. because if you say one more word, richard here is going to call security and have you thrown out on your ass. are we perfectly clear? bob nods. margaret good. now i've got work to do, so if you'll
i gave you the weekend off?
she tell you to quit?
who is this guy?
go get him. but he's out of here in five minutes, we've got work to do. margaret leaves and goes into her office.
yeah. well, those announcements are silly, aren't they? like everyone who needs to know doesn't know already. margaret has been trying to figure out how she knows this man, but now gives up. margaret have to admit, i can't place where we know each other from. gilbertson smiles. he didn't expect her to remember.
don't have it.
oh my god, you read that manuscript with me? that book is legend. without a doubt the worst ever written.
it was a fever dream! 900 offensive and pointless pages, with like 30 characters, who all had some weird disability. the paraplegic pornographer, and the stuttering scientist? oh! and there was the asthmatic alien chapter -- written entirely in his alien language.
did you see the pass letter i wrote him?
you wrote the book.
you're dante dickens?
i'm sorry if i hurt your feelings. you obviously were spending a lot of time writing, i just thought you should channel all that passion into something else. gilbertson smiles as he pulls a badge from his coat pocket.
excuse me? what? this is a mistake. i've lived here since 1981. i'm applying for citizenship.
yes. and all the papers are in. gilbertson pulls out a stack of papers and throws them down.
i'm a threat to the sovereignty of the united states?
"affect me at work?" i'll lose my job!
oh, no. no, no, no. i won't do it.
well then, get it published at another house.
all?
i'll be fired and laughed out of the industry if i publish that book.
i will never publish your book. ever.
this is blackmail. i'll go to your boss.
know what, dante? i'm not going anywhere! we're getting married! richard has no idea what margaret is talking about.
we are!
stop playing around, honey. margaret is all smiles. richard is very confused. margaret mr. gilbertson is from the ins. i told him about us. about us getting married.
we're in love. we tried to fight it. when it's right, it's right.
nope. true love. got it bad.
of course we are.
what?
c'mon. answer. you don't have a choice. richard doesn't want to do this, but relents.
are we done here?
no one. with us working together we decided it would be too much of a scandal if anyone knew.
we're telling his family this weekend.
yes. we are. we're surprising them.  . at his grandma's 90th birthday party.
at richard's parent's house.
in his hometown.
why don't you tell him?
yes. of course we're going to alaska. that's where richard is from. gilbertson begins to walk around. he's getting worked up.
i'm sorry, dante. did you not prepare for that? margaret puts her arm around richard and waits in silence.
there are no "t's" or "i's" in "love" mr. gilbertson. gilbertson leaves and shuts the door hard. margaret goes back to her desk like this is all in a days work. margaret why are you from alaska? sweet jesus, that's inconvenient. so here's what's going to happen. we'll play boyfriend and girlfriend this weekend for your parents and that should be enough for this ins interview. richard doesn't react. margaret doesn't notice. margaret so you need to figure out the travel, schedule a justice of the peace for next week, and get my lawyer on the phone. margaret takes a sip of her coffee and makes a face. margaret but first, run down and get me another coffee from your girlfriend, this is cold. margaret holds out her coffee cup. richard doesn't move. margaret hello? richard? richard! richard says his first words since gilbertson left.
richard, come back here. margaret tries not to make a scene. margaret richard. richard. richard pushes the elevator button in front of reception. margaret come back to the office! richard can't take it. he gets up in margaret's face.
well, we need to talk.
well i'd rather poke my eyes out than play pretend girlfriend, but this is the big time. sometimes you need to sack up.
you wanna be an editor? you need to make
i'm doing what?
you work for me!
look, i came to this town alone and with nothing. i've worked my ass off for fifteen years and this guy wants to ruin me because he wrote the shittiest book of all time? no way.
fine. you take me to alaska this weekend, and i'll make you editor. deal? margaret puts out her hand to shake, richard takes it. margaret and i'm not sleeping on your parent's hide-a- bed, we're staying in a hotel. do they even have hotels in alaska?
are you done with the press release?
so what do i need to know up there? bullet points.
i'm sorry, i hate it when people stare at what i'm reading. it's just.  i worked on that book.
edited it. it was one of my favorites.
you don't see many guys with that book. you, uh, read a lot of love stories about roman concubines?
there you are. give me my lap top. richard untangles the bags and gives margaret her computer bag.
i know, richard. richard turns around and puts the bags in the overhead compartment. the handsome man turns to margaret.
sit together with who? the handsome man nods at richard.
you mean him? the handsome man nods. margaret tries to set the record straight. margaret no. no. no. he's my assistant.
well, he's.  indispensable.
i have to go now.
have a great life. margaret walks toward the group. richard puts out his hand and silently pleads for margaret to hold it. at the last second, she takes it.
me neither. debbie picks up some of the bags and starts walking toward the exit. everyone else follows her lead.
uh, is everyone coming to our hotel?
surprise? another surprise?
i'm really not good with surprises.
are you witches?
i'm a lucky woman. margaret does her best to smile.
i'm not getting out of this car until you tell me where we're going.
who are you people? richard lets margaret wonder.
i thought it was the dragon lady?
uh huh.
what a great name. balzac's "lost illusions" is one of my favorite novels.
thank you. where's richard's room?
oh, let's not upset grandma annie.
great. you know, i've gotten used to his breathing at night.
i'm about 15 seconds from bitch.
what is going on here?
you had no idea they knew about us getting married?
well, we just gotta tell €˜em.
tell €˜em the truth. about us.
what do you mean no way? this is crazy.
well i don't like this.
selfish?
how is it selfish to tell the truth?
fine. but if we do this, you need to stop lying to me.
why did you tell me that you were poor?
well, you never told me you were rich.
i don't know, how about, "hi, my name is richard, i'm an alaskan titan of industry."
no i wouldn't.
i'm not anti-rich.
i earned.
hey. watch it. you're still my assistant.
sure of that?
well, come on. if we're going to do this, we might as well put on a show.
i went to union college in upstate new york. it's a small liberal arts school that no one has ever heard of. richard comes to the group and hands margaret a drink. margaret lime?
since i graduated college. richard comes back with the lime. margaret takes it and doesn't say thank you.
oh, who's counting.  geoffrey could let it go, but wants to push her.
well, let me see. that would be sixteen or seventeen years. exactly.
just turned thirty seven. born on may 20th. i'm a taurus. geoffrey and margaret give each other a smile. margaret i need some protein.
thank you, honey. you're being so sweet. richard is surprised, but remembers they're a couple.
i'm editor in chief, now. richard tenderly puts his arm around margaret.
you're a gertrude?
i'm sure it's been a curse.
not exactly.
can i tell this one, honey?
i'm an early, early riser and go for a run everyday. well, it was our six month anniversary and i was out for my normal jog in the park, when who do i see in a horse drawn carriage, wearing a tux, and waiting for me halfway through my run? richard! so i ran up to the carriage and asked him what was going on, and he put his finger to his lips and says, "shhhh." so there i am in my jogging clothes, next to the most handsome mute in the world - have you seen him in a tux? - riding like a sweaty princess and smiling ear to ear. couple minutes later, we arrive at tavern on the green. best part, we're the only people in the place because richard got them to open up early. well, we go to our table, sit down, and just as the sun starts to peek above the trees, this beautiful man gets down on one knee, and says "i didn't want one more sunrise to go by without you knowing that you are the light of my life, and that i would be the luckiest man in the world if you would be my wife. margaret mary mills, will you marry me?" the group is silent, waiting for the clincher. margaret i said yes. the group gives a collective "ahh". grandma annie takes both margaret and richard by the hand.
oh please. i'd wonder too. honestly, my lawyers have been dealing with all of this. when you told us at the airport it was the first time i'd heard about it. i'm so embarrassed.
excuse me, i'll just be a second. margaret takes the phone and exits out french glass doors that lead to the backyard. she leaves the door open, and doesn't notice balzac follow her outside.
don't be a cliche, frank. don't be the wishy washy writer who changes his mind every two seconds. margaret notices balzac, but ignores him. the dog starts yapping to get attention. she walks away, but balzac continues barking. annoyed, she gets down face to face with the puppy and puts the phone against her chest so frank doesn't hear. margaret sit and be quiet! balzac sits and pouts. margaret walks away and puts the phone back to her ear.
this is a delicious dog, mr. eagle. c'mon, bring back the phone. richard calls out from the house.
the eagle took my phone!
your dad was right! the eagle tried to take the dog, so i saved it, then it came back and took my phone.
frank's going to call me on that phone. i need it!
oh.
i'm not going anywhere.
definitely not a salmon. the women encourage hank on as he moves margaret's hands to his wiggling ass and gives her a feel. she can't help but give and embarrassed smile. finally, the song ends and hank goes into the splits. thrilled, the room gives him a standing ovation. margaret plays along and gives hank a kiss on the cheek. she begins to get off the stage, but hank takes her by the hand.
what's going on?
what's that smell? margaret finally takes off her blindfold, and finds ramone about an inch away from her face. margaret ahhh!!! margaret falls out of her chair and her scream frightens ramone. after the initial scare he composes himself and wags his finger at her naughty behavior.
good lord.
want me to do it?
what? i'm just working on my tan. it's been a long day. margaret looks inside and sees that the party is still raging.
chicago, right?
and now you're back?
really? i don't know. don't you miss.
for you to get divorced?
are we talking about the same guy?
well, richard's such a player. gertrude looks confused. margaret i mean he was a total player. before we started dating. six months ago.
that surprises you?
we don't really talk much about stuff like that.
no, no. please. i mean, we are getting married. i want to know these things. gertrude looks down a little embarrassed.
i'm sorry. i didn't mean to.  he proposed to you in high school?
you must have.
i would hope so.
i'll be right in. margaret smiles and turns to the ocean. gertrude goes inside. then, to herself, margaret silently whispers. margaret we are awful people.
i am so tired. balzac growls when he hears margaret's voice. he's still mad. margaret just smiles. margaret think i'm going to take a shower and clean off ramone's bubble gum body oil. thanks for a great night. annie and debbie smile graciously and wish her good night. once she's gone, they turn their death stare back to geoffrey. he looks genuinely unnerved.
richard, is that you?
richard, are you.  then out of nowhere, balzac startles margaret.
i'm sorry bout the eagle. but i saved you. balzac won't listen to reason and barks angrily. margaret grabs the ceramic top of the toilet tank to protect herself.
will you just hand me a towel! richard looks for a towel, but forgets he's naked. when he looks under the bed, margaret shrieks and covers her eyes.  margaret you're flashing brain! richard quickly changes positions. out of desperation, he pulls the entire comforter off the bed. he throws it margaret's way, and she wraps herself in it.
you didn't hear me?
i didn't jump you. i didn't mean to jump you. i didn't know you were here.
i was running from the dog! richard looks at margaret suspiciously.
oh please! don't flatter yourself.
go take a shower. you stink.
i'm never gonna to get to sleep. richard pushes a button and motorized metal blinds come down outside the window. the sunlight is instantly blocked out and the room is pitch black. margaret oh. well. thanks. richard settles into his pathetic excuse for a bed. the two silently lie awake and stare at the dark ceiling.
can we not talk about this?
it wasn't weird.
because we're.  like teammates.
we are teammates. and teammates see each other naked in the locker room. all the time. it's not a big deal.
good night, richard. the two lay awake in silence for another beat.
yes?
okay.
get some sleep richard, big day tomorrow.
who is it?
you don't have to go to all this trouble. really. debbie sweetly looks back at margaret.
you just take all this for granted? your family, this house.  richard takes another big bite and turns to margaret.
why are you doing this to them?
why am i here? you didn't have to bring me here.
i didn't make you do anything. you could of said no.
i get why a not rich person would do this. but you've got everything. it doesn't make any sense.
i wish it wasn't my business. but unfortunately, it has become my business, because i made a deal with someone i thought i could trust. richard stares at margaret for a beat. he's exasperated.
fine.
i'll be ready in 20 minutes. margaret angrily takes a bite of a cinnamon roll and slams it down on the plate. she goes to her suitcase and looks for clothes. a beat passes, and she comes back to the rolls. margaret these are really good. she takes a cinnamon roll and leaves.
that's great to hear.
but i don't.
is this really necessary?
why is he handcuffed to the machine?
nice. from the decapitator, fish are fed into the gut puller, where their bellies are slit and the intestines are pulled out. margaret you know, i shouldn't be here. i was a vegetarian for six months in college. richard leads margaret to the end of slime line, where a long line of 20 workers give the fish a final cleaning before they are frozen. with great speed, they take the fish from the gut puller line and clean out all the left over intestines.
gimme that. up to the challenge, she takes the knife and grabs a fish. margaret puts the knife in and keeps as much distance as possible between her and the salmon.
is that why you're still pissed at him?
you loved this?
i wasn't gonna forget. margaret squeezes the blood out of the vein, sends the fish on its way, and grabs another fish with more confidence.
what kind of things changed?
you mean, like, gertrude?
the creepy teenage proposal?
you were a freak by the way.
and she was right to break up with you.
for a little while? don't sell yourself short.
so you moved to the open arms of new york city?
with scheduling my pilates?
to kill a mockingbird. it's all about to kill a mockingbird.
so we're "getting married" so you can give daddy the finger?
oh yeah, we're good. by the way, you're more screwed up than i am, paxton.
one more question.
that wasn't my question.
can we stop gutting fish? i need my phone.
of course he was. how many people are on this island? they start to fill their cart with cases of champagne.
feels smaller. with the cart full they head to the checkout.
why's ramone letting you steal his stuff?
that must have been handy in high school.
should you leave the cart?
i've come to realize that being my assistant gave you more access to my life than i ever imagined, but there are a few things you don't know about me.
i told you never to talk about that.
did you know i took disco lessons in the sixth grade?
the y.
uh, my first concert was kool and the gang.
i won tickets on the radio and saw them at the fair.
you know.
i really like "the o.c.". not fake, ha, ha isn't it funny i like this trash. i really like it.
allergic to pine nuts.
afraid of penguins.
haven't slept with a man in a year and a half.
kool and the gang gets nothing, but that gets a holy shit? i've been busy!
that hurts coming from mr. magic pants.
yeah, well, i'm not good at that.
no, not that. i'm great at that. aces. top notch.
yes. you will.
i need a computer and the internet. now.
no, no, no. i need on now. i've got a booker prize winning author demanding i send him an e-mail in the next forty five minutes explaining why he should stay with a publishing house that "makes" him do publicity. the pirate looks at margaret like she's speaking chinese.
listen to me asshole.  the pirate looks around to make sure his boss can't hear.
i didn't know there were a lot of pirates in alaska!
i'm sorry, but could i have a minute alone
hey guys. holy shit. did margaret hear anything? her face gives nothing away. gertrude and richard act like nothing just happened, but look guilty as hell.
yeah. we'll see what he says.
you ready to get back to the house?
well let's go. see you at the wedding, gertrude. gertrude just smiles.
so, what did you and gertrude talk about? richard lies.
that was it? i was gone for awhile.
i was going to go for a run first, it's been three days since i got out, i'm feeling crazy.
what now? margaret follows the smoke, and hears a mysterious drumbeat. she soon discovers a tremendous bonfire by the water, and a shaman dancing around it. he is dressed in a loin cloth, and wears a carved bear's head mask and tribal make up. his belly shakes as he spastically moves around the fire. the shaman sings a song that sounds centuries old.
what, ah, are you doing?
ya know, i've got to get back.
i'm a big fan of the nest. geoffrey throws sand into the fire and it blazes higher.
ok, ok. i "accept your circle." geoffrey smiles and throws more sand into the fire.
i'm gonna head back.
i think i am. margaret begins to leave. geoffrey calls after her.
me what?
chant what?
i can't.
i don't know any chants!
he told me i had to chant!
just buttoning up here.
yeah, it's a little snug.
it's beautiful.
how'd they stay together?
no, no, no. i can't. really.
well. thing is.  margaret deliberates spilling her guts to annie, but can't. margaret . the dress is just a little tight.
we need to talk.
well i'm freaking out. i need to get away from here. from everyone. now.
no! i did that. it did not help.
we're not going to need any of this if i don't get out of here.
move over, i'm driving. margaret cuts in front of richard and grabs the wheel.
it doesn't matter.
i'm fine.
yeah. i'm a control freak. fine.
this coming from the sociopath.
i'd never bring me here.
i mean to alaska.
you're sick. doing this to them.
they love you. do you get that?
and you're still willing to lie to them?
didn't know what?
i didn't know!
you think i'm stupid?
what it was like!
to have a family! i forgot what it was like to have a family. i've been on my own since i was thirteen, and i'd forgot what it was like to have people that love you, and make you breakfast, and give you necklaces.
alone. i need alone time.
i'm, uh, about to lose my shit. big time. i need a second.
no talking!
again, you're not supposed to be.  margaret doesn't finish her sentence.
don't do that.
the thing that doctors do in e.r. when they tell the gunshot victim who is bleeding to death that they're going to be ok. don't do that!
uh-huh. richard is ten feet away from margaret now. he's checking the ice to see if it is stable. he slowly walks her way.
i'm really cold.
you said it was "no biggie".
yeah. i'm fine. richard smiles. margaret smiles back. richard walks very comfortably with her in his arms. she fits just right. margaret looks up to richard gratefully. margaret
yeah. while i was getting my camera. the two stare at each other for a beat. there's a real spark. they might kiss.
and?
yeah. i was.
put me down. richard puts margaret down near the boat. she tries to regain her composure. margaret you wanna call it off?
fine. it's over. we'll tell them when we get back.
it's fine.
it's ok. tell him.
he's only doing it because he loves you.
just stop. think about this.
matches the shoes. margaret pulls up the dress to reveal running sneakers.
nice song. richard shrugs his shoulders.
i guess so. margaret and annie stop at the end of the aisle. looking up, margaret sees the justice of the peace, ramone.
oh, you bet. they make it to the gazebo, where ramone awaits. margaret ramone.
no.
i have something to say. it's not a question though.
uh. um. no.
hey there, folks. thanks for coming out. i've got a little announcement to make about the "wedding."
not sure the best way to tell you all this. but, uh.  i made richard marry me. this is all a sham. gilbertson victoriously pumps his fist in the air.
richard. please. let me finish. richard wanted to stop this when we got off the plane, but i wouldn't let him. don't blame him. this is all my fault. could you get the band started? and give these people something to drink. and you. meet me at your dingy in ten, you're taking me to the airport.
take care of him.
uh-huh. yeah. that's great frank. good news. talk to you on monday. margaret hangs up.
yup. he's in. for now.
yeah. right. margaret starts collecting her bags.
thanks. fun weekend.
wasn't sure if your mom would want me to strip the sheets, so i just left them.
it was getting too messy. we weren't going to be able to keep it up.
i heard you and gertrude at the school. i think she meant what she said. she's a great girl, you should stay. it's the right thing. you're perfect for each other.
don't worry about me. i'll survive.
yup. this is it.
i'm not doing great in the dignity department, can we not do this right now?
i'll publish your book. gilbertson smiles.
yes, of course. she unbuckles her seat belt, about to get out of her seat.
tell him i'm not here.
oh, good lord.
what the hell are you doing? everyone in the tower smiles. they're making progress.
about what?
as boss and assistant.
is that the best you got? geoffrey hits richard, as if to say "see, that's what i said." richard composes himself.
what's your point?
this wasn't supposed to happen. richard looks margaret in the eye.
i'm not the kind of girl who gets saved. richard smiles, and without warning, margaret grabs him, and plants a long, deep, and wet kiss on him. the long kiss is interrupted by the handsome man and gilbertson.
hey! do you think getting arrested might affect you at work? gilbertson has no retort.